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LookingForTheOne

"Settling down."

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I just realized why waiting till marriage is so unpopular--nay, why marriage itself is so unpopular. Individuals who marry (both sexes) are always spoken of as "settling down."

Why is this bad? The clear message is that people who are young are supposed to "have fun" while they're young, and then "settle down" when they're "ready" to give up their "fun time."

Has anyone else noticed this? Why isn't marriage viewed as a good thing--something we should strive up to, not settle down to?

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Yes LookingForTheOne!!!! I totally agree. Like the media depicts dating and single life as fun and marriage as boring and being tied down. So I think that's why society deems it that way because the media is a very powerful tool used to shape people's perception of things. They may not tell us what to think but they do tell us how to think.

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I totally agree!! I would like to find a job and "settle down" on my own after.college because my parents moved and i get to study abroad so i dontt need a year off after school or whatever. I wanna work on my first coupke years teaching because i heard it csn be hard. I guess it depends on peoples personalities too as to what they would like to do...

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Definitely noticed this, pop culture has a definite anti marriage tone,

I don't plan to settle down when I get married, I hope to be able to travel the world, explore and enjoy life to its fullest with my wife.

I tend to have an anti media opinion most of the time hah, good for entertainment sometimes, and I read headlines and interesting articles, but for the most part I know that its written in a way to evoke emotion, and not to present the facts. Just more companies and corporations who's ultimate goal is to make money (not that this is a bad thing, just something to keep in mind)

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I have had WAY more adventure and fun WITH my wife and having been married than I did before! I would rebuff the whole "settling down" issue just like you guys all would. It somehow diminishes the idea of marriage - the phrase and the way it's shown in movies or on TV a lot of the time! Did I drink more/more often/later at night when I was single? Admittedly, yes. Did I go to music or clubs more often when I was single? Admittedly, yes. Did I travel when I was single? A fraction of what I have traveled since then, very happily discovering the world, with my wife. Did we dare each other a little to try things we would ordinarily not have tried because we were married, vs when we were single? Absolutely! (as recently as this past Christmas - I did Trapeze School LOL).

"Settling down" always seems presented as a thin code for "you can only have sex with your husband/wife." And since that was always my goal... I never settled or settled down. :-) And neither should of you!

I think when you're in college or even for the most part in your twenties... marriage still seems like a ways off. Those who jump early do just that - they jump early. No big deal. No pressure. But I think as soon as you're out of school once and for all... and you're in the work world whatever you do, and you're managing being on your own, and growing in your career, and taking on involvement and participation in things that matter to you outside of work (like clubs, or leisure pursuits, or sports, or church, or volunteering)... settling down takes an ironic twist... from being "go wild" while you're single... to "when am I going to find my mate".

But of course... selling movie tickets means showcasing "fun"... :-). fun married people movies are a rare breed, and when they do it well, they are magical as inspiration to both those who are married and those who wish to be married. :-)

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Love your post Ian!! I agree with what everyone has said....when I get married I can't wait to travel more, go on trips/vacations together, go out with friends, everything! Like Chris said, I don't see it as "settling down" I see marriage as finding someone to do all those things with together

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I agree. I think a lot of people see getting married as giving up a part of who they are instead of discovering a new side to themselves. Whenever people ask me what it is like to be a twin i always tell them its like marriage without the option of divorce. even when she drives me crazy or we're mad at each other i know that i can completely rely on her no matter what. its scary, i watch my grandparents bicker and realize we are exactly the same as them. LOL. so i guess i see settling down as gaining more security rather than as a loss of freedom. that is what my parents have so i have always viewed it in a positive light. plus my oldest brother and his wife have nothing but fun. they go to croatia, ireland and so many other places. not to mention he gets to play music with his old jazz band and have all the fun he had before, just with her. i think the media has it all wrong, but i guess it is easier to make being single look like an adventure compared to married life.

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I feel it's how people want to perceive marriage.

Unfortunately, some people have thoughts of shackles dragging, a noose around their neck, and thoughts of entrapment when it comes to any form of commitment. Maybe it's because they have seen some truly horrific relationships and feel that is the way things are supposed to be and always will be when you commit to a person.

To me, if you find the right person, you aren't settling for anything! I think this is the huge misconception with a lot of people who go with the social stigma of," It's the end when I get married." When you are with the right person, your life does change because it's not just your life- you're sharing it with another person. However, everything that was in your life before, shouldn't have to go away- friends, hobbies, travel, ect.

I feel that if people marry for the right reasons, it will be more of an adventure and you'll only enjoy your time that you spend together; growing closer together. The fun shouldn't have to end!

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