Naturally

Don't understand guys

31 posts in this topic

1) Why can't guys be friends with girls they like?

A guy who was really interested in me cut all ties after a year because I wasn't in a place to go out with him.

2) Why do guys think that when they're "friend-zoned" they'll have zero chance of ever getting with her.

3) What are some other reasons why a guy wouldn't want to be friends with a girl he's interested in?

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I'm gonna struggle to answer this, mainly because for most of my life 75% of my friends were girls and it's only lately that I've started getting on better with guys.

My guess would be some guys see friends and lovers as two very different boxes. They will act differently, talk differently, think differently around them. When a girl gets taken out of one box, they often won't fit well into the other and there may be awkward experiences or whatever from the past.

But this is all a guess - I've fallen for best friends and complete strangers (who have become best friends) before so it's not really my thing.

I've been on the receiving end though. My ex severed ALL ties when we broke up - that hurt almost as much as losing the relationship because she truly was my best friend as well as my lover.

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1) I've always had female friends, and its not until I'm friends that I can decide if I like them or not heh,

As being cut off after a relationship - I think that is probably their way of getting over you basically

2) I've always thought friendzone was bs - but like I said in 1, have to know someone before I even find them attractive ;/

I'd go out on a limb and say that most guys complaining about friend zone probably are more interested in sex than the relationship though - at least it seems that way when reading stuff

3) Another reason I've heard cited about the whole friend zone, not wanting to go out with friends thing is not wanting to loose the friendship if the relationship goes sour, seems like a lot of people prioritize friends above potential lovers.

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As being cut off after a relationship - I think that is probably their way of getting over you basically

That's true. I have been there, done that. The more time right after a break up you spend with someone, the harder it is. It doesn't mean you can never hang out--a guy I dated 4 years ago and I had some friends in common, so I would avoid him, but if we happened to be in a group, it eventually became nice to see him every once in awhile and catch up--it was also easy because he's never been single since then :P

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1) I've always had female friends, and its not until I'm friends that I can decide if I like them or not heh,

2) I've always thought friendzone was bs - but like I said in 1, have to know someone before I even find them attractive ;/

I'd go out on a limb and say that most guys complaining about friend zone probably are more interested in sex than the relationship though - at least it seems that way when reading stuff

3) Another reason I've heard cited about the whole friend zone, not wanting to go out with friends thing is not wanting to loose the friendship if the relationship goes sour, seems like a lot of people prioritize friends above potential lovers.

I feel for you on this point Chris. I think if I'm honest I've been on all sides of this equation - but as a little vote of reassurance, I have always had good friends that were girls. Ever since I was young, I had friends that were girls and of course friends that were guys. A few of those friends-that-were-girls became people I wanted to maybe move from friend to girlfriend... and on one occasion, we made the transition relatively easily, and lasted for the better part of 2 years very happily.. .and then we weren't... and it wasn't... and it made a little harder on all our joint friends who watched us go from friends to bf/gf (and that felt funny!) and then from bf/gf to broken-up (and that was just hard). I wouldn't have done it any differently but... it is what happens sometimes.

On the other hand... I have also allowed friends-who-were-girls to stay in that zone even when I wanted to move it up a notch. I had a couple girls along the way that I liked as a friend, and then figured out (i'm a guy - it takes forever) that I actually really liked them and wanted to be romantically friends too... and then I kinda sat back and waited.

You know as if because it had dawned on ME... SURELY it would dawn on HER that this had to be a good idea too!!

So in one of those instances... I looked up one day, pining quietly away, and discovered she had decided she liked my best friend. UGH. And in another instance, I watched her get up nerve one night to approach a guy... and they fell in love. Frustrating!!!

So... the next time it happened... I made a point of having one of those conversations at an appropriate point - not early in, but not too far into our friendship - to say... hey... what are you doing about dating... what are you looking for... friends only... maybe more, no rushing, no pressure, nothing in my mind right now....

I don't know that any of these is right for you or right for everyone but I thought I would share at least!

