Geraldine

Preparing for better and against worse in marriage

6 posts in this topic

Hi everyone ! :)

I came across this blog that I think is very edifying : http://peacefulsinglegirl.com/home/

And I was reading a particular article listing red flags

Then I read what the writer replied to one of the comments about this article...and I've found it rich of lessons, that's why I share with you....What are your thoughts on that matter?

"Jacob,

Thank you so much for sharing your concerns. I actually agree that there are almost no men in the church today who would not trigger a red flag in this marriage checklist. And if I created a marriage checklist for men to use when choosing a godly wife, there are almost no women today in the church who would not trigger a red flag in my checklist for men. As a Christian culture, we have slid far, far away from God. It breaks my heart! We are supposed to be living holy, Christlike, Spirit-filled lives. But many of us are not. Many of us are very worldly and fall under Galatians 5:18-21 more than Galatians 5:22-25. It is my fervent prayer that God wake us all up and that there might be a massive movement of His Spirit in our midst.

I do hope you will notice, that most of the red flags were not things that I said, “You should never marry a guy with those issues,” but rather, I said things like – slow down, approach with much prayer and with godly counsel. Don’t rush into marriage with this issue going on. There is GRACE available in Christ! And we are called upon to extend much grace in marriage. I want women who are considering marriage to understand what they are agreeing to do. I want them to be prepared. It is so much better to address these issues BEFORE marriage, than to assume that all of the problems will magically go away and resolve themselves in marriage. That doesn’t happen. Most of the things I have talked about here as red flags are sinful or ungodly things according to Scripture. Sometimes people had a choice in participating, but in some of these issues, they didn’t have a choice, yet sin always causes destruction. It hurts those who sin. It hurts those who are sinned against. It will continue to cause destruction in marriage if left unchecked.

What I can tell you after thousands of conversations with married women on my other blog http://www.peacefulwife.com – is that these flags I mentioned are real problems in many marriages today. They are things that most people didn’t deal with before marriage, and now these very things are helping to destroy marriages. I want to see us have godly marriages. I want to see us living out the lives God commands us to live by the power of His Spirit working in us. I want to see disciples of Christ well-prepared for marriage. I want to see the men honoring Christ. I want to see the women honoring Christ. Yes, we will need to forgive and extend grace many, many times in marriage – but let’s do everything we can to deal with sin and potential problems before marriage.

Of course, even if a man (or a woman) didn’t have any red flags on this list right now, something may change him later after marriage. There is no guarantee that a couple won’t have to deal with some of these things just because they didn’t have to deal with them before they got married. But I am concerned that many women are entering marriage with the idea that there will be no problems or that they can change their men. They can’t. They can respect them, honor them, and walk in the power of Christ – and they can influence their husbands. But I want them to understand that they need to be willing to accept their men “as is” before marriage so that they are prepared for the realities of marriage and prepared to handle the “or worse” part that no one thinks is going to happen to them.

I don’t believe this post is judgmental. That is certainly the farthest thing from my heart. I believe it is speaking the truth in love to my sisters in Christ. I am not saying there is no hope for marriage for men who have these issues (or women – because I am talking about women having these red flags, as well). There is great hope available in Christ! But let’s not pretend there are no problems when there are. Let’s get the help we need before marriage and let’s get the counseling and the skills and godly wisdom we need so that when we get married, we are ready to handle the things that Satan would love to use to destroy our marriages and families. Let’s get rid of every trace of sin that God reveals to us as soon as possible and let’s ask Him to change us, to regenerate our spirits, and to make us more like Christ!

Marriage is hard sometimes. Being married to someone who sins against you is painful. Sometimes it is lonely. But God can use all of it for His glory. And God can use the hard times to refine us and to help us mature in our faith – men and women. Still, let’s be as prepared as possible to choose godly spouses and to prepare to be godly spouses.

Much love to you in Christ, my brother!"

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That's a really good article and post there Geraldine thanks for sharing. 

 

I just wonder if at times are we as Christians looking to find mates/partners who are being perfected into Christ image as the term "Christian" implies. 

Or are we looking to find "perfect" mates/partners who live entirely up to our expectations and fulfill all of our needs, desires, wants. 

That serve us rather than the purpose of marriage to serve one another.

 

What do you think?

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On 07/07/2017 at 8:44 AM, rookiepilot1 said:

That's a really good article and post there Geraldine thanks for sharing. 

 

I just wonder if at times are we as Christians looking to find mates/partners who are being perfected into Christ image as the term "Christian" implies. 

Or are we looking to find "perfect" mates/partners who live entirely up to our expectations and fulfill all of our needs, desires, wants. 

That serve us rather than the purpose of marriage to serve one another.

 

What do you think?

Thank you very much for your comment @rookiepilot1  :)

I'm very glad that this article has been edifying for you ^_^

Very good question you ask here ...

As you said, as christians, our ultimate goal is to please God in everything that we do. Especially in the area of marriage, God wants us to have godly marriages, in order that those who look at our marriages, can see the glory of God in our lives. Actually, wether single of married, God wants us to be a living testimony of His super natural grace in our lives.

So, of course, even if we are children of God, we are not perfect yet, and unfortunately, we still fall short sometimes .

