Relational Comfort and Shaving Habits

['tis the Bearded One 652]

So there seems to be a thing about some/many women decreasing or nearly stopping shaving when they are comfortable in their romantic relationship.

Some men complain that their partner has "let themselves go" and that it is affecting their attraction to them; they used to shave before (for them) why don't they continue now that the relationship is serious/married? Some women who keep "having" to shave grow resentful over it. 

What are your thought on this?

If you have done/do this or plan to, why?

If you don't want to continue shaving in a relationship why do so at the start?

Note: this isn't about the choice (to shave or not - we have other threads on that) but rather the change in habit.

[BlackRose 156]

11 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

So there seems to be a thing about some/many women decreasing or nearly stopping shaving when they are comfortable in their romantic relationship.

 If  a woman is comfortable in a relationship, then there is no real reason for them to shave anymore, hence the change in habit since they've gotten the guy. The same could be said for when the guy stops "romancing" their partner since they've gotten the girl. Comfort makes people lazy and with that comes a lack of wanting to shave/romancing their partner. 

11 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

If you don't want to continue shaving in a relationship why do so at the start?

Why wear make-up? Why wear nice clothes? They are all in the same boat. We do it to make ourselves look and feel attractive. Then as we feel more comfortable we feel that our personalities should keep you interested enough (that's not to say that ensuring you look good goes out of the window). As a relationship gets more serious you see the good the bad and the ugly, personality and lookswise (hence why getting married after a short amount of time is utter foolishness). At the start of any relationship, you are on your best behaviour and shaving I guess is a part of that. You want to look and act like the perfect partner at the start but it's not maintainable for some people. Over time it should be fine to slip into not shaving as often (not the overexaggeration in the pictures above) and it should boil down to the woman's choice - it is her body after all. 

11 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

Some men complain that their partner has "let themselves go" and that it is affecting their attraction to them; they used to shave before (for them) why don't they continue now that the relationship is serious/married? Some women who keep "having" to shave grow resentful over it.

These men sound shallow and entitled and honestly I would run several miles away from any of these men who think that women should shave for them . They sound like the type of guys who believe that sex is all about the guy getting pleasure and the woman should just sit back and enjoy it. I know you aren't discussing the choice thing but it does link in this part. It is a choice for women to shave. True love is about accepting a person at both their best (in this case, being shaved) and not their best (i.e. not shaved). The reason women grow resentful over it is because it suggests that they are only pretty when they do shave and when they don't, they're ugly. The guy is not accepting you in your natural state. It raises a lot of red flags. If they can't deal with you being unshaven, what about waking up next to you when you have morning breath and things like that. It  You should be able to let loose around your partner, be lazy but he still says you're stunning. 

12 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

If you have done/do this or plan to, why?

As for me, I've never dated or been in serious relationship but I wouldn't see it as an issue. I don't shave unless I want to which tends to be limited to summer months only and even then I wear mainly t-shirts that cover my underarms and I hate shorts  If a guy I was dating saw it as an issue, that would raise a flag for me that he is rather superficial. I guess it is a sort of a test in a way. if that's all it takes for him to be unattracted to me then all I can say is "good riddance" . Being sexually active though takes a whole different spin on the shaving thing though. I'd still probably be the same unless I feel more attractive with shaved underarms and legs. I'd refuse to shave my pubic hairs though under any circumstances since I always associate fully shaved to porn/young girls which creeps me out like mad (I'd trim it though) . But I totally see why people shave at the start and become more relaxed about it as the relationship goes on, I'd probably be the same. 

Overall the change in habit it more about accepting the woman for who they are since becoming more comfortable in a relationship would enable that. Women want security in a relationship and that security has more of a foundation when they know that they are loved when they look their best and not so great.

 

[emily1030 289]

I fully believe in continuing to "date" your spouse. That means continuing to "woo" them even after you already "have them." I'm in a 3 year relationship and we are now very comfortable with each other. I still shave. I may not be as self conscious when I forget as I was when we first started dating. That's because I know a little thing like that won't scare him away. If I completely stopped shaving, would he stay with me? Yes. But I also know that he prefers when I do shave, so to me, that is enough reason for me to continue doing it. Because I love him and I like doing things that make him happy. Yes it is my body, but I know he cares and I want to keep our physical attraction to each other strong. 

A man can also choose to not romance his wife once he marries her. She may stay with him but will she miss those days? Absolutely. I believe he should continue to pursue her throughout the marriage. We make a commitment to each other in marriage that we won't break, but that doesn't mean we should stop reminding each other of why we made that commitment in the first place. Never stop dating each other! 

[Invincible 7,973]

I'm with @emily1030.

