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Goody

How long do you have to know a guy before liking him?

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I've know a girl for about three months. We quickly became friends but I wanted more. I asked her out a few days ago, she rejected me but then she said wanted to know me better...

I didn't understand how she could be unsure of me when I had already become very enamoured with her. I stopped contacting her because I was hurt by the rejection and wanted to move on.

However, now I regret my decisions because she might've liked me if we hanged out more. But I was certain that I was placed in the "friendzone" and would never get out.

Usually when I meet girls, we starting dating rather quickly (less than a month). Therefore, I didn't find her argument credible. However, she had just got out a bad relationship so she could be somewhat guarded. But, that's really not my fault is it? I feel like I'm a great guy and there's no reason why she can't see that nor still feel the need to be cautious.

I really wish I'd consulted you guys before making that critical decision. :(

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If she just got out of a relationship, it's definitely possible she is very hesitant to get into another one. I think you could get yourself out of the friendzone, but it will take patience! Probably a lot of it.. you will have to decide whether shes worth it or not I guess :) I suggest the obvious with just being friendly (but not pushy about anything! Go her pace) and hopefully you both can determine if you want to start a relationship together or not :)

Personally, I was attracted to my boyfriend the second I saw him.. but I didn't really get to know him at all until a year or so later (I'm pretty sure I never even talked to him the first year I knew of him.. he was in math class my freshman year of HS (his sophomore year) as well as in band) then he kind of made his way into my group of friends via a couple friends of friends.. it's complicated haha) but eventually we started talking and became friends to the point where we said hi in the hallways and talked in the hallway before class and such as we were usually both early. Though I liked him this whole time, I never realized he liked me back until he told one of our friends who then told me.. its an interesting story how we ended up together. Anyway, my point is I didn't start dating my bf until I had known of him for 3 years, and us being friends for about 1.5-2 of those years? At least for us, it was not a fast process but where we are now 3 years after we started dating and kind of unofficially engaged has made everything worth it :)

Also maybe try not to get stuck on the whole "officially" dating or not.. for quite a while neither of us actually asked the other if we wanted to be boyfriend/girlfriend..we just kind of both mutually understood we were dating (only) each other but didn't need to necessarily label our relationship like that. It was just kind of an understanding we had.. maybe we are just weird idk lol :)

Also, if she stated she wants to get to know you better.. that definitely means you have a chance, you just have to be patient with her! Her just getting out of a relationship is not your fault, but is probably the main reason she doesn't currently want to date.. she needs time to get over the other relationship before starting another one. Just take the extra time to build up a good friendship with her, regardless of an actual boyfriend/girlfriend label or not :)

good luck!

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Oh Goody this is an entirely situation! Going off experience as a girl, and I hope this doesn't sound bad, but she's actually doing you a favor! Why? Well because you said it yourself: "However, she had just got out a bad relationship so she could be somewhat guarded." Wouldn't you want her best self where she can truely devote her whole mind and heart to you versus still sad and trying to rebuild her life again?? She just needs time to heal, move on, and start seeing her options. For example, when my ex and I broke up it took ages for me to get over him and even longer to notice any other guy but now that it's all behind me and I've healed and moved on?? I can see other options and I'm at my best self ever! Wouldn't you want her to be able to give you her best happiest most confident self as well? It doesn't take away from your goodness at all, it just means she needs the time to heal to be able to see yours. :) Best wishes!

P.S.(but you are rather smart to not get placed in the "friendzone" if you like the girl that is a bad bad bad place to be lol)

oh yeah and to answer you question it really depends but usually I can tell straight from the beginning on how we connect when we talk but after a break up my emotions are all over the place it would really just be a rebound and not a geuine attraction so that is dangerous.

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Goody,

Everyone's post so far have been great---OHG especially hit on girl specific reasons to be cautious. If I was that girl and you were a guy I knew for a few months and asked me out, I wouldn't say yes either. If she was 'normal' aka not JUST out of a relationship, knowing a guy casually for a few months and going on a date wouldn't be a big deal. So, yes, your reasoning would normally be good; but NOT because she JUST got out of a relationship. She needs time and is being nice by saying she wants to get to know you better--that means you DO have a chance. She didn't totally blow you off; but she's not ready for anything either. So basically just staying in touch with her would be a good idea. Later on you can hang out with people and what not, but don't rush a date--she clearly explained that's not for her yet. (She didn't make it personal to you---it legit is a bad time---like OHG said, she can't fully give herself and get to know someone new while she is still attached to someone else....if that makes sense?)

