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Telling your parents you're a virgin or WTM

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Just curious, but how many of your parents or family members know that you are a virgin or WTM?

I'm not sure if this question has been asked before and I certainly don't feel like going through pages of topics just to find it. But I was curious how many of you have freely told your parents/family members about your decision to wait? Me personally, I have never told anyone outside maybe a handful of people that I'm a virgin. No one in my family knows either. I was kind of ashamed of it when I was younger due to peer pressure, but as I got older I realized that the only power people will ever have over me, is that which I give them. 

That being said, I still have a really hard time being around family when everyone is either married or has children. Sometimes I feel pressured by my family  to have children and settle down. I feel like if I told them they would look at me funny, maybe even differently from now on. And I feel awkward enough as it is whenever they ask me if i'm dating anyone or when am I going to bring a girl home to meet them? I don't even want to imagine my parents trying to explain the 'birds and bees' to me at the age of 29. I guess in a way I would kind of feel like a disappointment to them, which I know isn't true. 

I was just wondering if anyone else felt this way or similarly. And to those of you who have told family members about your decision to wait, how did you do so? And what were their reactions when you told them? 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. :)

Jorge

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I don't know how much help I will be mostly because my parents were very supportive of my decision to wait to the point of buying me my purity ring for me when I turned 18. I would say just being honest with your parents is the best piece of advice I can give. To me communication, explaining to them your reasons while also just making it clear that they do not have to agree with those reasons but that you would appreciate that they respect them. Also maybe making it clear that asking questions is okay or that you are willing to talk about it as long as they are respectful. Just making it something that they know you are comfortable with talking about I think is huge. For me talking to my parents about things like my decision to wait can be hard and I don't share everything because they don't understand it the same way I do. For me a lot of it is talking to people who waited themselves and understand what I am going through which is why this site is amazing.

I guess my advice is just be honest and open with your parents they love you and even they keep asking about children just say what I always, "It will happen at the right time. Now's just not the time." Or my personal favorite, "I can't wait to have kids mom and dad but you'll have to wait a bit on that one." I think it's just a matter of communicating and even if its a bit awkward its worth it to be honest and open with your parents at least in my opinion. Trust me though I know it can be tough I feel you and I'm always here if you want to chat or need someone to listen, we're all in the same boat as you. Hope this helped and always here if you need a listening ear. 

Andrea 

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I haven't told them straight up that i'm a virgin but they now. I've expressed my beliefs of WTM so they now that too. I'm referring to immediate family - the rest would have no idea since we aren't in touch that much.

Pretty sure your old enough to take control of your sex education. And your parents would know that.

I think its a good thing to share and i would work on any shame you feel about it. Unless you have doubts about your beliefs. 

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I told my parents and my sister that I am waiting till marriage and they were supportive. True, it was awkward at first telling people you are waiting till marriage and a virgin, when it feels (at least to me) that the rest of world expects guys to have had sex already. For example, I was with a bunch of guy friends after a music jam session and one of the men looked me straight in my face and said, "hey you should go to the the Philippines and have sex with a bunch of beautiful women". He was from that country. I told him that I wanted to have sex with one woman, my wife. There was awkward silence following my remark lol.

Yes sometimes you will feel pressured to have sex already, pressured to have children, or wonder if something is wrong with you because you are waiting till marriage. What I learned from that experience is waiting till marriage is a difficult decision but it is your decision and it is a good one. What helped me when I felt tempted to give up waiting till marriage is finding like-minded good friends who support your decision to wait and I found them on this site. 

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On 2/5/2017 at 11:55 PM, drea93 said:

I don't know how much help I will be mostly because my parents were very supportive of my decision to wait to the point of buying me my purity ring for me when I turned 18. I would say just being honest with your parents is the best piece of advice I can give. To me communication, explaining to them your reasons while also just making it clear that they do not have to agree with those reasons but that you would appreciate that they respect them. Also maybe making it clear that asking questions is okay or that you are willing to talk about it as long as they are respectful. Just making it something that they know you are comfortable with talking about I think is huge. For me talking to my parents about things like my decision to wait can be hard and I don't share everything because they don't understand it the same way I do. For me a lot of it is talking to people who waited themselves and understand what I am going through which is why this site is amazing.

