redgrapes

Career Preferences for Your Future Spouse

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Which careers, if any, do you find desirable or undesirable in a potential partner? 

And career can include homemaker and stay at home mother/father.

I am curious to see the answers because I have considered a career path most "family men" would consider undesirable (no, not that kind of career ;)). If nobody touches on mine in the responses, I may ask about it in the "Ask the Guys" section.

This question was also inspired by some of the responses to "What would you do?" by @Naturally. Apologies in advance if there is already a similar thread in existence.

(I'll answer my own question later.)

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What I am concerned about isn't so much the type of career my future wife has as it is her mindset. I don't want a "career first" woman, I am looking for a woman who is on the fairly traditional variety. This means no matter her career choice, her first priority is the family (as is the same for me). My preference is that she stays home with the kids. I am working towards a career that makes it feasible for a family to be comfortable on one income. The last thing I want is my kids being raised in daycare while both parents work for the sake of maintaining a lifestyle that is more than what we need. Children need the presence of their parents, not extra luxuries as a substitute. I plan to spend as much time with the family as possible the moment I clock out for the day. I am not working for ambition, I am working primarily to support a family. I am a family man first. One way or another, one of us will stay home with the kids. So if by chance she has the higher income, I may stay at home at home with the kids. It's not my preference, but I will do what is necessary for the sake of the family.

I'd be fine if my future wife wanted a career outside of the home. But again, our primary goal should be family first, careers second. I'd prefer it if her job had flexible hours so if she wanted to work while the kids are in school she can do that. Then pick up the kids when they are off. I wouldn't want her working anywhere that is unethical or encourages a vice. That means I wouldn't approve of her working in the adult industry, bar tending or a smoke shop. I would also feel uneasy if she was working in a manual labor job. It's not that I don't think women shouldn't be allowed to do them, I just think most women aren't as well suited for those jobs. I wouldn't do those jobs myself and I'd just worry for her safety all the time. Luckily, most women don't want those kind of jobs anyways.

On a side note to all who are considering homemaking/stay at home parent, especially the ladies. Society will tell you that it's a worthless path or look down on you for it. They are wrong. It is a noble calling to raise the next generation full time. Being a stay at home parent is a thankless job and it isn't a 9-5 thing, it's a 24/7 thing. There's no income and no benefits. But I believe it involves the most priceless reward: Being able to see your kids grow before your very eyes. I am willing to bet that if most critics just spent one day being a stay-at-home parent, they would be begging to go back to 9-5 jobs. Don't let the haters stop you.

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I actually had to think a little about this because I never gave it much thought before. The only career that I could come up with that I would find undesirable would be if they were an abortion doctor/nurse. But then, I don't think a true Catholic would be one. 

I would love to be a stay at home mom. But the reality of the economy these days, that may not be able to happen. Hopefully I will be close enough to my parents to utilize Nana (my mom), like my sister and brother-n-law are able to do. I could always do an at home job as well, something arts and craftsy. 

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I would have to agree with Vince on many of the points he previously stated. Granted I am quite an ambitious person, I have goals that I wish to achieve someday that stretch far beyond my own dreams and affect the lives of many others. Work is important to me because of what I wish to do, but family will always be the driving force in my life. I would also like for my children to someday taste the fruits of my labor and experience the joy of helping others less fortunate than ourselves. Being a missionary and a doctor have always been two goals of mine from when I was a child. Ideally, I would love for my wife to have that passion as well but it is not a requirement. I know there are many professions that most guys would see as desirable especially if they're the breadwinner in the family, but I really don't have a preference on a desirable profession for my wife. I for one will work to provide for my family but if she really wanted to work, I guess there are a few professions that I could think of where I would be glad she had. As long as we both had the mentality that work should not take over our lives. Raising and caring for our children should always come first. There are so many things that we can give a child that money can't buy. Things like love, joy, peace, hope, kindness, acceptance, encouragement, laughter, forgiveness, time; there is not enough money to buy them and not too little to give them. It will cost us nothing more than we freely possess to give.

I would greatly encourage my wife if she wanted to pursue a profession that brought her joy. Teacher is one, because a lot of my immediate family members are teacher so it would be easy for me to understand the stresses of her day/job. Stay at home mom would also be another choice, and yes fellas, it is a profession whether or not she gets paid for it. 

