Faeries

Can't enjoy novels anymore

24 posts in this topic

Hey guys,

So I used to be a pretty avid reader. I always loved YA fantasy novels, and being engrossed in a good one just made me feel good. I could read a vampire or faerie story a million times and never get tired of it. That's actually why my name is Faeries.

Anyway, I stopped reading a while ago, because these books are starting to bother me in the romance department. One thing that's common in these kinds of books is that there is usually some form of deep bonding (similar to marriage) before any sex happens, so I'm fine with that. It's usually meaningful and that's all that matters to me. Anything else and I just don't read it. However, I started noticing a theme that just makes my skin crawl. The girl will be a virgin, and the guy has been with tons of women. But now that he's met her, he wishes he'd never been with anyone else. I don't find this attractive in the least and when I read it, I just role my eyes in disgust. I don't want to put anyone down, who's relationship is actually like this, I mean no harm, I just don't like reading it all the time. I know the mainstream find a man with a lot of experience more manly/ attractive, but I don't like that it's being pushed in books geared towards younger people. I think it's better to just not mention it at all, if they don't want to take any "masculinity" away from the guy. It actually puts me in a crappy mood when I encounter certain "themes" and have to put the book down, which is why I stopped altogether. 

To be honest, this is part of a bigger problem, which is that I have a hard to accepting that I live in a non-WTM world. I never expected everyone to WTM, but I've dealt with a lot because there are so few of us. So I've become embittered towards anything that makes me feel like we're being put down. Other people can just say "that's not my cup of tea" and move on, but for me, in the same situation, I take it personally. Anyway, I'm writing this post because I really want to start reading again. I'm feeling the pull to start another book, but I don't want to be disappointed. Should I give some books a try and just learn how to not take it personally if it's not what I like? I don't want to be halfway through the book and have to stop reading it, and I know I can't continue, simply because my interest isn't sparked anymore.

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1 hour ago, Faeries said:

So I've become embittered towards anything that makes me feel like we're being put down.

I agree completely. It's even being done in churches now. You'll be in Bible study and whenever someone mentions purity it's always done in light of "well I'm sure we all fail here" or some other mockery with he implication being everyone is sexually active. If you point out that you're chaste they come back with a comment about how looking in lust is the same and receive group mockery from people who've been with multiple people even though they're still in their 20s. Newsflash: just because we are all imperfect and need salvation does not mean they're equivalent. Equally condemning, not equal. It's illogical for it to be any other way because if we're al imperfect and all sin is equal (in the eyes of our peers, mankind) then why would God call Christians to set an example by following his commandments in an effort to lead people to truth?

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10 hours ago, Amarillo said:

I agree completely. It's even being done in churches now. You'll be in Bible study and whenever someone mentions purity it's always done in light of "well I'm sure we all fail here" or some other mockery with he implication being everyone is sexually active. If you point out that you're chaste they come back with a comment about how looking in lust is the same and receive group mockery from people who've been with multiple people even though they're still in their 20s. Newsflash: just because we are all imperfect and need salvation does not mean they're equivalent. Equally condemning, not equal. It's illogical for it to be any other way because if we're al imperfect and all sin is equal (in the eyes of our peers, mankind) then why would God call Christians to set an example by following his commandments in an effort to lead people to truth?

It's sad but I think the church is afraid of losing members. People are saying that the church is too judgmental and that's why they are leaving, but I'm not buying it. They just don't want to go. Now churches are relaxing their teaching to bring people back. Whether anyone agrees with Christian (or any religion's) teachings, the fact of the matter is a church is an organization, and every organization has rules. It's silly that they feel they need to relax them so much, in order to make people feel good about themselves. 

Anyway, that's my take on it.

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Maybe try and find a book that doesn't really have romance as a major aspect of it. I'm more of a nonfiction reader, so I'm not the best authority, but I figure there are books that don't have romance as a main part of the story.