I guess my advice is just be honest and open with your parents they love you and even they keep asking about children just say what I always, "It will happen at the right time. Now's just not the time." Or my personal favorite, "I can't wait to have kids mom and dad but you'll have to wait a bit on that one." I think it's just a matter of communicating and even if its a bit awkward its worth it to be honest and open with your parents at least in my opinion. Trust me though I know it can be tough I feel you and I'm always here if you want to chat or need someone to listen, we're all in the same boat as you. Hope this helped and always here if you need a listening ear. 

Andrea 

Thank you for the advice Andrea. I think in some ways my parents have their assumptions about me being a virgin, but aren't 100% certain. I actually have a very good relationship with my parents and they know I can tell them anything. Communication between us is pretty amazing but I don't feel they would fully understand because they themselves didn't wait. My father was actually divorced when he met my mom and they had my older brother almost a full year before they married. I think they would accept my willingness and reasons for waiting, but I don't think they would understand me.

I know they would never judge me or make me feel any less their son, but it's still something I wouldn't feel entirely comfortable discussing with them. 

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4 minutes ago, Jorge said:

Thank you for the advice Andrea. I think in some ways my parents have their assumptions about me being a virgin, but aren't 100% certain. I actually have a very good relationship with my parents and they know I can tell them anything. Communication between us is pretty amazing but I don't feel they would fully understand because they themselves didn't wait. My father was actually divorced when he met my mom and they had my older brother almost a full year before they married. I think they would accept my willingness and reasons for waiting, but I don't think they would understand me.

I know they would never judge me or make me feel any less their son, but it's still something I wouldn't feel entirely comfortable discussing with them. 

Yeah I get it same with my family my mom and step dad had my younger sister before they were married. I know that like they would never say anything outright about it but they might never be able to completely get it either. It's tough if you're not waiting to truly understand why someone is waiting. I know its that very fine but totally noticeable difference between acceptance and total understanding. I get it and remember you can always chat with any of us here, we totally understand what you are going through since we're going through it too. :)  

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On 2/6/2017 at 0:51 PM, 'tis the Bearded One said:

I haven't told them straight up that i'm a virgin but they now. I've expressed my beliefs of WTM so they now that too. I'm referring to immediate family - the rest would have no idea since we aren't in touch that much.

Pretty sure your old enough to take control of your sex education. And your parents would know that.

I think its a good thing to share and i would work on any shame you feel about it. Unless you have doubts about your beliefs. 

I'm mainly just concerned with my immediate family. I know my brother thinks i'm not a virgin because I used to spend the night at my ex's house quite a bit. And self-education has taken me to both ends of the spectrum in regards to addiction and abstinence. I don't really feel any shame to be honest when it comes to being a virgin. I guess I just don't feel quite like a man in my parents/families eyes, which is dumb and completely untrue. I know.

I've had issues with wanting to wait, mainly after my ex left and married less than a year after us breaking up. The worst part was us both being elders/youth leaders at our church. I had to see her all the time and she did a number on my heart. She played me like a fiddle and after she was done she basically just threw me away. It was my first experience with being emotionally and intimately used like that. 

And the worst part about it was her being a "Christian" woman of God. I still don't trust church women after what she did and would probably never date/marry a woman from church. 

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On 2/8/2017 at 9:56 PM, Slayerofdragon said:

I told my parents and my sister that I am waiting till marriage and they were supportive. True, it was awkward at first telling people you are waiting till marriage and a virgin, when it feels (at least to me) that the rest of world expects guys to have had sex already. For example, I was with a bunch of guy friends after a music jam session and one of the men looked me straight in my face and said, "hey you should go to the the Philippines and have sex with a bunch of beautiful women". He was from that country. I told him that I wanted to have sex with one woman, my wife. There was awkward silence following my remark lol.

