WHERE ARE YOU?!

[Yin-Yang 30]

I had no idea willing virgin wtm males existed 12 hours ago. What's your story?

[BlackRose 118]

To me it seems like a lot of them are in hiding lol - However from speaking with various people on this site; where you find one, you'll tend to find more since virgin wtm males and females tend to hang out with each other

I guess the trick is to find that one...

I'd be interested to find out their stories too! 

[Javier 110]

Yes! we do exist! 

Personally, my story is not extraordinary. I was born and raised in Spain, my mom is spanish and my dad is american. Faith has always been an integral part of my family and I was raised in a strong catholic environment. Sex was always talked about as something good and special, as something worth waiting for, an intrinsical and special bonding experience in marriage. It's true that most of my friends that grew up in the same environment do not wtm, but as years passed by it made more and more sense to me; to wait for that special someone. I think seeing my older brothers wtm successfully has also been an encouraging factor for me. Of course it can get very hard and lonely at times, but I still think it's very worth it. It also helps me to think that somewhere out there my future wife might also be struggling as she still waits for me, so I keep going for her.

[J.J. 14]

lol, 'hiding' is such a strong word @BlackRose. I'm jk, but it's actually true, for me anyways. I don't know with any certainty how many of my friends haven't had sex, but it's not something that surfaces in conversation.

I try to avoid those conversations anyways. Of course my family knows, and they support me, but by no means will I tell someone I see often but don't trust. It really is sensitive information, because of the possible jeopardy.

I've had two good friends try to sway my virginity with blatant offerings of sex. I wasn't angry but wiser about who I tell; almost no one now. After turning those advanced down, repeatedly, I'm more confident and also more cautious.

That's why I 'hide'. It's not important to tell people, but it is important to remain a virgin. Not for pride, not for vanity, but for her. I don't know her name, the sound of her voice, or what she can tell me by simply looking into my eyes, but I trust the Universe of love will bring us together.

And if not, at least it's a cool idea.

Yes, it is extremely important to have an amazing sex life with a lover, but that's more a consequence of having true love as the focal point.

I rarely seek out women for courtship/dating/companionship-beyond-friends. In my life, I've maybe done it 5 times or so, always ending before anything real began. I'm 28 now, and the reason I still don't is because I trust God more than my drive for intimacy. The drive for sex, which has been incredibly difficult to control throughout the years, isn't as much a priority as my hope.

My hope is for one woman, to love without measure; to love without the care to measure.

I want her to be someone I look at beyond flesh, beyond mind, and beyond all illusion. I want to see in her what is indescribable, but is still experienceable; something so true and empirical that it's undeniable. Something more than desire, something that is absolutely pure to who we all are. It may be called spirituality, non-duality, or what have you, but I have sensed it within myself. I long to sense this within my future woman.

I'm open to any inquisition, this is cool to talk about.

['tis the Bearded One 599]

On 6/5/2017 at 6:37 PM, Yin-Yang said:

 

I had no idea willing virgin wtm males existed 12 hours ago. What's your story?

 

Ahhhmmmm...

??  

Where am I? Australia - the place to be! If you want to be far removed from WTMers it would seem....When I first saw your location I had a faint hope that WA stood for West Australia *sigh* 

On 6/5/2017 at 7:44 PM, BlackRose said:

To me it seems like a lot of them are in hiding lol

Well, the bias/stereotypes against male virgins being that much stronger than against female virgins might be a factor. Its an intimate detail that people (male or female) generally don't broadcast even within church - from my experience at least. I have only ever heard one female "confess" to being a virgin (at least intercourse wise) and she wasn't associated with church. While I know of some who are waiting, I have no idea if they are virgins or not. Those who deem it a dealbreaker might be more interested in that but it isn't something that comes up in casual conversation.

[BlackRose 118]

@J.J. - Haha maybe but they certainly don't seem to exist in London UK, inside or outside of the Church   I agree, not something that would come up in casual conversation but I do think that friends should be able to talk about it. I happen to know the virginity or lack of status with all of my friends and they know my stance on it too. That's when I would find out since I (like yourself) would date someone I'm not friends with first. I guess your experiences are certainly different and contribute to the reason why you don't tell people. You must be much nicer than I am, I would cut them out of my life, no questions asked lol. But personally, I don't think it's something that we should be ashamed of and I guess it links to what @'tis the Bearded One said about stereotypes. 