I agree it can be frustrating to live in a non -waiting world. My main frustration is with how difficult it is to meet compatible women to date, but it's not just that. It would feel nice if I didn't feel like such a tiny minority in this respect. I feel alienated from people in part because of my waiting. Contemporary dating culture seems so foreign to me even though I live in the middle of it.

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14 hours ago, wny said:

Maybe try and find a book that doesn't really have romance as a major aspect of it. I'm more of a nonfiction reader, so I'm not the best authority, but I figure there are books that don't have romance as a main part of the story.

I agree it can be frustrating to live in a non -waiting world. My main frustration is with how difficult it is to meet compatible women to date, but it's not just that. It would feel nice if I didn't feel like such a tiny minority in this respect. I feel alienated from people in part because of my waiting. Contemporary dating culture seems so foreign to me even though I live in the middle of it.

Lol, I like romance. I guess I can't complain. It comes with the territory, I suppose. Their idea of romance might not be the same as mine.

I agree about feeling alienated. It can be lonely. Now, that I'm thinking about my future more, I'm not sure of how I'm going to find another waiter. Starting to worry.

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Hi Faeries. ^_^

Do you like reading classic romances by authors like Jane Austen, Elizabeth Gazkell, and the Bronte sisters? I'm sure there are some books out there you might enjoy. Maybe you could check out some special reading lists?

I can imagine most of the current or relatively recent novels are going to be disappointing at best. :unsure: Perhaps novels preceding the sexual revolution are more likely to have satisfactory plot lines and morally appealing characters, though I understand the old fashioned writing style isn't everyone's preference. Older novels are probably less likely to be in the fantasy genre but the trade off is the theme would be better. I'm in the habit of reading mostly non-fiction and whenever I do venture into fiction, the author has usually been deceased a long time. :blink:

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54 minutes ago, redgrapes said:

Hi Faeries. ^_^

Do you like reading classic romances by authors like Jane Austen, Elizabeth Gazkell, and the Bronte sisters? I'm sure there are some books out there you might enjoy. Maybe you could check out some special reading lists?

I can imagine most of the current or relatively recent novels are going to be disappointing at best. :unsure: Perhaps novels preceding the sexual revolution are more likely to have satisfactory plot lines and morally appealing characters, though I understand the old fashioned writing style isn't everyone's preference. Older novels are probably less likely to be in the fantasy genre but the trade off is the theme would be better. I'm in the habit of reading mostly non-fiction and whenever I do venture into fiction, the author has usually been deceased a long time. :blink:

 

Thank you for the suggestions. I am actually beginning to read more classic novels, but more for knowledge that enjoyment. I've only finished The Mysteries of Udulpho by Ann Radcliffe, and I did enjoy it, but it could be slow or not as exciting at times. I think I'll continue to read them. Not sure if I should take my chances with current novels. I did read a series where the protagonist was waiting which was like :lol: for me. Then there was one where the guy told the girl he was waiting (he was an angel), but the series stopped at that one book. I guess I got so used to getting lucky or having a book where there's some marriage like bonding event that happens, and the male's sexual past is not mentioned. I got comfortable, and then when I continued to read other books I was shocked at how different it was.

 

Do you think that these past (literally) couple of years has changed the way these YA novels will be written in terms of sex? Now, part of being a strong female character must include being sexually "free" (you know what I mean. In their eyes.) and experienced. Which adds another issue for me besides having the male be a reformed *** (lol).

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On 4/30/2017 at 9:14 PM, Faeries said:

Thank you for the suggestions. I am actually beginning to read more classic novels, but more for knowledge that enjoyment. I've only finished The Mysteries of Udulpho by Ann Radcliffe, and I did enjoy it, but it could be slow or not as exciting at times. I think I'll continue to read them. Not sure if I should take my chances with current novels. I did read a series where the protagonist was waiting which was like :lol: for me. Then there was one where the guy told the girl he was waiting (he was an angel), but the series stopped at that one book. I guess I got so used to getting lucky or having a book where there's some marriage like bonding event that happens, and the male's sexual past is not mentioned. I got comfortable, and then when I continued to read other books I was shocked at how different it was.

