Naturally

Prepared to wait forever?

36 posts in this topic

Hey everyone,

 

What do you plan to do if you never find your "one"?

 

That is, if you never encounter your perfect-for-you virgin partner.

 

Will you loosen some of your 'requirements' or, for lack of a better word, lower your standards in order to expand your target range thereby increasing your chances of finding a partner even though they may not be what you truly desire?

 

Will you give up the WTM prophecy and engage in non-marital sex so as to have the experience before you die?

 

Or are you willing to never experience sexual intercourse in your life should you never marry?

 

 

 

In answer to my own question, if I don't encounter my perfect-for-me partner, I have no qualms about never experiencing sexual intercourse in my lifetime. It's all or nothing with me.

 

What about you?

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I think it would defeat the purpose of WTM if I'll just give up when I don't find someone, lol.  :lol:

If you truly believe that sex should only exist within marriage, and you never get married, then you're never having sex. Plus you don't really know if you'll ever find someone to date/marry until you take your last breath. You could meet someone at 20, 36, and even 71. I'll be honest though, no one wants to have to wait for the majority of their lives. At least I don't. Sometimes I wish it was "raining men" like the song. Then if I could just catch one...  :P But seriously, I'll wait forever if I must, but I hope I don't have to.

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I don't even really want to experience sex after marriage, so I'm not going to engage in non-marital sex if I never find anyone. I'd be more disappointed if I never found anybody vs never having sex. So if I never find anybody I'll just be alone with several dogs.

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Well, I can't predict the future with 100% certainty. I have a lot of trouble believing I would ever give up the virgin requirement. For me, waiting wouldn't really be worth it if I marry a non-virgin. I don't think I would ever enjoy sex with my non-virgin wife, so I might as well stay celibate. I would perhaps be ever so slightly likely to give up the requirement she never made out before, though. I'm not even 100% on that one right now at a young age (about 80% sure).

As far as physical attraction, I'll just have to see if as I age my taste in women changes. I'm admittedly picky now, but sometimes those things change.

As far as personality/compatibility, I don't consider myself super picky as if is. Don't get me wrong, I'm as picky as one reasonably has to be. I'm just not overly picky.

I guess that's a long winded way of saying I might compromise a little, but I don't expect to compromise a ton.

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Sometimes I wish it was "raining men" like the song. Then if I could just catch one...  :P 

 

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So I guess I am prepared to never marry and stay celibate for my entire life in the sense that I’d prefer that to the alternatives of compromising my standards for marriage or having casual sex, but I wouldn't exactly say I have no qualms about it either. It would be completely devastating. If I can't marry then I'm caught between a rock and a very hard place because the prospect of love and marriage is basically the main thing that makes life worth living for me. If I don’t find true love, I think I will be miserable my whole life. And if I’m still alone past the age at which it would be too late to start a family, I don’t think I’d want to go on living.

 

I never quite thought of it that way but I guess for atheists there's only the here and now....I think that would make it all the harder!

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I don't think you can truly love someone if the thought that you've settled is in your mind. One person in that sort of relationship is always going to be giving more and receiving less than they deserve. It's an absolutely horrible and selfish thing to do to fulfill a physical need.

 

The whole checklist for life experiences thing has never appealed to me as I don't want to be tied to experiencing things that are considered normal. The bar for what is considered a normal life is far too low. My devotions are what they are and I don't foresee them changing due to any external influences.

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I don't think you can truly love someone if the thought that you've settled is in your mind. One person in that sort of relationship is always going to be giving more and receiving less than they deserve. It's an absolutely horrible and selfish thing to do to fulfill a physical need.

 

I agree. And I think by "settling" you may be sowing the seeds of resentment by ending up tolerating your partner rather than loving them. 

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I could never ever "settle".

 

Now at 31, I feel like I may never find that one who is still saving his virginity and have pondered the thought of maybe being single forever. I definitely don't think I could be happy with someone who wasn't a virgin (I think that depends though, like if he was a waiter + widower or something like that in his past). But too many people in society are promiscuous, just don't regard sex as seriously or as special - and that is definitely not the kind of sex I ever want to experience in my lifetime. I'd much rather die a virgin, but that honestly really saddens me too.

 

Just joined this forum btw. It's really nice to see these topics being talked about. I should have joined long ago. 

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I will NEVER settle. 

