Geraldine

Give the Guy a Chance to be a Gentleman

5 posts in this topic

Original article By: Bethany Baird : https://www.girldefined.com/give-guy-chance-gentleman

I was a sophomore in high school and had just finished playing in the semi-finals for a big basketball tournament. As my team and I were sitting in the bleachers scouting out our competition, one of the high school guys teams came and sat right behind us.

It just so happened that these guys went on to introduce themselves and quickly struck up a conversation.

As our conversation with these guys gained speed, my ears quickly tuned into their major language problem. Their English was fine, but their choice of words was filled with profanity and inappropriate comments.

Being the outgoing girl on my team, I turned around and looked at the leader of this guy pack.

I said something like this, “I really don’t think it’s appropriate to curse in front of ladies. So if you’d like to talk to us, please don’t curse.” (the teenage Bethany was doing her best to say, “stop talking that way.”)

I wish you could have seen the look on the dudes face.

I’m pretty sure I was the first girl that had ever asked him something like that. He looked totally shocked and surprised.

What happened next was incredible though.

The change in his attitude and behavior was amazing.

He went from cursing, inappropriate flirting and crude joking, to talking and acting like a true gentleman.

In that moment, I realized that all he needed was someone to act in a way that expected more of him. Instead of allowing him to sit there and curse up a storm, I challenged him to a higher standard.

I’m not saying that this will change every boy into a gentleman, but I’ve seen it work more times than just once. I’m amazed at how my personal behavior and words have directly affected the way that guys have chosen to treat me.

Give the guy a chance.

Way too often we as girls cry and complain that there are no real guys left in the world. We cover our pillows with tears and ask God to raise up respectable gentlemen.

Hold up!

Instead of despairing over the fact that there aren’t any real men, why don’t you take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are being a real woman?

I have a hunch that so many of those boys would rise up to become men if you would ask them to. I don’t mean literally go and ask them (*that could be awkward*), I mean ask them by your behavior. By the way that you dress. By the way you talk. By the way you interact.

I realize this isn’t a foolproof guarantee, but I think it’s a great place to start.

Tips to encourage the gentlemen.

Let me close out by giving you a few of my personal tips on encouraging boys to act like gentlemen.

1. When a guy offers to be a gentleman, accept it. When a guy offers you a chair, accept it. When a guy offers to carry something heavy, allow him to. When a guy is making an effort in gentlemanly behavior, allow him the opportunity.

2. When you are walking up to a door, slow down and give the guy a chance to open it. Most girls walk ahead and open it themselves. Try giving the guy the opportunity instead.

3. Try dressing in classier, more modest clothing and you will notice a difference. Strangers, friends, brothers and even my dad all tend to treat me with more respect when I’m dressed like a lady. I think it pulls out their inner nobleman.

What about you?

Do your actions call for guys to treat you with respect?
Do your clothes choices and word choices challenge guys to treat you like a lady?
How can you help guys rise to the occasion and act like true gentlemen?

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You are completely right in what you are saying and eluding to. Guys don't like to admit it but women hold a power over us. 

One of my favourite pastors had mentioned this in a dating series he had done. On a hot summer day he and his wife had just gotten home from grocery shopping. Their car was full for an event that week. But through the enticement of his wife he carried every bag in by himself, and with a smile none the less. 

On the first trip in she recognised him and was complementing him "wow look how strong you are!"  This made his chest puff up he excitedly goes and carries even more on this trip. 

His wife expressed how proud she was of her big strong husband. And by the end his arms were full and he was carrying bags in his teeth. 

This is true of almost anyone the right positive reinforcement will work. 

If women demand gentlemen, men will provide gentlemen quality's. 

Why don't more women demand higher standards? 

I believe your tips Geraldine will work. But I also have theory do to a  young lady I was getting to know and then turned down by, I came to realise that she didn't believe she deserved a gentleman. This makes me wonder how many other young ladies are out there that are like her. Do young women on demand higher standards because they don't believe they deserve higher standards?  

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 I agree on letting a man be a gentleman, and I do act and speak and dress in a manner that shows that's my standard. What I will say is this goes both ways. I want a man who is already a gentleman, a true MAN if you will. Someone who has already learned the value of being a gentleman BEFORE meeting me. Just as I don't believe it's his job to raise me, or my faith, I don't think it's my job to raise him into a gentleman. I expect it, as he should expect me to be a lady. I'm too old too try making a boy into a man, he needs to be ready-made. :D My mom and I, also, plan on raising my nephews to be ready-made gentleman for their future spouses. You see, that's my job as someone who is raising children. Just as my mom did her job in raising me to be a lady.

