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How to know if this man is THE good one for me?

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Original french article written by Inès FOME published here :

Translated in english by G.

Choosing  your husband is one of the most important decisions of your life. Your future husband will be one of your biggest influences. It is important to be well prepared (to be wise and enlightened) when you will have to make that choice when suitors come knocking on your door. Realize that this man will influence your self esteem, your work, your management of finances, your intimate relationships, your relationships with your family. In short, if you follow my speech, you understand how this choice has important consequences. Here are 5 points I listed for you, which I think are the basis to choose your future husband.


• He must fear God

This is the basis of your choice. Your future spouse must not only fear God, but he must have a personal and very intimate relationship with Jesus. Jesus allows him to have revelation about his own identity. He will then realize that he is a leader that has his place, at the same time in his work area, in his family and in his future family. He will understand that he has a personal call, a vocation. He will understand that he has a specific goal to accomplish on this earth, and you are his partner who will HELP him to realize it. In his intimacy with Jesus, he will discover his gifts and will put them to service, for the good of his / your community. As he sows in the lives of others, through this type of volunteering, he will manage to control his talents and even manage to sharpen them, so that he can be proficient in how to make decisions. The second reason is that when he has a relationship with Jesus, he becomes aware of his flaws, and even more aware of his future wife’s flaws  (YOU). He understands that there will be ups and downs, and it is only by going in the secret place (prayer) he will be able to '' release '' himself  and renew himself  at the same time. He will do this in order to not unnecessarily  swing his evil thoughts and emotions against his future wife, when she is one of the people he loves most. Thus, you will see how  a godly  man will be able to better manage his calm, and above all, he will be able to know how to manage all the thoughts that come, in order  to grow and to maintain only thoughts worthy of his reputation. The third reason is that he will be able to be in continuous dialogue with the Holy Spirit, who will enable him to get ahead on some decisions. This will be his railing when temptation comes. When he truly seeks God's presence, he will not necessarily have to seek diligently for help from anyone, but he  will forge his character through constant praying and fasting.

• You must have a common vision
It is very important when you're talking with a potential husband, to  know exactly the vision he has. Suppose you, you are called to work in prisons. You're a psychologist who takes the time to understand the reasons that a person has when committing crimes. That's your call. Your life purpose is to lower the prisons of attendance by potential  offenders / criminals. Suppose you meet a man who fills my first criteria. This man, in life is a painter. His appeal is to paint works that are destined to redefine some artistic aesthetics in the field of Arts and Sciences. For him, he deals not only as an artist, but his goal is to create laws that promote art to push his vision. In this case, you do not go at all in the same direction. You can both fear God, but visions are quite separated. And even if you force yourself to be together, inevitably, there will be one of you, who will be called to do many sacrifices for the other. The sacrifice is not bad in itself, but it becomes so when you do not obey to realize the reason for your existence: To fully participate in your call. And in this situation, you can block many blessings, with such compromises, because you do priviledge the Human before the Divine. Realize that when you do not fully achieve your vocation, you make that a whole population, who should have been  affected by your work, do not have access to it ... And this is called to fail someone’s destiny. Your Adam should have a vision that is similar to yours so you can find a common ground that allows you to make reasonable compromises. Normally, it should have common ground in your respective vocations: it is not wise to see someone’s vocation annihilated because of his couple. Do not fall into this trap, we need you to accomplish your vocation, it is too important to God.

• You should see if you have the same standards and principles in life
Here, we enter more in which recounts the manners  or social skills and lifestyle habits. For example, if you come from Africa, you will more likely to be in the privacy of your  big family. You often take news from your brothers and sisters, your uncles and your cousins. And most of the time, you'll be intentional to create quality time with them. It is important to find a partner who not only understands your origins, but also embraces it. This does not necessarily mean that he had the habit of doing this in his childhood, but that it is also a principle of life for him. Men do not need to have grown up in a family environment to be very family person. But nuance is in the values ​​and principles he holds. This also comes from the openness that he has to accept and adopt your values. What is his perception of the family? Does he only want to be close  to his wife and children? Does he have good relations with his cousins? Is it necessary for him to see his parents, to see your parents? This is important because many couples experience  friction, because of each other’s habits, which are sometimes diametrically opposed.
Likewise, it may be seen in  his finance: Is he an ambitious person who aspires to be very wealthy? This is very possible, but is it your goal too? In this framework of ideas, it is very possible that for him, work takes a very important place, whereas  you, you're a happy person, easy to content even with little. For him, it is unthinkable  to not have a certain amount of money, because it is crucial to '' plant '' significantly in the lives of those dear to him. Or, he needs a  certain standard of living that makes him feel good about himself. It is important to open this kind of conversation so that you discern if there may be some compatibility in the long term.

• You should be accomplices
Complicity can even be created when two people come from two very different backgrounds, but it is important to understand what unites you, what  do you have in common, to better  build the unicity of your couple. For example, complicity is created through some activities you do together. This may be the fact that you are movies’ fan, great reader, people who love fine dining. In short, it is important to see the type of activities you can do together to find the common ground that brings you closer. And again, it is important to see what your man likes to do, when he is with his male friends, to detect if you  envision yourself doing this activity with him. To a man, complicity is deeply related to the kind of sports activities, educational activities he likes to do. If he is a passionate about football, basketball, hockey, it is important that you realize that you have to participate in some of his matches (if he plays), or watch games on television to spend quality time and have this kind of intimacy. Sometimes, even, I would say that going to the stadium, as a supporter / fan, is a great way to build a nice couple’s complicity. It is important to see if you can appreciate what he likes to do. (And vice versa).

• He must attract you physically
This requirement is even more important as a Christian, because we are fighting not in carnal way, but spiritually, for godly marriages. Certainly the four points I have mentioned above are much more important than the latter, but this point remains needed for a couple who achieves itself  in its identity. We are not asking that your man is an Apollo, but there are at least basics that allows you to dream of walking with him, hand in hand with confidence / pride. (NB: Become aware, at the base, with the work of the Holy Spirit, anyone can beautify correctly, and marriage is one of the ways to beautify couples!) As a woman, you need to be able to satisfy yourself  with what you see at home, and do not start rinsing your eyes with men who come – either from a foreign yoke - either with men who are not meant for you. It is important to be attracted to your future husband, so you can always focus on your relationship and not envy anyone. Adultery begins with the lust of the eyes (Eve), and of the flesh, and you open the door to great drama in your relationship.

Those are my points, I hope that this will empower you in your future marriage choices. Did you find this article interesting? Feel free to share it in your entourage! If not, is there a criterion that I failed? The comment box is made for this!

See you soon!
Ines Fome

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