PS - one of those friends that was a girl... yes... she became my wife. :-)

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oh and the flipside... I had one of those friends that was a girl push a little herself for us to become bf/gf... and it was nice... but I really wasn't into it like she was... and I inadvertently hurt her because I wasn't as into it... and it took me a while to own up to it... and I was in college, so I handled it well..... NOT well. :( So I have been on the wrong side of that one too... I think it's what made me start thinking more carefully about how i dealt with friend to romance transitions...

BUT! it never made me think I didn't prefer that path (friend to romance) vs just straight to some hot-romance liking someone and then figuring out could we be friends and not just kissing-mates LOL.

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Okay am guna take a crack at this one.

1.1) Why can't guys be friends with girls they like?

O but they can! Most guys if am correct when they befriend you and start talking to you they start asking you questions. Thats there way of getting to know you and for you to know them.But more importantly finding out if you meet there qualifications or standards. If you always come off as smiles and giggles and hair touching there going to assume "hey maybe she likes me".

2) Why do guys think that when they're "friend-zoned" they'll have zero chance of ever getting with her.

Your the first girl I've ever heard say that!! True Story, when it comes to girls there my kryptonite, if theres a girl I like I get all jittery and nervous when I talk to her "heart pumping faster, I forget what to say, I start to smile alot, all those funny jokes I have I forget."

Long story short there have been maybe 4 girls who I liked who turned me down and every one of them "friendzoned" me and that was that there was never the "O hey you know Ive been thinking, I think I'll give you a chance." And yes for those for girl I stayed friends with them even despite being turned down.

3.3) What are some other reasons why a guy wouldn't want to be friends with a girl he's interested in?

Because it sucks! But let me explain. Say you ask out a girl and you get "friend zoned" but a week later the girl you like goes out on a date with another guy. That just plain ole stinks!!! The better one tho is same scenario but she gets a boyfriend instead. Then when you see her everytime you know why you were friend zoned... Another reason is girls sometimes use that against you. 2 of the girls that "friend zoned" me ended up just being bitches and just rubbing it in my face that I liked them.... Lastly when you like a girl, personally I see her differently I only have eyes for her..... And when that affection you have for that girl isnt returned its quite depressing...... Thats why alot of the times guys just dont talk to you again for a couple of wks. Because they have to accept that they wont recieve your affection, and then to put you back in the friend zone, and readjust their feelings.

Just my opinion tho.....

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Seeflo, FOUR girls?!?! You're a trooper and deserve a freaking medal LOL!! Keep ya head up

Hi Naturally,

I don't think we've met, nice to meet you. For personal reasons, I haven't been nearly as active as I usually am but I saw this question and thought I'd take a crack at it. Just so you know, I'm not the type to beat around the bush or sugarcoat anything so I apologize if anything comes across as blunt.

1) Why can't guys be friends with girls they like?

They can be. Guys fall for their lady friends sometimes.

As Aussie said, lots of guys and girls compartmentalize and that's probably the biggest reason. Many girls and guys view friendship and love/romance as entirely different things. Once you're a "friend", you're a friend and that's it; lots of people would say they do this b/c there's a chance that you "lose a good friend"... I see that as valid point although you could also say that if you were good friends to begin with, you could still be friends if things didn't work out (I've seen this happen).

I might catch a lot of heat for this, and this is just MHO which can be way off, but I think it's easier for a girl to get out of the friendzone than it is a guy... that may be the reason why you find so much reluctance from men to be friends.

2) Why do guys think that when they're "friend-zoned" they'll have zero chance of ever getting with her.

Because it does happen. I can't say how much, I can't say a majority of the time, but there's gotta be a reason why so many guys feel this way, right? Many misconceptions contain some strands of truth, so look at it that way.

I'm gonna have to back Seeflo up. If it weren't for you, and some of the other girls here, I would've thought friendzoning happened more than it did. However, I've heard/read a couple of comments, similar to your's, where girls realize the importance of friendship and even go as far as to actually give good guy friends priority in the relationship department. This was kind of a shock to me, but a good learning experience.

