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Naturally

What will be your "guidelines" for your marriage?

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When i say "guidelines" I mean little day-to-day things you want your spouse to know or things to do to prevent arguments / fix an argument and maintain the happiness etc.

 

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Naturally,

number 5 made me LOL!!! but it's true, if a spouse doesn't feel that their needs are being met; either emotional or physical, you need to talk about it and not just assume it'll go away/get better.

I also like your bfs "three strike limit" haha that's a good point, because if a guy or friend isn't really listening the first time you bring something up; you can't be super pissed because maybe they are distracted by something else that is really stressing them out. Until you know what it is, it can be hard to not say "ugh, they don't care and they're not listening; I always listen to them!"

I'll add osme of mine later....I gotta get ready quick for class :P It's the monday after spring break....wooo

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Hmm I haven't put a great deal of thought into this,

Some of these are great - I especially like the 3 strike thing, I know that if i'm preoccupied with something I may very well miss it, and need to be brought back to the moment heh.

I think communication is key, and part of communication is being level headed and in control of your emotions etc, so if you need to take a break then do so, I know I will have break off arguments and go be alone to collect my thoughts.

I have a problem with 5, as its purpose is to control your partner which is counter productive imo, solve the problem, don't create a barrier/weapon to hide behind.

I won't come up with a set of guidelines or anything, because if they are to extensive I feel like their purpose is more about setting up for failure and less about acceptance and communication.

Anyway that's my opinion for now :D

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Be careful with number 5 Naturally. Sex with your spouse should never be used as a commodity to be traded for or sanctioned. I understand totally what you are saying not wanting to be intimate with someone who has been treating you poorly. But you punish yourself as much as your husband by using it that way.

I did chuckle a bit though. I always had a rule when I was married that foreplay began when we woke up by wiping down the sink of my shavings and put the lid down and continued throughout the day.

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I think women have trouble with number 5---at least I do---if we are arguing/have an issue I'm not gonna be ready to have sex. It's that simple. For men, it seems like whenever you can just turn a switch. For women, you have to figure out the issue first, or just talking about your day helps instead of just seeming like you're wanted for your body. (Girls please back me up on this one lol)

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and as someone long ago said... God is in the details.

You'd be surprised how far the little things (what ComputerFox said) can carry you... and how much him doing those things for you will matter. :-)

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I think women have trouble with number 5---at least I do---if we are arguing/have an issue I'm not gonna be ready to have sex. It's that simple. For men, it seems like whenever you can just turn a switch. For women, you have to figure out the issue first, or just talking about your day helps instead of just seeming like you're wanted for your body. (Girls please back me up on this one lol)

I confess - unfortunately - you're probably right. I think it is one of those how-our-brains-are-wired things. Guys compartmentalize easier don't they....

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Yeah Ian---very easily--things for women are more interrconnected. At least that's what I understand from reading about relationships.....

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I can definitely understand not wanting to have sex after an argument/fight/bad day, my problem with 5 is more the principle of using sex as a means of controlling your partner.

I think the problem here is somewhat to do with the wording!

I'm male and i have a hard time seeing that I'd want to have sex after an argument hah, I have to have time to process and deal with it, and also i don't see any enjoyment coming from having sex if she's not into it.

I like computerfox's line:

I did chuckle a bit though. I always had a rule when I was married that foreplay began when we woke up by wiping down the sink of my shavings and put the lid down and continued throughout the day.

little things make all the difference

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I think women have trouble with number 5---at least I do---if we are arguing/have an issue I'm not gonna be ready to have sex. It's that simple. For men, it seems like whenever you can just turn a switch. For women, you have to figure out the issue first, or just talking about your day helps instead of just seeming like you're wanted for your body. (Girls please back me up on this one lol)

Yes, it is definitely like this for girls. We tend to end up cramming so many thoughts and emotions into us that it is hard to get into the mood when you're furious and upset. We women sure do love to talk, don't we? XD I think with many men...well I think that sex is their personal way of connecting with us emotionally and saying I love you. But women want to actually talk about their feelings, instead of showing them. At least that's the impression I get.