As for professions that I would find undesirable, I think lawyer would definitely have to be close to the top. Lawyers in and of themselves are all pretty much universally viewed in a negative light. Aside from the long hours spent away from home I feel it would also make it very difficult to keep a marriage intensely intimate. I also feel any little argument would turn into debate on who is 'in the right'. I don't want my wife to take her 'win at all costs' mentality home with her. Work should stay at work and home life should be ALL ABOUT FAMILY.

Psychiatrist would also be another but for much of the psychoanalysis that would be going on. I need a wife, not Dr. Phil. I would want my wife to support me not try and fix me.

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Thank you @Invincible@samaye, and @Jorge for your responses. Discussing stay at home mothers reminded me of something I ponder:

A woman desiring to be a stay at home mom still requires a source of income in the mean time, at least until she meets and marries her husband. Aspiring stay at home mothers who haven't met "the one" at a very young age are left with no other option than to pursue a career or string of odd jobs. One cannot assume they will ever find someone they want to marry or have children with, so one has to find other ways to fill the void. Next, they become overly absorbed or distracted by their work, focusing less and less on meeting potential mates... And a "career woman" is made.

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Slightly @redgrapes I actually work at a bank and wouldn't consider going higher than what I am right now. But maybe my focus right now is my physical health, I workout alot.

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I'm going to sound a bit picky, but here we go.

I want my husband to have a job that isn't terribly time or energy consuming. My reason for this is, I want him to have that time and energy to make relationships with our kids. My dad had to work two jobs while I was growing up so my mom could stay at home. While my relationship with him is pretty good, he still works long hours, making him pretty tired at the (late) end of the day. I don't blame him or anything, he's doing it to provode for us, but it's hard to get to know him better when he's too tired to do anything but sleep.

That being said, I would prefer my husband to have a job that also allows me to stay home. I've actually been looking into homeschooling, and I think that's the way I want to go. I don't fancy my kids having their morals formed by a bunch of other kids who don't know sweet frick all about anything. It seems like the educational system is deteriorating as well, and as a trained teacher I should be able to give them a good education.

If my husband's job didn't leave us with enough wiggle room to homeschool, I would still like to stay at home and do online tutoring or something similar to bring in extra money. Maybe the occasional substituting or something. I would still be teaching up until we had kids, but unless I absolutely have to, I won't after they are born.

 

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My answer might be a bit different than others since I don't particularly want kids. I don't really care what her career is (besides not wanting her to be a stripper or something, obviously) so long as it isn't interrupting with other aspects of life important to her, myself, or both of us. If she's able to balance a full time job with everything else, great. If she's not, then I would rather she work part time. I would definitely want her to work at least part time, though. Her not working at all would annoy me.

Now, let's say hypothetically we do have kids. Hopefully it wouldn't be until my salary is high. I don't mean rich, but high enough to have a reasonably nice life. In that case, I would probably have a preference for a stay-at-home mother. I'm not really the childcaring type, so I kind of would need her to be heavily invested in childcaring (I'm by no means saying I would ignore the kids, but there are certain things just not for me). Of course, this is contingent on her being the type of woman who wants to stay at home. Many women wouldn't enjoy that. And there are benefits to having both parents working. 

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The question that comes to my mind is this:

How can you afford only one parent working while the other is at home all day? How possible is it where you are living?

And if only one spouse is working (let´s say the husband, while the mother is a stay-at-home-mum), doesn´t that mean, that he needs to work more, so he can generate the needed income (because there are no two incomes you can combine; solely his)? So if he needs to work more, that would mean, that he isn´t home very much. Or maybe only in the evenings (and weekends maybe).

Unless, you have a high-paying job, of course, that allows you to spend much time with your family and not working from morning ´till evening. But..actually.....what are those kinds of jobs that allow you to do that?

I only know of stay-at-home-mums, that have husbands who work a lot (because they are the only providers for the family). So they don´t have much time to spend with the family, unfortunately.

So I´m wondering how it´s possible to not work that much (as the only provider) and have the time to spend with the family and still have the financial means to support a whole family all alone. Is that possible at all? I never heard of this, honestly.

It´s always more like Bette´s Story:

10 hours ago, Bette said:

My dad had to work two jobs while I was growing up so my mom could stay at home. While my relationship with him is pretty good, he still works long hours, making him pretty tired at the (late) end of the day. I don't blame him or anything, he's doing it to provode for us, but it's hard to get to know him better when he's too tired to do anything but sleep.