I must say that i was rather impressed at your comment: "love is built on friendship and if you won't even be my friend you don't deserve to be my lover" Again, I kinda feel that there are a decent amount of women out there that simply don't see this connection, especially the first part.

3) What are some other reasons why a guy wouldn't want to be friends with a girl he's interested in?

a.) Fear of being frendzoned: It's funny, kind of ironic, but a guy will probably think that by being your friend first he'll eliminate all his chances.

b.) Emotional Stuff etc.: if a guy likes you, has genuine feelings for you, it's gonna be very difficult for him to only be friends with you. He's probably imagined holding you, dating you... What happens when the other guy is the one dating you? What happens when you get involved with other men or have feelings for other guys? Is he supposed to just watch from the sidelines? I'm not saying you have to agree, I'm not even saying I agree with what your friend did, but you get the point right?

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Well heres a positive story for you guys who are saddened by guys being friendzoned "a lot". One of my roomates has been "hanging out " with this guy she knee fron class. She said she thought he was somewhat socially awkward in groups and kinda nerdy, but said she feels she can be herself around him. He was iver the other night and she afyerward wanted to get our impressions after hanging oit with him for a couple hours the orevious night. I told her he is funny, nice, and easy to talk to/hang out with. He seems sliiightly awkwatd but nothing to be worried about. AnD i emohasized how important it is to be yourself around some and she is glad she can be her "nerdy self" around him lol!!! So dont worry so much :P

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Boys ya'lls responses were so enlightening and I can totally understand where ya'll are coming from and it's great to see things from ya'll side of the fence. Kudos! My best friend who is a guy (even though we don't talk and hang out as much) used to say "Being friends with a girl you like is like hell." :lol: and I agree with what you said Oliver (yay I get to say your name now!!! :DD) it's much easier for a girl to get out of the friendzone than a guy but mainly becaus I think that regardless of guys and girls being friends guys still view girls as a possible mate that's how guys are created!

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I don't know that any of these is right for you or right for everyone but I thought I would share at least!

A bit of an aside from the topic but!

I love reading other peoples stories whether it applies directly to me or not, as I generally learn something from them, if not at the moment, maybe some time in the future.

PS - one of those friends that was a girl... yes... she became my wife. :-)

It seems to me that a large portion of successful couples, started as friends, met through some joint activity, or were introduced through mutual friends etc, and so the message I get from that is don't worry about it so much and just put yourself out there and meet new people. Sometimes things go sour, but by then its in the past and its time to look forward.

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1) Why can't guys be friends with girls they like?

2) Why do guys think that when they're "friend-zoned" they'll have zero chance of ever getting with her.

3) What are some other reasons why a guy wouldn't want to be friends with a girl he's interested in?

I can answer these questions passive aggressively, or in a politically correct fashion, so I will try the PC way first.

1. If the guy genuinely likes the girl, it's just bad news. If I like you and you don't like me back, please put me in the acquaintance zone, because I don't want to be your friend. A guy can easily misconstrue being a friend as being led on, or have false hope in a potential relationship, etc. The fact that a guy would not want to be just "friends" is probably because he has had this happen to him multiple times, and has by this point hopefully learned to just move on.

2. Depends on the circumstances of how the the friend-zoning occurred. For instance: if you meet someone through friends that are close with said friends, moving into a relationship could be tricky, because you're putting multiple friendships at risk. In that case, I can understand moving slow, becoming friends with people first, etc. However, if you're meeting people that are acquaintances of friends, or through social groups, online dating, friends of friends of friends, etc. - once you've been "friend-zoned", there's virtually no escape, hence no reason to try and be "friends" if the initial interest was based on attraction.

3. Well there's been the obvious responses about the guy getting jealous once the girl starts dating someone else. But on the flip side, if you're friends with a girl that doesn't like you, what do you do when you're now dating someone and have your g/f around the girl that is just "friends"? That can make for an awkward situation. "So how do you know Julie?" "Ohh, well I liked her and she didn't like me back, but that's ok, cause we're friends now!" Really?