So I guess after arguments, maybe guys use sex as a way to say, "hey, I forgive you, let's move on"? While girls want to talk the whole thing through, come to an agreement, make sure everyone is happy, and then maybe have sex if they are satisfied with the discussion. My poor future husband...I am exactly that type of girl. lol.

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Let's see here. These are guidelines that I'm going to hold myself to:

1. I'm going to treat my husband like he is an equal to me. My dad speaks to my Mom in a really condescending manner and does not treat her like she's an adult- let alone his wife.

2. I'm going to make my husband feel secure and that he is the only guy in my world. [This is the hopeless romantic coming out of me here] To me, I'm so against infidelity and when I marry a man, I'm planning on it being just him for life. So, I always give guys the feeling of security so they know that it's only him I'll ever want. I don't even make remarks like, "That waiter sure is a fox." like a lot of people do in a harmless, innocent manner. I'd be a liar if I didn't think other men were attractive, but my husband will be the most attractive man to me and the looking is over when I have him <3.

3. I'm always going to make time to spend with my husband.

4. I like the whole," Don't go to bed angry" thing because I don't like drug out arguments- life is way to short for it.

5. I'm going to outwardly show my appreciation towards my husband. I feel that is one thing that slips in a lot of marriages today.

6. I will not hide anything from my husband and I plan to have a very open communication between us.

7. I will not take anybody else into an argument that my husband and I might have because it's strictly between us. It's one thing my ex-fiancee didn't honor. He brought his best friend into everything and who is to say that the decisions weren't made between him and his friend as opposed to him and I?

8. No matter what, I will always promise to be faithful to my husband. Cheating is the one thing I do not and will never do, let alone tolerate.

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I don't really have my own list lol but I agree with what everyone has said so far. Communication is key. I don't ever wanna go to bed mad. There is always middle ground and yes sometimes it may take longer to find it than both of you would like, but I truly believe that there are very few issues that can't be discussed and worked out civily. (Infidelity comes to mind as one that probably couldn't) The thought of cheating, even the word, just makes me ill. Thats one thing where it would be all I could do to not go see my attorney the day I found out and file. But I've witnessed couples who made it work after that by the grace of God but I don't know if I could.

I don't ever wanna scream at my wife. The thought of ever doing it makes me cringe. And vice versa. I know of couples who basically communicate by screaming at each other and it's just sad. There's no reason for that. It's childish. When a person does that they're a child in a grown-up's body lol. And I don't think sex is a good idea when you're mad at each other...but then again I'm not really in a position to comment on that haha. But personally I don't think I'd be able to get that into it if my wife was angry with me or vice versa. When stuff like that happens...even just disagreements with friends or family...it's like I just can't stand not having it resolved; it's like all I think about til it is. Above all else...Like PZ said but the opposite...I wanna make my wife feel like the only girl in my world.

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even just disagreements with friends or family...it's like I just can't stand not having it resolved; it's like all I think about til it is.

I'm the same way! Sometimes I worry so much about it that I just gotta set a time where I'll call or make sure I bring whatever it is up, so I can stop worrying. Sometimes I'm kinda a worry wort :unsure:

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I truly believe that there are very few issues that can't be discussed and worked out civily. (Infidelity comes to mind as one that probably couldn't) The thought of cheating, even the word, just makes me ill. Thats one thing where it would be all I could do to not go see my attorney the day I found out and file. But I've witnessed couples who made it work after that by the grace of God but I don't know if I could.

I know too many people that think they can make it work out after one, if not both people, has cheated. Stats back "Once a cheater, always a cheater" because most [about 85 percent] of those who commit to one act of infidelity once in their life will continue to be a life long cheater.

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I really hope she takes some time to exercise. Some girls have a fast metabolism when they're young so they are rather fit without much exercise. But they need to exercise more as their metabolism slows down when they get older.

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Nice one Naturally!!! No one is in the mood to party ehen there is a funeral, but once you take time to grieve, you can enjoy life again!

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I like your guidelines Naturally, especially number 5. Lol. Myself, I would hope we could openly communicate what we are feeling towards each other, and hopefully she will know me well enough to "know" my reaction to things (like when dealing with arguments for example).

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