 

Do you think that these past (literally) couple of years has changed the way these YA novels will be written in terms of sex? Now, part of being a strong female character must include being sexually "free" (you know what I mean. In their eyes.) and experienced. Which adds another issue for me besides having the male be a reformed *** (lol).

You're welcome. :) Ah yes I have heard of The Mysteries of Udolpho. Another advantage to reading older books is the expired copyright, allowing one to legally read and download them free online (saw The Mysteries of Udolpho on Gutenberg). Do you remember the name of the book with the WTM protagonist? That always makes for a relate-able character! It's encouraging to hear books with waiting are still being written and that you were able to find the needle in the haystack. If you did it once, you can do it again!

There are actually some book suggestions on the forum regarding waiting characters and sexually pure relationships. I'm not sure if you've read them. Here are two threads: 

Unfortunately I think it could head in that direction. :( It seems a lot of television shows targeting teens already have promiscuous female protagonists and literature may try to capture that same target audience acclimated to adolescent, premature sex, like for "summer beach reading." It might be depicted as strength, independence, and maturity in a young lady. <_< 

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On 01/05/2017 at 3:14 AM, Faeries said:

Thank you for the suggestions. I am actually beginning to read more classic novels, but more for knowledge that enjoyment. I've only finished The Mysteries of Udulpho by Ann Radcliffe, and I did enjoy it, but it could be slow or not as exciting at times. I think I'll continue to read them. Not sure if I should take my chances with current novels

Hi Faeries ! :)

I totally understand you and unfortunately, as you said, most of current novels  are disappointing regarding the theme of WTM.

I think that redgrapes made excellent suggestions of reading...And I wanted to add another suggestion that you might like. The title of the book is "Deep down inside a dream"

https://www.amazon.com/Deep-inside-dream-Géraldine-Laurier-ebook/dp/B06WP9682C

It's a very short story and it's about a romance between two young people waiting till marriage...Maybe you will like this book...if not, you have other ideas by redgrapes anyway :):)

There is also Janette Oke who wrote a serie of novels with people waiting till marriage : 

https://www.amazon.fr/gp/product/0764200119/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1642&creative=6746&creativeASIN=0764200119&linkCode=as2&tag=couronneclata-21

I do hope you will find what you're looking for :)

 

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13 minutes ago, Faeries said:

@redgrapes, I'll add it to the list, and thank you @Geraldine, I'll check them out. ^_^

Never mind, those topics are closed.

 

Well, the first series is called Elemental Enmity by Christie rich (Didn't read the last one, so hopefully she didn't change her mind by then)

The next one is called Angelic by L.P. Swalheim. She actually did continue the series, yay!

Just a disclaimer, you have to be into this kind of genre, WTM or not. It is for young people and if you prefer the works of Shakespeare and John Dunn, or are more on the conservative side in general you might not see these as literary works of art, lol. Although, I think the writing is good.

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"However, I started noticing a theme that just makes my skin crawl. The girl will be a virgin, and the guy has been with tons of women. But now that he's met her, he wishes he'd never been with anyone else."

I've heard about themes along these lines before. It really shows a twisted dichotomy in values. The protagonist girl gets to be a "good girl" because she is a virgin. Yet, she gets to enjoy the envy of other (loose) girls because she now has the sole attention of a womanizer that is "in demand" <_<

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6 hours ago, Syzygy said:

I've heard about themes along these lines before. It really shows a twisted dichotomy in values. The protagonist girl gets to be a "good girl" because she is a virgin. Yet, she gets to enjoy the envy of other (loose) girls because she now has the sole attention of a womanizer that is "in demand" <_<

That's eactly what it is. I guess they're trying to appeal to us lonely, "good" girls who aren't getting any play, and burying ourselves in books like these, lol (I'm stereotyping of course). My issue is not that they're trying to bring fantasies to life, so to speak. My problem is, I can't relate to wanting the guy who's been with everyone. Another issue is them pushing the idea that this is what girls should want and that if a guy tells you "none of those other girls matter", that should be enough to win your heart. In real life, lines like these only lead to you being the next on his long list of women and eventually getting hurt and/ or being left in the dust (yes I'm generalizing, and no I don't care about anyone's personal love story.)

