ian

i am a successful waiter :-)

23 posts in this topic

Hi all... just introducing myself... I know I am against the norm here... I am a married guy in my forties... but I was a successful waiter. Stumbled on the site, checked with administrator Mike, and have joined as I really support and hope all of you are successful with your choices. It was well worth it in my case. :-)

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Welcome, Ian! I'm so glad you decided to join!

I have like a million questions for you. I'll start with three.

1. How did you meet your wife?

2. How old were you when you met your wife? Had you lost hope at all before you met her?

3. Was she a waiter too? If so, how did you two find out about eachother's status? If not, did you have any issues that you had to get over?

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Hi Mike. Too funny.... but here goes (for whatever it's worth!):

1. graduate school. first day. she was the class behind me... so that means 2nd years have scoping rights :-) we didn't go out for maybe a month... didn't really start "dating" for probably another six...

2. I was 24 when we met. I had not lost all hope! but... in fairness to the question... I didn't date a lot my first year of grad school. lot of hanging out with friends, but not a lot of one-on-one time with girls i liked. a few heart stomps along the way as we all experience... so i probably was a tad cautious. no hope lost... but cautious for sure...

3. she was not a waiter... but that obviously changed. we found out as all couples eventually get to either that topic or that how-far-are-we-going point. she was amazingly supportive - understood that not only was I not ready... I wanted to wait... and because we had grown into good friends and then more... she wanted to wait as well. I am not spreading pixie dust on this though - it was definitely a healthy challenge towards the end! but back to the question - no - we did not have issues about it, because she was a grown-up about what I wanted, what she wanted, and over time, what we wanted together as a couple.

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Sweet! More questions. And then you'll get even more when every body checks this evening. B)

4. Do you remember when/how you first told her that you were waiting and what her reaction was? Was it any of these?

5. What were you in grad school for? Did you both end up having the same careers?

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Wow!! Welcome Ian! YOu give me hope :) :) I was gonna ask the same first three quesitons as Mike, so I'm glad he asked!!! I'm 21 so I definitly have no reason to lose hope....not old yet =P

Oh yeah and I'm VERY interested to hear about #4!!!

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bring it on. :blush:

yes I remember when/how/reaction. It was a hybrid reaction more than anything else... surprise/respect/wonder (was it really going to last type thing).

we had gone out several times... progressed of course... and we had stayed up late one night talking & kissing after a movie one night... there was that wee hours of the night moment of figuring out what was going to happen... and I just fumbled/stumbled/stammered that I didn't want to do all that, I wanted to wait. I didn't initially say it as I wanted to wait til marriage... but she was super respectful, a little surprised, a little wondering whether it was for real. all the expected reactions I guess of someone with whom I was rapidly developing a real relationship with and not just a casual date.

I should mention... she also began to eventually join me at church on sundays. another relationship builder obviously, but also an implicit (at the time) recognition that I was for real in my choice and that we might be for real as a couple.

business school... and no we ended up in different fields (probably for the best LOL!).

I hope this is all ok and what's appropriate here - I'm trying to be very transparent - I don't want to come off as insincere or unnecessarily straight about this... but I figure you ask an honest question and you deserve an honest answer.

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Sally: I should admit - in honesty - that while she always respected the choice, and supported it all the way up to The Moment... it was challenging. It is for all of us who did this - no escaping that reality! - but she knew it mattered A Lot and for the right reasons.

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Welcome Ian!!!! I'm so glad you joined I wish we had more members who had "completed" the journey so to speak. Very inspirational story for all of us here!

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Sally: I should admit - in honesty - that while she always respected the choice, and supported it all the way up to The Moment... it was challenging. It is for all of us who did this - no escaping that reality! - but she knew it mattered A Lot and for the right reasons.

Of course it is!!! :) I don't think it is easy for anyone; that's why it is SO respected (by some) and difficult to accomplish!

Thanks for sharing your story!

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YES!!! Im so happy you joined Ian!! We need more ppl like you here!! I think you can help every1 here, especially ppl who are losing hope and giving up (like me). I think you can help contribute to the site in a big way! Thanks for joining again!

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Welcome Mr. Ian to this wonderful site of fellow waiters w/the same goals. It's amazing to meet a fellow waiter like yourself. I know you've been answering questions here, but maybe you can give your story of how you waited and succeeded to Mike and he can put it in a section for "True Stories". Anyway, welcome!

