Marrying/Dating a non-waiter: would you do it?

[Sophie 1,280]

I, for one, will probably definitely end up marrying a non-waiter because while I don't mind marrying a waiter, I am not going to waste my time trying to find guys who are also waiters. And truly, I might actually prefer a non-waiter, as long as he has only had 1-3 sexual partners in a relationship. As long as his sexual past doesn't consist of one-night stands, hook-ups, casual sex, stripclubs, etc, then I don't mind marrying him.

I think, when it comes down to it, I will marry the man I love and the man who loves me. Sexual past, or no sexual past, I will still marry him. As long as he is willing to wait, and it as committed to waiting as I am.

[AussieStig 1,151]

My fiancee is a virgin, and I'm ecstatic about that and that we'll both give our virginity to each other on the night of promising to be faithful to each other for the rest of our lives. But to be honest, I'd still love her and marry her if she'd been with dozens of men, PROVIDED she had a different view to our relationship (i.e., she also became a waiter for me)

[LookingForTheOne 318]

No, I will only marry a virgin.

[ian 1,728]

No, I will only marry a virgin.

Knowing who you are and what you stand for is 90% of the battle. I applaud your conviction - people get lost sometimes, or confused by the swirl around us all - and it takes a steadfast look inside (and above) to go the distance on your values. Stay true. :-)

[Claire 182]

Well... I have to accept the fact that I don't have a circle of friends with V-cards, and if I do happen to know a guy in a face-to-face relationship that still has his V-card, he's definitely not telling. I'd love to just happen to run into a V-card guy that I click with, but I live in a very liberal region, so finding that attribute is a lot lower in my expectations. I wouldn't have a problem with a boyfriend's/fiance's sexual past alone, but I might have a problem with how he reacts to it or how it affects him in his current relationship with me. There's a difference between someone who's had sex one or two times before, but relishes those memories and still thinks on them or compares/reminisces over them and fantasizes about others-- and someone who may have had some casual sex before, one-night-stands, done some questionable things, etc, but cringes at the memory of it, is open and trusting about it with me, regrets it, and has entirely sworn that persona to the past. I'd rather be with the second guy. In fact, if he was 100% sincere and not the usual 'Okay, time to move on from my wild, promiscuous exploits and settle down' type, I'd love to be with the second guy.

[ian 1,728]

this topic strikes me as one in which everyone has their point of view "on paper"... and then may want to stay open to how that might change depending on the "face to face" moment with someone they are beginning to care about. I'm not saying it would change your point of view or even that you should... I just would encourage everyone to stay aware that you may find may this to be the case when you start to really like/love somone... we live in liberal times and yet every one i've ever talked to seems to deep down want (or at least would like) the traditional view... each of us is living that value and with encouragement helping others to :-)

[Guest PrincessZelda21]

I'd be so honored to marry another waiter, but I have already accepted the fact that I very well may not marry a virgin. All that matters to me is that I marry the man I love and that he loves me, his sexual past will take a back burner. I'd be a liar is I said that marrying a non-waiter wouldn't make me feel a little betrayed or jealous, but I'm sure that I will be able to get over it.

With my personality being the way it is, I don't see me attracting men that are into casual sex and into one night stands. What I possibly see is me with a guy that has had few sexual partners that he really did love and saw a future with. And if what most people tell me is true, a guy like that will naturally have regret if he didn't lose his virginity to his wife. To me, that means a lot.

[Chris 435]

Zelda pretty much echoed my thoughts on the matter! I'd love to marry a waiter, but the likely hood of it happening? I need someone who will wait with me.

And if they won't wait, well the relationship won't last long anyways!

And like the other posts in this thread - the reasons for having sex in the past are more important. For love, but didnt work out, OK, one night stands with regret - can deal with, enjoying casual sex - unlikely to be able to commit to marriage and only one person anyways imo!

[Sophie 1,280]

With my personality being the way it is, I don't see me attracting men that are into casual sex and into one night stands.