Yes sometimes you will feel pressured to have sex already, pressured to have children, or wonder if something is wrong with you because you are waiting till marriage. What I learned from that experience is waiting till marriage is a difficult decision but it is your decision and it is a good one. What helped me when I felt tempted to give up waiting till marriage is finding like-minded good friends who support your decision to wait and I found them on this site. 

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Believe it or not, I have actually lost quite a few friends over the years because of how they would pressure me or criticize me for not having sex (some of them church going Christians) . My own brother even once offered to buy me a prostitute when we were in Thailand. He said it half jokingly, but I know at least a small part of him was serious about it too at the time. 

When I was a church elder for the youth ministry, all us leaders had to be part of a 'tribe'. It was a group of guys or girls (only) where we would basically disciple to one another. I was in a group with about 7 other leaders, and we all became really close friends. Two of the guys became my best friends and while we were supposed to be following Jesus' example, they would often have sex with all these women from church and tell me I should stop putting the p**** on a pedestal. (Sorry for the language). 

They would make sexual jokes at my expense and when their relationships ended, they would always feel bad for having sex. These were the kind of 'like-minded' friends I had gain through church. I've discovered that there are 'like-minded' people here who share many of my same views, but I am so hesitant to engage with anyone because of what I have experienced in the past. I haven't really met many people who were supporting me in my decision to wait prior to joining this site, and I tend to find myself waiting for others to hurt me the same way others have hurt me in the past. 

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When I told my mother, she was really supportive. She was sexually active prior to her wedding night to my father and had a lot of regrets. She wanted me to be spared of a broken heart. Her faith in Christ also helped her understand my decision.

My father was a different story. He told me my beliefs were outdated. He looked straight into my eyes and said no man would ever want to wait for me. I had just explained to him that I'd broken up with my first boyfriend because he refused to wait until we were married to have sex. My father told me to call him up and beg him to take me back.

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That's awful S & S. That is a terribly hateful and untrue thing for a father to tell his daughter. It used to be expected that a father would be protective of his daughter. A guy who will not wait does not really love his girlfriend so you are not missing out there at all.

I don't think I've ever stated outright to my parents that I am a virgin. But I think they have probably deduced it from other things I've said and such. I certainly don't have any embarrassment about it though. Being from a religious household, I guess you could just say it's just the norm for me so it's never really come up as a topic of discussion. 

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7 minutes ago, Syzygy said:

That's awful S & S. That is a terribly hateful and untrue thing for a father to tell his daughter. It used to be expected that a father would be protective of his daughter. A guy who will not wait does not really love his girlfriend so you are not missing out there at all.

I don't think I've ever stated outright to my parents that I am a virgin. But I think they have probably deduced it from other things I've said and such. I certainly don't have any embarrassment about it though. Being from a religious household, I guess you could just say it's just the norm for me so it's never really come up as a topic of discussion. 

Thanks for the support. My father's words really hurt me. Today, I believe he was wrong. But when I was younger, what he said had a lot of impact. I started doubting there were guys out there waiting for girls like me. I joined this website to never forget I wasn't alone in my desire for pure love.

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1 hour ago, SugarAndSpice said:

When I told my mother, she was really supportive. She was sexually active prior to her wedding night to my father and had a lot of regrets. She wanted me to be spared of a broken heart. Her faith in Christ also helped her understand my decision.

My father was a different story. He told me my beliefs were outdated. He looked straight into my eyes and said no man would ever want to wait for me. I had just explained to him that I'd broken up with my first boyfriend because he refused to wait until we were married to have sex. My father told me to call him up and beg him to take me back.

I think both of my parents would be supportive if I told them. The issue is that neither of them really talked about God, or faith, or religion, or even sex at all growing up. They just assumed that all of us were sexually active by now. My parents were never very supportive of me or my interests growing up as a result of overworking to provide for the family. So having their support in anything is so foreign to me. 