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On 4/23/2017 at 2:41 PM, Faeries said:

Hey guys,

So I used to be a pretty avid reader. I always loved YA fantasy novels, and being engrossed in a good one just made me feel good. I could read a vampire or faerie story a million times and never get tired of it. That's actually why my name is Faeries.

Anyway, I stopped reading a while ago, because these books are starting to bother me in the romance department. One thing that's common in these kinds of books is that there is usually some form of deep bonding (similar to marriage) before any sex happens, so I'm fine with that. It's usually meaningful and that's all that matters to me. Anything else and I just don't read it. However, I started noticing a theme that just makes my skin crawl. The girl will be a virgin, and the guy has been with tons of women. But now that he's met her, he wishes he'd never been with anyone else. I don't find this attractive in the least and when I read it, I just role my eyes in disgust. I don't want to put anyone down, who's relationship is actually like this, I mean no harm, I just don't like reading it all the time. I know the mainstream find a man with a lot of experience more manly/ attractive, but I don't like that it's being pushed in books geared towards younger people. I think it's better to just not mention it at all, if they don't want to take any "masculinity" away from the guy. It actually puts me in a crappy mood when I encounter certain "themes" and have to put the book down, which is why I stopped altogether. 

To be honest, this is part of a bigger problem, which is that I have a hard to accepting that I live in a non-WTM world. I never expected everyone to WTM, but I've dealt with a lot because there are so few of us. So I've become embittered towards anything that makes me feel like we're being put down. Other people can just say "that's not my cup of tea" and move on, but for me, in the same situation, I take it personally. Anyway, I'm writing this post because I really want to start reading again. I'm feeling the pull to start another book, but I don't want to be disappointed. Should I give some books a try and just learn how to not take it personally if it's not what I like? I don't want to be halfway through the book and have to stop reading it, and I know I can't continue, simply because my interest isn't sparked anymore.

^^^ This and other things is why I stay away from romance tagged stories or animes. They irritate the hell out of me. What also gets on my nerves is that they'll always introduce a vicious ex who intimidates the "good girl" about how she's been with the guy and that he'll eventually go back to her in some way shape or form. 

Like I honestly couldn't care less if he wishes he hasn't been with anyone else but the virgin girl in question - to me they will always look like a guy who wanted to have their cake and eat it and I have no respect for people like that. It's a massive turnoff and on of the many reasons why I could never marry a non-virgin. 

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40 minutes ago, BlackRose said:

^^^ This and other things is why I stay away from romance tagged stories or animes. They irritate the hell out of me. What also gets on my nerves is that they'll always introduce a vicious ex who intimidates the "good girl" about how she's been with the guy and that he'll eventually go back to her in some way shape or form. 

Like I honestly couldn't care less if he wishes he hasn't been with anyone else but the virgin girl in question - to me they will always look like a guy who wanted to have their cake and eat it and I have no respect for people like that. It's a massive turnoff and on of the many reasons why I could never marry a non-virgin. 

I also don't want to marry a non-waiter. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, but I have struggled (not with waiting itself, but dealing with haters) and I don't want to be with someone who gets to have their cake and eat it too, while went through various issues and chose to stick it out anyway. I probably will end up having to settle though. I'm not knocking anyone who decides to wait after having sex already. I commend them, and admire their decision. But I think that's different from those promiscous men who feel entitled to a virgin bride.

 

So anyway, I don't like that the guy gets to have any girl he can get his hands on, and then gets the protagonist who's had to wait patiently for "the one" until he decides to show up. That's not romantic at all. But other people don't see it that way. I think it contradicts the whole idea of a fantasy romance novel. If these people are supposed to be "destined" to be together, why has one never had a boyfriend and the other has been around the block a few times. It seems off, and makes it obvious how we see the ideal relationship in real life.

