Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
nataly87

Trying to Get Over a Break-Up

5 posts in this topic

My now Ex-Boyfriend and I, broke up 2 weeks ago, and its been really hard for me to get through. I've had trouble sleeping, eating, and going out to like the store etc. I did finally go out and shopped around with my family, this past week, but it was difficult, but I am also proud of myself of doing it too. Anyway, I do think of my Ex-Boyfriend from time to time, because him and I were together for 1 year, and we both did care for each other a lot, loving each other too. So the break up was difficult on both of our parts, but we both knew, it had to end. And we ended it, and have both moved on.

 

But like I said, I do think of him from time to time, but thats only because I am really worried about him. See him and I, both suffer from anxiety, depression, and him other issues like PTSD, ADD/ADHD, etc. and so I am just worried something may have happened after our break up or he did something or he isn't himself or just something is wrong type of feeling.

 

But I know if I contact him or even go look at his social media pages, that will bring up the habit of always wanting to check up on him, looking on his social media pages all the time etc. And thats never good, because it never makes it better, and help with getting over the person.

 

So what should I do? Continue to just focus on me, and not think about him, and move on? I am trying my best to not think of him, I really am but it is hard at times. Anyone care to help? What would you do?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nataly87, I'm really sorry about your breakup. I went through one months ago, and very soon after that happened, I found this site. It was hard to overcome and I'm still somewhat on the mend though it has gotten much easier over time now. I don't want to get into the details of it, but I made a very clean break and had to block him on all email / social media. You are right in that if you keep looking at his social media that will stall your recovery and just make it worse for you.

The pain you're going through is still fresh, and it will take time to get past it. It will get easier over time. Just take it one day at a time. Yes, focus on yourself. Confide in someone you trust, talk to them about it, keep yourself busy with stuff you enjoy. Give yourself time to grieve, but also, give yourself time to be happy. Find out what you're grateful for in your life.

Personally, what I've done in my post-breakup: confided in God, talked to friends, made new friends here, worked out, ate healthier, kept myself busy with hobbies, and also, I wrote a letter to my future husband. Writing that letter helped me move on and look forward, realizing that I'm one step closer to finding the right person for me. One day, he'll get to read it.

I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. Breakups are hard. Just know that you are closer to finding the right person (even though that really might feel like a faraway possibility). You definitely wouldn't be if you're still with the wrong person, and that is a lot to be thankful for even if it doesn't feel like it. Anyway, hope you have a speedy recovery.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why would you want to write out a letter to your future husband? What was the point in doing that exercise? Thanks I appreciate the offer. Yes they are hard, its been a long time since I've dealt with a break up. The last time I dealt with a serious break up like this one, was way back in 2011, I was with that guy from 2011 for like 3 years. This new guy thats my recent ex it was 1 year. So I know it will be harder with each day passing at times.

 

I hope I am closer to finding that special person, but I doubt it, the type of guy I want, doesn't exist. I am very picky and shallow and want my guy to meet my standards and guidelines and I just know, he doesn't exist. IF he does he lives far away and doesn't drive, have a job etc. And thats not good either.

 

Yeah I hope I have a speedy recovery as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Breaking up just sucks. I hope you're doing ok. Grief takes a while to process. Daily habits have to change. It'll be hard (maybe for longer than you think), but you'll be ok.

 

This American Life, one of my favorite radio shows/podcasts, devoted an entire episode to break ups ("Break-Up" Episode 339). It has some sad stories and some funny ones, and it's a good reminder that whatever you're feeling, you're not alone. You can find it in the show's web archives.

 

I hope you are finding healthy ways to process and heal.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow, our stories are more alike than you'd imagine! I also just went through a breakup last month, the first week of May, and unfortunately just days before our college graduation. He was my very first boyfriend, and we had also been dating for about a year. I'm very picky with who I want to be with and have always been very independent, so for me to have opened up to him and actually pursued a relationship was pretty amazing in and of itself.

 

We both also loved each other very much, and still do. I can't even tell you how many times he said he wanted to marry me, even proposing to me once (though I turned it down saying it was too early for me). But he was Pre-Health, and this semester overwhelmed him beyond what he could take. He shut out everyone, and became very emotionally detached. We both knew we had to end it, but the breakup took a toll on both of us. I never saw him cry so hard (and myself as well) and we literally talked about it for hours, and then talked hours more the next day.

 

Unlike you, we did not have a "clean breakup." We kept in contact and still do. We have tried unsuccessfully to work through things again a few times, but his emotional unavailability always seems to get back in the way, which is unfortunate since it never happened before this last semester.

 

What you do really depends on what you want out of this. My ex doesn't know how to deal with his emotional detachment, it's a problem for him and is rooted in learned behavior from his childhood. I know that I'm most likely not the right person for him, but I also see the hurt he deals with from it and because I care about him and love him, I am trying to help him work through it as a friend. I'm going into this with an all-giving attitude, knowing that I cannot expect anything in return, but also knowing that I would do this for any person who I cared about and who needed help.

 

Do you feel like you can better him in some way by talking? Sometimes having a friend who genuinely cares about us is what we need. But just know that if you start talking to him again with expectations of getting back together, you will most likely get hurt again. And I won't lie, it's hard to become friends with your ex, especially so soon after a breakup, but it's not impossible. Although it will likely take longer for you to completely move on.

 

If you feel that you are both much better off distanced and not talking, best to continue doing that. These are just my thoughts, completely up to you what you do! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0