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How Long Until Marriage

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Okay so I have just seen a post in the ask married waiters and it was asking how long it took them to get married and how long they were engaged. The thing about it was that everyone I saw said somewhere between 1-3 years overall time not married but for me 1 year seems about the time where you would know you could actually get into a relationship and at least 5 years of dating until marriage. Now I would just want to make sure nothing goes wrong but my question is: Do you guys think it would be reasonable to ask someone to wait that long?

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Hi Jake. :) I think 5 years is perfectly reasonable at your age. Actually, I think it's intelligent and practical. Lots of young women committed to waiting prefer a long relationship until their lives are more settled and will be happy to find someone in agreement. It will also help you assess your compatibility as you develop through an unsteady time. Shorter dating intervals are often most appropriate for older individuals stable in their career, preferred lifestyle, knowledge of self and desired qualities in a partner. Ideal length of time before marriage depends on circumstances and the parties involved.

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Personally, I think five years is a bit long, but at your age it's not unreasonable. Your late teens and early twenties is a key time when you are still figuring a lot out. (Who am I kidding? I'm still figuring stuff out in my mid-twenties.) A lot will change for you over the next five years and being patient is a good idea.

However, I think you will find your timeline changes as you get older. When I was your age, I thought I would need to date for about three years. Now that I have a better idea of who I am and what I want, I think a year is adequate before engagement.

My advice? Play it by ear a bit. Sure, have a general idea so your partner knows what what to expect. But you don't have to have a solidified timeline, especially not at this point in your life. So much will change once you're actually in a relationship.

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Thank you both for responding. Also thank you for your input on how it could change because I never considered that, though it makes a lot of sense because if life stays as stable as I'm planning and if they have enough time to be around all the time I'd probably have a better idea in a shorter amount of time to know that they are the person I would want to marry. Also it was also a good thought that most women would see that as a better alternative to getting married quick at my age. I always see things about people who wait and then as soon as they get married realize they were not right together because they married too quickly and I just wouldn't want to be in that boat. I think that if I lived with them for a year or two though it would change things because I would be able to get a real sense of what it would be like to be married to them.

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How long until marriage? I'd say one to two years is about right. For me personally five years sounds like a long time. Keep in mind, I'm speaking as a waiter. People that are having sex I suppose can wait five years because they are already experiencing intimacy with each other. But to be with someone but not be intimate for five years sounds really long. By before five years has expired you should know you are with the one you want to be with and you should have already married or you should have realized this is not the person for you and have broken up already. The only exception I can think of is for couples that started dating really young. If you are high school sweethearts and you started dating at 15 or 16 it seems reasonable to wait until you are 20 or 21 to marry. But other than that it sounds kind of long. If you are certain you are with the right person why would you wait that long? If you aren't sure after two years  that you are with the right person than should could be a clue that he/she isn't the right person.

 

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I am quite young and for me i don't think i could afford a wedding until i am 22 since that will be when i start my career and that will already be about 4 years and most people take about a year to prepare a wedding so at my age it only seems to make sense to wait that long. Though as 4800 years said things could change and i get older they probably will especially if i do find the right person who wants to be with me all the time so i'd get to know them more quickly than i'd imagine someone who marries in 5 years would see their person. Like meeting once or twice a week 5 years seems like a reasonable amount of time but if you see eachother everyday and just know everything is right then you don't need nearly as long. Also i think that i just have it all idealized in my head to be that i find someone who is perfect before i'm 20 then marry at 25 and start having kids sometime before 30 so it just just makes sense that way for me. But who knows what the future will bring. I could end up with someone absolutely marvellous and want to marry in a year and a half to two years if all goes perfect. Only time does tell with these things.

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Well, my parents married after a year of dating, & it lasted til my dad passed, which was nearly 26 years.

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I'd wanna wait til about 3 years. Get to really know them & their intentions.

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