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Welcome Mr. Ian to this wonderful site of fellow waiters w/the same goals. It's amazing to meet a fellow waiter like yourself. I know you've been answering questions here, but maybe you can give your story of how you waited and succeeded to Mike and he can put it in a section for "True Stories". Anyway, welcome!

Oooh yeah could even be an article!! Good thinkin' Mark!

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I'm happy to write how i waited etc if you guys think it would be good. It's nothing very imaginative! But maybe that's what makes it helpful. I am also trying to gauge where everyone falls on the waiting spectrum here... ie from limited-contact all the way up to everything-but. Everyone has different reactions to this stuff based on where they place themselves on that spectrum... :wacko:

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That's true Ian, but no matter where you land on the spectrum, it will still be helpful to all of us to hear of someone who has done it! That's motivating AND inspiring!! (or are those the same thing? :P )

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I like how I don't have to nag people to write articles anymore. Now you guys do it for me! :lol:

Seriously though, Ian. If you want to put something together for the main site, I'd love to put it up. You could do a personal story article, or we can do it in an interview format. Let me know what you want to do!

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Ian,

Welcome...so good to hear from someone who was a successful waiter. It is encouraging to be reminded that there are success stories. Even at 32, I still haven't lost hope in all this.

Look forward to reading about your insight and experience.

Mali

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Hey Ian, welcome to the site :). I'm glad to hear you are a succesful waiter. That's really awesome! I can't wait to hear your success story (if you decide to post it).

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I will indeed share my story if you all think it would be interesting... it would be good if I knew what mattered to anyone... like all of you... i struggled, questioned, doubted, wondered if I should just "give in", felt frustrated and desperate sometimes, felt self-righteous and confident sometimes, celebrated quietly my decision and knew in my heart and soul that I was always on the right path for me... even when I wasn't sure it would bear success in the end.

I'm simply here to tell each of you > the heart and openness that brought you to the choices you have made in being HERE... are the same heart and openness that set you in position for you to find and recognize your other halves... :-)

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Please share your story!! Let's see...for me the struggles would be great; as well as how you two talked about sex before marriage? I feel like those convos could be awkward since we're not doing it until then....and convo about what is okay before marriage.....

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Hey Ian! Welcome to this site! I'm so glad you joined and I hope by your presence here I may learn something through your experiences! Be Blessed!

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you all are very nice and accepting and supportive. I like that. Even being the old married guy on here.

my story probably starts in high school - when i started listening to friends start talking about how far they had gotten and who was and wasn't across the finish line so to speak.... I was one of those who always had a big group of friends - guys and girls - but didn't really seriously date... I'd had my first heart-crush in junior high, first really hot kissing sessions in junior high... and yet in high school... I knew I wanted to really "go out with someone" whoever that would be.

But I also knew that I wasn't ready and didn't want to think about getting "too far" LOL. In high school, you can pick carefully I guess! and I think it's relatively easy to make it out of high school however you want to - a waiter, or a non-waiter :-)

College was a different matter. Someone back in this stream - might have been DodgeDude - made the comment that after college it's easier to keep your waiting status, but college is harder. I fully agree!!! There's someting about college - and figuring out who you are and who you are with other people and who you are as a boyfriend or girlfriend - that just hits all those buttons like mad.

My first shot at losing my v-card came when I was 19 and a sophomore. My then girlfriend was also a virgin - but flat out told me she would happily lose it with me. We didn't - not only did I not want to... I was in no way even remotely ready to think about it! A silly hormone-raging college guy! She never made me feel funny about wanting to wait. And to this day I am appreciative that the first time the issue came up.... I was with someone who respected me and my choice. I pray that everyone has that opportunity to make the decision - when in the face of it - with the support of the person they're with in that moment.

( I hope that's ok for everyone - I just kinda thought maybe a good place to start my story with you all was where the choice was "real"... that first moment, that we all have, when the opportunity to go further is in front of us... and we hit pause willfully. :-) )

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Wow Ian...first kiss in jr high!! Jk!! I didn't have mine until I was 18 :P (We were dating when I was 17, but my birthday just passed and finally we did! )

I agree that college is especially hard. I'm in my fourth year, and find that a lot of my friends and I don't have boyfriends (dates that don't go anywhere) is because of waiting.... =/ Those are the kind of guys I DON'T want to marry later on.....they were messin around (aka casual things not like a serious or two bf/gf) and think it will be easy to find someone 'good' that they want to 'settle down with' when the time comes. Ugh!

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