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galileo

Getting Married - Advice on Inadequacy Fears?

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I'd really appreciate some advice on dealing with worries of physical inadequacy. 

So for a bit of background, I'm a guy, age 23, my fianceé is 22, and we're waiting until marriage because of our Christian faith. I'm a virgin, but my fianceé is not - she was not always as committed to Christ in life as I have been, and throughout her early life she was very promiscuous. It wasn't until she found Christ more deeply that she rejected that lifestyle, and understood that God created sex for pleasure and enjoyment in marriage -  she had this renewal before we met. We're getting married a little under a year from now, and I've been increasingly having anxiety that I will be inadequate for her - that I won't measure up physically to people she's had previously. I also worry that I will disappoint her with my lack of experience and that when we do have sex that my inexperience will be a burden for her and will make her unhappy or enjoy me less. Any advice on how I can work through these feelings internally, or how I can better talk through these feelings with her? I know it sounds silly and very insecure, and I know that we both love each other very much even now without the physical part of intimacy, but I still can't help but be nervous.

Thank you! 

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15 hours ago, galileo said:

I'd really appreciate some advice on dealing with worries of physical inadequacy. 

So for a bit of background, I'm a guy, age 23, my fianceé is 22, and we're waiting until marriage because of our Christian faith. I'm a virgin, but my fianceé is not - she was not always as committed to Christ in life as I have been, and throughout her early life she was very promiscuous. It wasn't until she found Christ more deeply that she rejected that lifestyle, and understood that God created sex for pleasure and enjoyment in marriage -  she had this renewal before we met. We're getting married a little under a year from now, and I've been increasingly having anxiety that I will be inadequate for her - that I won't measure up physically to people she's had previously. I also worry that I will disappoint her with my lack of experience and that when we do have sex that my inexperience will be a burden for her and will make her unhappy or enjoy me less. Any advice on how I can work through these feelings internally, or how I can better talk through these feelings with her? I know it sounds silly and very insecure, and I know that we both love each other very much even now without the physical part of intimacy, but I still can't help but be nervous.

Thank you! 

Hi :)

Thank you very much for sharing with us ^^

I'm not married yet :superwaiter::rolleyes:

But I just wanted to give a little help...

I had read the book from Joshua Harris, who wrote the book : "I kissed dating good bye".

He explains that he married a non virgin girl, and he was a virgin. Today, they are still together and have children. He is very happy in his marriage.

He says that, of course, like you, he would have preferred her to be a virgin... But he was so deeply in love with her, because she had everything she wanted in a woman.

And she regretted her past a lot. She wasn't raised as a christian, so she had made bad choices in the sex area.

Once she became a christian, she was very dedicated to God. 

So, I don't know if he gives details on how was the first experience with his wife...But I guess he was confronted with the same things as yourself.

And  he succeeded quite well.

So, what I would suggest is this. 

Actually, sex in marriage, is the result of the intimacy that already exists between the two partners spiritually and emotionally. So, if you both have this spiritual and emotional bond prior to marriage, it will only increase and go deeper once married. But of course, you need the help of God to do that.

Even if she has had sex before, sex with you, will be the first time and she loves you. So you will both learn sex together as a married christian couple.

I absolutely do understand your interrogations. That's normal. But I think that you have nothing to fear if you have the conviction that God is in the matter.

I believe that you can pray about it, and ask God to take control of your first night together. And even for the other nights :P

I don't think it's stupid or extreme to ask God His help on this matter, because He created us and has the manual :lol::lol:

So, well...that's my advice...but I guess the advice of a married waiter would be more than welcome by you :P which I understand :D

I pray the best for you :)

  

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