Long Engagements

[RosatohisCecil 282]

hello, I'm just curious about what people think about long engagements. I have heard that they are frowned upon when you are waiting due to temptation and stuff, but I want a long engagement so I can get my act together easier and work on closing the long distance gap in my relationship. What do you guys think about long versus short engagements?

 

[emily1030 299]

My engagement will have been 16 months (9 to go! wooohoo!). I think of that as a somewhat long engagement. As someone who is waiting, it is very difficult, knowing we are so close, but yet still so far. Some days its harder than others. Looking back, it might have been nice to have a shorter engagement, but I'm trying to just enjoy every moment of this time in our lives. And the first 7 months really haven't taken THAT long.

[BlackRose 156]

I think age might be a big factor for this one. If you're younger, then it probably makes sense to have a longer engagement. You need to make sure that you're thinking things through. Also time is on your side so you can. My parents were together for 5 years before they got married but my mum was 16 when they started dating so they needed to wait. However as you get older, having a long engagement might not be that wise. You know what you want in relationship so why waste time? That's not to say that you should rush into it by any means and if that means a long engagement then so be it. It's easier to break off an engagement than get divorced. 

At the moment depending on how much I am in contact with my boyfriend, I'd like to date for at least 2 years and then be engaged for at least 1. I don't see that changing however old I get since that's a minimum. But if you are waiting, a lot of people so tend to slip up during the engagement period because they see themselves as basically married. As long as you have self control then it's fine but why make things harder than they need to be? If you have no real reason for a long engagement then there isn't much point. If you feel like there are certain things that need to be worked out though then again, it's fine for it to be long. I don't think frowned upon is the right word, it's more like it's not seen as very wise if there are no special circumstances keeping you from getting married.  

13 hours ago, RosatohisCecil said:

I want a long engagement so I can get my act together easier and work on closing the long distance gap in my relationship.

What do you actually mean by this btw? It's bit confusing. Are you currently in a LDR? If that's the case then a long engagement would be fine if you haven't been in the same proximity as each other very much because that's a special circumstance and you definitely need to make sure that this has a chance of working out. 

[Deluxe 25]

It depends on the person really. Some people have longer engagements due to school, career, age, or other reasons there may be. I really haven't thought of it that much. Short or long I just hope it's worthwhile.

[Invincible 7,986]

14 hours ago, emily1030 said:

My engagement will have been 16 months (9 to go! wooohoo!). I think of that as a somewhat long engagement. As someone who is waiting, it is very difficult, knowing we are so close, but yet still so far. Some days its harder than others. Looking back, it might have been nice to have a shorter engagement, but I'm trying to just enjoy every moment of this time in our lives. And the first 7 months really haven't taken THAT long.

This is exactly why I prefer short engagements. The way I see it is that once a couple decides to get engaged, they are ready to get married. If they weren't then they wouldn't have gotten engaged. That means both should be at a point where they are fully at peace with the idea of marrying that person and any significant doubts or issues have been resolved. At the point, why wait? Unless there is some practical reason to delay, I say get married ASAP. Having a longer than necessary engagement period just prolongs the temptation IMO. But that's just me.

[HeWhoWaits 176]

It depends on how long the couple dated before the engagement.

If the dating period was short than a longer engagement may be appropriate. If the couple has been dating for two years and then has a really long engagement....it probably just means they are already having sex so things aren't as urgent.

[PG1 1,726]

I think it all depends on the couple and their feelings, and what their reasons are. Sometimes things like venue can be a factor, that kind of thing. Personally, I would much prefer a short engagement with a small ceremony, or eloping (with immediate families and best friends in tow). The sooner I'm his Mrs. the better.

Still short or extended, neither is right or wrong.

[emily1030 299]

On 7/26/2017 at 2:08 AM, Invincible said:

This is exactly why I prefer short engagements. The way I see it is that once a couple decides to get engaged, they are ready to get married. If they weren't then they wouldn't have gotten engaged. That means both should be at a point where they are fully at peace with the idea of marrying that person and any significant doubts or issues have been resolved. At the point, why wait? Unless there is some practical reason to delay, I say get married ASAP. Having a longer than necessary engagement period just prolongs the temptation IMO. But that's just me.

I agree with you completely. The reason we chose such a long engagement was because we have to plan long distance. The wedding is in another state because thats where our families live. It takes time to make plans from such a distance. If this wasn't an issue, We'd have kept the engagement less than a year.

At the same time, I wouldn't rush it SO much that it was just because we wanted to have sex as soon as possible. We have the entire rest of our lives for that. While its a super important part of a romantic relationship, this extra time we have now without it allows us to grow closer in other ways.