I feel like this may be directed at one set of people, young women. However, I think this is a great thing for both young men and women to learn. That you can't expect a man to be a gentleman unless you are a lady, and vice verse.

:unsure: I feel like I may be sounding a little negative, but that's not my intent and I apologize if that's how it sounds.

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So....I have a confession to make: I have read the Girl Defined blog for quite a bit in the past. (Don't tell anyone else in the forums ;) ) But seriously though, the two sisters who run the blog are some wonderful, godly young women and they write lots of great articles. I especially love how they focus a lot on encouraging girls to embrace godly femininity even in a culture that looks down on it.

There is definitely a lack of gentlemen in today's world for multiple reasons. Part of it is because of the evils of feminism. They wanted to be treated exactly the same as a man, well that's what they got. They have no right to complain about the lack of gentlemen. Another reason is because there are a lot of idiot "fathers," or rather sperm donors, who abandon the mothers and their children. As a result, many boys were not taught how to be a real man and treat women properly. As a man who strongly desires to be a father, I take this as a personal offense. They helped bring children into their world unintentionally and didn't stick around to raise them, all the while guys like me are still waiting and who would love to be in their shoes.

One of the reasons I love this blog is because these two sisters always encourages fellow women to build men up. That is an almost blasphemous idea in today's postmodern feminist world where often times talking down and disrespecting men is normalized. There is this battle of the sexes mentality that runs deep in society and we are taught to view the opposite sex as competitors or even enemies. It is Satan who tried to pit Adam and Eve against each other and therefore delights in animosity norm between men and women today.

But these girls understand that God designed both men and women to be partners not enemies. They are right in that women have a unique ability to spur a man to reach his highest potential. God created it to be so when he created Eve to be Adam's helper, to make him strong where he is weak and vice versa. We see all throughout human history that women have been the greatest motivator for men to achieve great things. When a man goes off to war, he isn't just fighting for his country, he is fighting for a woman at home. His wife gives him a reason to fight his best so that he can come home alive to her. She encourages him to work hard and be a productive member of society in order to provide for her. She encourages him to be a leader and a protector. And as we see in this case, women encourage us to be men of character and to give us a reason to live for someone else other than ourselves. Personally I am so thankful for all the wonderful women in my life who have helped shape me into the man I am, imperfections and all. You know who you are ;) 

 

15 hours ago, Geraldine said:

Instead of despairing over the fact that there aren’t any real men, why don’t you take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are being a real woman?

And that is the crux of the other half of this issue, isn't it? Ladies, you cannot expect a man to be a gentleman if you yourself don't act like a lady. If you swear like a sailor, dress like a prostitute or call us sexist when we open the door for you then that's not giving us much reason to become one. Of course we ought to be a gentlemen anyways, but you also need to be ladies too. One thing I can't stand is this "princess complex" we give to so many girls these days. We tell them they deserve the world and a man who will worship the ground she walks on all the while acting like a difficult and petulant child. In order to find someone great, you need to be someone great.

 

11 hours ago, aCountryGentalman said:

One of my favourite pastors had mentioned this in a dating series he had done. On a hot summer day he and his wife had just gotten home from grocery shopping. Their car was full for an event that week. But through the enticement of his wife he carried every bag in by himself, and with a smile none the less. 

On the first trip in she recognised him and was complementing him "wow look how strong you are!"  This made his chest puff up he excitedly goes and carries even more on this trip. 

His wife expressed how proud she was of her big strong husband. And by the end his arms were full and he was carrying bags in his teeth. 

Now this is a classic example of how much influence a woman has on a man. Personally this is one of those "little things" that I really hope my future wife does for me. Words of affirmation is my top love language so hearing sincere words of admiration and appreciation greatly encourages me to be better. Nothing makes a man feel more masculine than to recognize his strength, both physical and mental. It also helps tremendously to tell him that he makes you feel safe around him. 

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Wow! Really, thank you very much @aCountryGentalman for having shared your thoughts on this. I think it takes courage and humility to say this : " Guys don't like to admit it but women hold a power over us. "

And I really respect you for having had the courage to say this. :) That's a manly quality. Keep that :)

The example you gave regarding your favorite Pastor and his wife and how he began to act more and more like a man as he was encouraged by his wife was really meaningful for me indeed.

15 hours ago, aCountryGentalman said:

I believe your tips Geraldine will work. But I also have theory do to a  young lady I was getting to know and then turned down by, I came to realise that she didn't believe she deserved a gentleman.