Yeah, no way would I ever attract a guy like that with my innocent, naive, slightly-boring personality. lol. Plus I do not have the conventional hot body, so yeah...in many ways, I am glad about that because I want to attract guys who will take me seriously.

[Guest PrincessZelda21]

Yeah, no way would I ever attract a guy like that with my innocent, naive, slightly-boring personality. lol. Plus I do not have the conventional hot body, so yeah...in many ways, I am glad about that because I want to attract guys who will take me seriously.

That's the way to be! Plus, I'm sure you're really pretty [inside and out] because those who don't gloat about their looks typically are very attractive! :3

[Goody 26]

Probably not, perhaps only in exceptional cases where she's only been in one relationship before ours.

I want people with similar values. =S

[LookingForTheOne 318]

I'm the only one here to vote for the last option? Interesting....

I mean, I understand that I'm more strict on waiting until marriage than the others here, but certainly there's someone here (besides myself) who thinks the same way I do.

[FreshhhTilllDeathhh 81]

One could have a sexual past and changed their views and begin to wait. I really would prefer a waiter because my view on waiting is largely rooted in my faith and values and if me and a potential partner don't have similar values then shoot...its not gonna work out anyways.

[Jegsy Scarr 3,521]

Yes, I would. I'm still undecided if I'd marry someone if they'd had a one night stand, or if I'd only marry someone who's only had sex in committed relationships. (So I've just picked both)

xxx

[Sophie 1,280]

That's the way to be! Plus, I'm sure you're really pretty [inside and out] because those who don't gloat about their looks typically are very attractive! :3

Aw, thank you! <3 I am certainly not unattractive and I know I can be pretty (assuming my hormones aren't acting up and I don't have acne. lol.) But I am a curvy girl, and I'm not talking just like a size 8. I know a lot of guys won't be able to see past my weight, which is upsetting but I have to accept that.

[Guest]

I would honestly marry a woman who has had sex prior to me, and all the women that I have dated (3) were not virgins. They all had their various reasons for having sex and only my last ex was actually a Christian. I use that term loosely because although we did attend the same church and we did volunteer as youth leaders, her and I had many questionable moments. I have never dated a virgin and have honestly only ever known maybe a handful that were my age. The only virgins I know my age these days are all people that I've met through this site which is actually a little disheartening. Ideally, I would love to marry a virgin but I realize with each passing year that is more a dream than anything. Statistically speaking, I will probably marry a non-virgin if I marry at all. That doesn't mean I will love her any less, it simply means that her and I will have to overcome different obstacles as opposed to me dating/marrying a woman who was a virgin.

I feel it's important to always keep an open heart when dealing with these kinds of hypothetical scenarios. I could absolutely meet someone who was amazing and beautiful and perfectly designed for me, with the only drawback being that she had made some decisions in her past that I wouldn't agree with. There are many things that I could forgive a woman for and sex is one of them, granted there would be certain conditions placed for us to progress the relationship.

[Amber Elizabeth 868]

No, never. Maybe under really specific circumstances, but I really, really want to only marry another virgin. 

[HeWhoWaits 176]

I chose the bottom answer, I would not date/marry someone who's not a waiter. Deal breaker issue.

[Abdur Rehman Khan Durrani 4]

It will depend on situation.  How would I know if she is virgin or not? But I'll not marry a person who has illicit relationship if I know about it

[Z3R03Z 10]

It wouldn't be ideal, but would I doom myself to be forever alone?

[Beastar625 5]

It seems like this is the only place we could ever find other virgins or wtm looking for wtm what a great website I hope all people of this persuasion sign up so the numbers here will grow! We are strong! I want to find someone who waited for me and I am not talking about wtm but the first relationship because we are right for each other I still have shreds of hope at 30 that there is someone out there for me who waited I think waiting for marriage is wonderful that you wait until after the traditional ceremony for me religion doesn't play a role in it is more that I always waited to get intimate so I would think if there is someone out there we would naturally gravitate to each other. I would actually think having a ceremony before would make it even better that we waited and since most brides who don't wait wear white and most men who don't wait where tuxedos I would like a different kind of ceremony beforehand because those symbols don't mean anything to me anymore other than my cultural conditioning but that's not strong enough.

