MaliB79

Regrets?

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Hi all..just wanted to get some insight/discussion going about regrets..

I'm guessing that some of us have lost relationships after revealing our decision to wait. Maybe you ended it, maybe the other person did.

Have you ever ALMOST compromised your beliefs for someone you really cared about? If so, what stopped you from abandoning your decision to wait? Your faith? A friend you confide in?

When it ended, did you feel good about sticking to your guns, or did you doubt yourself asking, "is this worth it?" How did you move on from the lost relationship?

Mali

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This is a very good question. Have I ever almost given in and lost my waiting status? No, I don't think so. Has the thought of doing so crossed my mind? Well...yeah I would admit it has. But I think thats normal especially if you're in a relationship with a non-waiter who you've developed feelings for and that *seems* like the only issue between the two of you. I just keep coming to the conclusion that as corny as it may sound...true love waits. And if I lose a relationship or two because of it that's ok and it's also pretty much a tell tale sign that it wasn't meant to be anyway...which has definitely been the case looking back!!

You rarely hear people say that they regret not having sex with someone but boy do you hear it the other way around.

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I never regret - not one moment - of having waited :) . And I was lucky i never lost a RELATIONSHIP for having waited... but yes there was a girl or two who was not interested in that whatsoever so yes I "lost out" a few times LOL. True love DOES wait DodgeDude :-)

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DD, I agree that true love waits. I also agree that you're more likely to hear someone say they regret having sex than not having sex.

Hindsight is 20/20: In a fairly recent situation, I was able to see after things ended that we were incompatible in other ways. It's funny how the 'waiter' and 'non-waiter' issue may seem to be the only incompatibility.

I don't regret my decisions...I think that it does sometimes become discouraging when you feel like no one is waiting or willing to wait. I haven't lost all hope, thank goodness. But, I would imagine that there are some 'waiters' out there who might be losing hope.

Mali

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This is a great question(s) Mali! but my response actually differs from the rest, it is actually one of my biggest struggles. So here goes my answers.

Have I ever ALMOST compromised my beliefs for someone I really cared about? Yes.

If so, what stopped me from abandoning my decision to wait? It was one night when I was out really late with my ex in the night (early morning which ever you choose) and it was toward the end of our relationship, inside I knew our relationship was about over and wanted to save it as a last ditch effort and even though it was already broken I wanted to feel close to my ex so badly. Although, I broke up with him I loved him very very much.

f so, what stopped you from abandoning your decision to wait? Clothes were already flying off and, honestly, the only thing that stopped me from going all the way that night was it was that time of the month. It's not that I didn't want to go all the way (in a way no with my convictions in the back of my mind but they were pretty far back by that point) I couldn't.

A friend you confide in?

I didn't confide in any one about what happened.

When it ended, did you feel good about sticking to your guns, or did you doubt yourself asking, "is this worth it?" At

first I did, but as time went on and I longed for my ex I really regretted not being his first and he mine. That is one of my current biggest struggles as a waiter today. I make sure I limit my contact with my ex (unless I absolutely have to since he applied at my Uni. and now works on campus) because I know he is the one person that when I get down and bitter about waiting I want to go to him if I give it up at all (whether he's single or not). This is actually another reason why I joined this site because when he got hired here in Aug. I was already planning on hooking up with him but I joined this site in Oct. for support, I was so torn. I've been able to accept the break up easier and time has helped but I know he'd be the first guy I'd go to if it came down to it. Sad, but true.

How did you move on from the lost relationship? Well, Mali, I had to accept it and focus on my life even though it's been hard and sad. I've actually found happiness and can smile freely again and this site has been a huge encouragement and help to continue on but it still crosses my mind. Even though we did a lot of things wrong to each other, I still remember all our sweet memories♥

That's it. lol

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For me, I left someone because all our relationship was was physical. So yeah, we broke up because I wouldn't have sex with him. Did I regret it? No...he didn't deserve me.

