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Dandy Lion

Never Met a Christian Man!

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I feel so alone.  I was raised in a Christian home and have always held the belief that I would wait until I was married to have sex.  Unfortunately, I have NEVER met a Christian man who shared this same belief.  I usually start dating a guy and then once I realize he does not share the same conviction as me, I end the relationship.  Sometimes I find myself avoiding the topic and dragging the relationship on until he starts pressuring me, then I end it.  I feel like if I didn't do it that way I would never go on dates or have relationships.  I think it sucks that I am doing what God is telling me to do: i.e. wait until marriage to have sex, but he has NEVER sent anyone who shares this same conviction my way.  I am getting old and 12 years of my dating life has gone by and I have not even met 1 man who shares this belief.  This is VERY FRUSTRATING!  Does anyone feel the same way?  I would like to reach out to women in my church for support, but half of hem have children out of wedlock or did not wait, so their advice wouldn't apply to me.  My mother waited, but she grew up in a different country and is older, she doesn't even talk to me about sex or relationships, she just gets mad whenever a man calls my phone (b/c of course she assumes he is going to tempt me).  Talking to her would be pointless.  I also see people on Youtube who are married and said they waited, but they are almost always NOT virgins, and/or they had sex at the beginning of the relationship and then decided to stop until the wedding date.  I then think to myself who in the world can I relate to, because that is not my story.  I am a virgin and do not want to have sex with my boyfriend or fiance.  I want to wait for marriage.  I feel like the other aspects of my life are in place, education, career, spirituality, health etc.  So I wonder why hasn't God put a Christian man in front of me.  Has anyone else had this same struggle? 

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I've met a couple Christian guys who are waiting/waited until marriage, but they're just friends (obvious incompatibilities prevented anything more).  I haven't gone to church much in the last few years, because it's hard to find a decent one (where it doesn't feel like just a dying social club)... I should try harder, though.

Anyway, at least guys are calling you - it sucks when they don't even put forth any effort!  I'm basically in the same boat.  Had to break up with my recent boyfriend because even though I was apparently one of only a few women he could see himself marrying and having a family with someday, his way of getting there involved me staying over, then maybe us moving in together, and then maybe if things were going well then get engaged.  I was like, no.  Either you value me and what I have to offer, or no.  I really don't have time for that ish, and even if I did I wouldn't put up with it!  Guy didn't even know what he wanted in a wife! I asked him, and he gave some reasonable responses, but then told me he hadn't even considered the question before I asked him.  How the hell can a person choose a mate if they don't know what they want in one???  No wonder so many go the "oh, we'll see and just have fun in the meantime" route.  They were clearly not asked this question EVER.  Parents, take heed - teach your children what to look for a in a mate so they don't end up screwing around and wasting time and being general disappointments like that guy!

Wish I could offer help.  A male friend of mine, much much older, has suggested I start running 5Ks to meet decent guys (he's a runner); there's no correlation between running and waiting, but in theory, the more guys I meet, the more guys who have their ish together and know what they want in life I'll meet?  I guess I'll increase my treadmill speed and see if it helps. 

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@Dandy Lion I can understand your frustration and I can relate to your situation when it seems the only thing you are missing is to have a man in your life! I agree it is rare these days to meet a Christian guy who is willing to wait; but I also believe it is still possible.

I will share my experience and hopefully it will help to you to keep strong: I am also waiting until marriage to have sex because as a strong believer I want to honor God in that aspect. My wish was to get married when I was 24....now I am 32, you can do the counting 8 years have passed and I am still here :) It is true that one day you feel down completely, wondering why God would let you pass through this hardship. But after feeling down, I always get up again believing in God, that He is faithful and He always rewards those who patiently/earnestly wait on Him (Heb 11:6). Sometimes I look back to see if I have done something wrong but I think I have tried my best (and still do) to meet new people and most importantly I have prayed and still do. I acknowledge that I am blessed to have a mother who encourages me. Sometimes I call her and tell her that it is difficult  and that I feel down, and she always tell me 'I know you will meet the right person and I am praying for you!' I know it is such a blessing to have a praying mum!

So I think the time to meet that right person is not ripe yet. We have to go through the waiting period and only God knows when it will end! I am always encouraged by this verse in Job 11:16 : "You will forget your misery; it will be like water flowing away". So once that man comes your way, you will forget that you ever hard to worry about meeting him.

So be encouraged, the struggle is real but the rewards will be far better. Keep praying, keep the faith we are all in this together! Like @Siftastic said...try new activities either sport or something else you like that could make you meet new people, visit new places, look where you haven't looked yet and most importantly keep the hope that you will meet him one day!

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I WAS a Christian...lol. I believe in waiting though. You'll find him one day.

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I feel the same way, my relationships usually end for other reasons (non sex related). So half of them never find out I'm a virgin.

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On 12/5/2017 at 3:51 AM, Revan said:

I WAS a Christian...lol. I believe in waiting though. You'll find him one day.

Past tense?  What happened, if I may ask?

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From the other side, I'm a Christian guy who is waiting till marriage and while I do sometimes find women who are also waiting, it's frustrating to find those who aren't. I remember at one point freaking out that I was the only person I knew who was waiting till marriage, and found that both friends and even my pastor at church didn't feel like it was something to do.

To be honest, this was one of the reasons that I decided to leave my church and switch denominations. I really found it too stressful to be at a church that was okay with premarital sex, not only due to my own religious convictions, but also because I just felt it was too isolating to not have anybody support me in my decision. I'm currently attending a Catholic Church, and of course they are very much supportive of waiting till marriage (or being celibate in the case of the priesthood).

There are Christian guys out there who, like you, are looking for a Christian woman who is waiting. It's a pain that you can't find each other. If he's not in the places you've already looked, maybe he's somewhere new. Of course, you'll need to be okay with searching there, and relying on God to guide you.

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