So I will put a passive aggressive statement here: I see a lot more women bring their new boyfriend around their guy friends than I do see a guy bring their new girlfriend around their girlfriends. I think girls like the attention of knowing that more than one man likes them. I think men enjoy the same, but I don't think they string other girls along for the ride.

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On 3/15/2012 at 2:21 AM, Naturally said:

1) Why can't guys be friends with girls they like?

From person experience I have learned that it creates a conflict of interest. You truly care about the person but your feelings for her tend to gear towards what you want to happen, as opposed to what is probably best for both of you. I have done this in the past and I can say that it hasn't worked out all that well. I'm not saying it isn't possible, but if a guy sees the possibility and has a chance to make something more of a friendship with a woman who possibly feels the same way, he will take it every time. If we're constantly being flirty and playful with one another, there is a high likelihood that we may be sending out the wrong signal. 

On 3/15/2012 at 2:21 AM, Naturally said:

2) Why do guys think that when they're "friend-zoned" they'll have zero chance of ever getting with her.

For this answer I would have to say that it partly deals with the feeling of being rejected. Most of the time a guy will feel like he is either not good enough or is seen as unworthy by a woman. 

There were some valid points made earlier in this thread about love being built on friendship before anything else, and if you were to ask any married couple what they think of their spouse, they usually say something along the lines of 'their my best friend'. That in itself should give us guys some hope that love is spurred from friendship and is one of the basis for successful relationships.

On 3/15/2012 at 2:21 AM, Naturally said:

3) What are some other reasons why a guy wouldn't want to be friends with a girl he's interested in?

Because it's actually really hard to see a girl you like with someone else. That's not to say i'm not happy for her, but when a girl knows how you feel and brings around a guy it's kind of inconsiderate. I once had a girl tell me that she wasn't ready to be in a relationship right now, and I guess that was just an excuse to 'let me down easy' because a week later she was dating some other guy. 

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Hmm.... This is such an old topic...

Well... every guy is different. If some guys want to be straightforward they expect the same back. Most guys will go after the sure thing over anything else. Being friend-zoned is like a rejection.

It's something that has zero commitment and honestly usually leads to hurt feelings when the girl goes with someone else. I mean imagine there is a guy you really like and he keeps dating other girls but puts you in the friendzone.

While I do agree many guys make the mistake of running away from the friendzone, I also agree that more often than not the reason why a guy remains in the friendzone is because the girl uses him as a fall back in case she can't meet anyone.

The smart guy would remain friends with the girl while pursuing other girls :) 

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43 minutes ago, Ringer said:

The smart guy would remain friends with the girl while pursuing other girls :) 

I, honestly, could not agree more. Same for the girls because , believe it or not, it happens to us too. Now, the reason I agree? Well, unless you love them...or think you could...you'd have to decide, first 'is this someone I'd want in my life as a friend, even if they aren't interested in more?' If the answer is yes...be friends, and see other people. You'll find out really quickly if the friendship is true, or you're just being sidelined as a second stringer. If you're being sidelined...drop out of the 'friendship', you don't need that. If you do, indeed love them...or think you might...id say it's probably best to back away. I speak from experience. I didn't, and I fell hard, and it took me years to get over him.

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2 hours ago, PhotoGirl said:

I, honestly, could not agree more. Same for the girls because , believe it or not, it happens to us too. Now, the reason I agree? Well, unless you love them...or think you could...you'd have to decide, first 'is this someone I'd want in my life as a friend, even if they aren't interested in more?' If the answer is yes...be friends, and see other people. You'll find out really quickly if the friendship is true, or you're just being sidelined as a second stringer. If you're being sidelined...drop out of the 'friendship', you don't need that. If you do, indeed love them...or think you might...id say it's probably best to back away. I speak from experience. I didn't, and I fell hard, and it took me years to get over him.