 

Unfortunatley, I actually like romance, lol. So I'm very conflicted.

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2 hours ago, Faeries said:

I also don't want to marry a non-waiter. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, but I have struggled (not with waiting itself, but dealing with haters) and I don't want to be with someone who gets to have their cake and eat it too, while went through various issues and chose to stick it out anyway. I probably will end up having to settle though. I'm not knocking anyone who decides to wait after having sex already. I commend them, and admire their decision. But I think that's different from those promiscous men who feel entitled to a virgin bride.

 

So anyway, I don't like that the guy gets to have any girl he can get his hands on, and then gets the protagonist who's had to wait patiently for "the one" until he decides to show up. That's not romantic at all. But other people don't see it that way. I think it contradicts the whole idea of a fantasy romance novel. If these people are supposed to be "destined" to be together, why has one never had a boyfriend and the other has been around the block a few times. It seems off, and makes it obvious how we see the ideal relationship in real life.

 

Unfortunatley, I actually like romance, lol. So I'm very conflicted.

I think if it's something you can handle (marrying a non-waiter) then that's completely fine. I had a discussion with a few of my friends who would be fine with it but I flat out said no way.  I don't have any issues asking about it while I'm getting to know someone who has potential but I'm not sure about. Since I like to start out as friends anyway , I tend to get to know them a bit and then throw out a couple of questions about their views on sex before marriage and if it's something they've struggled with. Luckily the guys I've asked have all been very honest and said they weren't virgins but that's a turn off for me. Even if they regret it, I would almost find it disgusting that they've done something so intimate with someone and then they would come and so that same thing with me. It's no longer special. I think deep down that's the romantic in me - I want that exclusivity of us losing it to each other. For me that's something that would build intimacy and trust (since I don't tend to trust people easily - I think it's something that is earnt, not freely given). I'm not at a point where I could compromise on it at all. So I just let them know that if they are after a relationship - they're out of luck with me. 

I agree - I think it shows the "good girl" to be very naive too and emphasises on the idea of finding "the one" which I don't believe in btw. Nor do I believe in "love at first sight". I do believe in "lust at first sight" though. The way I see it is that the guy is lusting after this "good girl" and since he knows how to get any girl to fall for him, he's able to seduce her in such a way that the girl believes that this player is "the one" for her. It isn't romantic at all, I find it quite a manipulative situation tbh since they always show her to be so naive and even more so for falling for him and his tricks. 

Haha I used to love romance stuff but as time went on the stories became rather cliche and I became rather cynical towards them since I haven't experienced anything even close to that (never has a boyfriend or dated). It almost makes me see romance as fiction. But then I look at my parents who have been together for almost 25 years and think - there must be something. But for now I stay away from romance tags. If romance it a secondary or even tertiary part of the plot, I think it can be done well but as the main aspect of the story, not so much. 

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I cannot relate in any way at all.

I love to read and I read all the time. What you speak of, however, I have no experience with. These young "romance" novels. I've never read a one. I read lots of classics, and history and spy novels like Vince Flynn, Tom Clancy, fantasy/horror like Stephen King and Dean Koontz, criminal and suspense like John Katzenbach, Harlan Coben and Lee Child. Occasionally the characters have relations but they are all grown adult characters. Some of the classics dealt with Romance like Pride and Prejudice or Jane Eyre but that was in the Victorian age and the novels weren't "sexual", most involved were virgins or they didn't discuss histories. Mr. Rochester was an older man and had a history.

I've not read too many YA novels. I've read the three Hunger Games novels and Paper Towns and The Age of Miracles but those didn't really have any sex in them. A character in Paper Towns had a past but was not that kind of novel. Miracles had none at all, I think the characters were like middle school age.

I love to read, I'm not familiar with this YA novel trend that has ruined things for you. I hope you don't give it up. Try some different kinds of novels.

