PG1

Traditional vs Modern Married Financing...

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So, over the past few years I've realized something about myself, and it has made me wonder how people feel about the traditional one person works outside of the home while the other cares for the home scenario vs the modern both people work and care for the home scenario.

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Definitely traditional for me. I would strongly prefer that I work outside the home while my hypothetical wife stay home with the kids.

First I want to say I am all for women choosing to have a career outside the home if that is what she truly wants. Some women are most happy having an ambitious career and that is great. However, I will venture to say that I think most women are most happy when are raising kids at home. It's not a coincidence that women are the ones who biologically bear children, so it's not surprising that they would be the ones who tend to be naturally inclined to raise them full time. I've talked to so many career women who confess that they would have loved to have children and stay home with them or stay home with the kids they already have. But I think many of them have fed into the modern 3rd wave feminist lie that being a stay at home mom is somehow "low" or a something to be looked down upon. That's all it is, a lie and I am sharply critical of that narrative. Being a stay at home mom is a very noble and vital role and should be admired if that is what she truly wants to do. Family should always be the first priority when making decisions for what is best. Men and women are just different. We tend to have different ideas of what fulfills us which heavily influences their life choices. Most men desire to be providers and protectors, while most women desire to be nurturers and be in child care. Guess what? That's okay. Ultimately, I just want people to be true to themselves about what they want in life, not be coerced into a specific role because society pressures them to.

On a more personal note, I just find traditional-minded women to be extremely attractive. That's not sexist by any means, it's just what I prefer. It's sort of like how lots of women like a man who knows his way around fixing stuff like cars. Of course I fully intend to help around the house too. But I just like women who are traditionally feminine and knows how to maintain the household.

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It seems that there are a lot of men who do feel that two incomes is absolutely necessary, and don't feel that a housewife is real work...

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6 minutes ago, PhotoGirl said:

It seems that there are a lot of men who do feel that two incomes is absolutely necessary, and don't feel that a housewife is real work...

Those men are idiots. There are a lot of ignorant career women who think that too. If they spent just one day doing the work of a housewife, they would be begging to go back to their day jobs...and they would ask for overtime without pay. That thought process is yet another lie that comes from a place that being a homemaker is a "low" position. Did they ever stop and wonder why many couples fight over house chores? It's because it's hard work. Now imagine taking care of the entire household worth of chores yourself all day AND take care of children. I can't think of a harder job than that. Unlike a traditional 9-5 job, being a stay at home mom is a 24/7 job with no pay and no benefits. So anyone who says being a housewife isn't real work is delusional and needs to check themselves before they wreck themselves.

It is true that some families genuinely do need two incomes just to make ends meet. But more often than not, many couples both work just so they can maintain a degree of luxury in their lives. If they have kids, I do not think this is the ideal way to go. If at all possible, kids need to be raised at home with their parents, not spend most of the day being raised in daycare by strangers. People these days mistake luxuries for needs. I would much rather live within my means on one income if that would allow my wife to stay home with the kids. The time lost with my kids is not worth that extra nice car or that extra vacation a year to me.

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If we didn't have kids, I would expect her to be contributing to the household income. But certainly when we have kids I very very very much prefer her to stay at home and take care of the kids. Hopefully, my income and a frugal lifestyle will be enough to permit that. I think its better to live frugally anyway and better for the kids too. 

1 hour ago, PhotoGirl said:

feel that a housewife is real work...

If there weren't kids to take care of, I would agree. You can only cook and clean so much. And I see no point to my wife sitting alone at home rather than out in the world learning and/or working. Kids however take a lot of energy!

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2 minutes ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

If we didn't have kids, I would expect her to be contributing to the household income. But certainly when we have kids I very very very much prefer her to stay at home and take care of the kids. Hopefully, my income and a frugal lifestyle will be enough to permit that. I think its better to live frugally anyway and better for the kids too. 

If there weren't kids to take care of, I would agree. You can only cook and clean so much. And I see no point to my wife sitting alone at home rather than out in the world learning and/or working. Kids however take a lot of energy!

I respect your view, but I don't agree. Taking care of a home, and a husband, is a lot of work. Not to mention she might be into doing other things and not just sitting around. Being a housewife, assuming she doesn't have help, doesn't mean she's being lazy or not contributing. Think about it, in the old days, before women went into the workforce, even without kids she was busy.

i will add that if both people work I do have a viewpoint that most people don't consider., I think it's a better idea, Instead of living off of both, one should be used to necessities, while the other should be saved, and used for extras or vacations. You see, what if one loses their job? If you're living off both incomes, financing might become a lot worse than if you prepared by being not spending every cent. By living off both incomes, there have been a lot of cases where homes were lost, cars not being able to be maintained, even college savings or others being dipped into.