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Forgot to add--she will have a hard time seeing anyone else as a romantic interest as she still has those feelings for her ex. She needs time to heal/move on and THEN she can see what a great guy you are and that it would be cool to go out :)

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Well, right now we're just being friends. I agree with you guys. I want to be friends with her because I really like hanging out with her (we have a lot in common) and because I want to show her exactly who I am.

However, how can I avoid being "friendzoned" if we're hanging out as friends? It seems to be a Catch-22 because if I don't hang out with her then she'll just think I'm being flaky but if I do then I risk getting friendzoned.

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Well, right now we're just being friends. I agree with you guys. I want to be friends with her because I really like hanging out with her (we have a lot in common) and because I want to show her exactly who I am.

However, how can I avoid being "friendzoned" if we're hanging out as friends? It seems to be a Catch-22 because if I don't hang out with her then she'll just think I'm being flaky but if I do then I risk getting friendzoned.

Goody,

I've been wanting to throw in my two cents and respond to your query from some of my experiences, I think I will try and put up a topic in the Men's forum.

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For me personally the only way to consider dating a guy would be once ive hung out with him /get to know him sooo....

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And to respond to the original question, not long at all! I know what im looking for and when i find some of those qualities im interested lol

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And to respond to the original question, not long at all! I know what im looking for and when i find some of those qualities im interested lol

Same here! When there's chemistry, it's instant.

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Well, right now we're just being friends. I agree with you guys. I want to be friends with her because I really like hanging out with her (we have a lot in common) and because I want to show her exactly who I am.

However, how can I avoid being "friendzoned" if we're hanging out as friends? It seems to be a Catch-22 because if I don't hang out with her then she'll just think I'm being flaky but if I do then I risk getting friendzoned.

Well honestly Goody this part is easy. It's a little different with her since she's just been out of a relationship so she might be trying to move on but I do understand you not wanting to be "friendzoned." Although, I've been asked out before I've had two actual boyfriends, in the past what worked is:

-when a guy didn't make himself too available (like my best guy friend does like don't respond everytime she contacts you and you can't contact her all the time either be mysterious you know) & when you do hangout make sure you pay for her! (if ya'll end up getting together ya'll can split the bill later but this is just to woo her! ;) )

-when he'd keep our friendship flirty and hit on me (so I could know he liked me) but not too much maybe like touch my waist lightly or hold me a little bit when he hugs me or maybe hold my hand for a bit versus what gfs do. (you don't want to become a girl friend like letting her talk about other guys to you! That's a no no.)

- make sure you look presentable around her (you know you wouldn't want a girl to be trying to get with you and she didn't comb her hair or bother to look neat! lol)

-*****oh yes and the biggie, Goody! This one is important! Let her know the reason you want to be around her is because you like her and want to get to know her more! You would like something more out of the relationship! That's how you not get friendzoned because girls can get real confused real fast and think you're only coming around because you want to be friends if you don't say it!*****

oh yes and when you take her out you can tell by how she's dressed up. If she's dressed up more than usual (like a little bit more make up, hair cute, stuff like that) that's a sign you're headed in the right direction! For example, when my best guy friend wants to hang out I just wear simple stuff, ponytail and loose t-shirt and jeans. That's it but for my ex I'd totally get doll'd up for him and yes I loved himm!!! ;)

oh yeah and another thing Goody (you may not like this but it's true) date other girls!!! You're placing value on yourself this way by letting her see other girls like you too but let her know you are but don't make it obvious like ask for advice about them ;)

oh yes and when you pick her up for date one: Be a gentleman (I'm pretty sure you know this)! Pick her up, walk her to the door, and this is a biggie: I dated this guy one time and I was head over heel for him and I've given this tip to my brother and he laughs because he says it works everytime! The tip is: When you pick her up and you're walking her to you're car, or friends whoever's , make sure you open the door for her!! Girls like that!!!! Promise!!!!!

GOOD LUCK Goody!!! If this doesn't work out at least you tried!!!

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Speaking for myself, it really depends on the guy, and the situation. After the initial attraction, it really depends on how much contact we have and how much chance I have to get to talk to him and become comfortable with him. Actually, his ability to make me comfortable, or calm me in anxiety filled situations, is what would be a key component. It, also, depends on the give and take of the conversation. I am more inclined to be interested in someone who enjoys having a conversation with me, than someone who doesn't seem interested and barely speaks. That's makes me feel that he's not really into me. So, there's really no set amount of time. Sometimes it might take a few days, other times it might take months, or years. I mean, there are factor ps in how you spend time together and how often you're able to converse.

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