 

 

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14 hours ago, Invincible said:

On a side note to all who are considering homemaking/stay at home parent, especially the ladies. Society will tell you that it's a worthless path or look down on you for it. They are wrong. It is a noble calling to raise the next generation full time. Being a stay at home parent is a thankless job and it isn't a 9-5 thing, it's a 24/7 thing. There's no income and no benefits. But I believe it involves the most priceless reward: Being able to see your kids grow before your very eyes. I am willing to bet that if most critics just spent one day being a stay-at-home parent, they would be begging to go back to 9-5 jobs. Don't let the haters stop you.

Loved this, Vince! You are totally right! Stay-at-home-mums work, too. Very much!

The full-time-jobs by the men in the times of Fordism wouldn´t be possible without the work of the women who stayed at home and organized and fostered the complete household and the people in it (children,husband, maybe own parents or other family members). Thus, such "house-work" (that is looked down upon sometimes and is almost invisible) is the fundamental requirement of the capitalistic organized gainful employment. Kind of mind-blowing, if you think about it.

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Thank you for your responses, @Bette, @wny, and @WakeUp&BeAwesome. I actually expected people to be more particular in their answers (I think I will be in mine). It seems career influence of overall married lifestyle is of prime importance, regardless of the work itself.

36 minutes ago, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

How can you afford only one parent working while the other is at home all day?

There are many variables involved such as salary and size of family. Personally, I plan on living simply and inexpensively. I intend most of my budget to be for healthy food, savings or investing, and not for unnecessary luxury goods. Changing one's relationship to possessions and approach to shopping can make a tremendous difference. Living frugally (with a focus on well being) makes me feel financially secure, free of worry, and just happier all around.

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1 hour ago, redgrapes said:

There are many variables involved such as salary and size of family.

True. And the living costs in general in the region you live in (rent, food etc.), I suppose.

1 hour ago, redgrapes said:

Personally, I plan on living simply and inexpensively. I intend most of my budget to be for healthy food, savings or investing, and not for unnecessary luxury goods. Changing one's relationship to possessions and approach to shopping can make a tremendous difference. Living frugally (with a focus on well being) makes me feel financially secure, free of worry, and just happier all around.

Oh, I didn´t think of living a luxury lifestyle when asking my question. I am all for living frugally, saving and being cautious and intentional with your money.

I am not sure, though, to what extent solely a frugal lifestyle is enough  to provide at least for two more people (your spouse and at least one child) plus all the other living costs.

Unless, the salary is big. But then again, there is the dilemma, that the working spouse with a big salary is probably working very much. Thus, can´t spend much time with the family....

I know many men who are working their butts off, sometimes also on the weekends, and their salary would never be enough to provide for a whole family (even if it´s only one child and not several). So yeah....I am just wondering how realistic it is to have only one spouse working...

 

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18 hours ago, samaye said:

The only career that I could come up with that I would find undesirable would be if they were an abortion doctor/nurse. But then, I don't think a true Catholic would be one. 

Oh wow, I totally forgot that one. Yeah, I definitely don't want my future wife to be that either :unsure:

 

3 hours ago, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

I know many men who are working their butts off, sometimes also on the weekends, and their salary would never be enough to provide for a whole family (even if it´s only one child and not several). So yeah....I am just wondering how realistic it is to have only one spouse working...

I think a a key factor may be where a family is currently living in. If I remember correctly, you live somewhere in Europe. I hear it's expensive to live in many parts of Europe and taxes are generally really high. So that might make it harder to live off one income.

But then again, many places in the US are ridiculously expensive to live in as well. In most cases though, it really comes down to responsible budgeting and living within your means. Many of us in the West often mistake certain luxuries for necessities. For example, smartphones or even cellphones in general and the Internet are not necessities. I probably just gave anyone under the age of 25 a brain aneurysm just by reading that last sentence. lol. It's okay, millennials. Mankind has survived all throughout history without those things. You're not going to die if you haven't checked your Instragram feed in over 5 minutes :P  But it's true. Yes, in modern age, those things are extra convenient, but we don't need those things to survive. So it's perfectly okay to cut those things out of your budget when money is tight. When you are in a situation where we are forced to scrap by to survive, you will be amazed how creative you will be at cut corners. Every stay at home mom I have talked to has phenomenal budgeting skills. It amazes me how good they are at finding deals and how they have the ability to stretch a dollar for all it's worth. They showed me ways to save money in ways I never would have imagined how. 

