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If you have a crush on some guy, would you initiate the conversation or wait for him to make a move?

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If you have a crush on some guy (probably met him the first time), would you initiate the conversation or wait for him to make a move?

 

I also have a follow up question let's say you have exchanged numbers and have been friends for a while.... does the same rule apply? Do you initiate the conversation or wait for him to always text first?

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Are those two things mutually exclusive? I mean, I personally tend to wait for the man to make the first move move, but I'm happy to start the first conversation. Or maybe those lines blur a bit when you're talking about the first time you meet someone, but I still feel like there can be a difference. I have no problem making the introduction, but I still find myself waiting to see if the man will take the first step in nudging the conversation out of the friendly category into the flirty/romantic category. Not that I think women can't be the first to make that move, I just know that I usually don't.

 

And when it comes to guys I've been friends with for a while, I actually think it is very important to initiate conversations at least some of the time. I mean, if only one person is always texting first, then I'm not sure it's truly a friendship. if you're friends... then you both should want to talk to each other, right? For me, if I feel like I'm always the one initiating the conversation, I start to think that I'm just bugging the other person and he or she doesn't want to talk to me. So I'm pretty conscious of trying to keep the conversation starting as balanced as possible with someone I like, because I want to make sure I'm not bugging him, but I also want to make sure he knows he's not bugging me. ...Does that make any sense?

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For me, if I feel like I'm always the one initiating the conversation, I start to think that I'm just bugging the other person and he or she doesn't want to talk to me. So I'm pretty conscious of trying to keep the conversation starting as balanced as possible with someone I like, because I want to make sure I'm not bugging him, but I also want to make sure he knows he's not bugging me. ...Does that make any sense?

 

You have answered it well, but this is usually the case I face with the girls I tend to have crush on... They almost never initiate conversation but will talk for a while when I do. My initial question was to the first few times you meet someone... no harm in making an introduction but do you play the waiting game or do you approach? That's what I wanted to know.

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You have answered it well, but this is usually the case I face with the girls I tend to have crush on... They almost never initiate conversation but will talk for a while when I do. My initial question was to the first few times you meet someone... no harm in making an introduction but do you play the waiting game or do you approach? That's what I wanted to know.

 

Oh, so you mean do I wait or make the first move after first exchanging numbers? I usually wait for him to make the first contact if I gave him my number, but I suppose it depends on the situation. Did we end the conversation with me promising to get back to him on something? Or did something come up that seems like an important thing to share? Of course I'll send the first message. But if we're just talking the standard exchange-numbers-then-part-ways thing, I'll usually play the waiting game and see if he messages in the next few days. But if he doesn't, I'll reach out if I'm really interested in him. Otherwise I'll just shrug it off and assume he's not interested.

 

Everyone is different, but I think most women will expect that if they give you their number (even if you also give them yours), you're going to make the first contact. If you don't, they might assume you're not interested. But when you get beyond that to second, third, and fourth contacts, who knows? Again, my general rule of thumb is that I like to keep it pretty balanced, but that might not be the case for everyone.

 

If there's a specific girl who is never initiating the conversation, it might be that she's just super self conscious about starting conversations and doesn't want to bother you (or wake you up early, or keep you up late, et cetera). Or maybe you're already starting conversations often enough that you're really not giving her the chance to start them herself. Or maybe she really doesn't notice that she's not starting the conversations at all. Or maybe she's not really interested. Or maybe she's just got a lot going on and has been pretty busy. Or maybe she just isn't a big fan of texting to begin with. 

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Thanks for the reply! For the others who plan to answer the question.

 

In scenario 1, it's the first few times you have met and in scenario 2, you have known each other for a while and do you initiate the conversations that time?

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I'll only initiate the conversation if I have an excuse, like "wow I like your shirt. You're into.....?" Or "how was the test"? But I'd never just be like "hey, how are you?"

With texting, I might text first sometimes but not all the time. I might still feel like I need a specific reason.

In both of these situations, I'd try to balance being the initiator with waiting for the other person to start a conversation. I feel like that's how you show that you are interested but also it lets you see if the other person is as well. If you always talk, text, or call first, it's hard to know if they would've sought you out on their own. But if you never do, the other person might feel like you aren't interested.

Lol, I made it sound super complicated, but it's not.

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In my case I initiated the conversation, but my boyfriend made the first move.

Normally I wouldn't have even brought up the topic of our feelings, but I noticed we were starting to act like a couple and I didn't want to keep things ambiguous. He told me he liked me and then a week later asked if we were courting and I said yes.

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This is tough. In the past two years, I initiated with two guys whom I had crushes on...and it went nowhere. In one situation, I was doing 90% of investing into the "friendship" -- while he talked with the women he was interested in right in front of me. In the second instance, I took a chance, asked if he'd like to hang out sometime, gave him my number. He never followed up except to text me once if I was coming to Bible study. I took it to mean he wasn't interested. This doesn't mean I won't initiate with a man again. It's just I've also learned that most men want to be the pursuers and sometimes by starting things first, it came off like I was pursuing them.

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Initiating a conversation with a guy to me is not a big deal especialy at church or anywhere mating like i start a conversation with anyone and nlt even remember how we started the convo. Simple bcoz we are human we have to talk, but making a first move of confessing feelings to a guy is something else to me, i don't think i'd ever do that.

i leave things as they are if the guy can't make the first move to me.

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I'd wait for him to initiate, not that I'm a "rules girl" or anything, but just out of the fact that it is easier for me since I'm kind of socially awkward

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Definitely talk to him! Show him you're interested and let him decided if he's going to pursue you. Usually, we have no idea what's going on in your minds lol so sometimes we need some help.

Per your follow up question. If you aren't sure if he likes you, honestly, NEVER do that. As a guy, we will think ok she is clearly not interested and just wants to be friends....And that's how you get lumped into the friends zone, while they end up dating other women.

Women just FYI- Remember just as much as you want to be wanted, desired and pursued, men also want to be sought after...to some degree.

If a guy is in church and there is one lady who has shown him she is interested and another lady who shows him she is neutral, which one do you think will get his attention???

 

 

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Let me answer you in French:

L'homme propose, la femme dispose.

Do you want a man to pursue you or do you want to chase after him yourself? My advice to you is to live your life doing things that make you happy. One day a man with enough balls to hit on you will see your greatness and won't be able to resist your siren's song of independence.

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Well, I have a tendency to wait for them, but I have on occasion asked...but been rejected. Right now, I'm in a position where someone I met online a few years ago, and we are Facebook friends, and he showed interest. Unfortunately, I let my anxiety get the best of me. Now, after my recent experience, I think I would like to go out with him, but I'm too far to put myself out there to find ou if he's still interested. So, I guess that's a long way to say I wait....sorry, I'm not sure that was helpful.

My recent experience has been heartbreaking, but I feel like I'm learning from it, and I want to get past it.

Edited by PhotoGirl
To clarify.
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I would never crush on someone, so this question doesn't apply to me. But if I did, I'd just wait for him to make a move. I'm not a conversation initiator.

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