JLGrant10

Do we fall in love more with our ideas than the person?

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Sorry if the question I ask is a bit deep or personal, but I wonder if people here realize that some of you sound like you have fallen in love with an idea so much that you forget that you are looking to fall in love with a person.

I use to work in a shelter with domestic violence victims, and some would go back to the abuser. The reason was usually because they were in love with the security of saying they weren't alone. They were in love with the memories of the person, not the person themselves anymore. 

We all have preferences, that's normal. But when we let the preferences control us, then we miss out on so many things life has to offer. This all came to me after seeing the comic and it made me realize the things that come and go in our lives. People of all sorts come into our lives, and everyone has something to teach us and we have something to teach them. We learn and grow from those around us, and if we focus so much on what we want in life, we miss out of what we might need in life to learn and live.

But, this is just a thought that came to me, so what do you think: do we fall in love with our ideas more than the person?

 

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I don't think there is a universal answer to this. I also don't think it's black and white. To differing extents, some people probably do fall in love with an idea. Some people, to differing extents, probably don't.

I think it depends how you look at the concept of dealbreakers. Some might look at having a dealbreaker as falling in love with an idea. These people might argue you're not looking for a person, you're looking for a list of requirements. I think the problem with this is it either puts too much emphasis on chemistry in some instances and in others ignores the fact one created their dealbreakers because, after much thought and introspection, realized that a man or woman without certain traits are simply people they don't have chemistry with. Why date someone who doesn't meet your criteria if you know it won't work out? You know the type you click with and they simply don't meet that criteria. Or, even if there is chemistry, what's the point if you're looking for different things in life or they're not willing or able to provide you with something you need to be happy?

But, yes, on the other end of the spectrum it's important not to forget about chemistry just because someone checks all the boxes. Or, maybe something you thought was a dealbreaker isn't actually one. Also, you don't have to stick to your dealbreakers if there comes a time when something that used to be important to you no longer is. You're allowed to change (or not change).

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I think that's an interesting question and one I've thought of before. But I realized it's kind of silly to think of it that way. Because what do we fall in love with? An empty human vessel? No, we fall in love with people who we relate to and appreciate and respect and admire. So, if we ourselves believe certain things, and we find another person who agrees, we would fall in love for that reason. Same with anything else you might fall in love with someone over. 

That being said it's still possible to love someone who doesn't follow your beliefs. It usually leads to a lot of heartache and dysfunction in the relationship though, which is why I at least, would never want to date someone who didn't follow this belief.

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I have a first-hand experience with this. Four years ago, my personality and hobbies are everything that she's looking for. We have so much in common. It's a perfect match if you would ask me because we love and hate the same things. The problem is that it was not me what she had in mind when she's looking for someone with the same interests. She had this vivid image of a guy she really loves to have but the personality is as close as mine. It felt unfair but I respect her ideal standards. 

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I had an open mind when I was younger,I discovered what was bad for me.im older and picky now.what god has planned is far better then I can find on my own.my problem is I have a wild imagination and can dream up a guy who may or may not exist.i could be looking at the man if my dreams and not even know it especially on dateing sites.i can't hear their voice or see their talent just words on a screen and a picture.i bet we all just need to open up to God's plan he is the ultimate artist and knows what's good instead if trying on our own.i personally need to practice feeling with my heart instead of seeing with my eyes,after all eyesight fades but real beauty will be felt in the heart.

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Love isn't perfect or ideal.love is messy . love is seeing your lover for what they are imperfect and taking them at worst and best.when the butterflies have calmed down and life is in full throttle ahead,you then see the traits you find less desirable.we all have these personality traits.love is not giving up on your partner when they are at their worst.love is resisting the urge to jump ships when you see all aspects.until we accept who we are for everything love can't live there.

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From personal experience, whenever I idealize a girl, I always end up disappointed. But whenever I meet a girl and have no expectations, I usually end up pleasantly surprised. I don't think this is necessarily a cynical view to have. I just acknowledge that people aren't perfect and have flaws. I wouldn't want anyone to idealize me because as they say the man is no match for the legend. lol. 

Even the most loving, attentive and affectionate person will let you down at some point. You cannot expect people to fulfill needs that only God can.

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