 

If that means I will leave this world with my virginity intact and never marrying then so be it. Not only would compromising my standards be a betrayal of what I hold dear and sacred, but it would also make all those years of waiting be all for nothing. If anything, the longer I wait, the more I would have to lose if I "loosened up." There's no turning back for me. I've invested way too much to simply throw it all away.

 

The only thing that scares me even more than never finding love and marrying is the thought of settling or being settled for. In my mind, being settled for is even worse than rejection. Because at least with rejection, the other person respects you enough to not waste your time and knows both of you deserve someone who is compatible with each. Settling is all about satisfying a selfish desire that comes from a place of desperation. It isn't about love and admiration, it's about security or simply being a slightly better alternative than being alone forever. No one deserves to be a means to an end or a last resort. We all deserve someone who will complement and appreciate us to the fullest. I would rather someone tell me they hate me than for them to use me as some sort of consolation prize.

 

Some of us here will not accept anything else but a virgin and to that I say I wish you the very best in your searches. That has never been a dealbreaker for me, only that she has to be waiting on her own accord. Though some days I feel like it is border-line a dealbreaker. But if she is not a virgin, it wouldn't be settling to me. What ultimately is most important to me and non-negotiable, is having her heart. Undivided, complete and not shared with any other man. If I am going to give total devotion and commitment then I expect the same in return. I will not accept anything less.

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I will not settle.And it brings to mind something I wrote 2 weeks ago: 

 

Of great serendipity,

Let us be found guilty,

Of love, unconditional love 

Of hope, undying hope

Let us by all means

Search for love, pure and true

Laugh till our bellies ache

Share till there's nothing left of us

Be steadfast in our silent vows

For we must be proved 

Here in in this matter 

Now in this time

 

I must be proved; here in this matter and in that time (if it comes). 

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That's a difficult question I used to ask myself a lot  ! and reading your comments I m like : Waoo ! you guys are really firm in your decisions and standards ... but for me , I'm trying to be honest with myself : 

 
Will you loosen some of your 'requirements' ? Yes ! I guess I will . 2 years ago when I was 22 It was very important for me to find someone who's just like me ( virgin , religious , his education .... ) . but I've changed a lot during these past 2 years and though , those standards are still important for me , I think If I find someone I truly love , I'll just ignore some of my standards ....
 
Will you give up the WTM prophecy and engage in non-marital sex so as to have the experience before you die? No ... it's really SAD to do something you don't like at all just because everyone else is doing and you should do it before you die ! I'm pretty sure I won't feel happy and It won't be that sweet love-sex relationship I always wanted. So I'll try to enjoy my single life and travel around the world and do whatever I couldn't do If I had a family ! haha :P
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There is no perfect-for-me partner. There is probably somebody that I will meet who I will be happier with than anybody else, but there has never been a relationship in history where each person did not settle on something. I would never date or marry a slut, of course, but if somebody has had sex before within the confines of a relationship, then at the very least they place some sort of significance on it, and if they are willing to start waiting again until marriage, then I would be willing to accept that.

 

This doesn't mean I am willing to date/marry someone that I am unattracted to or has different principles than I do, but we do not have to necessarily agree on every practical issue in life, provided she at least came to her conclusions through quasi-logical means and that we have mutual respect for these differences. But her base principles must be the same as mine.

 

So, there are areas where I would settle, and areas where I wouldn't. I would never marry a leftist or somebody that I was physically unattracted to. Or somebody who didn't value education, or someone not willing to spend what I perceive as enough time with me (which is far more than most people, probably), etc. And I would never have sex before marriage, myself. There may reach a point where I cannot go on any further, though...

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Will you loosen some of your 'requirements' ? Yes ! I guess I will . 2 years ago when I was 22 It was very important for me to find someone who's just like me ( virgin , religious , his education .... ) . but I've changed a lot during these past 2 years and though , those standards are still important for me , I think If I find someone I truly love , I'll just ignore some of my standards ....

 

I feel the same way. A few years ago, I was pretty strict on who I was interested in dating, but now I'm happier to let attraction guide me. If I'm interested in a guy and he's interested too, I won't refuse a relationship just because he doesn't fit every single one of my requirements! If he's perfect for me in every other way and we love each other, we can work through that.

