PG1

Mementos

5 posts in this topic

How would you feel if you fell for someone who kept mementos from their past relationships? Or, if they'd kept letters they may have written to crushes, but never sent?

Would you feel that this just ties into say keeping a journal? Or, would you have a problem with it, thinking that they don't know how to let go of the past?

From my standpoint. I see no issue with it. To be honest, I have done both of these things. I believe that it's fine as long as you're not like going into the box all of the time and, like, sniffing things, or crying over it, and such. I mean, they are memories. A part of who you are. We all lose parts of our memory as we age, and it's proven that object and photos can help us remember who we are. So, if they had a box of memories, or even a few boxes, I'd be ok with that.

I'm curious as to the thoughts of other, because I think some people would have a problem with it.

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Well ultimately it's her belongings and so I don't think I have any right to tell her she can't keep them. I do admit I am a bit of a jealous type and I would probably not be thrilled that she kept stuff that likely will make her reminisce over fond memories with other guys. I guess it's one of those things we would discuss together. It really depends on what the memento is and what affect it has on her. If she can assure me that those trinkets are merely just keepsakes then I would be fine with it. But if it is something she looks at a lot and constantly brings up the subject of past exes and their experiences than I would definitely have a problem with that. 

I would say that I'd be fine with her keeping that stuff but for the sake of respecting our relationship, I would ask that she tuck those things away somewhere and only take them out occasionally. I don't think that is an unreasonable request.

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I actually have a big problem with this from personal experience. My ex had a box that was filled with photos and little mementos of her last boyfriend, as well as letters from her first boyfriend. The fact that she had them isn't what bothered me because I myself have personal items from my past. I agree that she should have things that remind her of who she is. What did bother me was when she would take them out and talk about the memories that were associated with them, which she did periodically. 

Like this one photo that she had where her and her ex Gabriel were having a picnic in an open field. She proceeded to tell me how they had sex while on their picnic and that there were two skunks that had passed them by while they were getting busy. Stuff like that really bothers me and is incredibly inconsiderate. There were also items that she kept that would remind her of all the bad times she had growing up. Why would you want to keep items like that? 

For me it's the constant fear of history repeating itself and finding someone who hasn't moved on from her past relationships with other men. If they were items that were monumental to her character and the make up of of her morally, philosophically, and religiously then I would be fine with them. 

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In the past I was still in love with my first love so I true some memory away, to show people that I'm over that but Imust admit I held on to some others. Years had past and I was still having feelings for him, and I would often go in this little book and review the beautiful line he wrote for me efter our separation. But today I only go back to those words when I need to step back in my childhood. Today it's impossible for me to give up the gifts that I have received from my last ex boy friend. I think i have to find this new person that would help me have another reaction.

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Personally, I wouldn't be okay with it. Obviously I can't force her to get rid of things, but she would have to choose between me or the items.

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