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DHZ

I'm having hard time trusting people, maybe that's what I have a hard time trusting people/getting a girlfriend?

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I'm having hard time trusting people, maybe that's what I have a hard time trusting people/getting a girlfriend?
 
Like I was saying in another post, last Wednesday there was a sermon about suffering. Which kind of pissed me off since they were you saying that need friends to help you through those times. Which I don't have, and is the main reason for my suffering.
 
I used to have friends or people I used to think were my friends. I was talking them about problems with girls too, but they were never really helping and even looking down on me saying that I'm not ready for a girlfriend yet. Eventually they got tired of trying to help me and they aren't my friends anymore. One of them was only my cousin.
 
I don't know tried having other friends, but I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. Having friends for while but once the group or event ends, they go away. Even one time during this one church group where I starting to feel like it's safe to open up, I started opening up about my fear that I'll be alone forever and never get married. Then they were just yeah yeah we all deal with that. Being really dismissive of my fear. Really I even tried going to young adults paster about the problem and he wouldn't help me, though he did turn into a feminist and probably unfriended me on facebook for probably something stupid like, like the art of Force of Will. Something similar to that. Basically I've been dealing with rejection all my life so it's hard for someone like me to feel accepted.
 
I mean there was another guy at my church that went through some dark depression where he didn't want to be around anyone, but he had this girls and other friends keep calling him and trying to reach out to him. But nobody is never like that with me.
 
It seems like the concept of friends or a church family just pisses me off when hear about it, but that's never been my experience with people. In my experience, for most part they just don't give a crap. So it just pisses me off when I hear how friends are supposed to be there for you.
 
 
Really it seems like God is bring this to my attention so I can deal with it, but I just don't know how to deal with it. The fear being alone forever and just not feeling accepted in general.

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My dear brother, your story breaks my heart. I'm so, so sorry that Jesus' people haven't been there for you in the ways that you've needed, though I'm impressed that you keep showing up to church when it's not a place where you've found solace. Good for you! It seems like you are deep in a dark place, and I hope and pray that you find your way out. I don't know if you're looking for advice from people on the internet, but let me recommend seeing a good counselor and having a talk with a trusted mentor or church leader. Both might give you valuable perspective and wisdom.

I will be praying that you remember you are an accepted and beloved part of Christ's body (whether you feel like it or not) and that you have a community where you can love and be loved by God's people. Take courage, my brother.

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