Naturally

Prepared to wait forever?

36 posts in this topic

I like to think that I wouldn't settle any more than I am already willing to... I figure if God wants me to get married, as long as I keep venues to meet him open then God will help me find him. But if I'm not married by about the age of forty, I'm gonna devote my life to missions or something and just die a virgin.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I will never settle in terms of how I feel towards my significant other. Otherwise, you could say I am open minded to "settling" in most ways, though it obviously wouldn't be "settling" if I was in love!

My concept of "settling" has changed over time: I regard settling as more organic than a list of "deal breakers," which I no longer use even though I still have a handful. I think we choose deal breakers and requirements because we expect they will help us feel a certain way towards our hypothetical partner (attraction, love, understanding, admiration, etc).  Changing and limiting my "requirements" as I matured wasn't settling. It was not a downgrade but an upgrade, as I was getting at the heart of what I want in my future spouse.

I am more inclined to follow whether or not I am completely in love with someone. In that case, I would absolutely never settle, never marry, and would remain a virgin unto death.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, I know from observation and experience that it's not worth it to lower standards and have sex "just to get it done" when what you really want is to wait until marriage. I am starting to see that I may indeed be waiting forever, that's hard but not as hard as the psychic pain of breaking off little pieces of my soul just for a moment's comfort or pleasure.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I never find anyone & marry her, ill never do it. Simple as that.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I won't settle, but over the years my 'requirements' have changed, to be honest. I mean, I've never considered a fellow virgin a MUST. Sure, it would be nice, but I consider that a bonus. As for will I change my mind on waiting? I have to admit, I have considered it, but I always come back to waiting. It's much too important to me. Not for religious reasons, but emotional and pragmatic reasons. So, if I never marry? I'll stay a virgin.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The way I see it, I was put on this path for some good reason. There has to be a purpose for why I ended up deciding to wait. Trust me, I've had opportunities in the past and even have opportunities right now to throw all of that away. I've just never been compelled to do it, and I like to believe that's for some kind of higher purpose. If I am ever to be with a woman in any kind of romantic way, I want it to only be with my wife. I'm not willing to give pieces of myself to anybody else.

I'm a very stubborn person. Extremely prideful. As such I would never compromise on any of my parameters. I certainly would never want to "settle" on someone, or have them do it to me. I would sooner die than allow any of those things to happen. You can imagine that I'm prepared to wait.

I know asking for a virgin whom I'm emotionally compatible with is apparently asking for a lot. And I know they get a lot harder to come by as you get older. But I'm not willing to relent. I know the typical argument is "would you choose the unlikable virgin over the girl of your dreams who is a non-virgin?", but I don't think that's a very clever one. I would choose neither. The unlikable one is unlikable, so that wraps that up. As for the other, "girl of my dreams" and "non-virgin" are incompatible in my mind. There is a fundamental rift between her morals and values with mine, being that she decided to engage in something that I consider to be sacred to marriage, something that I have repeatedly declined in favor of preserving that sacredness. It just outlines pretty obvious differences in our approach to relationships, leaving the potential for grievous disparities that could make us further incompatible. Now obviously, this isn't counting extreme stuff like deception, molestation, rape and whatever else. Those cases are way too specific and are very unfortunate semantics that I don't really want to have to think about right now. How about the other side of the argument? I could be the man of her dreams while also being a virgin. Why does she get to have both and I only one? Seems kinda silly to me. Not to mention that after reading the testimonies of many virgin women on this forum, quite a few of them desire a virgin spouse about as strongly as I do, if not even more so. Knowing that, it would be a real shame for someone like me to end up with a woman unlike them.

Yeah, I know what I said just oozes of stubbornness, but it's how I really feel. A lot you may disagree and judge me fiercely for it, but that's okay. You all have your limits, and I have mine. I know it seems like I'm putting a lot of stress on that desire for another virgin, but to me that's only the starting foundation to build upon. Obviously there is much more to it than just being a virgin. I just feel that it's only fair that my conviction and dedication are matched. It's not like I'm being hypocritical about it. And I know "life isn't fair" and blah blah blah, I get it. Again, I'm not going to change how I feel about it. I'll wait as long as I need to, or die a virgin. Whatever comes first.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I'm starting to wonder how many of us are going to be waiting forever, and if I'll be included or not. I think I will be, so I need to prepare myself mentally for that, and be happy about it. :superwaiter:

I don't know why, but I feel like most of us will be alone forever. It's so ironic that the one thing you've been waiting for, you might never get, simply because you are waiting for it. It almost doesn't make any sense, lol.

