Bashful_dove48

How should Christians handle pathological liars?

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There's this girl at my school who is very much a downer Debbie. She always seems to have these bad situations in her life.

One day my friend told me this girl is a pathological liar and that she constantly tries to one up people. She did this to my boyfriend when his mom died and it made me really mad.

I've tried not to hold bad feelings about her and normally I'm open to listen when my friends have problems so I can minister to them, but how do I know if this girl is lying or not?

Have you ever known a pathological liar?

How did you as a believer handle the situation?

Are you still in contact with them today?

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Christians should handle liars with rubber gloves and/or salad tongs.

 

 

Seriously, I suppose if you know someone who is always lying you should just not associate with that person.

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Yes, every day of my life. My father is a pathological liar. Your best bet is to avoid them if at all possible. They'll do nothing but cause you to have mistrust for others and an unhealthy view of how loving relationships are supposed to be. Unfortunately, you'll be labeled as a horrible person to whomever the liar is able to deceive but that comes with the territory.

 

How do I know if she's lying or not?

 

They always are, even when you think they're telling the truth. That's why they're pathological liars. Be skeptical of things you believe are true as well since they'll be woven into their lies as half truths.

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I have had a very negative experience with a pathological liar. She caused me all the distrust I have with women.

 

She was working with my (Catholic) school, and told the principal that she had received numerous complaints about people not feeling safe around me (because I was OCD... or as the girls liked to call me... crazy...). They were all lies...

 

She told my parents that if they didn't sent me to a mental hospital, the police were going to take me. It seemed legitimate, because she was working with the school. But it was all a lie.

 

I spent a week in Hell at the hospital because of that woman, and was terrified. Because of her, and all of the women that made fun of me, I became very untrusting of women, and haven't (fully) recovered.

 

She went on to become a nun, but I am still terribly scarred because of what she did...

 

My best advice? Avoid pathological liars at all costs...

 

They may not all be "evil", but they are more convincing than honest people.

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The thing to handle pathological liar, is with a grain of salt. The only way I know how to handle them is to nod your head and go about your business, since what they want is attention. If you don't give it to them, they will go to the next person (although it's bad for the next person)

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I, unfortunately, also have experience with being jaded by a pathological liar. But I have learned some skills to handle them along the way. 

 

#1 you can't help them.  Their problem started so young that it is way bigger and deeper than you are.  These types of people you have to love from afar.  You can't have a healthy relationship with them.  The dysfunction is too deep. You can be friends, acquaintances, etc.  But they are like porcupines.  They will poke you whether they meant to or not; it's inevitable.

 

#2 To know if they are lying or not: don't ever underestimate the extent a liar will go. They lie about things they don't even necessarily benefit from!  It could be so minor and irrelevant!  They lie comes quicker to them than the truth. But also, always look for the evidence.  Before I knew that a person would lie to me like a pathological liar can, I was easily buffaloed (because the are great manipulators).  If you say, "But earlier you said this and now you're saying this", they will deny the earlier statement or imply you misheard.  They'll make you mistrust your own self!  So, look for the evidence, if they said something happened.  (Are their dates accurate?  Were other people there that they said were there? Are their stories especially entertaining?)  That's what police have to do.  They catch a criminal but the criminal often says "I didn't do it!"  You listen, you look to see if actions match words, but you can't always trust someone's word alone.  Now this is why I find integrity and honesty extremely valuable traits in a person.

 

#4 BOUNDARIES.  You must set boundaries with this person (and all people), but especially this person.  Be strong in who you are and where you stand.  They love those who will pity them. They gravitate towards the easily swayed. 

 

#5 Donald Trump

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To my knowledge I haven't had an experience with a pathological liar. I have however, had experience with liars which, dare i say, has given me a particular hatred for lying. Unfortunately, it is not always easy to determine if someone is lying and whether they are doing so intentionally or negligently. If someone has lied to me with whom I want to maintain a relationship I will in varying degrees of subtlety show that I question the truthfulness of some of their assertions. This can be annoying for them since most people like to be believed. Hopefully it acts as a little lesson for them. You can't legitimately get up someone for not believing you when you've lied to them, particularly if you haven't shown any remorse for doing so.

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Amarillo,

    I feel your pain; my Step-dad and Mom are pathological liars. They have made it very hard for me to trust people. So staying away from people like that is important because like you said even when you think they are telling the truth they are not.

 

Also, to add to what you said Amarillo: continuing a friendship with a person like this weakens your spirit immensely. If you are anything like me, you will probably feel bad for not talking to this person but you shouldn't. As scripture says, and I try to remember often, "Above all else guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." -Proverbs 4:23

 

I feel that this part of scripture is telling us that when we recognize that someone will cause us pain, we need to proceed with caution. People that lie compulsively are toxic in so many ways. I will not tell you what to do but I suggest that you do not try to decipher what they say as truth or lie but rather avoid them altogether. Do not be mean but keep your distance.

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