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5 hours ago, HeWhoWaits said:

I cannot relate in any way at all.

I love to read and I read all the time. What you speak of, however, I have no experience with. These young "romance" novels. I've never read a one. I read lots of classics, and history and spy novels like Vince Flynn, Tom Clancy, fantasy/horror like Stephen King and Dean Koontz, criminal and suspense like John Katzenbach, Harlan Coben and Lee Child. Occasionally the characters have relations but they are all grown adult characters. Some of the classics dealt with Romance like Pride and Prejudice or Jane Eyre but that was in the Victorian age and the novels weren't "sexual", most involved were virgins or they didn't discuss histories. Mr. Rochester was an older man and had a history.

I've not read too many YA novels. I've read the three Hunger Games novels and Paper Towns and The Age of Miracles but those didn't really have any sex in them. A character in Paper Towns had a past but was not that kind of novel. Miracles had none at all, I think the characters were like middle school age.

I love to read, I'm not familiar with this YA novel trend that has ruined things for you. I hope you don't give it up. Try some different kinds of novels.

Thanks. I know I can't let this stop me from reading in general.

I'm reading more classics and some philosophy, but I've been reading YA novels for a while and I haven't grown out of them. I don't mind cliches or lack of sophistication or anything like that. I like them for what they are. I just get uncomfortable with that particular aspect.

 

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4 hours ago, Faeries said:

Thanks. I know I can't let this stop me from reading in general.

I'm reading more classics and some philosophy, but I've been reading YA novels for a while and I haven't grown out of them. I don't mind cliches or lack of sophistication or anything like that. I like them for what they are. I just get uncomfortable with that particular aspect.

 

I don't think of "YA" as meaning necessarily only for people below a certain age. I think it more implies that the themes won't be overly complex, the prose will be straightforward, ect.... Even people who enjoy dense reading don't necessarily want to read something complex all the time. Both my grandmothers read the "Harry Potter" novels. I think at least one of them reads more complex novels, as well. I even had a college professor who said she read "Harry Potter."

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1 hour ago, wny said:

I don't think of "YA" as meaning necessarily only for people below a certain age. I think it more implies that the themes won't be overly complex, the prose will be straightforward, ect.... Even people who enjoy dense reading don't necessarily want to read something complex all the time. Both my grandmothers read the "Harry Potter" novels. I think at least one of them reads more complex novels, as well. I even had a college professor who said she read "Harry Potter."

Yeah, I used the wrong wording :lol:. I don't think it's something you should have to grow out of. I guess I meant that my taste hasn't changed over the years and more so since I decided to wait (and got more serious/ defensive about it). 

Like I said, I enjoy them for what they are and wanted to keep reading them, but I was conflicted about those relationship stereotypes. 

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17 hours ago, Faeries said:

Thanks. I know I can't let this stop me from reading in general.

I'm reading more classics and some philosophy, but I've been reading YA novels for a while and I haven't grown out of them. I don't mind cliches or lack of sophistication or anything like that. I like them for what they are. I just get uncomfortable with that particular aspect.

 

 

Have you read the 7 Narnia books by C.S. Lewis. They are young adult novels but there is only adventure, not really any romance.

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44 minutes ago, HeWhoWaits said:

 

Have you read the 7 Narnia books by C.S. Lewis. They are young adult novels but there is only adventure, not really any romance.

No I havent. I watched some of the movie as a kid, but I got bored and didn't like it, so I thought it just wasn't my cup of tea. I was just a kid though and I did do the same thing with star wars, Jurassic park, and the dark knight, lol :lol:

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4 hours ago, Faeries said:

No I havent. I watched some of the movie as a kid, but I got bored and didn't like it, so I thought it just wasn't my cup of tea. I was just a kid though and I did do the same thing with star wars, Jurassic park, and the dark knight, lol :lol:

Haha. :lol: Same here, except I loved the old Jurassic Park movies growing up. And that theme song!

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I made a really similar topic. I relate so much with this, not just with reading but literally everything

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