 

thank you for your honesty. It's exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate that.

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8 minutes ago, PhotoGirl said:

I think it's a better idea, Instead of living off of both, one should be used to necessities, while the other should be saved, and used for extras or vacations. You see, what if one loses their job?

Certainly a wise decision. 

8 minutes ago, PhotoGirl said:

Think about it, in the old days, before women went into the workforce, even without kids she was busy.

Not sure how far your going back here but sure, they used to make the family's clothes, help run the farm, run little businesses out of the home, mill the grain etc. Look at Proverbs 31. That is a highly industrious lady. My issue is not with where that takes place but that it takes place. If we are living on a farm, likely there will be enough work for one person to stay at home and not be wasting time. But if we live in a city [which I don't want to but for arguments sake] if she's not running a home business, or renovating, or spending a lot of time in ministry [or other valid, charitable work], or studying at home or working part time. I honestly think there would be a fair amount of time wasted. But I'm open to enlightenment. I just don't subscribe to the idea that the husband needs to be the sole breadwinner and the wife has to be free to pursue whatever she fancies (besides taking care of necessities) until the children come along. My boss worked ungodly hours during the workweek and then worked on his farm fencing and spraying and clearing on the weekends. Certainly, the wife helped run the farm but she also pursued a hobby home business that hardly, if ever broke even. Granted, by his own confession, he preferred being in the office since there were problems at home :(. But if both want to be together, why can't the wife earn a bit of income so the husband can work fewer hours and they can spend more time together?  

Also, thought I'd mention, that while some men can't stand the idea of being househusbands and I don't think that is ideal. If my wife sooo intent on pursuing her career, I'd stay home with the kids. Or maybe we could both work part-time but so that at least one of us is always at home with the kids. 

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2 minutes ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

Certainly a wise decision. 

Not sure how far your going back here but sure, they used to make the family's clothes, help run the farm, run little businesses out of the home, mill the grain etc. Look at Proverbs 31. That is a highly industrious lady. My issue is not with where that takes place but that it takes place. If we are living on a farm, likely there will be enough work for one person to stay at home and not be wasting time. But if we live in a city [which I don't want to but for arguments sake] if she's not running a home business, or renovating, or spending a lot of time in ministry [or other valid, charitable work], or studying at home or working part time. I honestly think there would be a fair amount of time wasted. But I'm open to enlightenment. I just don't subscribe to the idea that the husband needs to be the sole breadwinner and the wife has to be free to pursue whatever she fancies (besides taking care of necessities) until the children come along. My boss worked ungodly hours during the workweek and then worked on his farm fencing and spraying and clearing on the weekends. Certainly, the wife helped run the farm but she also pursued a hobby home business that hardly, if ever broke even. Granted, by his own confession, he preferred being in the office since there were problems at home :(. But if both want to be together, why can't the wife earn a bit of income so the husband can work fewer hours and they can spend more time together?  

Also, thought I'd mention, that while some men can't stand the idea of being househusbands and I don't think that is ideal. If my wife sooo intent on pursuing her career, I'd stay home with the kids. Or maybe we could both work part-time but so that at least one of us is always at home with the kids. 

Well, I do agree. I was actually thinking she might want to do a home business, or charity work. Also, if he wants to stay at home and she wants to work, I think that's fine. And the concept of her working some, so he can work fewer hours...I think that's kind of brilliant, if they both want to, as well.

Household work can be time consuming, if you keep to a schedule and want things to be deep cleaned as some people might, but as I said above, I think having something else is good, too.

All I'm really trying to gage here is the if I'm correct in thinking that not too many people like the idea of old traditional roles vs the new. I guess it's a little greyer than I expected.

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I would love to be a stay at home mom, at least until any kids I have are school-age (5-ish in the US). Probably a few years beyond that, if at all possible. My own mom stayed at home until I was in middle school, and I think it was super beneficial for me to have her so involved in my care (volunteering at school, leading Girl Scouts, just playing around, etc). I think she and I are much closer than we would have been were she working through my most formative years. Given the current financial state of the world, I realize this may not be possible for me, but it would really break my heart if I had to work when I had little babies.

As for when we don't have kids, or when our kids are older...eh, I've never had a career I felt passionate about, so sometimes I think "Man, I'd really love to be a housewife instead of having to work." But ultimately I think I'd feel bored, and like I wasn't contributing enough to the household, if I just stayed at home without doing anything else. However, if I pursued something like writing books and trying to get them published, or some other non-traditional career that is flexible and done primarily from home, then as long as it wasn't a financial burden on my partner I'd consider that a pretty ideal way to live.

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