Below is a video of a stay at home mom and how her family manages to survive off of one income. Her and her husband have a couple kids and a little sister living with them. Her husband is a teacher and that means he doesn't make a whole lot. Which I think is an abomination that teachers get paid so low but that's another story entirely. Plus they live in California, which is so expensive that I wouldn't be surprised if there were taxes for simply breathing the air there :P But yeah, she's quite inspiring.

 

 

5 hours ago, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

Loved this, Vince! You are totally right! Stay-at-home-mums work, too. Very much!

lol I can't count how many times I've overheard conversations where one person is a stay at home mom and the other has a career outside the home. The "career" woman always asks the other mom questions like "So what do you do all day?" or "I couldn't be a stay at home mom. I'd be so bored doing nothing all day." If there was facepalming in the Olympics, I would set the world record for the most epic face palm whenever hear ignorant stuff like that. I find it amusingly sad that I as a man have a better understanding of how tough a stay at home mom's job is than a lot of women. Plus I'm not even a parent! lol. Again, many of these women would be begging to go back to their 9-5 jobs if they spent just one day at home with the kids. Not only that, they would ask for overtime hours and they would gladly do it without pay as long as they don't ever have to do that again :P

 

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2 hours ago, Invincible said:

I think a a key factor may be where a family is currently living in. If I remember correctly, you live somewhere in Europe. I hear it's expensive to live in many parts of Europe and taxes are generally really high. So that might make it harder to live off one income.

But then again, many places in the US are ridiculously expensive to live in as well. In most cases though, it really comes down to responsible budgeting and living within your means.

 

True, you remember correctly. I have no idea how it is in the United States (I actually imagined it also somewhat expensive), so it´s great to learn something about it. Thanks for the link, as well :-) It was interesting to hear how the woman and her family are doing this.

I know some cases, where responsible budgeting isn´t enough, unfortunately.

But here again it is also a matter of how long the wife stays at home. Which brings me to the next question regarding this topic:

How long would you like your wife to be a stay-at-home-mum (or if you are a woman reading this: how long would you like to be a stay-at home-mum)?

Only the first few years, a few decades until every child has left home? Or how long?

In my country you can get "parents-time" (that´s actually the literal translation). Parents-time means that you can apply for an exemption of work and then be at home until your child has completed the third year of life. Both parents can do it. Mostly the woman does it and the man only takes a few months or half a year off of work and then starts working again. In parents-time you don´t get paid, though. But you have the right to get an exemption of work to spend time with your family, especially in the first months/years. There are also more aspects and regulations regarding parents-time, but that´s how it works in general. If you still want or need to work in parents-time, though, you can up to 30 hours a week in part-time work.

Is there something like that in the US, as well?

 

 

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On ‎10‎/‎28‎/‎2016 at 6:23 PM, redgrapes said:

Which careers, if any, do you find desirable or undesirable in a potential partner? 

And career can include homemaker and stay at home mother/father.

I am curious to see the answers because I have considered a career path most "family men" would consider undesirable (no, not that kind of career ;)). If nobody touches on mine in the responses, I may ask about it in the "Ask the Guys" section.

This question was also inspired by some of the responses to "What would you do?" by @Naturally. Apologies in advance if there is already a similar thread in existence.

(I'll answer my own question later.)

I've given it a lot of thought over the years and have come to the conclusion that pursuing a family and becoming a homemaker is the only career path I find acceptable in a spouse. Creating disciples in Christ is the ultimate calling and purpose for the generous gift of sex. No sinner will ever be as open to receiving redemption as a child you've raised from birth and taught the word of God (through home education). Having a partner who is willing to invest her time in rearing our children despite the overwhelming societal pressure to pursue materialism and rebuke the Biblical authority of her husband is a must. I can't imagine being romantic with someone who doesn't share those beliefs. It defies the natural order of what is necessary for the creation of loving relationships that are truly lifelong.

I've completely adjusted my life expectations in regards to what having such a union means in regards to sacrificing material things that are simply unobtainable without a dual income and feel much better for it. I want my neighbors to comment on how happy and close my family is rather than how successful (how much crap we financed) we are.

