wny

Unexamined Angle of Waiting in the Modern World

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Whenever we show concern over waiting nowadays, it almost always comes from the angle of, "Oh, people are just so promiscuous now that it makes it impossible to meet someone to date." While there is truth to this, I think we neglect the economic angle. One of the reasons waiting and finding a fellow writer is so tough nowadays is because it's unrealistic for most people to marry young. Careers take longer than ever to launch. On top of that, you have no idea where you might have to move to find a job. Where you live at 19 could be different than where you live at 22 which is different than where you might live at 28. It often doesn't make sense to date someone when you know there is a good chance the both of you will have to move different places for work. On top of that, students nowadays tend to have so much more to do than students in the past that they just don't have time for serious, long term relationships.

What does all this lead to? Well, it leads to short term relationships or the aforementioned promiscuity. The sad truth is the vast majority of people will not wait until their late 20s or early 30s to have sex. Instead of just moping, I'm wondering what solutions to this there could be.

While this might not be helpful for women, I do wonder if men (particularly ones who will only marry a virgin) are best served trying to date younger women who aren't particularly ambitious in regards to a career. In the early stages of your career or perhaps toward the end of college, maybe try and date a girl who would be willing to move wherever you find work and who might just work part time here and there to help you guys get by. I know it's theoretically possible to meet someone your own age who has also waited for years and years and has now established his or herself where you have established yourself, but it just sounds downright unlikely. Anyone have any ideas?

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I think the solution has to do with priorities, sacrifice, and thinking out of the box. If I find the right woman for me, then I will make every effort to make it work, even if it means one of us sacrificing a career move or having to do long-distance for a period of time. Finding my wife is simply a greater priority to me than my career.

Men often think they need to achieve full stability before they can attract and provide for a wife. But you don't have to follow the traditional path of college, stable job, financial stability, house, and then marriage. You don't have to have your entire life figured out before you meet your partner. I'm still figuring out my career and I hardly have any money, but I'm not going to let that stop me from getting married if I find the right woman.

Examples: I have two friends, a couple in their late twenties, who recently moved a good distance so the guy could go to grad school. The girl sacrificed everything she had here (a stable job, long-term friends) to go with her boyfriend. Of course, I think it should also work in reverse (the man sacrifices for the woman if necessary). I have another friend whose wife is a Navy officer. She gets restationed every few years and he goes with her. Currently they're in Hawaii. Meanwhile, he still owns property in Pennsylvania (so literally across the world) and has to make month-long trips out there a couple times a year to keep everything in order.

If you have love, patience, determination, and the willingness to make sacrifices, then you can make it work.

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