Would You Date Someone Who Is Still Friends With Past Sexual Partners?

[Innocence 71]

On 5/13/2017 at 2:11 PM, PG1 said:

That being said, in THIS situation IN PARTICULAR...NO! No. No. No. Not because they are friends....but because HE LIED. He didn't tell the whole story to begin with. I can accept a lot of things...as I'm sure anyone who knows me here already knows. Not lying. No. I am a strange one in that I want to know as much detail about their history as possible, anyway, that if he left out such an important detail as being good friends with an ex that he'd slept with that would absolutely be it.

I am the same way as you are.  I would want to know every detail about my boyfriend's history with exes, and if he can't discuss all the details about it, then that certainly won't help me build trust in him.  I believe trust is the foundation of relationships and if a person lies and can't be trusted, then the relationship has nothing to stand on.  I also feel that in a relationship, there should be transparency between the two people, and that is why I am one of those who wants to know all the details pertaining to my boyfriend's history.

On 5/13/2017 at 2:11 PM, PG1 said:

I hope that you are doing better now. I, just a few months ago (3 exactly today), had my heart broken for the first time EVER, and I've only just started to be really ok. Thinking I might actually want to find love again...someday.

Thank you for the good wishes. I am sorry that you've had your heart broken, too. I am glad that you're finally beginning to feel okay and that you are open to finding someone again. You have my best wishes for finding the perfect one for you.

[Innocence 71]

On 5/13/2017 at 11:00 PM, Geraldine said:

And emotional abusers are attracted to a particular type of personality : usually they are attracted to smart, generous, loyal, kind, honest, strong people (as yourself ). But all those qualities are also served with a lack of self esteem sometimes and/or naivety (you can tell me if I'm wrong here, but I presume that I'm right).

I will have to admit that you are right, Geraldine.  I do think that I am a naive person.  I was really sheltered by my parents when I was growing up, and while that is a good thing, it has also made me unaware of a lot of hideous things that go on in this world.  People who have interacted with me in person have said that I do possess an innocence (there's a reason why I chose the display name that I have on here lol ) about me and that in certain situations I am not very knowledgeable about things that others would normally expect me to be familiar/experienced with.

Thank you for posting that article link!  According to the article, I am a prime target for attracting people like these .  I possess the 3 Ns mentioned: nice, naive, and non-confrontational.  I have realized over the years, that I can take A LOT of criticism from people and when it comes to arguments, I can handle someone shouting at me and I still have the patience to remain calm.  As desirable a trait as I believe that would be, it's sad that there are people out there who want to exploit such traits.

 

Thank you for all your words of encouragement dear sister, and thank you for your prayers as well. 

[Innocence 71]

On 5/14/2017 at 5:27 PM, Parrot said:

Anyway, so, I've really come to the conclusion that dating a girl who isn't a virgin is a deal-breaker to me. There's been several occasions where I've not wanted it to be a deal-breaker, and while I can be ice-cold on that issue, I'll admit it's more difficult to hold that stance when said theoretical person actually has a name. Also, I should note, this is coming off of being incredibly attached to someone who did not meet this requirement.

I understand where you're coming from, Parrot.  After this relationship that I've been in, it has certainly caused me to redefine some of the deal breakers for a potential boyfriend that I used to have.  Sadly, this recent ex boyfriend will be the last under my old set of deal breakers and anyone after him will have to meet the new set that I have.

On 5/14/2017 at 5:27 PM, Parrot said:

t the end of the day, if I was to be in a relationship with a girl who hadn't waited, I'm making it that much more difficult for a girl who has to find a husband who has. Just as any girl who accepts being with a guy who hasn't waited makes it more difficult for me, and guys like me, to find a girl who has waited. 

Interesting how you say that, because I have thought about that myself as well!  I have wished that all us virgins would just marry each other so that we could all be happy that we found someone who values sex to the same degree that we do.  I do feel that the virgin dating pool gets smaller and smaller anytime a virgin decides to marry a non virgin, which just makes it that much harder for those that absolutely require a virgin to find someone in that category.

[Parrot 6]

19 minutes ago, Innocence said:

Sadly, this recent ex boyfriend will be the last under my old set of deal breakers and anyone after him will have to meet the new set that I have.