The stereotype that males virgins are virgins for primarily negative reasons is also very sad. But this is also due to the world's view on sex. However, I've never dated either so that may be perceived negatively as well to so (but I don't mind since I'd rather date no-one and have my heart intact). I think one thing that the church is failing to to is encourage men and women to uphold that standard. I do think it is something that we should be proud of but the erosion of sex and the prevalence of casual sex/one-night stands/half-night stands (things I personally find rather disgusting) has made this more difficult in this day and age.

 I see sex as something intimate and special between a husband and wife. The minute you have done it (or anything sexual for that matter) with someone else, it loses value and the intimacy factor that would arise from him and I being the only ones that know each other like that would be lost.  Therefore think that if you are thinking of dating someone, you should be able to ask them that question, I certainly would since it's for me the details are important since my definition of virginity or virginity* is very broad since it's definitely a deal breaker if the guy has been with a woman intimately in any way - I can't date them, end of story. Personally though, I don't think this is a religious issue within the church but a moral issue nowadays. People who remain true virgins have it as both a moral as well as religious belief. 

 

[J.J. 14]

There is definitely something special about two forming as one, knowing no other. I'm a bit saddened that it's so rare in contemporary society. Sexual activity has become so common it's everywhere, all the time, and incredibly easy to engage in.

I certainly see it as morally wrong to have sex before marriage, but I find no fault with people that already have. It's more so wrong for me to have sex before marriage, since I know better. Many people were too young to know better, didn't care, or really didn't have a choice.

Anyway it has turned out, I don't feel superior to non-virgins. I could say I was too insecure, weak, shy, or whatever, but I feel I was blessed and guided with a strong sense of moral rectitude to wait. It also helps that I am not a natural leader. That has taken me out of the 'spotlight' for many women.

Finding the woman I long to be with is difficult, even though I'm not really seeking. I suppose I am, but not with any urgency. There is wisdom to be found in patience, and I'm still learning from how to remain at peace with all things.

[BlackRose 118]

It is sad that it's rare in this society and I think that's why I tend to respect people who have been able to keep themselves in that way. 

If someone choses to have sex before marriage, that's their choice but I am also entitled to my choice to not marry them for that reason alone. Since both Christians and non Christians are having sex before marriage, I use it as a moral filter in the sense that if you have not had sex, you have a high moral filter than someone who does and I can respect that a lot more. Marriage should be based on mutual respect, love and other things. If I can't respect you in that department, then there is no point in me marrying you is there? 

Finding the right person will always be hard tbh. I still think there is an element of chance involved but hey God willing, it'll be fine in the end. 

[Yin-Yang 30]

I've never been more engaged by the comments. 

On 6/14/2017 at 5:58 PM, J.J. said:

I want her to be someone I look at beyond flesh, beyond mind, and beyond all illusion. I want to see in her what is indescribable, but is still experienceable; something so true and empirical that it's undeniable. Something more than desire, something that is absolutely pure to who we all are. It may be called spirituality, non-duality, or what have you, but I have sensed it within myself. I long to sense this within my future woman.

This in particular woke me up through the reading. It's hard to explain but I know exactly what he's describing. As someone who's generally very dissociated, I always claimed that it was because I was unable to feel what he described in anyone else. I don't desire any contact with humans platonic or otherwise, but honestly this could be the reason why.

[Gema 18]

On 6/5/2017 at 6:36 AM, Javier said:

Yes! we do exist! 

Personally, my story is not extraordinary. I was born and raised in Spain, my mom is spanish and my dad is american. Faith has always been an integral part of my family and I was raised in a strong catholic environment. Sex was always talked about as something good and special, as something worth waiting for, an intrinsical and special bonding experience in marriage. It's true that most of my friends that grew up in the same environment do not wtm, but as years passed by it made more and more sense to me; to wait for that special someone. I think seeing my older brothers wtm successfully has also been an encouraging factor for me. Of course it can get very hard and lonely at times, but I still think it's very worth it. It also helps me to think that somewhere out there my future wife might also be struggling as she still waits for me, so I keep going for her.

