Syzygy

WTM in the present incurring extra demands that make WTM more unlikely?

3 posts in this topic

Hello everyone!

I came upon an interesting idea a while ago when reading. The idea was that due to demands and expectations in the present world, the chance of people waiting till marriage has been greatly reduced. For instance, in the past, people would likely marry at a younger age like right after high school or such. They would be told that they have to wait till marriage, but they would be encouraged towards marriage and marriage was something well within sight even before their 20's. However today, at least for a number of people in families that teach WTM, they have extra demands placed upon them. They not only have to wait, but they have to wait to get married till they fulfill a series of criteria: finish school, get a high paying career, etc. It seems that some people then view waiting till marriage as being near impossible as the possibility of marriage itself seems like a long ways off. 

What are your thoughts?

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I'm going to sound like a traditionalist a lot in this reply. I think this trend of delaying marriage for the sake of career growth is part of the attempt to break down the family unit. Society doesn't value marriage like it used to. Instead of it being seen as this great thing that can enrich your life, it is seen by many as a hindrance to your life if not an outright prison. This type of mindset seems to be primarily a Western World phenomenon and not really in anywhere else in the world. We have become so hyper-individualistic in our values that career and the success that comes with it is seen as the ultimate goal in life.

The rationale behind career first, marriage later is that one must have all their ducks in a row financially before starting a family. Of course it is good to think about having the ability to provide for a family. But one doesn't have to delay 5 or 10 years to reach Senior Manager position before you get married. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership. If two people can at least afford an apartment together then you're pretty much set to get married. Having a partner early in life can help take the financial burden of rent and other expenses off one person when both people are working before they decide to have kids. Plus I know many couples in our parents' generation whom were brought closer together during those early years of building a life together. Today's norm of delaying marriage seems like it is a novel idea that is foreign to the rest of history.

To go along with the previous point, this hyper-individualism mentality also encourages people in their younger years to "find themselves." This is often a euphemism for partying, sleeping around and generally living a purely selfish lifestyle. The idea is marriage constricts personal freedom and therefore we are encouraged to spend our youth going crazy and put off marriage later. To me, this is so backwards. If someone desires to be married someday, then we ought to spend our years before in preparation for it. Part of it is learning how to be selfless not selfish. You cannot be completely selfish and expect your marriage to succeed. Wasting your youth feeding into a selfish lifestyle will make you less ready to marry, not more. I don't want to marry someone like that. It is discouraging enough that waiting is so rarely valued as it is without the added pressure of delaying marriage for careers.

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On 7/8/2018 at 9:24 PM, Syzygy said:

The idea was that due to demands and expectations in the present world, the chance of people waiting till marriage has been greatly reduced.

Depends on the kind of demands the kids have to bear. If you push them to education things will be different. Muslim, Jews and South Asian families in the west consider kids to be kids. Parents don't want them to do anything extra and it works. Most of those communities have a large number of kids going in STEM and making a lot of money. Virginity before marriage is no big deal.

 

On 7/8/2018 at 9:24 PM, Syzygy said:

For instance, in the past, people would likely marry at a younger age like right after high school or such. They would be told that they have to wait till marriage, but they would be encouraged towards marriage and marriage was something well within sight even before their 20's.

The west currently is very hypocrite when it comes to kids' lifestyle. Here in the US, I think all 50 states approve child marriage. I met many in CA. They usually stay quiet because of how the marriage is stigmatized. But strangely, our society tells us that as teens we are to do everything minus applying for the marriage license to get approved by our peers and sometimes families. Nobody cares about the heartbreak that follows. Apparently, teens have a higher rate of cheaters and from my observation, most number of short lived relationships. Poor love life breeds not only poor focus on education, but also least amount of thought about an organized future. Thrown out of the house at age 18 really seals the deal. That is the age when brain is still growing. But our "adults" believe by separating the kids at that age they are teaching them to be responsible. Modern life is not easy especially if you consider marketing and how everything is so expensive. Btw, I did specialize in marketing. We have been taught today's and yesterday's western lifestyles have a huge diff. People used to be once happy with whatever they had. It was the tobacco companies which found this as an obstacle to selling cigarettes and thus, brought out a never before seen lifestyle in which a human has to DESIRE and DESIRE.  It entered our every area.  People are taught they need to live in the moment or they are losers. The formula of our sexual liberation is not new.  But you really will end up with a horrible result if you send an 18 year old to face the outside world alone. A great prey to evil marketers!

 

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