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Had a major slip up recently. How do I deal with the that?

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Recently, I had a major slip up. I'm not even too sure if I can still call myself a virgin. Anyway, I dated this girl recently purely because I was really lonely at the time and needed some company, going places. Anyway, she ended up convincing me to do a lot of things. Basically touched all the bases and did everything aside from actually putting it in where it counts.

Anyway, we're not together anymore and I feel really bad about it. I don't whether to call myself a virgin or not anymore. I'm just really disappointed in myself that I let that happen. I was feeling really discouraged at the time so I guess it was just bad timing. I just need advising forgiving myself and moving on.

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I think the first step is accepting that it happened and there's nothing you can do to change it. It may not happen overnight, but eventually you'll come to terms with it. At that point you will realize that forgiving yourself is the only real choice you have. Otherwise you will be consumed with guilt that will prevent you from moving on with your life. Try to take what happened as a learning experience. I totally get what it's like to feel super lonely and it's tempting to want remedy that in all sorts of unhealthy ways. But I think now that you've gone through it, you realize that it's not worth doing again. What you did isn't the end of the world, nor does it mean you will never find the right girl. It doesn't matter whether you are technically a virgin or not. That question tends to drive people nuts with all sorts of technicalities and legalism.

I don't usually ask whether a person is a virgin or not, but rather how "pure" they were. I like to think of it as trying to save as much of myself as I can for my future wife. Even if you've done stuff before, you can still tell your future wife one day of all the times you resisted temptation and refused sexual offers for her sake. I promise you that if she is the right one, she will respect and appreciate that about you so much regardless of what you've done in the past.

It's not too late, man. You can start all over again and keep waiting :) 

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First of all, thanks for sharing. I commend you for waiting in general. I rarely encounter young men in real life who have made the decision to wait. We waiters are extremely rare, especially in our choices and our actions… which makes most of the population confused on why we hold such high standards for ourselves. The thing is other people’s opinions of us should not affect how we view ourselves. Yes, temptation is the biggest issue as a waiter, especially since our generation is extremely sexualized, but I feel sometimes you have to experience the worst of the worst, be it regret, in order to give yourself a reality check so you can fall back on what truly matters in your heart. Like the fellow waiter who replied before me, you have to accept what has happened, instead of dwelling in regret, which gets you nowhere. The great thing is that you have already recognized that what you did is an issue, in your eyes, and now you can take apart the situation, possibly finding factors to what led you to the scenario, and build yourself back up from there.

As I see from your description, waiting is truly something you hold valuable, as seen by your disappointment in the situation. That, in itself, shows your true character. Additionally, your statement that you two are no longer together, further validates your value of waiting till marriage, which is what we waiters are all about. Contrary to popular belief, sex isn’t a sport. In my eyes, it’s meant for a couple who have a strong foundation, be it in friendship or else, because relationships are not supposed to be just for sex. So it’s okay to be discouraged, because that’s just human nature, but keep being strong because you are special and you have great morals.

I forget where I got this from but there’s an awesome analogy between fire and sex. Fire, in the right environment, can provide warmth and energy, etc. But fire that isn’t in its correct environment can cause devastation. So, like fire, sex in the right environment (in marriage) is beautiful, which can result in the growing of a family. But sex not in the right environment (like premarital), can cause disappointment, regret, devastation for both parties (i.e. unwanted pregnancies, psychological issues, trust issues, familial issues, etc).

You seem very sweet, and I’m sure one day you’ll be an awesome, loving husband. Keep on doing you. Cheers!

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Thanks, all of you for the advice.
You are definitely right. Those are all things I had lost sight of.
After fighting to protect your virginity or temptation for so long, sometimes you can have a tendency to lose sight
of the why or more-so that becomes your identity. It all came at a moment of weakness.
Instead of focusing on the things I messed up on, I should be focusing on the things I still haven't done that my wife and I can still do for the first time.

Again, thank you all for the advice. I'm going to focus on improving myself now and getting ready for when I do meet the right one.
Hopefully, I can start talking to girls soon. lol

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Yeah, man. Again, focus on friendship before a relationship. When initiating talking to a girl, find a balance between flirty and friendly. It's essential to have friendship as your first focus. And if the girl you're talking to starts to have feelings for you, then pursue it. If she doesn't, then no feelings hurt. Plus you might even gained a friend, who may even be your wing girl! Lol. Friendship should always be a foundation, because if it isn't, your relationship would only be set in sexual attraction, which is never a good thing. Talking to a girl is like talking to any other person. Figure out the type of person you'd like to marry. Do you want her to have the same hobbies as you? Same talents? Fave shows? Or do you want her to have opposite traits and faves from you so you both bring something different to the table and complement each other? Think about that when talking to any girl. It's the same as talking to a female cousin, a sister, a classmate, a neighbor, a teacher, a random stranger you cross paths with, etc. It should just come out naturally, never forced or rehearsed. But yeah, when talking girls, don't go in thinking about a relationship, because that sets yourself up for failure. Best of luck!

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