I was raised catholic, but my family never talked to me about sex, which is sad but fortunately the lives of the saints influenced so much since I was 9 years old and then I found out about the virtue of chastity when I was 14 and decided to make a chastity club in my high school when I was 15. Im not a guy but I have guy members in my club in school who where raised catholic but did not know, what chastity was and now they now because of Pros and Consequences of Life Club and this school year they will sign up to WTM.com on Club day. 

[J.J. 14]

@Yin-Yang I've only had a dream about having a relationship with someone that I felt so alive with that all selfishness/self-centeredness faded, and I proposed to her.

It was as if we were each other's spiritual guides, and there was no enslavement present, as there seems to be with so many relationships around us.

Maybe that dream will never come true, but that's okay. Usually the best way to be rid of a mosquito is to stop scratching it, lest it bleed. Eventually it will stop itching.

Perhaps the same is true with desiring a soulmate. I agree with you @BlackRose, God will work things out. There's no need to obsess.

Becoming aware of one's own existence is valuable to me. I'm tired of being selfish. Thoughts and repetitive behaviors always continue, with no lasting gratification. Opening to the sheer depth and space that is 'being' is of higher altitude than any pesky thought can reach. True meaning is only found when one goes beyond meaning, into eternity, where we all reside already. The problem I find is I too often attach to worldly things and miss all that God and the universe long for me to experience. I wonder, "who is this 'I' that attaches?" "Who is this 'I' that finds problems?" "Who is this 'I' that wonders?" "Who is this 'I' at all?"

Basically, what is it about 'me' that remains when all else passes (thought, fear, desire, attention, belief, identity, etc.)? What ever 'I' am is where 'I' am, and that's where I silently rest. This meditative state is progressively easy to be constant with, and is where I truly 'belong'.

To share this with another would be lovely, but not entirely necessary. I long for a her, but I understand it's okay to be told no.

[Theo 15]

On 6/19/2017 at 11:23 AM, J.J. said:

@Yin-Yang I've only had a dream about having a relationship with someone that I felt so alive with that all selfishness/self-centeredness faded, and I proposed to her.

It was as if we were each other's spiritual guides, and there was no enslavement present, as there seems to be with so many relationships around us.

Maybe that dream will never come true, but that's okay. Usually the best way to be rid of a mosquito is to stop scratching it, lest it bleed. Eventually it will stop itching.

Perhaps the same is true with desiring a soulmate. I agree with you @BlackRose, God will work things out. There's no need to obsess.

Becoming aware of one's own existence is valuable to me. I'm tired of being selfish. Thoughts and repetitive behaviors always continue, with no lasting gratification. Opening to the sheer depth and space that is 'being' is of higher altitude than any pesky thought can reach. True meaning is only found when one goes beyond meaning, into eternity, where we all reside already. The problem I find is I too often attach to worldly things and miss all that God and the universe long for me to experience. I wonder, "who is this 'I' that attaches?" "Who is this 'I' that finds problems?" "Who is this 'I' that wonders?" "Who is this 'I' at all?"

Basically, what is it about 'me' that remains when all else passes (thought, fear, desire, attention, belief, identity, etc.)? What ever 'I' am is where 'I' am, and that's where I silently rest. This meditative state is progressively easy to be constant with, and is where I truly 'belong'.

To share this with another would be lovely, but not entirely necessary. I long for a her, but I understand it's okay to be told no.

What is unthinkable and what e cannot comprehend completely in meditation and thought is what He Most High accomplishes, it is very beautiful if you keep reminding Him that He has opened this reality to you that it can happen so Him only who satisfies our longings will showcase

[Yin-Yang 30]

I wish the chat were working so it would be easier to keep up with you all. You make fascinating points and it leaves me comforted after a horrible day if I must go outside.