However, the next guy I did not wait for...and I did heavily regret that.

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I'm 18 and I haven't kissed a guy since playground weddings. lol. So, obviously, I have never even come remotely close to having sex. I would absolutely love it if I only ever had sex with one guy my whole life (assuming we have children and grow old together.) I don't want to go through lots of guys, but I am still on the fence about WTM mainly because...what if I never get married? I'm an atheist so I don't view pre-marital sex as a sin, nor do I view it as wrong in any way (unless it's casual,) so the only thing stopping me from having pre-marital sex is that I think sex is so special that I would only want to share it with one person. But I know that if I don't WTM, the odds of me marrying the guy I will lose my virginity to is pretty slim. If I do end up marrying, I think I would regret it if I had pre-marital sex with a man who is not my husband, even if I had once truly loved that man.

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Hi Sophie - I think you are level-headed and practical about all this. As long as you don't think hey the way to end a date is to have sex... then I think you will have a pretty good chance at waiting until you find someone truly special enough to you that you want to be that close and truly connect with him. You can be very physically close with someone without ever having sex - I'm reasonably sure there are people in this forum that would echo that statement - so I would just encourage you to figure out whether you think that one step is the one to take with someone you're close to...or someone you're waiting to spend the rest of your life with. I voted for the second choice :-) and have loved the choice I made ever since that day.

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Hi Sophie - I think you are level-headed and practical about all this. As long as you don't think hey the way to end a date is to have sex... then I think you will have a pretty good chance at waiting until you find someone truly special enough to you that you want to be that close and truly connect with him. You can be very physically close with someone without ever having sex - I'm reasonably sure there are people in this forum that would echo that statement - so I would just encourage you to figure out whether you think that one step is the one to take with someone you're close to...or someone you're waiting to spend the rest of your life with. I voted for the second choice :-) and have loved the choice I made ever since that day.

Thank you very much :) I know that no matter what my decision will be, I am most definitely not ready for sex or marriage at the moment (I'm 18 afterall!) Or even dating. It's really great that you joined this forum, because we've had very few members who are married. And the one member we did have who was married didn't WTM and got preachy, so I think she was kicked off. It's great being able to hear about your successful WTM experience.

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well... I am honestly just trying to be supportive... and if anything I say mirrors the woman you're mentioning... feel free to bounce me out. this forum is for you guys and helping navigate the WTM zone successfully and strongly. :-) if i help, great. If i don't - boot me! LOL.

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well... I am honestly just trying to be supportive... and if anything I say mirrors the woman you're mentioning... feel free to bounce me out. this forum is for you guys and helping navigate the WTM zone successfully and strongly. :-) if i help, great. If i don't - boot me! LOL.

You're nothing like that person that was booted, you have to try really hard to get booted off this site lol. Ian, in the short amount of time you've been here you've been incredibly supportive and insightful. STAY...preferably forever lol!

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You're nothing like that person that was booted, you have to try really hard to get booted off this site lol. Ian, in the short amount of time you've been here you've been incredibly supportive and insightful. STAY...preferably forever lol!

Yeah I'm with TG for sure!! You're great to have on the forums...shows that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. And to echo what TG said...you are nothing like the former member in question. I have no clue what prompted a married non-waiter to join a forum like this (and argue on top of it all!?) but whateva she's gone now

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you guys crack me up. :)

ok. but at the first sign of silliness or why-is-he-here... I want you guys to have the honest step and tell me it's time to go....

in meantime... I will drop in on topics where I think i have something awkward or telling or helpful to add when I can. :-)

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thnx DD!!

ok. but at the first sign of silliness or why-is-he-here... I want you guys to have the honest step and tell me it's time to go

Lol that's not gonna happen. We WANT and NEED more people like you... who waited and are married. Drop in anywhere and everywhere! Don't ever leave!

