rotorgirl

Is 37 too old to find a quality man?

6 posts in this topic

So I'm 37 years old and feeling too old to find a quality man. The problem I encounter is that a lot of the single men my age have a ton of baggage (divorce, kids, bankruptcy, long history of casual flings, emotional hangups). I am not holding out for a perfect guy and certainly do my best to extend grace and kindness to all. I have seen many people who have pulled themselves out of a bad past with a lot of prayer and growth. However, it seems like most of the single guys I meet have still not resolved a lot of their past issues and continue to wade through a lot of sin or personal hangups. I want to find one who has healthy growth and maturity and is ready for a relationship. However, there are slim pickings at my age. I'm fairly open on age but realistically anyone under 30 is just in a different area of life. Marriage minded men seem to focus their attention on women under 35 so I feel I have aged out of the pool of men who are emotionally ready and prepared for marriage. I don't mean to be bashing men but in my experience, a lot of the "waiters" are people under 30 who find a spouse before 30. That leaves the rest of the dating population which is composed of people who bounce from one meaningless relationship to the other until they finally get tired of the drama and want to settle down in their late 30s but they have all this baggage dragging with them and have a long history of poor relationship choices. It just seems like I am holding out for something/someone that doesn't exist and realistically if I want to find a relationship, I'll have to lower my standards. I don't want to do that, but I honestly feel like I don't have much of a chance at this point of finding a good, godly individual who is in a healthy place in life and ready to commit. 

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Well no one is ever truly too old to find a quality person since there are quality single people of every age group. The problem is the likelihood of finding such person diminishes as we age. This is just the truth. I know it feels hopeless at times because I'm in a similar stage. I'm 32 and it feels like my chances of finding someone compatible are slim. But I would encourage you never to lower your standards.  It's not worth it.

It's important for us to be honest what kind of compromises we are willing to make. But we should never compromise on things we are not willing to budge on, like faith or general world views. I believe lowering standards on dealbreakers is worse than being single forever. Because if you do, there will always be that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that this isn't right and you will grow to resent the other person unfairly. That will lead to both of you feeling unhappy. I've seen this happen in several marriages and it's not pretty. There is no passion or romance in these marriages because they were unhappy that they settled.

But I do understand the struggle. Even though I'm a bit younger than you, I feel like most women around my age bracket has either been divorced before and/or have had kids with other men or have an extremely bitter view of all men in general. Those are things I don't want to deal with. I can possibly handle a non-virgin who has slipped up once or twice in the past provided she really regrets it and has gotten right with God about it. But I cannot be with a woman who has slept around with lots of men. I just can't do it. So yeah, it does seem like the chances of finding what I'm looking for aren't good.

I really do feel for older women though. At least for us guys, it is more socially acceptable for us to date women who are quite a bit younger, like even 10 years younger. Which is kind of what I am aiming for anyways. However, since you seem to have no problem dating younger guys, that does help your chances for sure.

Have faith and don't give up.

 

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Thanks. It is good to hear from other men and see all the interaction on this site. I am glad to have found this body of like-minded individuals who are encouraging and know what it is like!

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I'm 36. I feel the same way you do. It's like everyone is already married and no one is single in my age group in my area. I've tried online dating, meetup.com. It really is hard. 

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Sometimes our choices make us meet the wrong persons time after time and we can feel like there is no one for us, but believe me changing the way we look and where we look gonna lead us to the right person ... even we are over 50 of age its never late !

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