[Adam 134]

Some really insightful posts in this thread. Honestly, I literally am hiding. I'm working on changing that, though. It makes me wonder if there is any correlation between introversion and waiting. It might explain why we seem so difficult to find, since we tend to keep to ourselves and make an effort not to stand out. Granted that's a huge assumption to make and I'm sure that isn't going to be the case for most people, probably. Since it is true in my case, I'm trying to be more sociable. Learning to step out of my comfort zone has been a huge pain, but if I can bring people some amount of joy then I should. I mean, you still aren't ever going to catch me at the bar or the club, but maybe in libraries, the park, the gym, etc.

My prior mindset had me believe that people either wouldn't ever want to be afflicted with my presence and I should just leave them alone, or that they would use me only for their personal gain. Obviously that is an incredibly unhealthy way to think, hence why I'm making efforts to change. It's very unfair of me to lock people out and never give them a chance. That's just no way to live. We aren't meant to face life alone, despite how much it might seem like it at times. And naturally I'm never going to meet my future wife if I continue to recluse myself and live inside my own head.

Joining this community is one of my methods of changing. As a waiter, it's honestly a disservice to keep myself away from other waiters and try to endure it alone. Knowing that I could potentially help and inspire others definitely drives me to be here, especially when you've all done the same for me.

[Slayerofdragon 1,249]

On 6/5/2017 at 3:37 AM, Yin-Yang said:

I had no idea willing virgin wtm males existed 12 hours ago. What's your story?

Short story: I thought about waiting till marriage in late college years. Found this site about  six years ago and since then haven't wavered from my decision. This site has helped solidify my choice to wait till marriage plus I found some good close friends on here who are waiters too. I feel blessed, :).

[Zeke 265]

On ‎6‎/‎5‎/‎2017 at 3:37 AM, Yin-Yang said:

I had no idea willing virgin wtm males existed 12 hours ago. What's your story?

Before I found this site several years ago, I did not know there were women voluntarily waiting until marriage. So I can understand the feeling.

I was raised on a farm in Kansas and my family regularly attended church at a conservative Lutheran congregation. Studying Scripture and working hard throughout the year on our farm or a neighbor's were big pieces of a childhood that allowed me to grow up with Biblical morals, traditional family values, and a conservative outlook on the world where a strong work ethic and a firmly grounded faith are instrumental to an independent and successful life. So by the time that I was mature enough physically to start having sexual desires that contradicted my morals, I was able to, by the grace of God, prevent myself from ever crossing that hard line drawn by my conscience that said to save sex for my wife and her alone. I never wavered from that desire to wait for marriage, but I did go through extreme struggles as a teenager that included many sins for which God in His grace has forgiven me. I also began to discover that society in its majority not only condoned uncommitted sexual relationships, but actually scoffed at people who wanted to wait for marriage. I really felt like I was born in the wrong generation, like a man out of his time. The sexual pressures and influences never made me want to give in and abandon my morals, but rather caused me to fall into waves of depression as the realization set in that my chances of finding a wife who shared my morals and values was slim. During one of my depressed periods, I went looking for some kind of online support group for people who were waiting until marriage to have sex. I found this site.

Since I have been here, my desire to wait for marriage has expanded beyond personal morals and Biblical doctrine, to a deep desire to do this for my future wife. I want to be able to show her that I could wait for her even before I knew I would ever meet her, that she meant that much to me, and that I will love her and only her for as long as I live. And I want to be able to tell my future kids (if God should grant me any) that its not impossible to wait, and that doing so is the greatest gift that they will ever be able to give their own spouses. Waiting is not a burden that we must endure for the sake of our morals and consciences. It is a joy that will result in lasting happiness, and it is one that most people in the world will sadly never be able to experience.

I am now living in Dallas, Texas, working in a career quite a bit different than the farm and country life that I've known for most of my life. I am not yet married, and I do get lonely. But I now know that even in a place as immoral as the college-aged crowd of the big city, it is not impossible to find people who share my values. They won't wear a sign on their forehead, but you will know them by their actions and lifestyles. I have a wonderful Lutheran church home down here with good friends my own age. I have a couple of really good friends also that I met on this site, whom I talk to regularly. I am 26 years old, I am a virgin, and I am still waiting.

P.S. If you see my future wife, please tell her that I am almost there.

[J.J. 14]

Hey, you all are amazing people.

Every one of you is a beautiful piece of love and light that the Almighty Creator is so grateful to share life with.