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well... I am honestly just trying to be supportive... and if anything I say mirrors the woman you're mentioning... feel free to bounce me out. this forum is for you guys and helping navigate the WTM zone successfully and strongly. :-) if i help, great. If i don't - boot me! LOL.

Nooo. You're nothing like her. She had interesting things to say at first and I agreed with some of them, but then, unsuprisingly, she got too preachy. Which is just not acceptable on a site that is specifically designed as a support system for those WTM.

You're nothing like that person that was booted, you have to try really hard to get booted off this site lol. Ian, in the short amount of time you've been here you've been incredibly supportive and insightful. STAY...preferably forever lol!

Agreed. :)

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Good insight!

OHG, thank you for being so candid. I appreciate how real you were in sharing your experience. It is refreshing to hear a waiter share so openly.

Sophie, I also appreciate you sharing about how you're still on the fence about waiting. It is important to know yourself and to try to figure out what it is you really want.

And Ian...I must echo what others have already said: your presence on the forums as a successful waiter is an inspiration to us all. I'm still fairly new here, so I did not have the pleasure (thank goodness) of meeting this "preachy" person. But, what I have read from you so far is only positive, good advice/insight...etc. Thank you!

Mali

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Yes yes Ian you must stay!!!! You show us that its possible to wtm despite everything!!!!

If you dont mind me asking how long have you been married to your wife?

Seeflo

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I was 26 when I got married (so yes, I was a 26yo virgin)... I am (gulp - full honesty) 49 now... we've been married 23 years.

It is absolutely possible to WTM despite the prolific sexual content that surrounds us in every day life and media, and the many many assumptions people make about sexual behavior!

And to be super clear - I will answer virtually anything if you have a question you think I could help on or have a perspective on. Nothing is off limits - honest - and if it's something that you feel paricularly personal about, you can send me a private note or whatever of course.

I am married 23 years though like I said - and I can hardly believe it - seems like yesterday and at the same seems like my whole life. I can no more imagine my life without my wife than I can imagine it without breathing.. she is my other half, and of course many would correct me to say my better half... but she is most decidedly part of me and I am part of her. :-)

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i was in a not so good relationship, he tried to force himself on me got far to close, i ended our relationship, the experience shocked the living daylights out of me, its been over a year totally over him but what happened is still something i deal with, im not sure when it will be completely behind me. its surprising such an experience can shock you for over a year, i felt that i had to end the relationship, 1 because he did not respect me and 2 because i was ashamed, and i was feeling so guilty for letting things go to far, when if fact i had nothing to feel gilt about because i did not want or push things to go past kissing, and i had had many conversations with him on how he was not to push the subject because we where doing nothing but kissing, i did confined in a friend, and my faith did help me move forward, well not sure how to finish its a wired subject for me to talk about but i just did yay me that is a sign of acceptance :P so this well what happened would be my biggest regret

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I've never came close to losing my status as a waiter because when the opportunity came along where somebody tried to make me compromise the morals I have had and followed for over two decades, I had no regrets in showing them the door. If it's real love, they will love you for you and all the decisions that make who you are. No regrets here <3

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I've never came close to losing my status as a waiter because when the opportunity came along where somebody tried to make me compromise the morals I have had and followed for over two decades, I had no regrets in showing them the door. If it's real love, they will love you for you and all the decisions that make who you are. No regrets here <3

Agree 100% :D

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Oh, and I want to add that while my status as a Waiter is still somewhat undecided, I am not the kind of girl who would compromise her morals for anyone. WTM or not, no guy can get into my pants without showing me complete love and devotion, and without me feeling the exact same towards him. I have always been very oblivious to peer-pressure, so I don't worry about a guy pressuring me into something I am not ready for. If he tries, I'm leaving and that's that. No matter what my final decision is, I will make sure never, ever, ever to do anything I may later regret. Because you can return something you shoplifted, and you can apologize to someone you picked on, but you absolutely can not take back having sex. It's a scary thought.

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