Or you could use her to meet other girls. :) 

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8 minutes ago, Ringer said:

Or you could use her to meet other girls. :) 

Sure, if she truly wants to be a friend, she won't have any issue with introductions. So long as you're ok with being friends, and not using that yo try and play her. :) of course, I find it hard to believe anyone here would be like that, but you in...in general.

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4 hours ago, Ringer said:

I also agree that more often than not the reason why a guy remains in the friendzone is because the girl uses him as a fall back in case she can't meet anyone.

3 hours ago, PhotoGirl said:

I, honestly, could not agree more. Same for the girls because , believe it or not, it happens to us too. Now, the reason I agree? Well, unless you love them...or think you could...you'd have to decide, first 'is this someone I'd want in my life as a friend, even if they aren't interested in more?' If the answer is yes...be friends, and see other people. You'll find out really quickly if the friendship is true, or you're just being sidelined as a second stringer. If you're being sidelined...drop out of the 'friendship', you don't need that. If you do, indeed love them...or think you might...id say it's probably best to back away. I speak from experience. I didn't, and I fell hard, and it took me years to get over him.

Yes, yes and more yes! Never ever allow yourselves to be used or taken for granted by other people. I too have been friendzoned more times than I care to and the girl more often than not says she wants to remain friends, but ditches me the moment a guy she actually wants comes into her life. It's clear to me now that these girls were just using me for male attention because she knew I'd be there to give it to her without the commitment. It's interesting how these "friendships" always seem to involve me always being there for them when they needed support, yet they never seemed to care when I needed support. Man, was I a fool to believe them. Anyone in that situation, tread carefully. Judge them closely by their actions, not their words. If they treat you like these girls treated me, let them go. They are garbage. I don't mince words about people who take advantage of others, especially when they are in a vulnerable position of pining over someone romantically. It is disgusting and these people deserve to be alone the rest of their lives.

When it comes to romantic relationships, never settle for someone's back up plan. Don't even settle for being "good enough." Hold out for the person who can't imagine life without you.

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1) Why can't guys be friends with girls they like?

They can. Nothing stops that. I'm guessing there's no reason to. They probably already have their guy friends. They don't really "need" any extra "girl friends" If they have interest in dating a woman and have that interest in her than they ask her out. If she doesn't have that interest back than they just move on.

2) Why do guys think that when they're "friend-zoned" they'll have zero chance of ever getting with her.

Once again, they may just move on. If someone isn't interested in making "girl friends" but rather interested in finding someone to date than they could be using their time to find someone. When it is time to do fun things with "friends" they have their guy friends to hang out with.

 

3) What are some other reasons why a guy wouldn't want to be friends with a girl he's interested in?

Maybe he'd rather spend his free time pursuing other romantic interests who may be interested. One isn't achieving the goal if you are spending available dating time and meeting new interesting women time just hanging out with someone who has not romantic interest in you.

 

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On 3/5/2017 at 2:13 AM, Invincible said:

Yes, yes and more yes! Never ever allow yourselves to be used or taken for granted by other people. I too have been friendzoned more times than I care to and the girl more often than not says she wants to remain friends, but ditches me the moment a guy she actually wants comes into her life. It's clear to me now that these girls were just using me for male attention because she knew I'd be there to give it to her without the commitment. It's interesting how these "friendships" always seem to involve me always being there for them when they needed support, yet they never seemed to care when I needed support. Man, was I a fool to believe them. Anyone in that situation, tread carefully. Judge them closely by their actions, not their words. If they treat you like these girls treated me, let them go. They are garbage. I don't mince words about people who take advantage of others, especially when they are in a vulnerable position of pining over someone romantically. It is disgusting and these people deserve to be alone the rest of their lives.

When it comes to romantic relationships, never settle for someone's back up plan. Don't even settle for being "good enough." Hold out for the person who can't imagine life without you.

Agreed with Vince...

I wouldn't want a woman who would put me in the "friend zone"...