 

 

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18 hours ago, Invincible said:

lol I can't count how many times I've overheard conversations where one person is a stay at home mom and the other has a career outside the home. The "career" woman always asks the other mom questions like "So what do you do all day?" or "I couldn't be a stay at home mom. I'd be so bored doing nothing all day." If there was facepalming in the Olympics, I would set the world record for the most epic face palm whenever hear ignorant stuff like that. I find it amusingly sad that I as a man have a better understanding of how tough a stay at home mom's job is than a lot of women. Plus I'm not even a parent! lol. Again, many of these women would be begging to go back to their 9-5 jobs if they spent just one day at home with the kids. Not only that, they would ask for overtime hours and they would gladly do it without pay as long as they don't ever have to do that again :P

 

When we talk about "career women", we talk about women without kids, right?

Because I just want to say that mothers who can´t stay at home and need to work and earn money, are also very respectable people. It is hard to balance work and home life. I see women who do a tremendous great job in doing this and they are not neglecting their children, at all.

Just wanted to put that out there.

 

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4 hours ago, WakeUp&BeAwesome said:

When we talk about "career women", we talk about women without kids, right?

I define a "career woman" as someone who prioritizes her career over her husband/family regardless of whether she has one or not. There's a similar division for men too: "career man" vs "family man." One can be single, unmarried, and without children and still classify into these different types based on values. To answer your question- no, one can still be a "career (wo)man" even if they have children if work is their primary focus in life.

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15 hours ago, redgrapes said:

 One can be single, unmarried, and without children and still classify into these different types based on values. To answer your question- no, one can still be a "career (wo)man" even if they have children if work is their primary focus in life.

For sure!

I am just wondering in regards to Vince´s observations.....are those career women mothers, too? I am not sure, if I got this right. You can understand it both ways.... But they are probably mothers, too (because he said "other mom"). I think it also depends on the number of kids at home. One kid is nothing against, let´s say four or five. So the reactions in those conversations probably depend on the own amount of children.

In a more general sense and in regards to what you said:

Why would a person (man or woman) even want to start a family, when work is their primary focus in life? Why would such a person want to have kids in the first place? That wouldn´t make any sense. Children are a big deal and responsibility. If a person´s  focus is elsewhere and they don´t see changing it (or they can´t change it for whatever reason), then I wouldn´t even think about having kids (because having them is not a priority in that person´s  life, anyway).

But I know, I know.....those people exist and those kids grow up with a nanny for the main part, not their parents. But I think, parents who actually raise their kids are more common. Even if both are working (not in a  "career-first-man/woman-way", though).

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I don't really have a strong opinion of what type of career I'd hope for her to have. My opinions, or preferences rather apply to what types of career I'm not looking for in a mate.

I've posted in other threads on similar themes of deal breakers or lack of family/relationship time so I'm kind of repeating what I've said in other threads but careers in areas that break our intimacy boundaries or that are too career oriented to where they dictate not being able to see each other or create long absences from one another are ones that would cause me to not date someone.

Intimacy areas for example would be dating an actress. The possible nudity and "sexiness" they'd be asked to perform on a regular basis on screen as "part of the job" and the standard amounts of kissing and touching of male co-stars as "part of the job" are career deal breakers I'd not touch with a ten  foot pole. Also the amounts of time away while they'd be on location shooting a film would be another reason to avoid that situation.

Jobs  that create longs absences and put you in the situation of seeing each other only when the job says you can would be careers I'd stay away from in potential dating partners. Some examples would be someone in the military in which they could be shipped overseas to where you'd not see them for 6-9 months at a time, they'd have to move constantly all over the globe at the drop of a hat. I'd never date someone in the military. Doctors who are on call round the clock and could be called in at any time, no matter what we are doing and who work these long shifts and come home exhausted needing to sleep ten hours and then they get called in again. Super ambitious business types who travel constantly and are always traveling and working long hours for the sakes of the companies.

All such similar type scenarios as the ones I've just given as examples are career fields I'd avoid when dating.

I don't really have careers I "hope" they are in. Just something they like to do.

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If I were ever to have a child I would love to be a stay at home mother. I don't really like the idea of someone I don't know taking care of my child (funny, cause I work in a daycare). Maybe it's just me being paranoid lol.

However I don't know if I want children but my family (husband, parents, sister, brothers...) would still come first. Even now I would never put a career over my family or health.