But good luck to everyone! :)

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/6/2017 at 9:10 PM, Faeries said:

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I'm starting to wonder how many of us are going to be waiting forever, and if I'll be included or not. I think I will be, so I need to prepare myself mentally for that, and be happy about it. :superwaiter:

I don't know why, but I feel like most of us will be alone forever. It's so ironic that the one thing you've been waiting for, you might never get, simply because you are waiting for it. It almost doesn't make any sense, lol.

Well, that sure is a bleak way of looking at it. :lol: I suppose I'm just more hopeful about it. I like to believe that most of us will find what we seek, as long as we're actually working towards attaining it. There are so many good people here that it would truly be a shame if they were to end up alone. I'm hoping for the best for all of you.

I think everybody has their own ways of combating that possibility. For me, I've been working really hard on improving my body and my mind. I want to be healthy forever and I want to be genuinely happy with myself. I'm also trying to open up and actually connect with people. I'm not staying hidden anymore, and I want to prove to myself that I can be worth something to at least one person. I really believe that my efforts are leading me in the right direction.

I also think that we're all here for a reason. Everything in our lives panned out the way they did and led us to where we stand now for a reason. Now you could interpret that as evidence suggesting that you are meant to be alone, but I wouldn't be so hasty to jump to that conclusion. All of the struggles we've endured and the emotions we're feeling are all just part of the path. It's shaping us into being the type of person we need to be in order for us to not only find our spouse, but also to be able to truly connect with them. Personally, I'm interpreting all of this as God looking out for us. I know that not everyone is going to buy into that idea, but it just makes sense to me.

All in all, if people take care of themselves and have a good heart, I don't see how they could ever end up alone. There are just too many people in the world for that to actually happen. While being alone is always going to be a possibility, it's just that. A possibility, and it's honestly a very unlikely one at that. I know that our preferences are going to make the number of options dwindle substantially, but really, the world is so much bigger than we give it credit for. That's something I learned by coming here and getting to see so many kinds of people. I know for certain now that I'm not chasing some kind of pipe dream. None of us are. What we want is absolutely real, and it will all come down to how hard we're willing to work and how long we'll need to wait.

So all these things help keep me going. It's enough for me to just accept the possibility of being alone, but it would do me no good at all to actually believe that I will be alone. That would just demotivate me, though I can't speak for how you would feel about it. Well, I don't think you'll be alone. Not sure if me saying that will do much for you, but I'm saying it anyway. I don't have any reason to believe that you deserve to be alone. Maybe you have reasons, but in that case you might just be being far too critical of yourself. But I wouldn't know as it's none of my business, so I really don't have any right to speak on that matter. Just keep hanging in there, is all I can really say. It's probably too early to force yourself to find security in being alone. :superwaiter:

Also, my previous post in this thread seems really emotional. :P I must have been heated about something on the day I posted it. Naturally, I still standby everything I said in it. That isn't changing. Though I want to clarify that I don't have any problems with people who don't meet my preferences. I don't mean to judge them, and I still would be willing to be friends with them. I just wouldn't be capable of forming a romantic attraction to them, and I must have felt strongly compelled to justify myself. By now, I'm totally comfortable with having my preferences, even if people may disagree with or dispute them. I'm completely fine with that. I know myself, I know what it will take and nothing can change that.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks @Adam. I actually feel a lot better about it now. You're right that being optimistic is better than moping around about it, and assuming the worst. I don't know how I'll feel after I reach a certain age (if I'm still alone) :o, but I suppose that if I work on my own happiness from now, it won't be so bad when I get there.