"Friend Zone" means "I am not interested in him, but I won't be actively hostile. I will string him along in case he some day becomes useful to me."

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On 6/8/2017 at 1:20 AM, Dave1985 said:

"Friend Zone" means "I am not interested in him, but I won't be actively hostile. I will string him along in case he some day becomes useful to me."

Wow, this is such a shallow way of understanding "friend zone". A woman can enjoy someone's presence and appreciate his friendship without feeling the sexual attraction that is assumed necessary for an intimate relationship.

I have had many close female friends who--as "Vince" has mentioned--practically ditch, or at least neglect me after finding a partner. But the same has happened from male friends -- they often disappear after getting serious with a girl. That's just the nature of someone being in a committed relationship (and yeah, it can become more 'sketchy' for her to hang out with other males). It's not, usually, that the girl was using you (though maybe this happens, though not exclusively female-to-male).

Seems like such an impression would stem more from jealousy of the other guy -- i.e. you must have liked these girls who 'friend zoned' you.

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21 hours ago, MikeyD said:

Wow, this is such a shallow way of understanding "friend zone". A woman can enjoy someone's presence and appreciate his friendship without feeling the sexual attraction that is assumed necessary for an intimate relationship.

I have had many close female friends who--as "Vince" has mentioned--practically ditch, or at least neglect me after finding a partner. But the same has happened from male friends -- they often disappear after getting serious with a girl. That's just the nature of someone being in a committed relationship (and yeah, it can become more 'sketchy' for her to hang out with other males). It's not, usually, that the girl was using you (though maybe this happens, though not exclusively female-to-male).

Seems like such an impression would stem more from jealousy of the other guy -- i.e. you must have liked these girls who 'friend zoned' you.

 

I'm just speaking more as a generalization... Most times the "friend zone" women aren't really friends... Just only there when they want something from you.

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2 hours ago, Dave1985 said:

 

I'm just speaking more as a generalization... Most times the "friend zone" women aren't really friends... Just only there when they want something from you.

Yeah it's called friendship. :lol: Platonic relationships are great for learning how the opposite sex thinks and reacts to things. Even more so when the friend is your crush as she's  representative of personal taste and approximates the behavior you're pursuing in a spouse.

Honestly, it's inappropriate after marriage to have opposite sex friends. I know the opinion isn't popular but, saying 'he/she is fun to hand out with" and "you can't tell me what to do" doesn't change that's it's playing with fire for absolutely zero gain. Confide and spend time with your spouse instead.

On ‎3‎/‎15‎/‎2012 at 4:21 AM, Naturally said:

1) Why can't guys be friends with girls they like?

A guy who was really interested in me cut all ties after a year because I wasn't in a place to go out with him.

2) Why do guys think that when they're "friend-zoned" they'll have zero chance of ever getting with her.

3) What are some other reasons why a guy wouldn't want to be friends with a girl he's interested in?

 Guys like this obsess over one girl at a time. There isn't anything you can do as anything less than a full relationship is an insult to their fragile ego.

Now if they told you off and said they wanted to spend the time they were spending with you on romantic interest then that's a different story. We do have limited time to spend with people and if my platonic girl friends have all of it then I can't pursue a woman romantically.

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1 hour ago, Amarillo said:

Honestly, it's inappropriate after marriage to have opposite sex friends. I know the opinion isn't popular but, saying 'he/she is fun to hand out with" and "you can't tell me what to do" doesn't change that's it's playing with fire for absolutely zero gain. Confide and spend time with your spouse instead.

Part of the reason that it's unpopular is because people don't want friends that are going to completely ditch them when they marry. People don't want fake friends, or friends who are using them for ANY purpose. So, it's unfair say you are friends with the opposite sex if you are going to push them out of your life because you can't trust each other in your marriage and, if you're going to ditch them when married then you're just using their friendship to fill something else in your life other than being a true friend.