I don't think either person should ever "let themselves go" even after marriage. If you really love someone, why wouldn't you want to be at your best for the other person? I know I would want to try to look good for my future wife to be as attractive to her as much as possible. On the flip side, I would appreciate it if my future wife shaves her legs and other body hair. I won't love her less if she didn't. But I do prefer smooth legs and I would appreciate the gesture.

I know that life gets stressful and sometimes other things get in the way of the relationship. But I think the most important thing is that both people simply put in the effort. That's all you need. It's the little things here and there to remind your spouse that they are thinking of you and that you want to make them happy.

[PG1 1,726]

On November 6, 2017 at 2:43 PM, emily1030 said:

I fully believe in continuing to "date" your spouse. That means continuing to "woo" them even after you already "have them." I'm in a 3 year relationship and we are now very comfortable with each other. I still shave. I may not be as self conscious when I forget as I was when we first started dating. That's because I know a little thing like that won't scare him away. If I completely stopped shaving, would he stay with me? Yes. But I also know that he prefers when I do shave, so to me, that is enough reason for me to continue doing it. Because I love him and I like doing things that make him happy. Yes it is my body, but I know he cares and I want to keep our physical attraction to each other strong. 

A man can also choose to not romance his wife once he marries her. She may stay with him but will she miss those days? Absolutely. I believe he should continue to pursue her throughout the marriage. We make a commitment to each other in marriage that we won't break, but that doesn't mean we should stop reminding each other of why we made that commitment in the first place. Never stop dating each other! 

I wish I could put a big HEART for this.

[Lovelyish 49]

Shaving feels good.  Smooth skin feels good.  Being up against someone else's skin feels better when my skin is smooth.  Why in the world would I stop shaving?  

[Jasmine23 1,604]

Agree with Emily! But I've never needed to shave arms and legs since I have smooth arms and legs and fine hair that's hardly noticeable lol 

[rookiepilot1 638]

A thought from a guy here about the matter, ...

Do you think possibly it's that she might be continuing to shave as per the usual times that she has been.

Just that as relationships progress people typically begin spending more time together. Therefore is she expected to maintain "baby soft" legs and possibly other areas each time you two see one another?

Or possibly as others have alluded to above has the relationship evolved now to the place whereby the two folks have much more in common than just checking to see if your partner's legs and possibly other areas are "up to stuff" 100% of the time.

Now of course I agree with Emily and Invincible above that partners certainly when evolving to the point of marriage that each person "keeps themselves up".

As well as continues to romance one another and remind them why they're building and doing life together.

 

However I would think some day when/if marriage is in my future that when I'm hungry for some loving a little stubble wouldn't cause me to be less attracted to my wife. Just as I'd hope that because I've been consume lately with a project at work and haven't been quite so romantic that my wife wouldn't withhold her marital duties because of this.

 

Finally made it to post number 400, woo hoo.

['tis the Bearded One 652]

On 11/6/2017 at 8:10 AM, BlackRose said:

These men sound shallow and entitled and honestly I would run several miles away from any of these men who think that women should shave for them . They sound like the type of guys who believe that sex is all about the guy getting pleasure and the woman should just sit back and enjoy it. I know you aren't discussing the choice thing but it does link in this part. It is a choice for women to shave. True love is about accepting a person at both their best (in this case, being shaved) and not their best (i.e. not shaved). The reason women grow resentful over it is because it suggests that they are only pretty when they do shave and when they don't, they're ugly. The guy is not accepting you in your natural state. It raises a lot of red flags. If they can't deal with you being unshaven, what about waking up next to you when you have morning breath and things like that. It  You should be able to let loose around your partner, be lazy but he still says you're stunning. 

Hmm I don't think these guys' position is that women should shave for them but rather that they would like them to. And the lack of gesture in not doing so communicates a lack of concern or affection. Like a bait and switch; now that I've "got you" I don't need to try anymore. I don't think it is that they don't love them anymore but that it does affect their sexual attraction towards them. For some people lack of shaving might not be a big deal in regard to sexual attraction, for others it seems it is. What it would take to change that would I suppose be the next question...

So, you should be able to "let yourself go" and your spouse is still expected to be sexually attracted to you and say you look beautiful/handsome even if he/she doesn't think so? Are we drawing any boundaries to this unconditional acceptance? 

If you were dating someone and they expressed that they preferred their partner in their natural/unshaven state how would you take that? 

On 1/8/2018 at 4:52 PM, rookiepilot1 said:

Do you think possibly it's that she might be continuing to shave as per the usual times that she has been.

Just that as relationships progress people typically begin spending more time together. Therefore is she expected to maintain "baby soft" legs and possibly other areas each time you two see one another?

Good point.

[Jasmine rose 9]

I shave for myself because I love myself.lol