I wonder if our preferences get in the way more than non-waiters. I think most people tend to be way too specific about what they want, but because they aren't waiters, it's easier for them to date around and get to know different people, eventually falling in love unexpectedly. Since our options are limited, we have a lot of time on our hands to come up with the perfect dream guy/ girl, and because most of us don't feel we have the luxury to mess around, if we don't get that dream person, we aren't interested. (Why do I feel like I've said this before? :blink:) I know I'm that way, but those guys were more than likely, all non-waiters. My theory might be wrong though, as I don't see why waiters can't fall in love unexpectedly as well. I'm more so thinking of myself, maybe. :rolleyes:

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, Faeries said:

I don't see why waiters can't fall in love unexpectedly as well. I'm more so thinking of myself, maybe. :rolleyes:

I'm pretty much like that too. I don't believe in love at first site or any of that sort of stuff, lust at first sight is what I believe happens. How can you possibly fall in love with someone you know nothing about?  I believe that allowing yourself to fall in love with someone is a choice and it's probably because we have so much more to lose in comparison to non-waiters. We aren't after the physical aspect in a relationship so emotionally, we have to be much more guarded and that probably prevents us from "falling in love" in comparison to non-waiters (I could be very wrong about this though). 

Oddly enough I've had this conversation with my friends about "my list" and it's pretty long but less and less of them are deal-breakers as I get older with my main deal-breakers being that they are: Christian, virgin, older than me, have a good education.  However, if I was to meet a non-virgin, they would need to tick every item on my long list before I could even consider dating them. 

But honestly, I'm at a point where I would be very willing to wait forever but after a certain age I don't think I'd want to get married if I haven't met someone by then :P 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Faeries Awesome, happy to hear that. :) I believe that if you're putting yourself out there and are working really hard on yourself, then people will notice it. They'll be drawn to you. It's possible that you could meet your future spouse this way, or maybe you meet somebody who potentially knows your future spouse. Maybe you'll find them in any of the communities you get involved in, or heck, maybe you'll even find them right here. You are never going to know how it'll happen, so it's best not to discount any possible avenues for that meeting to happen. Above all else, as long as you aren't literally hiding from everybody, you should be fine. That's something that I'm still learning and trying to overcome.

17 hours ago, Faeries said:

I wonder if our preferences get in the way more than non-waiters. I think most people tend to be way too specific about what they want, but because they aren't waiters, it's easier for them to date around and get to know different people, eventually falling in love unexpectedly. Since our options are limited, we have a lot of time on our hands to come up with the perfect dream guy/ girl, and because most of us don't feel we have the luxury to mess around, if we don't get that dream person, we aren't interested. (Why do I feel like I've said this before? :blink:) I know I'm that way, but those guys were more than likely, all non-waiters. My theory might be wrong though, as I don't see why waiters can't fall in love unexpectedly as well. I'm more so thinking of myself, maybe. :rolleyes:

I think they can get in the way, but it all depends on what they are. Honestly, non-waiters have a lot more reign to be shallow because their pool is so much larger. Some of them have such extremely specific and ridiculous standards that would make any of our own seem insignificant in comparison. And as you said, they do get to mess around with whoever they want in the meantime, so their "struggles" would be substantially downplayed.

As for people like us, it undoubtedly is more difficult, but it's not nearly as bad as it seems. I'm not sure how everybody else sees it, but for me, it all boils down to being emotionally compatible, having matching beliefs and similar interests. Being a virgin WTM sets the stage for the possibility of satisfying all three of those things, so I also hold that as a necessity. I also don't mean to downplay physical attractiveness, because it still is important. Personally I just have no clear cut idea of what my future wife should look like. As long as we both are really attracted to each other, then that's all that matters.

I don't think all of that is much different from what any other waiter would want. I also don't think any of that is so specific that it becomes intrusive either. I agree with you though, I was able to realize these preferences through my time alone. You're also right that I wouldn't want to be with anyone who doesn't meet them. By now I've come to accept that, and it's good to stay hopeful about it. As for falling in love unexpectedly, I think it could still happen. I know it probably won't happen for me unless I just happen to fall for someone who coincidentally meets all of my preferences. I don't know, I don't bank on that happening, but I guess it's still possible. I think it would literally have to be some kind of divine intervention for that to actually happen. :P But for waiters who are far less cautious than I am, yeah, I can still see it happening. I'm sure it has happened before.

Compared to non-waiters, I think we're being molded to be much stronger people, far less dependent on others and more secure in ourselves. We will have so much more to give to our spouse when we eventually find them, and we'll be far more appreciative of them since we never had anybody before them. As much as we all might be struggling now, it's only serving to make us all the more tougher and wiser. Being prepared for the worst case scenario is nothing more than a precaution, as I strongly doubt it's going to be the reality for most of us. So try to stay strong, and keep doing your best. I don't think any of us have that much longer to wait. ^_^

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now