Oh, I'm sorry you had to go through this and I feel you. I can imagine the pain you have experienced and I pray a total healing over your emotions. You see, just because you were turned down by acting as a gentleman, doesn't mean that you were wrong to do so. I strongly believe and I encourage you to continue to act like a gentleman. We girls, we need so much men acting like gentlemen. WE ABSOLUTELY DO WANT GENTLEMEN IN OUR LIVES, and ESPECIALLY IN OUR HUSBANDS!

You said something thatcaught my attention :

15 hours ago, aCountryGentalman said:

I came to realise that she didn't believe she deserved a gentleman

That's exactly the point. Deep down inside, all women want men acting like gentlemen around them. And I bet it was exactly the same for this girl you mention...but as you said it yourself, she didn't believe she deserved someone acting in a such honorable and pleasing way toward her. So that reveals she had something to solve with herself regarding  self worth, loving herself and so on...And even if you  were the most noble prince on earth, the issue would have been the same. She needs to heal, it's not you who have to change.

 

15 hours ago, aCountryGentalman said:

This makes me wonder how many other young ladies are out there that are like her. Do young women on demand higher standards because they don't believe they deserve higher standards?  

Really, EXCELLENT QUESTIONS here ! Totally on point. Unfortunately, there are many women like her...and it's not because women are mean or don't want to be treated as ladies by true gentlemen...it's simply because  a lot of women today suffer with self image, self worth, loving themselves and so on...They lack self confidence.

I talked with many young girls, teenagers, young women from many different cultures, and skin colors and education...and I was so surprised and so shocked to discover that so many of them, (well, so many of us :superwaiter:) were suffering emotionally from a self image and self worth...Even girls looking like top models:blink:

And I confess that I was guilty of that myself : I mean, I didn't like myself and didn't find me beautiful... I didn't like who I was...And in that period of my life the only One who could restore me and help me to like myself was God and Him alone. And that's what He did. God restored me, renewed my mentality and helped me to understand that I was beautiful just the way I was, natural, with my skin color and my hair and my body shape. I was naturally beautiful  in the eyes of God because He created me like for His purpose. So with the love of God and with His Word (the Bible), I finally accepted myself as I am and now, I can tell, I do love myself a lot:D:lol: And I can say I'm beautiful, just because it's the truth : all the creation of God is beautiful. And I want to say to all the beautiful women here on this site : YES, absolutely Yes, you are beautiful just the way you are. You are naturally beautiful : your eyes, your body, your skin, your height, everything about you is beautiful ! You don't have to change anything, just embrace yourself, and enhance your natural beauty !

Ok, well, I know I was off topic here, but I needed to tell this, because many women need to hear that :D 

Sometimes, guys have no idea how emotionally painful it can be for many girls to be confronted to "perfect images" of beauty on magazines, TV, and so on nearly everywhere....Anyway, when we realise that God created us all different and beautiful, that changes everything:D

So back to the topic now:P

In a nutshell, gentlemen are needed and some women don't dare to require higher standards on men because sometimes they think they don't deserve it...or they are despaired that no men will simply want to bother to act as gentlemen.

To tell the truth, it's not easy to be a gentleman, and it's not easy to be a true lady either.

Actually, men deep down inside, want to be heroes and act as gentlemen most of the time...And ladies want to be feminine and act as princesses...Simply most of the time they don't have any clue on how to be a gentleman, or how to be a feminine lady...Because unfortunately, we live in a declined culture in which the roles of genders are not really clear..and bring a lot of confusion...so...

I believe the solution is that both men and women need to be restored and trained by the perfect role model in both sexes (I mean God :P) and when they are ready, they can enjoy themselves and also treat the opposite sex with honor and dignity...

And that leads me to be in agreement with what @PhotoGirl said :

13 hours ago, PhotoGirl said:

I want a man who is already a gentleman, a true MAN if you will. Someone who has already learned the value of being a gentleman BEFORE meeting me. Just as I don't believe it's his job to raise me, or my faith, I don't think it's my job to raise him into a gentleman

I so agree with that. We are women, we are not God. And we can't build a man into a gentleman. Nevertheless, we can pray for them, encourage them, inspire them (by being more and more feminine in our character) and give them some help. As the wife of the favorite pastor of @aCountryGentalman did with her husband.

@Invincible : You have just taken all the words of my mouth ! I couldn't have been able to say it better...I 100% agree with everythin you said. Thank you for sharing...

And that's AWESOME that you enjoy watching them :D You can be really proud of yourself !! That's manly Vince :P

 

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