Cody

Question Time!

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Hey guys, I'm going to post a series of questions and I want to see what everyone thinks. If you are new to this site and just reading this for the first time, create an account and join us!

Question 1: All other things being equal (personality compatibility, communication, maturity, intellect, goals & priorities), can a couple that doesn't wait (or has one person waiting and another who didn't) ever be as strong as a couple that waits?

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It really depends, in my opinion. I suppose either one of the first two types of couples could be strong...so long as they viewed as something only for long term relationships. But (maybe it's the idealist in me) I can't see them as being as strong. For a couple (especially one that's faced as many obstacles as my parents...being that they're from opposite ends of the world, different religions, first languages, etc.) waiting would definitely provide the extra 'umph' to keep going, so to speak. If you feel that you were made (by God or some other force) to be with this one and only person, I honestly feel that your going to give the relationship and that person your all...as opposed to someone who didn't wait and has become jaded as a result (i.e. the "All I really get from them is sex and the occasional backrub w/soothing words that I reallu don't believe in...I can get that from anyone else...so if it starts to go to Hell (so to speak) I can and will just bail and find someone else." stance on things). Personally, having waited thus far, I'd prolly have what some have called VAS or Virgin Attachment Syndrome, lol. Hence my willingness to work through a lot more c**p, unlike some of my friends, who have become jaded due to not waiting (trust me, that fact played a HUGE role in getting them into/keeping them in some REALLY REALLY bad relationships). That's my two cents...and all I have to say for now.

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But (maybe it's the idealist in me) I can't see them as being as strong.

Definitely agree. I think part of the reason that a couple that doesn't wait or has one person that didn't wait can't be as strong is due to lost bonding potential. A couple that takes that final journey together, moving from the mental and emotional realm into the physical, has so much more opportunities for growth together.

I also tend to think that people who wait have a certain mentality that translates to long term success. This ties into what you were talking about with people who don't wait finding it easy to jump from relationship to relationship. Two people who are waiting are going to be vastly more invested in their first physical relationship that they'll try and work through just about any obstacle to keep things intact.

Thanks for weighing in Tempest!

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Question 1: All other things being equal (personality compatibility, communication, maturity, intellect, goals & priorities), can a couple that doesn't wait (or has one person waiting and another who didn't) ever be as strong as a couple that waits?

I think that they can be but it might require a little bit more work and time. The couple who waits has practiced not only restraint and discipline, but they've also taken the time to get to know each other without sex clouding the getting to know you stage. To see your partner for who they are and explore personalities without certain pressures will make for a less abrupt transition period later on . Simply chancing things pregnancy before you're ready or countless other things. Even if you're compatible on so many levels, if you don't take the time to fully on getting your relationship to work, it can still fail. Waiting provides you with an avenue to learn your potential mate without hormones completely obscuring your logic^.^

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Nice responses everyone! Now it's time for -

Question 2!

Is there a difference between genders regarding the impact of physical intimacy? Can girls – assuming they are more emotionally oriented than men – can more easily overcome previous physical relationships and still love someone as strongly as if they had waited? Can guys - assuming they are more physically oriented - put the past away and approach sex in a new relationship with a fresh perspective?

Let me know what you all think. I'd love to hear from the girls on this one!

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Wow. This is a really tough question. I can not say from experience, but I'll give a little background so my answer makes sense. I know I am more emotional than most men. It's how I am. I am more sensitive, empathetic, and caring. How I am. Am i saying all women are? No. But am I? Yes. I dated a guy for a bit in the fall semester and he spent the night a few times, and we got to cuddle, make out--it was the first time I actually let a guy stay with me in my bed. To me, that was a big deal. I still dream of finding another guy I can trust like that-someone who I could cuddle up to and take a nap with, that respects my decision to wait. I know I will be able to love again, just no one in my life righ tnow =P I"m trying to really LIVE and enjoy things and see what happens =)

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Ooh and to clarify-since you are interested in women's perspectives, anything physical wsith me and a guy is my expression of how I like them. For instance I made out with a guy who I had just hung out with a few times and gone on an actual date at one point, and to me I feel I had more feelings connected to it. This guy seems to be able to "sleep with someone" to put it nicer than he would and not feel regret. But, later when drinking he would tell me he felt bad for all those girls he hurt; he tries not to remember the faces. =( Like with the guy in the fall, we had amazing chemistry-I know we didn't need to actually have sex to know it would be good. I think I could already 'feel' that by how we were making out/that we were both really into each other, etc.

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