'tis the Bearded One

Speedy Evaluations

5 posts in this topic

They say first impressions matter. Have you consciously reflected on what informs your initial impressions?

 

Given a significant number of potential interests (either for friendship or romantic) and limited time, how do you whittle down the candidates so you can use your time wisely in developing contacts? Some factors may be biases and presumptions that cannot be validated or rejected given the time.....Some might be previously subconscious; some may be indicators you consciously created…

 

I am very interested in hearing them!

 

One of the factors I've noticed with myself is:

Handshakes: being greeted with a limp, dead fish that lacks vigour is thoroughly off-putting regardless of gender.

 

I'll share some more later on.

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Oh dear, the overwhelming response! I must quell the crowd! Here are a few more. 

How do they treat others? Do they play any social games socially or get overly competitive, cut-throat and exploitative of the less skilled players? Do they seek to engage everyone in an activity or are the neglected disregarded?

Do they engage or are at least interested in spiritual things that may come up? Do they pay attention during a sermon or are they chatting away or fiddling on their phones (besides using it to look up Bible texts)?

Are they proactive or at least willing to assist if help is needed? It is super noticeable when a visitor helps out in a way that even regulars rarely do.

Are they at ease in substantive conversations? How does their engagement with topics and concepts indicate their level of perception? They don’t have to spout out a great deal of knowledge (aka showing off intellectually) but show in their responses that they’ve thought about things or have a mature insight. Or even just don’t show a lack of interest in substantive discussions.

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Come on people!

Imagine the scenario of a camp/get-together over a weekend or week, heaps of single people everywhere that you don't know....How do you try to optimise your time and efforts?

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Good topic! Tough though...

Right off the bat I've found examples of people who I assumed were idiots based on their outward behavior.

Allow me to tell a story. He was highly competitive, pressing, also a sore loser etc.. I was not alone with this impression. Later, on a road trip with a large group of friends we were riding in two cars, and at one point on that journey I was riding with the guy I mentioned above. It was his car.

Late at night still driving we wanted to pull over to stargaze for a while. When he found a good place to pull over he did so... Except it wasnt a good place to pull over. What looked like a wide stretch of grass between the road and a field was in fact very narrow and had a concrete tube to channel water under it. When pulling over we went straight into the ditch and the front his car hit the tube. We were able to get the car free by everyone getting out and pushing. But the mood was ruined. Being the guy who knew the most about cars I inspected the damage and gave my advice accordingly. I was concerned whether the radiator had been punctured. I saw some liquid dripping so that made it worse. It didn't smell like coolant though. The following day we did some more thorough inspections in the daylight and I got under the car etc. Long story short the frame of the car (and the radiator) now had a dent, the front bumper was damaged and a wire had been ripped which triggered the check engine light, but the radiator was not leaking. The liquid was condensation from the AC. With my leatherman and some ducttape I was able to fix the wire and a quick visit talking to a mechanic we had our theories confirmed and the error codes reset for free!

Well, enough backstory... The point is that the whole experience got me to know the guy from a different perspective, and he's really a great guy. Just not good at letting that shine through when in crowds. Social expectations I guess. Gotta look tough, gotta act smart, gotta drink and gotta have all the sex. Etc.

Well, apart from a friend I also got another lesson in not to judge people on first impressions.

That said, first impressions are important. Firstly visually; Look like a bum, smell like a bum? To my knowledge you probably are a bum.

Handshake I agree with you, bearded one.

Most striking is the outward attitude of the individual, and how they speak. Acting smart etc. Using swear words etc.

Then finally how they treat others. Especially, how they treat strangers. After all, even bandits are kind amongst themselves.

 

Most importantly though I have to remind myself that you gotta really get to know the person to know them, and that the first impressions are really just that... "First" impressions.

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So, while diving into the dating scene the past couple of months, I have developed a couple key factors that result into second dates.

How they treat the wait staff. Are they polite or rude? How are they with people in general?

Do they check on they're phone frequently or give me their attention?

Do they open the door for me (chivalry is not dead, it's so sweet!)?

And I agree with the handshake. I'm going to squeeze your hand so you better squeeze mine back :lol:

 

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