Why do guys do this?...

[ellegabrielle 140]

Hello dear male fellow waiters. I have a question for you... When I am walking on the street, sometimes,  I see guys walking with their girlfriends (or so it seems) insistently looking at me or being aware of my presence. ( I dress normally) I don't encourage their attitude but then I see another thing happen. They suddenly pull their girlfriends and kiss them or grab them closer to them and I honestly don't understand this gesture. I know you wouldn't be in this position since you are all waiters but you have male friends and talk to them. Do you understand this attitude? I honestly feel bad for their girlfriends. They deserve a better treatment. Anyway, do you know of this attitude? Or maybe it's something locally. I am very curious, psychologically what's happening... Thank you if you can answer my curiosity.  All the best

[Invincible 7,994]

That is really strange behavior. I honestly have never seen that happen before. It could be a local thing in your country. My best guess is that maybe some guys do that as kind of like an ego boost. So when they see another pretty girl, he tries to make himself look more desirable to you because he has the affection of his girlfriend already. But that's just a guess. I also think that kind of behavior is pretty bizarre. I would just not worry about those guys. They are just weird.

[Matthew 2,546]

8 hours ago, ellegabrielle said:

 I know you wouldn't be in this position since you are all waiters but you have male friends and talk to them.

Hey, waiters can have girlfriends, the fact that we don't is pure coincidence...

 

Anyway I think the only explanation is that your gaze has a Cupidic effect and you should embrace your power and make eye contact with people everywhere you go.

[charlemagne 7]

i have never seen that happen, but situational awareness is not one of my strong suits. though if i had to take a guess it is more of a subconscious thought. sex has become the predominant force controlling relationships for most people (obviously this does not apply to everyone; sites like this would not exist if that were the case). to be straightforward, there is no strong connection before intimacy takes place. physical attractiveness (as shallow as it is) take precedence in finding someone to court. i have heard plenty of men talk about a woman's physical appearance, but i rarely hear talk of how nice and funny she is. though to be fair to them if your'e looking for romeo you probably shouldn't dress like you are looking for... was going to insert the name of some rap artist but i don't know any.... any-who, i am guessing it is 1) because they find you physically attractive 2) they will not (or perhaps some of them would sleep with another woman if given the chance) sleep with another woman. they instead push whatever they are feeling in that moment onto their spouse. PS i tried to be the least bit of blunt i possibly could so hopefully you'll be able to translate 

[ellegabrielle 140]

12 hours ago, Invincible said:

That is really strange behavior. I honestly have never seen that happen before. It could be a local thing in your country. My best guess is that maybe some guys do that as kind of like an ego boost. So when they see another pretty girl, he tries to make himself look more desirable to you because he has the affection of his girlfriend already. But that's just a guess. I also think that kind of behavior is pretty bizarre. I would just not worry about those guys. They are just weird.

Ego boost... hmm. That's what I thought also. I don't worry, it's just something on my mind I really wanted to ask because I've seen it a few times and it was bugging me. Thank you very much for your answer Vince  God bless!

[ellegabrielle 140]

8 hours ago, Matthew said:

Hey, waiters can have girlfriends, the fact that we don't is pure coincidence...

 

Anyway I think the only explanation is that your gaze has a Cupidic effect and you should embrace your power and make eye contact with people everywhere you go.

Pure coincidence, I know.  

Thanks for the advice, I guess? ... Though I think I will start to wear sunglasses instead. Don't ask. 

[ellegabrielle 140]

6 hours ago, charlemagne said:

i have never seen that happen, but situational awareness is not one of my strong suits. though if i had to take a guess it is more of a subconscious thought. sex has become the predominant force controlling relationships for most people (obviously this does not apply to everyone; sites like this would not exist if that were the case). to be straightforward, there is no strong connection before intimacy takes place. physical attractiveness (as shallow as it is) take precedence in finding someone to court. i have heard plenty of men talk about a woman's physical appearance, but i rarely hear talk of how nice and funny she is. though to be fair to them if your'e looking for romeo you probably shouldn't dress like you are looking for... was going to insert the name of some rap artist but i don't know any.... any-who, i am guessing it is 1) because they find you physically attractive 2) they will not (or perhaps some of them would sleep with another woman if given the chance) sleep with another woman. they instead push whatever they are feeling in that moment onto their spouse. PS i tried to be the least bit of blunt i possibly could so hopefully you'll be able to translate 

Wow that's some hard honest truth there. Just to make sure, I mention again, I dress normally even to the point of trying to keep men's thoughts pure towards me. (though to be honest it depends on the woman only to a point) Thank you for your feedback.  Makes a lot of sense. 

['tis the Bearded One 660]

7 hours ago, charlemagne said:

i am guessing it is 1) because they find you physically attractive 2) they will not (or perhaps some of them would sleep with another woman if given the chance) sleep with another woman. they instead push whatever they are feeling in that moment onto their spouse.

Seconded. That's what came into my mind anyway. Maybe also trying to elicit jealousy or boost their profile? As in "desired people are more desirable": https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/women-men-relationships-more-attractive-dating-romance-university-study-a8185026.html.

[ellegabrielle 140]

6 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

Seconded. That's what came into my mind anyway. Maybe also trying to elicit jealousy or boost their profile? As in "desired people are more desirable": https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/women-men-relationships-more-attractive-dating-romance-university-study-a8185026.html.

Yes, it certainly might be. I didn't know about this saying or study. 

"The findings are also supported by an earlier study from Oklahoma State University which found that 90 per cent of single women were interested in a man they believed was taken, while a mere 59 per cent wanted him when told he was single." - Yet this makes me raise my eyebrow. I like them single, thank you. Do not desire to destroy relationships or family. I think some women watch too much soap operas... Eh, don't mind me. Thanks for your feedback! 

