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DHZ

I can't figure out why girls don't want to talk to me.

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I'm pretty shy, but when I do try to talk to girls they always just give me short answers with nothing much to go on. Also when even when I give a girl a longer answer when she asks me, she doesn't try to find out anymore about me. I really can't figure out what I'm doing wrong.

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It's very hard to help you understand why without me knowing you and seeing how you interact with women but I am going to try to help give you some advice. Instead of asking yourself, "Why won't girls talk to me" it would be more helpful for you to ask, "What can I do to make myself into the type of guy that girls want to talk to?" This is a more positive approach that is a more constructive way to help you evaluate yourself and what you can do. If you focus a lot on "Why won't girls...." you can easily delve into a bitter, "woe is me" mentality and blame women for not being interested in you. This will really make them not want to talk to you!

Okay, so here's the scoop: Women are attracted to confident men. If you don't feel confident in yourself, it is easy for women to sense that. You say you are shy so I would assume that you don't have a ton of confidence in yourself. It is tough to build up your confidence if you don't feel the best about yourself and struggle with your self-esteem. This is sometimes a Catch-22 situation, so I know that can be tough. Know this: confidence is based a LOT more in your skills and what you have to offer to this world than some touchy-feely "love yourself" mentality. So, take a good long evaluation of yourself and ask, "What skills and value can I offer to this world and to a potential girlfriend? What do I bring to the table?" Are you good with money? Can you fix a sink? Do you volunteer? Are you working towards a career as a doctor? What do you have to offer? 

If you can't really come up with much, then it is time to change this! If you don't really have much to contribute and you are not really going anywhere in your life, why would you feel confident in yourself and why would someone want to date you? Self-esteem comes from being a mature adult with a functional life and goals that you accomplish. Developing skills, knowledge, and ability is a great way to boost your self-esteem and prove your worth to the world. Girls and women want to be with a man who has a vision for the future, is working towards his goals, and has skills and passions for making the world a better place. Work towards becoming a man like this, and more women will want to spend time with you. 

Another thing to work on is your shyness. Many people are shy and I know that it can be incredibly scary to approach the opposite sex. One of the best things you can do is learn to engage with strangers in your day to day life. This will make you a lot more comfortable talking with people - the more at ease you become at talking with all sorts of people, the easier it will be to talk to girls. Make it a point to talk to five strangers a day, even if it is just a few words. Here are some ideas to try:  

1) Compliment someone - maybe you see someone wearing a funny t-shirt. Tell them, "Your shirt is hilarious!" or 

2) Try making jokes or being funny. Let's say you are in line at the gas station and you notice the door alarms every time someone goes in and out. Joke with the clerk, "Man I think I'd go crazy if I had to listen to that door every day." 

Know this: there are times you will say something awkward to a stranger and feel terribly embarrassed. Shake it off, champ, odds are you won't see that person again. Keep it up: the more you force yourself to talk with strangers, the easier it will become. Two things to remember 1) People love talking about themselves so when you are talking with someone, ask them questions about themselves and show interest in their lives 2) People spend 90% of their time thinking about themselves. They won't remember that embarrassing thing you did. (this second point was something my dad told me and it really made me a lot more comfortable speaking with people)

Hope this helps - good luck!

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