[Guest]

One of the sad statistics about marriage is that less than 4% of those who marry are virgins. These days it's almost considered unnatural to be in a loving, committed relationship and not be sexually active. I have resigned to the fact that my future wife (if I marry) will almost 100% be a non-virgin. 

I've had friends tell me that if I want to find a virgin I should find one at church. Yet in all my experiences it is often the women at church that are my age or a few years younger who seem to be the most sexually active. To most of them, attending church is more a way to find a 'good' man as opposed to finding a 'God-seeking' one. They seek someone who will be trustworthy and committed in a relationship, as opposed to someone who will be supportive and encouraging in her walk with Christ. I feel like church is a hunting ground for men who seek to find a 'conquest'.

It is so rare to find someone who is willing to wait these days, and of those only a small percentage of them are actually virgins. I personally would marry a woman who wasn't a virgin but only because my dating pool would be so limited if I chose to only date a fellow virgin. I think a woman's mindset is far more important than her sexual past, but I have dated a woman who wasn't a virgin and also wasn't regretful of her sexual past. Sadly, she was also a woman I wanted to marry because I felt like I would never be able to find a woman who was attracted to me the same way she was. 

So in short my answer is yes, only because I know I will never find  a fellow virgin willing to marry me. 

[JewelsDestiny 20]

I’ve really wanted to find someone with beliefs similar to mine, but after years and years of searching I have started to wonder if that desire will end up leaving me lonely, and single forever. At the same time, I hate the idea of being alone in my beliefs forever. I'm conflicted.

I think if the right situation presented itself, I would marry a non-waiter if he now believed in waiting, and he'd only been with a few women (in committed relationships). I do absolutely hate that, even saying that makes me a little sick, but it may be worth it in the end to be able to move on with life to the next chapter. I think it's situational. I 100% would be in heaven if I could marry someone who had the same passion and respect for waiting that I do, and I certainly know it would make a relationship easier. Dating and marrying someone with a different view on WTM can be a lot more frustrating. For example, being singled out and criticized from their family or friends. If both people were passionate waiters there would be a united front when it came to beliefs. That thought is enough for me to want to fight harder to find another waiter. 

I do want to note that I'm so thankful to have found a site where people share a passion for waiting. I didn't ever think that would happen.

[Will H 114]

For me, the reason I'm waiting isn't just about purity, it's about trust and respect. I want someone who respects my moral convictions and whom I can trust in the future to remain faithful. I also want our marriage to be built on more than just physical intimacy. I'm in it for the long haul!

Someone who has waited their whole life until marriage has a proven track record. While that's not to say that it's 100% certain that they will remain faithful, I have a lot more trust that they will.

For someone who hasn't waited, I think I need to look at their attitudes towards why they didn't wait and how they felt about it now. For instance, someone who was pressured into sex once and regretted it since would be easier for me to marry than someone who has had many sexual partners and to this day feels like there's nothing wrong with it. I'd have to figure it out on a case-by-case basis, and we'd have to have a lot of talks to make sure we're on the same page.

I do think that I'd need someone who is willing to wait until marriage even if I wasn't in the picture. I would probably be suspicious if they are only waiting because I asked them to, but would be having sex if they were in a different relationship with someone who didn't. Again, it's about the reasons behind waiting. If someone has a past they aren't proud of, yet are willing to wait for the same reasons I am, I'd like to think I'd be okay with that. But I guess I won't know unless it happens.

Suffice it to say that criticizing my decision to wait (even if they haven't had sex themselves!) is an instant dealbreaker.