As the Bible says :   My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world . 1 John 2v1-2

So, as christians, with the help of the Holy Spirit, we do our best to live up to the standards of God, and we need the daily assistance of Jesus to do that. Without Jesus we can' do nothing. The good news is that with Jesus by our side, we can do everything. :)

And  to answer to your question, I think that we should look for mates/partners who try their best to live up to the standards of  God, even if they fall short sometimes. 

Anyway, at least, they try their best to please Jesus, and not us. And that is a very excellent thing. Because that means, that in front of adversities and difficulties in life, and even if they are disappointed by you, they will still continue to try their best to live a godly life. Whereas if they live a "good" life in order to please you...what will happen if they suddenly decide that they don't want to please you anymore? You can agree with me that it won't be good...

I believe  also it's not wise at all, to look for :

On 07/07/2017 at 8:44 AM, rookiepilot1 said:

"perfect" mates/partners who live entirely up to our expectations and fulfill all of our needs, desires, wants.

Not only, this is called "idolatry", because it's seeking another human being to fulfill all of our needs, desires and wants...That's selfish. And that's simply impossible: No human being can do that, no matter how hard they try. Only Jesus can truly  fulfill all of our needs, desires and wants. 

But of course, we have to remember that Jesus is not like a genius out of the lamp, who answers to all of your wishes. NO. 

Jesus is our Lord and Savior, and the Bible tells us : Take delight in the Lord,  and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37v4

So, when we are filled with the pure love and desires coming from the presence of  God in our beings, we begin to desire what God desires. And that's when He gives us the desires of our hearts. Because God desires only good things. 

As you said : we have to serve one another in marriage. The goal is not to serve ourselves and to get whatever we want. But when two people come into marriage with the mindset of giving to one another ...they can truly experience a beautiful marriage, despite the real difficulties that can arise sometimes.

Well...that was a long message...:P I hope I have answered your question a little bit :P

What about you? What do you think about this ?

Edit:  I think that in the video below, they express better what I've tried to say ^_^

Edit2:   I agree with almost everything they say in the video, except for their last answer to the very last question regarding public school. I disagree with their point of view regarding public schools... that's why I'm really interested in homeschooling. I think that both pulic schools and home schools have their advantages and disadvantages...But the more I think about it, the more homeschool is appealing to me...

 

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What about you?

What do you think about this ?

Thanks for reply and opinion I agree as Christians it should be our first and foremost goal to please, honor, one and love God first certainly even in marriage as in a way aren't we "married" to Christ as the church is the bride.

 

Yes that's correct we definitely fall short as Paul lamented there in Roman's 7 before he dives into the "grace chapter" in chapter 8. 

That's also a very good verse, example there in 1 John chapter 2 thanks for highlighting that.

 

Oh yeah that's the Advocate we enjoy and have living inside of us that allows us to fellowship with God.

That's why when sometimes my buddies say things like wishing they lived during the scriptual period, yet we enjoy the fellowship of God's Holy Spirit living inside of us.

How can another time be better, greater than this?

 

That is correct, Christ is not wish fulfiller, but rather our savior, Lord and even as Peter described in the opening words of his second letter to the Apostles or what we refer to as 2nd Peter he says we are yet bondservants or slaves in another translation.

 

You pose a really, really good statement there the word idolatry. How many folks idolize and hold up upon a pedestal their spouse. As though every need, want and desire should and could be fulfilled by that person? I think about in my own life and this is within a small Bible study group I'm using for reference. Maybe you can relate feel free to PM me if you'd rather. When dating, how many people fall away from their growth and began waning in fellowship during the course of the relationship?

 

That's certainly a very matured faith speaking there, wow. Kudos and Amen

Yes when each party enters into a marriage thinking not of bring served but of serving one another then certainly good things grow from there.

You did certainly answer my question and I'll comment upon the video momentarily. So far it's been pretty good though I like a lot of the material Francis Chan and his wife Lisa produce they collectively have such a giving heart and spirit for ministry. God is doing great things through them.

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@rookiepilot1  :):)

Thank you so very much for your enthusiastic answer ! I'm really glad I've answered your question, and even more glad that we share the same biblical point of view ! ^_^

Thank you for sharing those edifying verses also.

I really appreciate your sincere compliments regarding my mature faith and my statement about idolatry. Thank you :)

10 hours ago, rookiepilot1 said:

As though every need, want and desire should and could be fulfilled by that person? I think about in my own life and this is within a small Bible study group I'm using for reference. Maybe you can relate

Yes, I absolutely can relate. That brings me great joy that you share this in your Bible study group ! That's encouraging to see a christian man like you trying to do his best to honor God. I do respect that a lot in a man.

10 hours ago, rookiepilot1 said:

That's certainly a very matured faith speaking there, wow. Kudos and Amen

Kudos back to you  and Amen :P

10 hours ago, rookiepilot1 said:

I like a lot of the material Francis Chan and his wife Lisa produce they collectively have such a giving heart and spirit for ministry. God is doing great things through them.

I totally agree. And I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts on he video when it's possible for you. No rush :)

Thank you again for having taken the time to share your comment and thoughts about this... It has been helping to me :)

 

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I will never be perfect only Christ was.I can pray to God for forgiveness for my backsliding.i can also pray for guidance wisdom and strength god works miracles.i can and have changed much only with God's help.i know nobody will be perfect we can only gently help each other pull the log out.

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