3 posts in this topic

I hope this doesn't come off as hateful. It's misery more than anything.

My whole life I've felt entirely alone because peoples morals when it comes to sexuality are disgusting to me. I don't want to be near anyone. They make me despondant and intensely uncomfortable. Classmates, strangers, family members, religious groups, they're all the same in that they don't care for this virtue that is so important to me, crucial in fact, and I feel more and more crushed every single day to be so alone in my beliefs. Relationships have obviously been unfulfilling, mostly damaging, some even driving me to self destructive or even suicidal tendencies. Probably as a result of feeling isolated because of their different views, depressed by their sexual histories, and nervous by their desire to have sex with me. Most people tell me I must be asexual, but that confuses me, since asexual people do not consider me to be so. Also in general, I tend to disagree with asexuals on their morals too. Asexuals aren't necessarily WTM, and most celebrate liberal sexuality as much as any other.

I just want to go on adventures and meet characters and exist without sex being in my face everywhere, and a thing everyone does, everyone talks about all the time, reminding me that I am alone, making me feel disturbed and heavy all the time.

 

Last June I wanted to die. Suicide is never something I wanted to do, always seemed stupid and ridiculous considering I don't really have any problems, but something in me snapped one day and I ended up putting myself in a coma. I never even wanted this to be a big part of who I am or what I worry about, it seems so S T U P I D to talk about it and have it be such a big deal, (if you even CAN talk about it, because most people get insulted if you try or just end up making you feel even more alone, ridiculed, or perturbed.) The worst part is, there are SO MANY OTHER INTERESTS I HAVE but I can never open up about them or express them to people because this whole issue has to be so damn depressing, and instantly smothers any desire I have to connect with most people, even casually. I can't believe I am such a small minority. It's so disheartening. I'm entirely dissociated from society.  

 

Even in places for suicidal or depressed people, the general focus is ALMOST ALWAYS ENTIRELY about making people who are the opposite of sexually virtuous feel more accepted and comforted for their (usually really messed up) beliefs, and every time I've ever been to something like that I always left with a feeling of "wow, I have literally never felt worse." It's not that I even particularly desire companionship or a relationship or anything to do with people at all, just ONE environment I don't need to constantly escape from to stay sane. I don't even feel comfortable in church or youth groups. Christian people don't really seem to care about this virtue either.

 

I really have no idea what possessed me to join this thing and write this. 

 

I don't know, have any of you who are virgins waiting til marriage experienced similar depression? I have never in my life encountered a single person who felt the way I do. The only wtm person I have ever known in my whole life was not a virgin and also didn't really have any depression or social anxiety around people who weren't. 

 

Ayudame.

 

 

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I saw your post on my topic.

I understand how you feel. Different people will have different experiences with WTM. I know that I've gone through a lot of sadness and loneliness because my self esteem is quite low. I don't like to feel like I'm the only one, and I was always looking for reassurance, which I never got (until I found this site). My former best friend who inspired me to wait has now had sex with three men (well more now since i havent spoken to her in a while). That was a huge blow for me.

I eventually realized that I'm like this with everything I believe in, which makes socializing, reading, watching the news, and the internet very difficult for me. Right now I have to isolate myself from those things while I work on my self esteem. The effect it's had on me is that I'm dumb as hell now, when before I used to read anything I can get my hands on. I'm afraid now, so I don't search for knowledge like I used to. I could have been so smart, lol.

The only thing I can suggest is to seek help. It doesnt have to be therapy. It can be self help from books or the internet, because your issue doesn't have to do with wtm at all. It's you. You have to feel secure in being alone, and not worry about what others do.

Here's what I always say to myself to make myself feel a little betrer. If I am right about this, it will eventually show.

Basically, that just means that if you say that wtm is the right thing to do, you can't force anyone to do it, but if you are correct, even if it's 1000 years from now, the world will eventually see the effects of living the other way, and you will be on the right side of history. So don't worry about it now.

 

The reason other people aren't having the same issues as you is because they are more secure in themselves. That's what you need to work on. And you need to be careful, because you may begin to sabotage otherwise healthy relationships due to paranoia and fear. You may also develop an aversion to sex in general, if you feel like it has caused you so much grief.

Also, please do not harm yourself. You are not alone. Even if everyone in the world who is waiting says screw it, I'm having sex, just know that I will be there, somewhere in the world, still waiting with you.

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14 hours ago, Adam said:

But anyway, this post has gotten really long.

I don't mind at all. I love stories. In particular this one was really interesting, similar to the others on here, it was just so unique and something I never thought I'd hear. Someone relating to my grievances over society, that is.

Stories are the reason I come here sometimes. Pm me if you have more.

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