Now, I can understand if the spouse were to confide in their opposite sex friend about something they are going through before talking to their spouse. There are situations where it would be inappropriate to have specific friends of the opposite sex. However, if you're best friend is of the opposite sex and you ditch them when you get married because it would be inappropriate to stay friends...well, you're not a very good 'best' friend. Oh, and YES, I AN someone who believe men and women can be JUST friends. There ARE circumstances in which it would be inappropriate...but, then again, there are situations in which it would be inappropriate to be friends with someone of the same sex, too.

Actually, the best way to go about this would be to base your continuation of the friendship on whether or not your friend can hang out with BOTH of you. If not, then it might be necessary to rethink their friendship.

The reason I think it's irrational to think people should give up their friends of the opposite sex, on top of the fact that that just makes your friendships with the opposite sex unfair and fake, is because if I get serious with someone then I start to want to do things (not sex related) like I would when we're married. So, what, someone is just suppose to be friends with someone and drop them once the vows are repeated? Doesn't that seem like an unfair way to treat fellow humans? It's not Christian, either.

Now, if you can lead me to specifically where in the Bible it commands what you are saying.

Now, if this is your personal belief? Then, by all means, that's fine, but don't make sweeping statements that make it sound like it's a fact. After all, there are some of us who would not find it challenging at all to be friends with the opposite sex even in the event of being in a couple. It's only 'play with fire' if there are trust issues, or if the person in question feels like the opposite sex is always a sexual option for them.

OK, I'm going to take this moment to apologize for sounding the way I think I'm sounding. I admit that I'm being defensive, as I have many male friends and would never see any reason for my husband to expect me to ditch them, or vice versa, unless we see something in SPECIFIC friends that indicates that friend might want more. In fact, I would lose most of my friends, because most of my good friends are males, as I'm better friend material than wife material...apparently.

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3 hours ago, Amarillo said:

Honestly, it's inappropriate after marriage to have opposite sex friends. I know the opinion isn't popular but, saying 'he/she is fun to hand out with" and "you can't tell me what to do" doesn't change that's it's playing with fire for absolutely zero gain. Confide and spend time with your spouse instead.

50 minutes ago, PG1 said:

Now, if you can lead me to specifically where in the Bible it commands what you are saying.

Now, if this is your personal belief? Then, by all means, that's fine, but don't make sweeping statements that make it sound like it's a fact. After all, there are some of us who would not find it challenging at all to be friends with the opposite sex even in the event of being in a couple. It's only 'play with fire' if there are trust issues, or if the person in question feels like the opposite sex is always a sexual option for them.

As @PG1 said, if that is your personal opinion, then okay. We can agree to disagree, and I do disagree. But I do know the three of us are Christians and if your argument is based on the Bible, I don't know how one can come to that conclusion at least in the absolute sense.

If indeed your argument is based on the Bible, the best example I can think of to refute this is the case of Paul. In Acts 18, we see that Paul met Aquila and Priscilla, a married couple in Corinth. It says that they were Paul's fellow co-workers in ministry in which they traveled together and lived together for a time. Then in Romans 16:3-4, Paul commends Aquila AND Priscilla for risking their lives on his behalf. This clearly demonstrates that Paul was in fact close friends not just with Aquila but with Priscilla as well.

Beyond that, the New Testament constantly refers the Church as "one body" in Christ. I don't see how it is biblical or practical to truly be one body yet totally disassociated ourselves from any friendly ties with the opposite sex which hypothetically makes up half of the body. We are called to encourage each other and worship together. So i completely disagree that there is absolutely zero gain from such connections. The only thing that must be not gained is any romantic entanglements.

On the other hand, I am not so naive as to deny that temptation is very real. Paul says "All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful." As such, I think it is vital that a married person exercises wisdom in determining whether a  particular friendship with one of the opposite sex is conducive or not. If yes, then strong boundaries are absolutely imperative. We can have enriching friendships with the opposite sex and at the same time respect a marriage. Personally, I have quite a lot of married female friends and I have an agreement with all of them that we do not hang out one on one and they never tell me anything they won't tell their husbands. 

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