Comments about red flags-Blog Peaceful Single Girl

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Hey yall ^_^

I wanted to share those comments that I found ...I thought they are very relevant and helpful in our reflections and decisions regarding marriage.

Those comments are made about the article "Red flags" written here

Hope this will bless you.

Comments :
ElizabethElizabeth on November 14, 2016 at 10:20 pm

Being sexually abused is a red flag? Being sexually abuse will turn you gay? Did you ever think that maybe time can heal all wounds? And then, there is God? To mark someone as permantly damaged denies God’s healing power.. I know you didn’t outright say the person was damaged and unworthy of love, but you kind of did, and that is the last thing a person who has been hurt that way needs to hear, particularly coming from their brothers and sisters in Christ..

  • Peacefulwife
    Peacefulwife on November 15, 2016 at 7:18 am


    These things are red flags – not to say the person cannot be healed by God. But to say – slow down. Deal with the pain and the scars and wounds together. Pray. Seek godly wisdom and counsel. When someone has been violated in this way – there are deep wounds that often show up in marriage. I would like both marriage partners to be prepared for this and to be ready to extend extra grace, mercy, love, and patience and to be aware that there will be some extra struggles. No – I am not at all saying that people with any of these red flags are not worthy of love. I am saying – be sure that both potential spouses are on board and ready to sensitively work through the painful issues that will come up together.

    Does that make sense?

    I have been ministering to wives for about 5 years now. Over 50,000 comments over that amount of time. I am very well aware that when husbands or wives enter into marriage with any kind of abuse in their past history, these things tend to surface in marriage. Many people assume everything will magically be fine. But – in my experience – there are often significant struggles and wounds to work through. I want people to understand this going into marriage and to have the prayer support and godly counseling support in place they will need and to be prepared for the reality of working through a marriage when there are these kinds of wounds from the past.

    Much love to you!

    • Peacefulwife
      Peacefulwife on November 15, 2016 at 8:27 am

      In my own life, Greg (my husband and I), hardly had any red flags. But we also didn’t have counseling and we crashed and burned. It only took a week for things to begin to go wrong – lots of different things. And we were completely unprepared. We had very different expectations that we had not hashed through. We had no skills to handle conflict in respectful, constructive ways. We both had parents with pretty healthy marriages who were all believers. And still, we were not at all prepared.

      Here is a post that I believe explains how a woman can best be prepared (much of this would apply to men, as well).

      But ultimately, you can prepare the best you can – but then a lot of things are learned “on the job” after marriage. The dynamics shift dramatically after the wedding, expectations shift and people change in ways that cannot always be predicted. So it is critical that each potential spouse is abiding in Christ and is ready to grow spiritually himself/herself, and ready to extend much grace, mercy, compassion, and understanding to the other.

      Marriage is hard. Even when both people are prepared. It exposes sin. God can and will use it to make us more holy. Marriage can be a huge blessing, too.

      Singleness is hard. Those trials and pressures can be used by God to refine His people, as well, and to make us more holy. Singleness can be a huge blessing, too.

      The most important thing is that we have Jesus! He is the Greatest Treasure! If we have Him – we have everything that matters!

      Much love!

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