If my spouse and I don't have kids I wouldn't want him to be like a sex worker lol. I would be fine with other careers. If we did have a child then I would prefer he didn't have a job where he was gone from the home alot. 

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Thank you @Amarillo, @Revan@HeWhoWaits, and @Daydreamer for your honest responses. I appreciate all the feedback I have received thus far.

I'm trying to weigh the balance between two basic potential scenarios: (1) investing a lot of time, money, and effort into a career recognizing the realistic possibility I may never marry or have children, potentially wasting it all if I quit to become a stay at home mother, and (2) not approaching work as anything beyond sustenance because I expect to marry and have children whom I would home school, risking wasting my life (dramatic, I know) if neither pan out. Of course there's a third scenario in which one still works while being a mother, but I've mostly dismissed that option because I'm not that great at multi-tasking- I know one or the other would suffer. And also because of what @Daydreamer said, haha.

These are the kinds of thoughts that swim around my head, and it's quite unpleasant running a risk analysis all the time. I'm not sure if men have similar struggles.

Do you think some kind of optimization strategy could be employed, like choosing a safe career that gets off the ground quickly? That would involve sacrificing a "dream job" but would make life transitions easier.

And where is @Dave1985 to inform us on the toxicity of a career woman? ;)

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@HeWhoWaits Your response has been most applicable to my situation so thank you for chiming in here. I've read your statements in other threads. My inspiration for this thread was when you said this in particular (quoted below) about not wanting your time spent together to be dictated by extra-marital forces in "What would you do?" :) 

Quote

Quality time is one of my top love languages and I don't plan on marrying someone with the type of job/career that dictates when I'm allowed to see them. Fields such as doctors, military, business  with lots of travel etc. are the types of fields I'd just stay clear of for potential dating partners. Doctors who are always on call and can be whisked away at any time on a moments notice are not what I want for my future marriage. Someone in the military who is basically owned by the government and can be told to ship off for 6 months or move to the other side of the world at the drop of a hat with no say in the matter isn't the type of situation I want to be married to. Someone whose work life kind of dictates when and if we see each other is something I'd purposefully look for and look to avoid when meeting potential dating partners.

Because of that I wouldn't be in the described situation, nor would I want to be. I want my future wife to enjoy what they do but not have it dictate our lives and also when/if we can ever spend time together.

I'm home in the evenings and I don't work on the weekend. I anticipate marrying someone similar.

 

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I'll guess I'll be frank and short : the one that makes her happy. :)

Happiness is something hard to balance, in my opinion. And I believe (perhaps too idealistically) that once you find the Person you Love, whatever position they have will not hinder any relation. For example, I'm a computer engineer, leaning on to be soon a Ph. D. doctor. If I were to be in love right now, there would be two possibilities :

1) My SO is next to where I live : no trouble here. :)
2) I need to move where my SO lives : no trouble there either. ^ ^ Indeed, if it's love, I can move an find a job where she lives, or make a project to move where she is.

Let's imagine it again : her job requires her to have unfitting times? Fine. I can work at home or be a father-in-home. I mean, I already work from home. The opposite? Fine. I can fill up my days and work crazy to free all the times she needs. And darn, you bet I'll be working to avoid my SO to do some chores. ^ ^

To me, it's a concomitant position with the WTM one : if I go towards offering my own sex life and romantic life to one person in order to be with her, what I could possibly do towards this situation is ideal. :)

I think your question would be better suited if it was framed into a broader view.

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@WhikniFroggy Thanks for your response- it made me happy, haha. :)

2 hours ago, WhikniFroggy said:

And I believe (perhaps too idealistically) that once you find the Person you Love, whatever position they have will not hinder any relation.

While I agree people can figure out work situations pretty easily as a married couple, it does complicate things if one ever intends on having children. And I doubt you'd get as much work done as you think you would if you were a father-in-home. From what I hear, it can be quite the handful.

2 hours ago, WhikniFroggy said:

I think your question would be better suited if it was framed into a broader view.

May I ask what you meant by this? How shall I reframe my question?

My question wasn't only about how you can or cannot make it work, but also about careers you would or would not consider on principle. For example, I strongly believe in nonviolence so I would never marry anyone on a career path I perceived as violent. For another example, a gold digger might answer my question saying she won't go below a six figure salary. ;) 

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