You should celebrate an increase in standards, and mourn a loss in them. Don't sell yourself short; you're clearly a woman of integrity and deserving of someone who demonstrates that as well. It's easy to set high standards; but I hope you'll have the strength to stick to it. When you finally find a guy who's worthy, he'll be glad you didn't just settle.

[Innocence 71]

@Parrot I do think it's great to have high standards, however, the disappointing truth is that the more standards we set, the fewer our options become . Especially as people get older, most of the quality people have already gotten married and so that leaves very few people left that are available. I'm not advocating for lowering standards, I'm just saying that with high standards, comes the realization that it will be much harder to find a person out there who meets them all.

[Geraldine 775]

On 17/05/2017 at 2:24 AM, Innocence said:

I will have to admit that you are right, Geraldine.  I do think that I am a naive person.  I was really sheltered by my parents when I was growing up, and while that is a good thing, it has also made me unaware of a lot of hideous things that go on in this world.  People who have interacted with me in person have said that I do possess an innocence (there's a reason why I chose the display name that I have on here lol ) about me and that in certain situations I am not very knowledgeable about things that others would normally expect me to be familiar/experienced with.

Thank you for posting that article link!  According to the article, I am a prime target for attracting people like these .  I possess the 3 Ns mentioned: nice, naive, and non-confrontational.  I have realized over the years, that I can take A LOT of criticism from people and when it comes to arguments, I can handle someone shouting at me and I still have the patience to remain calm.  As desirable a trait as I believe that would be, it's sad that there are people out there who want to exploit such traits.

 

 

Thank you for all your words of encouragement dear sister, and thank you for your prayers as well. 

Hey lovely

Thank you very much for letting me know that I'm right.

hmm...I do think that it's a truly beautiful thing to have this innocence that you have and it's a precious treasure that you have to make certain to keep. There is nothing wrong to be innocent. And your pseudo suits you well and I like it

And I'm absolutely convinced that the right man for you will absolutely love that innocence about you, and will do everything in his power to make you feel emotionally safe.

But as you already know, we live in a dangerous world, with some people whose only and unique goal is to destroy others' lives. Thank God, not everybody is like that. But toxic people do exist and we have to be aware of it, in order to protect ourselves. And it's important that you learn to protect your innocence.

As you said it yourself, your ability to remain calm and to handle someone shouting at you is a very desirable and admirable trait. It reveals that you are a strong person with a great self control. That's awesome. And again, as you said it yourself, unfortunately, there are people out there who want to exploit such  traits.

The good news is that there are also good men out there who want to have a healthy relationship with someone like you. So there is plenty of hope

You're really welcome for the article. I'm super glad that I can be of a little help in your process towards full restauration And I'm sure you're going to make it gorgeous !

Maybe it can seem weird to say that, but I'm thankful to God that I had this awful experience with a narcissistic pervert in the past. In the time I was experiencing this, I was in a mess and I was deeply hurt.

But it taught me so many things about myself, about others and about life. Well, I wasn't in a romantic relationship with this man, but I was really into him...And he used this in order to play with my emotions and feelings...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger (in french it's "Ce qui ne te tue pas te rend plus fort")...I don't know if we use this expression in english?

Anyway, after that experience I have been able to see in a more clear way, what kind of man I want to marry. It also helped me to set standards, and to correct many things in my mentality, my attitudes, my vision of marriage and so many other things... So I thank God for having used this experience in order to teach me plenty of things...So you see, as the Bible says, in all those things, we are really more than conquerors.

We never lose. Either we learn from our mistakes, which will be greatly benefitial for the future, either we are already blessed by a  healthy relationship, which is also very great

The best is yet to come beautiful sister !

EDIT : 

 

 

[Geraldine 775]

5 hours ago, Innocence said:

@Parrot I do think it's great to have high standards, however, the disappointing truth is that the more standards we set, the fewer our options become . Especially as people get older, most of the quality people have already gotten married and so that leaves very few people left that are available. I'm not advocating for lowering standards, I'm just saying that with high standards, comes the realization that it will be much harder to find a person out there who meets them all.

Hmmm...

I understand what you say... And I guess you are right...

Nevertheless, I still agree with @Parrot, that it's important to set standards. I don't talk about irrealistic standards.

Even if it's harder to find a person out there who meets them all... it's still really worth it...

But that's true that it can be lonely and painful sometimes...but if you accept somebody into your life that doesn't match your standards, you will feel stuck, and miserable...and finally unhappy...