[SG1 168]

@ellegabrielle

While this is rare, there have been times when people have looked at me and eventually asked where they know me from. Maybe you look familiar to them and that’s why they are looking at you?…Or when I had a girlfriend I often noticed things other women were wearing i.e clothes, earrings, rings et cetera…that I thought my GF would like...It gave me ideas on little things I could get for her...just as a little surprise if that makes any sense? So maybe those are alternative explanations for why they might be looking at you.

There are people who struggle to differentiate between social actions. I have personally known a few guys who thought if a girl looks at them or makes eye contact, then she might be interested or attracted to them. If these random guys are like that and see you making eye contact back at them (despite the fact they looked at you first for whatever reason/s), they could be thinking you find them attractive or you’re interested in them…especially if you smile at them…So if they hug/kiss their girlfriends, you will indirectly know they’re taken….If this is the case, I personally find it strange because it is happening in passing and not during prolonged social interactions, where you will be spending time with them…like going to the movies, out to eat, amusement parks…..

I know this is very different but it does remind me of my ex-girlfriend. She would do this to me when guys would hit on her because it’s better than saying “I have a boyfriend” because sometimes guys can get really weird when a woman rejects them…they can take it way too personal or get really defensive.   

Anyway, I have traveled to western and northern Europe but have not been to any southeastern European countries. I do not recall noticing anything similar to what you have described. Perhaps there could be some local/cultural aspect to this behavior?

[charlemagne 7]

13 hours ago, ellegabrielle said:

Wow that's some hard honest truth there. Just to make sure, I mention again, I dress normally even to the point of trying to keep men's thoughts pure towards me. (though to be honest it depends on the woman only to a point) Thank you for your feedback.  Makes a lot of sense. 

i apologize if it seemed i was referring to you on the clothing bit; i was not referring to you, but was generalizing some members of the population.  

[Viva 4]

In the beginning of our relationship, something like that happened. I was brokenhearted when I caught his eyes. We solved it quite quick though. Never it happened again. 

In your case also, I believe they did it to make sure their girlfriends didn't catch them looking at you.

[ellegabrielle 140]

On 4/9/2018 at 11:08 PM, SG1 said:

@ellegabrielle

While this is rare, there have been times when people have looked at me and eventually asked where they know me from. Maybe you look familiar to them and that’s why they are looking at you?…Or when I had a girlfriend I often noticed things other women were wearing i.e clothes, earrings, rings et cetera…that I thought my GF would like...It gave me ideas on little things I could get for her...just as a little surprise if that makes any sense? So maybe those are alternative explanations for why they might be looking at you.

 

There are people who struggle to differentiate between social actions. I have personally known a few guys who thought if a girl looks at them or makes eye contact, then she might be interested or attracted to them. If these random guys are like that and see you making eye contact back at them (despite the fact they looked at you first for whatever reason/s), they could be thinking you find them attractive or you’re interested in them…especially if you smile at them…So if they hug/kiss their girlfriends, you will indirectly know they’re taken….If this is the case, I personally find it strange because it is happening in passing and not during prolonged social interactions, where you will be spending time with them…like going to the movies, out to eat, amusement parks…..

 

I know this is very different but it does remind me of my ex-girlfriend. She would do this to me when guys would hit on her because it’s better than saying “I have a boyfriend” because sometimes guys can get really weird when a woman rejects them…they can take it way too personal or get really defensive.   

 

Anyway, I have traveled to western and northern Europe but have not been to any southeastern European countries. I do not recall noticing anything similar to what you have described. Perhaps there could be some local/cultural aspect to this behavior?

 

Thank you very much for sharing your opinions. They are things to consider. Yes, I still don't know if it's a local thing or not. It didn't happen to me while I was outside the country so it might be something in the upbringing. Thanks again!

[ellegabrielle 140]

On 4/10/2018 at 5:07 AM, charlemagne said:

i apologize if it seemed i was referring to you on the clothing bit; i was not referring to you, but was generalizing some members of the population.  

No problem, I was not sure so that's why I wanted to make it clear. 

[ellegabrielle 140]

18 hours ago, Viva said:

In the beginning of our relationship, something like that happened. I was brokenhearted when I caught his eyes. We solved it quite quick though. Never it happened again. 

In your case also, I believe they did it to make sure their girlfriends didn't catch them looking at you.

I'm glad you solved it with your partner. Communication is key. Like I said, if it's so, I wouldn't like to be their girlfriend. I believe they are not in love if they do this. I understand that sometimes the women expose themselves but I believe the men can make an effort like your partner did and have eyes only for their girlfriends. Thanks for your feedback!

[Darren91 7]

Maybe they are just trying to virtue-signal to their girl? Maybe he thinks if she notices him staring at you then she will get jealous, so he's trying to pre-emptively reassure her by publicly flaunting their relationship.

[ellegabrielle 140]

On 04.10.2018 at 11:55 PM, Darren91 said:

Maybe they are just trying to virtue-signal to their girl? Maybe he thinks if she notices him staring at you then she will get jealous, so he's trying to pre-emptively reassure her by publicly flaunting their relationship.

Hmm you have imagination... this is quite a scenario, never thought it like that. Thanks for your feedback 

[Darren91 7]

On 20/12/2018 at 8:05 PM, ellegabrielle said:

Hmm you have imagination... this is quite a scenario, never thought it like that. Thanks for your feedback 

You're welcome. I've seen a lot of situations where a guy tries to overcompensate to reassure their girlfriend or vice versa, sometimes it's the guy who is insecure.