Thanks to everyone here!

I'm glad we can share all we have on our hearts

[J.J. 14]

Much of my daily life involves anxiety, depression, inferiority complexes, self-doubts, self-consciousness, and all the sort.

I can recognize that this happens directly as a result of vanity, pride, and praising ego. Selfishness flourishes, and still I rot.

It doesn't matter what form it takes, any sort of superiority, no matter how subtle (and it becomes incredibly subtle) will eventually lead to an internal defeat.

It is true that pride comes before the fall.

I'm tired of hitting, only to rise again and fall again. The repetition is telling there is a way to end it, but it really does hurt after a while. While young, I thought suicide was optional. It still is, but entirely irrational, for far too many reasons to list (all of you, I'm sure already understand).

Since death isn't viable, what then?

Life of course. Yet, what kind of life?

I cannot serve two masters; God and myself (namely my ego).

How can I resolve this conflict? It has plagued me for so many years.

I admit, the past few I've been learning to quiet the mind and open the space within where purity is undisturbed, unburdened, and ever-present. I'm talking about that quiet place we all know of. That place not absent of sound, but absent of self.

I suppose I'm finding ways to remain more in that state of consciousness, even while going about daily life, but too often I become distracted.

That's partly why I would enjoy a companion. A woman that shares this enduring quest for self awareness, realization, and everlasting freedom from thought, mind, and false identity. She would have to be a woman much like my own attentiveness. She will have seen the vanities and embarrassments/failures/uselessness of serving selfish desires within. Not to say that ego is entirely useless. It is a part of consciousness, and serves a role, but for me that role is too stagnant for me to find fulfillment. The same will be for her.

I hope we find another, to help greater serve ourselves and those around in whatever way the Glorious Creator will have us.

[Yin-Yang 30]

On 6/26/2017 at 8:24 AM, Zeke said:

Before I found this site several years ago, I did not know there were women voluntarily waiting until marriage. So I can understand the feeling.

I was raised on a farm in Kansas and my family regularly attended church at a conservative Lutheran congregation. Studying Scripture and working hard throughout the year on our farm or a neighbor's were big pieces of a childhood that allowed me to grow up with Biblical morals, traditional family values, and a conservative outlook on the world where a strong work ethic and a firmly grounded faith are instrumental to an independent and successful life. So by the time that I was mature enough physically to start having sexual desires that contradicted my morals, I was able to, by the grace of God, prevent myself from ever crossing that hard line drawn by my conscience that said to save sex for my wife and her alone. I never wavered from that desire to wait for marriage, but I did go through extreme struggles as a teenager that included many sins for which God in His grace has forgiven me. I also began to discover that society in its majority not only condoned uncommitted sexual relationships, but actually scoffed at people who wanted to wait for marriage. I really felt like I was born in the wrong generation, like a man out of his time. The sexual pressures and influences never made me want to give in and abandon my morals, but rather caused me to fall into waves of depression as the realization set in that my chances of finding a wife who shared my morals and values was slim. During one of my depressed periods, I went looking for some kind of online support group for people who were waiting until marriage to have sex. I found this site.

Since I have been here, my desire to wait for marriage has expanded beyond personal morals and Biblical doctrine, to a deep desire to do this for my future wife. I want to be able to show her that I could wait for her even before I knew I would ever meet her, that she meant that much to me, and that I will love her and only her for as long as I live. And I want to be able to tell my future kids (if God should grant me any) that its not impossible to wait, and that doing so is the greatest gift that they will ever be able to give their own spouses. Waiting is not a burden that we must endure for the sake of our morals and consciences. It is a joy that will result in lasting happiness, and it is one that most people in the world will sadly never be able to experience.

I am now living in Dallas, Texas, working in a career quite a bit different than the farm and country life that I've known for most of my life. I am not yet married, and I do get lonely. But I now know that even in a place as immoral as the college-aged crowd of the big city, it is not impossible to find people who share my values. They won't wear a sign on their forehead, but you will know them by their actions and lifestyles. I have a wonderful Lutheran church home down here with good friends my own age. I have a couple of really good friends also that I met on this site, whom I talk to regularly. I am 26 years old, I am a virgin, and I am still waiting.

