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'tis the Bearded One

The Freedom of "No"

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How open are you to an unexcused "No" to whatever you may have requested from friends or family and to a lesser degree strangers?

How good are you at saying "No" without making excuses for it?

 

In Men are from Mars;Women are from Venus there was a section on developing spouse's (and other loved one's) comfort in saying (and receiving, I guess) "No" without any reprisals or implications of ah..non-love (?). The idea that in a healthy relationship, parties should be free to ask for what they want and need and to also say no. I think this was particularly targeted at men and the idea that the freedom to say no makes people/men more willing to say yes. 

It reminds me of a certain prima donna (who I know have far less contact with) who had the habit of ordering people around and making heaps of requests (particularly of males - who, if they didn't fall to her charms, must be sexual monks!). Can't actually remember how much she used the word please...Anyway, the requests she'd make you could end up serving her hand and foot. For instance, we could all be congregated in the living room and she'd ask someone to fetch her a glass of water. Now if this was an "act of service" love language request directed at a spouse/boyfriend/loved one I could accept that. Heck, someone once observed that my sister and I "order" each other around a lot and until then I hadn't noticed nor do I mind; we are solid. In this instance however, all of that was missing nor was anyone already in the kitchen nor was she busier than anyone else. Being thoroughly tired of her habit, I denied the request and her reaction clearly showed her request was more an expectation - which for me was a resounding turn-off for completing any other "favours". 

Another structure I've noticed is when some people want favours from me (babysitting, farm/house sitting, labour) they'll first ask whether I'm doing anything at a certain time after which comes the (now expected) request for whatever they want. It feels annoyingly manipulative to me though I don't think they realise what they're doing.

I'll answer the questions myself later....

 

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Pretty terrible to be honest when it comes to favors or accommodations that don't challenge my boundaries. It's definitely something I've targeted for remedial action. As I get older in my ever-growing walk with GOD I cherish my time on this Earth increasingly each day and realize that I'm not entitled to the next moment.

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Sorry, had to!

 

On a serious note:

The older I get to more I am able to say no to people. I've been a doormat too often in the past (unfortunately).  I also have a bad habbit of teasing people with no too, where you initially say no but then get up to do it anyway.  I find it alot easier to say no with no explanation to a stranger. I feel like I don't have to give them one. Loved ones, I feel obliged to give a reason, even if it's 'I don't feel like it' .

Now as far as hearing no from others, I really don't hear it too often. I have a tendency to not ask for help, or things. So my loved ones usually jump onto the opportunity lol. So I would say I would be a little hurt or disappointed if I heard a no from them. 

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