DHZ

Is it possible for it to be socially impossible for someone to find a girlfriend?

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I'm really starting to think it's impossible for me to a girlfriend. I'm almost at the point of giving up looking.

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I don't think it's socially impossible for someone (or you ;) ) to find a girlfriend. There are all kinds of women to match all kinds of men. Some of the happiest and most stable married couples I know are a bit "quirky" but somehow they found the right person for them. :) 

Don't give up, DHZ; she could be right around the corner!

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I agree with you redgrapes. I think finding a girlfriend is also based on timing. For some people, finding a gf may not happen immediately and you may need to find yourself in a different situation/environment for it to happen. On the other hand, not stressing yourself about it also important too. It will help you calm down by focusing on other things and who knows you may find a gf when you least expect it :).

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You're too smart and young to give up and you have a great career that allows you to live anywhere.:) When you're an old man looking back at your life, you will be bitter, depressed and resentful if you gave up. Worst of all, you will have to deal with the question of... what would have happened if I wasn't a quitter? However, you will not regret giving that search your best effort.

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It's unfortunate but I do think that there is an element of luck when it comes to dating and finding a girlfriend/boyfriend. Some people are always dating whereas some haven't dated at all. The common advise that would normally be given is "stop looking" and "you'll find them when you stop looking" but honestly I feel that's BS so I'm not going to offer that as suitable advise. 

However the fact that you are stressing about it almost obsessively might be the issue here. I think even if you found someone, you may not be ready to enter a relationship with them because you're so desperate to find a girlfriend which honestly may scare her off and cause a lot of issues for you down the road. 

What you should be concentrating on is WHY do you want a girlfriend so badly and move from there. You'll realise that some of those needs can be met via other activities, things or people around you. The main benefits to having a girlfriend/boyfriend is to have someone to go through life, have kids and raise a family together (and sex too) with but there are issues as well like the fact that you lose your freedom which many people don't take advantage of when they are single. 

Also not having a girlfriend at this point in time (or until you meet a suitable person) isn't a bad thing at all, it means less relationship baggage and when you do find her, she'll be grateful about the lack of baggage that you have (at least I would be anyway lol). 

I can sympathise with the fact that you want to give up looking but I don't think that's the best way to phrase it. Think of it as a shift in priorities from looking for a girlfriend to focusing on other things with the girlfriend one at the back of your mind. If your main aim is to actively look for a girlfriend there is a chance that you may settle on things that are important to you and that isn't wise at all and in fact will get you into more trouble than when you didn't have a girlfriend. So I would encourage a shift in priorities rather than to stop looking all-together. 

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10 hours ago, BlackRose said:

It's unfortunate but I do think that there is an element of luck when it comes to dating and finding a girlfriend/boyfriend. Some people are always dating whereas some haven't dated at all. The common advise that would normally be given is "stop looking" and "you'll find them when you stop looking" but honestly I feel that's BS so I'm not going to offer that as suitable advise. 

However the fact that you are stressing about it almost obsessively might be the issue here. I think even if you found someone, you may not be ready to enter a relationship with them because you're so desperate to find a girlfriend which honestly may scare her off and cause a lot of issues for you down the road. 

What you should be concentrating on is WHY do you want a girlfriend so badly and move from there. You'll realise that some of those needs can be met via other activities, things or people around you. The main benefits to having a girlfriend/boyfriend is to have someone to go through life, have kids and raise a family together (and sex too) with but there are issues as well like the fact that you lose your freedom which many people don't take advantage of when they are single. 

Also not having a girlfriend at this point in time (or until you meet a suitable person) isn't a bad thing at all, it means less relationship baggage and when you do find her, she'll be grateful about the lack of baggage that you have (at least I would be anyway lol). 

I can sympathise with the fact that you want to give up looking but I don't think that's the best way to phrase it. Think of it as a shift in priorities from looking for a girlfriend to focusing on other things with the girlfriend one at the back of your mind. If your main aim is to actively look for a girlfriend there is a chance that you may settle on things that are important to you and that isn't wise at all and in fact will get you into more trouble than when you didn't have a girlfriend. So I would encourage a shift in priorities rather than to stop looking all-together. 

Someone to go though life with is the main reason I'm looking for a girlfriend/wife. I'm actually starting to get to the point where I want to have kids. But yeah, the main reason I come off so obsessively about this is because of the that I've never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl, AND I doubt the fact that I could ever get one.

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8 hours ago, DHZ said:

Someone to go though life with is the main reason I'm looking for a girlfriend/wife. I'm actually starting to get to the point where I want to have kids. But yeah, the main reason I come off so obsessively about this is because of the that I've never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl, AND I doubt the fact that I could ever get one.

There are plenty of people like you. I have never had a boyfriend, been asked out/dated or kissed or anything close to that.  It doesn't mean that you'll never get one though. Obsessing over it is going to make it harder and all the more disappointing when you don't get one. It's discouraging for sure but you have no baggage which is always going to be a plus. Having a lot of dating experience doesn't make you a better boyfriend/girlfriend, in fact it suggests that you don't know what you want in a person. Casual dating is unattractive to me. I'd personally be put off someone who's had a lot of dating experience since you're not going to be able to relate with me in a lot of ways and you have a string of past relationships in the background and baggage that you need to deal with.  I personally don't think want to deal with that in my life because when you date someone you are dating a whole person with their faults, past and present decisions that have led them to where they are today. 

I can understand the kid thing  BUT on the other hand you are a guy, you don't have a biological clock like women do. So again I wouldn't stress out about it. You are always better being in no relationship rather than a bad one.

If things went the way I wanted I would have been married by now (2 years ago ideally)and started having kids so that I can have them all before I am 30 (I want 4 but not too close to each other but close enough).  I don't want to be an old parent at all. But at this rate I will have to have kids in my 30s which for most people isn't old but since my parents had all of us before 30 (my mum anyway my dad was about 34) I consider it to be. Am I happy about it? Not really, especially when you see that a majority of people are in relationships that are headin towards marriage or are actually married but there's not a lot that can me done.

Life never goes to plan or our timing. We just have to trust that God knows what is best for us and move from that.

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I feel the same. Through my life I've gotten a lot of attention from boys but I never felt like I truely loved any of them. I think my complicated brain makes it impossible. Not that I'm saying I'm smart or anything-I just mean emotionally complicated.

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