I'm sorry to hear about your father and his words. I have been told very hurtful things by my parents that have made me question their love for me at all. As a result, I have learned not to rely on anyone. He was wrong to tell you that, and part of his reasoning may be because he himself has regrets. I've had friends criticize and ridicule me for being a virgin because they regretted not being one themselves. They carried emotional baggage and wanted me to share in that same pain. 

When so many are lonely, as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone. 

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23 minutes ago, Jorge said:

I think both of my parents would be supportive if I told them. The issue is that neither of them really talked about God, or faith, or religion, or even sex at all growing up. They just assumed that all of us were sexually active by now. My parents were never very supportive of me or my interests growing up as a result of overworking to provide for the family. So having their support in anything is so foreign to me. 

I'm sorry to hear about your father and his words. I have been told very hurtful things by my parents that have made me question their love for me at all. As a result, I have learned not to rely on anyone. He was wrong to tell you that, and part of his reasoning may be because he himself has regrets. I've had friends criticize and ridicule me for being a virgin because they regretted not being one themselves. They carried emotional baggage and wanted me to share in that same pain. 

When so many are lonely, as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone. 

You could bring up the topic of wtm without saying that you're doing it yourself at first. See how your parents react and decide then if you want to fess up or not.

Ps : saying "to fess up" might not be the best choice of words. You're doing something right, not wrong.

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10 hours ago, Jorge said:

I think both of my parents would be supportive if I told them. The issue is that neither of them really talked about God, or faith, or religion, or even sex at all growing up. They just assumed that all of us were sexually active by now. My parents were never very supportive of me or my interests growing up as a result of overworking to provide for the family. So having their support in anything is so foreign to me. 

I'm sorry to hear about your father and his words. I have been told very hurtful things by my parents that have made me question their love for me at all. As a result, I have learned not to rely on anyone.

That's so painful to hear this ... and I'm sorry that you had to go through this emotional pain and loneliness while growing up... What is the most shocking thing, is that your case is not an isolated case, unfortunately... This seems to be the norm nowadays... That's such a shame...

For various reasons, a lot of parents see themselves forced to work a lot, far from home, for long hours, in order to provide financially for their families...and they are so oppressed and tired, that they have no more time left to take care of their children emotionnally and spiritually...They are overwhelmed... This situation is totally abnormal...but unfortunately it seems to be more and more common nowadays.

As a result, a lot of children feel lost and don't trust anyone ...as you do... I understand how you feel and I pray for your whole healing, and that you can be totally restored with the pure and deep love of God.

That's absolutely amazing that you chose to wait till marriage and that you're a believer. That is the grace of God in your life. And you can be proud of yourself for your choices :) That's truly admirable :)

10 hours ago, Jorge said:

I have been told very hurtful things by my parents that have made me question their love for me at all. As a result, I have learned not to rely on anyone

That's absolutely unfair from their part...and I'm sincerely sorry you had to experience this. That shouldn't have been the case. I don't know the story of your parents...so I don't know the reasons why they acted like that...

Usually, people give what they have...so if they didn't give you the attention and affection that you deserved as their child, it's probable that it's because they were hurt themselves and didn't receive much from their parents and didn't know how to take care of you spiritually and emotionnally. I'm just assuming here. I don't know for sure.

Anyway, the best thing you can do for your own happiness and success and healing, is to forgive them and look for healthy models (as parents). In real life or on the internet.

I mean, I think that it's important for you to be able to know that there are healthy parents who take care of their children, not only financially, but also spiritually and emotionnally. I think that it's important for you, in order to be balanced and for your future wife and children to come.

And remember that God, the Father is the first One you can be inspired by. He can teach you how to be a blossoming young adult first, and also how to be a good parent, and He is a very good Father for all of us who rely upon Him.

"Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me" Psalm 27v10

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you !" Says God Isaiah 49v15

I said all these things to you because I was touched by your words...

I pray the best for you :)

 

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