Do guys put girls in the friend zone?

[LilStar 4]

This question might have been answered before, forgive me, I'm new to this site. Anyway, a guy friend of mine moved away a bit ago and he started calling me all the time. We would talk every now and then when we lived in the same town, but after he moved it was more constant and about more personal things. I found myself talking to him about things I never tell anyone. Also, we would stay on the phone for hours at a time. I was curious if this relationship was going somewhere and felt like it really was, and then out of the blue he told me he had started to date someone. Needless to say I was crushed! He told me he hoped I didn't have feelings for him because he has never seen me as more than a friend. I accepted this, sorted through my feelings and started to feel better about it. 

I hadn't even realized my feelings had grown so much for him, until then. 

 

His relationship ended after two months, and slowly we have started talking on the phone again.

This guy is a great friend and I truly respect him, but I just don't know how to feel about our "friendship" anymore.  So I'll think my feelings for him have changed and then I find myself feeling "attached" to him again.

Would you stay on the phone late at night for hours with a girl you were not interested in? Is this odd or am I just blowing it up? Do guys do the friend zone thing, haha?  I'm really just curious about thoughts about this. Thanks! 

[Faeries 175]

He could just really like talking to you as his friend, or he could be stringing you along but it doesn't seem like that. He was honest and told you he didn't have feelings for you. It seems like you're definitely in the friend zone and if you don't accept it and change your view on the relationship you're not gonna be happy and you're always going to be looking for signs that he wants to be with you. Either accept that you're just friends or pull back a little. Just be honest with him that it's difficult for you to stay friends when you have feelings for him.

Good luck!

[Peter 188]

Sometimes you grow close to someone in a way where they are more like a brother or sister to you. That doesn't mean that they don't love you, I'm sure they do. Brotherly or sisterly kind of love. They care deeply about you. Some may still define it within "friendzone".

What I'm referring to is not a case of "lets keep it friends". It's a case of "You're like a sister to me, and I wouldn't loose that".

But it's hard to know for sure unless he says so. Either way it seems you got a real good friend there

[Joseph 66]

I did have a friend in college who i put into my "friend-zone" so to say. At first she was amazing, we'd talk quite a lot on the phone and message a lot. But later on i realized she had different views from me. She wasn't a waiter and she had different intentions. I realized that she wanted to have a casual fling with me. I was angry and disappointed but im glad i didn't go further. That's when i lost my feelings for her and she was just a friend in my eyes after that.

 

So yes, in my opinion i think a guy does put a girl in a friend-zone. Now that statement doesn't hold good if a guy is only into having sex with any girl he sees or finds attractive..     

[LilStar 4]

These were helpful. Thanks for the comments!

[John Caleb Bradberton 7]

Yes we do put women in friend zones. I had to do this recently. But from what I read it seems this guy likes having his ego stroked by keeping you around. It's a bit odd he knew you liked him and was Ok with it. Then as soon as he finds a gf he drops you to later come back after he breaks up with her. Sounds like a classic case of needing to be liked and feeling good about it.

[HeWhoWaits 177]

Anybody can be in the friend zone.

 

What do you want? I'd say just go for what you want.

 

If you have interest in this person I'd suggest just laying your cards on the table and to be honest and direct about it. Make it clearly known you have interest in them as more than a friend. Don't beat around the bush and make it unclear, be confident and blunt and tell them you like them and you want more. The shy and weak of heart...the fearful won't ever get what they want, they'll just wait around and "hope" things will happen.

 

If they are not interested in you are you okay with just being their "pal"? If not, and they reject you tell them you aren't interested in just being friends, wish them well, and tell them to let you know if they change their mind and break off contact with them and don't look back.

 

I know I may be oversimplifying things but you've got to be honest and you've got to take chances if you want to get what you want. You don't want to think back on this and regret things five years from now. If you have feelings, act on them, be strong and let the chips fall where they may. Having unexpressed feelings of romance/love/affection have never helped anyone.