P.S. If you see my future wife, please tell her that I am almost there.

*applause

What a lovely story. I really love reading these.

[Yin-Yang 30]

On 6/28/2017 at 7:46 PM, J.J. said:

Much of my daily life involves anxiety, depression, inferiority complexes, self-doubts, self-consciousness, and all the sort.

I can recognize that this happens directly as a result of vanity, pride, and praising ego. Selfishness flourishes, and still I rot.

It doesn't matter what form it takes, any sort of superiority, no matter how subtle (and it becomes incredibly subtle) will eventually lead to an internal defeat.

It is true that pride comes before the fall.

I'm tired of hitting, only to rise again and fall again. The repetition is telling there is a way to end it, but it really does hurt after a while. While young, I thought suicide was optional. It still is, but entirely irrational, for far too many reasons to list (all of you, I'm sure already understand).

Since death isn't viable, what then?

Life of course. Yet, what kind of life?

I cannot serve two masters; God and myself (namely my ego).

How can I resolve this conflict? It has plagued me for so many years.

I admit, the past few I've been learning to quiet the mind and open the space within where purity is undisturbed, unburdened, and ever-present. I'm talking about that quiet place we all know of. That place not absent of sound, but absent of self.

I suppose I'm finding ways to remain more in that state of consciousness, even while going about daily life, but too often I become distracted.

That's partly why I would enjoy a companion. A woman that shares this enduring quest for self awareness, realization, and everlasting freedom from thought, mind, and false identity. She would have to be a woman much like my own attentiveness. She will have seen the vanities and embarrassments/failures/uselessness of serving selfish desires within. Not to say that ego is entirely useless. It is a part of consciousness, and serves a role, but for me that role is too stagnant for me to find fulfillment. The same will be for her.

I hope we find another, to help greater serve ourselves and those around in whatever way the Glorious Creator will have us.

You use such a fascinating and relatable way of speaking. Particularly here, I deeply understand the desire to enter the headspace of being far away from your own self. I always refer to it as "being sick with myself", I always want to get away from things inside me. Painful memories. Absurd, unnecessary or stupid thoughts. Vanity. Self hatred. Temptations. General garbage and distractions that my head is crammed full of. 

But, especially with my increasing work schedule, I find it much more difficult to enter that meditative and soothing headspace where I am far away from myself. The only ways I have been able to do so are by watching or reading stories, or coming to this site. I'd be quite grateful if you could tip me off on those ways you say you've found to remain more in that state of consciousness. 

[Yin-Yang 30]

On 6/26/2017 at 11:50 PM, J.J. said:

Hey, you all are amazing people.

Every one of you is a beautiful piece of love and light that the Almighty Creator is so grateful to share life with.

Thanks to everyone here!

I'm glad we can share all we have on our hearts

Amen

[inhizeyez 3]

 

I am 46 female in Kansas

[J.J. 14]

Hey @Yin-Yang!

Thank you so much for your encouragement, I'm glad you enjoyed my previous post.

What I tend to do is youtube search most, if not all, of the help I seek.

The few people I look to are people I consider 'Enlightened Beings'.

Of course beware, there are some imposters on youtube, of which I seem to identify before I trust their 'wisdom'.

They way I test which people I trust from youtube are mostly by natural intuition, so of course I could be wrong.

They way I see it, I've been wrong about most things in life anyways, and since these people aren't harming others nor leading myself towards harm or the harming of others (in fact they help lead me away from self harm in particular by allowing me to recognize I need not identify so strongly with ego and mind), I trust their pointing.

 

They include, but aren't limited to:

Mooji Baba

Eckhart Tolle

Anthony DeMello

Sadhguru

U.G. Krishnamurti

 

If you'd prefer to read, I enjoy books by DeMello and Tolle, as well as a book called "The Prophet" by Khalil Gibran. My Godfather bought that book at a yard sale for 25 cents and gave it to me for free, lol.

 

I hope that helps! Let me know if there's anything else you're wondering about. Hopefully we can share our feelings about any of these findings.

 

Lord of the Universe be forever with you (;

 

- J.J.