AussieStig

Questions to ask each other prior to getting married

11 posts in this topic

Hi all,

I just remembered how my girl and I decided that when we'd been going out for about 6 months (and were already talking about marriage), we decided to find out as much as possible about each other, no matter how awkward or difficult. I came across this (exhuastive!) set of questions, but we both found it very worthwhile and it certainly helped pre-empt any future arguments.

http://www.connact.com/~hom/blog/276questions.htm

What do you all think? Would you rather go through the exercise of asking each other, or would you be worried what might come out? Would you also worry that the other person might feel you're moving too quickly in the relationship?

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A couple of things were a little surprising - not dealbreakers obviously (and one in particular caused quite a long argument - PM me if you want to know what it was) but the exercise certainly was worthwhile. We certainly found out a lot about each other, and while there were a few things we didn't agree on, we were able to isolate those and discuss them, then work out if we could live with the other person's stance for the rest of our lives.

Given the huge number of questions, we had to do it in two sessions from memory.

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I think it depends on the woman or man. Personally, I like to see how she (gf) acts in different situations. How does she act with children, her family, or friends etc..? This gives me a glimpse into not only her personality, but also her behavior patterns. You know, see how she is in her natural environment. (Hopefully, she might be doing the same with me, lol) But aside from observing, I like to take part (hang-out with her, possibly do things that she likes to do "enter her world", enjoy each other's company etc..) I mean, communication is important in any relationships (not just romantic ones) so asking her questions and seeing if we are compatible in our values and ideals is important to me. But, I feel that just asking a series of questions is kinda "rushing" things. For me, I like to take things gradual and let experience be my teacher.

Although, I do think the link you provided is a valuable resource. Thanks for sharing :)

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I think it depends on the woman or man. Personally, I like to see how she (gf) acts in different situations. How does she act with children, her family, or friends etc..? This gives me a glimpse into not only her personality, but also her behavior patterns. You know, see how she is in her natural environment. (Hopefully, she might be doing the same with me, lol) But aside from observing, I like to take part (hang-out with her, possibly do things that she likes to do "enter her world", enjoy each other's company etc..) I mean, communication is important in any relationships (not just romantic ones) so asking her questions and seeing if we are compatible in our values and ideals is important to me. But, I feel that just asking a series of questions is kinda "rushing" things. For me, I like to take things gradual and let experience be my teacher.

Although, I do think the link you provided is a valuable resource. Thanks for sharing :)

How true!!

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I think this is a good idea Aussie!! I'll have to ask these questions when I get involved with someone again....but I have a question how did ya'll go about it?? Did ya'll like go over it all at once or how'd the questions come up??

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We were talking about marriage, and I can't remember how exactly it came about but I think I'd heard about some Oprah show where they asked 10 questions to couples wanting to get married, and quite a few "failed". I did some searching and came across the big list, and told my girl what I'd found. She thought it was a good idea and then I kept a copy in the car to ask whenever we were in the mood :)

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Wow that is an exhaustive list! I mean I feel like alot of that stuff you just gradually get to know as you hang out with someone and date for awhile. I don't think going through them would be a bad thing but too soon might not be the best idea. I really agree with what slayerofdragon said. Just go with the flow and you'll learn things about the other person along the way and you'll probably end up going through most of that list without ever knowing you did.

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I think these are awesome questions to ask!!! For one you learn so much about the other person.

Secondly, I feel in marriage there should be no privacy between you and your wife/husband. Obviously alone time is always good but there never should be any secrets at all, you should happily be able to discuss things exspecially if you love that person. If the question makes you feel akward, you have to relize your going to be spending the rest of your life with this person and that should be a more important issue.....

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I agree with DD that most of those you will learn over time from getting to know someone, but there are some like about retirement or such that need to be discussed. That kind of topic doesnt easily come up in xonversation. And the sex category is mostly non applicaboe to virgin, lol. We can guess, but we dont know for sure. :P I also like what seeflo said about being open, and if something is awkward to talk about, you have to get over that because if it is your fiancee; youre spending the rest of your life with them!! Some topics are just awkwatd because they are "taboo" not because youre talking with your fiancee if that makes sense.

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I agree with DD that most of those you will learn over time from getting to know someone, but there are some like about retirement or such that need to be discussed. That kind of topic doesnt easily come up in xonversation. And the sex category is mostly non applicaboe to virgin, lol. We can guess, but we dont know for sure. :P

Yeah I'm with you there. Some of those would def not come up in everyday conversation lol. Its funny I thought the same thing when I saw the "sex" list...I was like "well most of these are N/A at this point!" :lol:

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If I'm not mistaken, I have already found that link [or something really similar to it] before!

After I had been with my ex fiancee and we were talking about marriage, we did go through a list of questions for the sake of sheer curiosity. There were a lot that we omitted right off the bat because we had already known enough about one another and there were a few things that we didn't see eye to eye on, that wasn't a huge deal. I think it's a great idea to ask all those questions when you feel that there's a strong chance of marriage being in your future. I'm somebody who feels that honesty is key in a relationship and that there should be no "off limit" topics. I've never had anything to hide and would want the same kind of openness in return.

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