 

I don't mind never having sex in my life. Sure, I'd like to experience it, but it's not like my entire life revolves around that experience. My main concern would be not having children, but then I could always adopt - and as a bonus point, I could confuse my children when they realise that their mother is a virgin  :lol:

 

Actually, the main situation in which I could see my resolve waver is if I met someone perfect in every way, I trusted him completely, we were in a stable and long-term relationship, and I was ready to have sex with him. In that case, I would seriously consider doing it. The main reason I'm waiting till marriage is because of the emotional commitment and closeness that sex involves, but if we're already close and emotionally committed, having sex isn't too far of a jump. But that's an issue that I'll deal with when I get to it (and at this point in my life it's probably still going to be a while :P).

 

But I wouldn't settle for someone or go out and hook up with someone just for the sake of having sex. Either I do it when there's an emotional connection, or I don't do it at all.

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That's a difficult question. Ask me again in 20 years. HAHAHA

But seriously I recently talked to someone (a man) where we were equally yoked. I was stunned to see that it didn't even matter that he wasn't a virgin. I had tried being more open to asking The Lord for someone more fit for me because my friend said you literally can have no limitations like you have to be completely open to the person The Lord has for you or you're limiting yourself. Anyway, we had been walking with The Lord for about the same time consistently (two years), so naturally he had been waiting and it was never even an issue. I mentioned I was a virgin but we were more focused on our personalities and it was like that was our past and we were focusing on the new us. Unfortunately as much as it was a match, the opposite was happening as this spiritual cloud of darkness came over me once I was interested with the absence of peace and I had to end it. I'm still not really sure what happened and don't know if I ever will be, and a part of me wonders if the virgins I meet are really weird/in a box. HAHAHA

I feel like they are naive and I guess I'm looking for someone more street smart? Maybe that just happens with most virgins

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well, I just know one thing for sure, I am not going to be waiting forever.

It is not God's will (if it was, many years ago when i was still a catholic and wanted to be a nun, I would have gotten the support i needed) and its nolonger mine.

There is a list of what I desire in a partner, now some are very important why others are just desires(though they are all important) I can overlook the others as long as the most important ones are there. Otherwise, I'll just wait till I meet him.

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My main concern would be not having children, but then I could always adopt - and as a bonus point, I could confuse my children when they realise that their mother is a virgin  :lol:

 

That would be hilarious!! (Besides the sadness of you not finding your mate...) I have played with the thought of foster care even if I was to stay single myself though I thought it would be very hard (impossible?) for a single person to adopt or foster care but haven't checked it out. 

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First hello (I'm new, glad that this website exists),

 

ehm. No, I rather would die as a virgin. It's like beeing mother teresa. Haha. :D

Sometimes I think I will never find someone who has the same opinions and I think: however. God doesn't want me to find a guy. Better to be alone, than with the wrong person. Values are manifested, I think. Maybe you can lock them up but you won't be satisfied for the future. Why ONS or not very serious relationships for, I don't know, 2 years, when I'll be still lonely at the end? Noone can guarantee, when I have a sex based relationship, that it will hold long enough. Why risking?

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Hi, I tound your post to be rather interesting. I'll try to answer your questions in order as best I can.

What do you plan to do if you never find your "one"?

Honestly, I think about this question a lot these days, especially since i'm turning 29 in a few months. I've never been huge with the ladies but all it takes is one right? Personally, I doubt i'll ever find "the one" just because I don't really search anymore these days. I just work being the best me I can be since i'm dedicating so much of my future to helping others. Plus, it would be really hard to find a woman that would accepting of all my future plans (doctors without borders, missions trips, living abroad for years at a time, etc.)

Will you loosen some of your 'requirements' or, for lack of a better word, lower your standards in order to expand your target range thereby increasing your chances of finding a partner even though they may not be what you truly desire?

Honestly, I don't really have an outline per-se on what type of woman I want. I do know that she must carry the fruit of the spirit qualities (kindness, compassion, gentleness, self-control, etc.) Everything other than that is a gift really. I've never been one to put physical qualities/attributes on a girl as a "must have". I will say that age would probably be the only requirement. As I get older it become increasingly harder and harder to find a woman within my age group who had not had sex, or at least not as many partners.

Will you give up the WTM prophecy and engage in non-marital sex so as to have the experience before you die? Or are you willing to never experience sexual intercourse in your life should you never marry?

The hardest part about answering this question is knowing all along that I would probably end up alone. What makes it difficult is i'm a very passionate person. I have friends and co-workers who tell me all the time that if there's one person who should be in a relationship/married it's me, but that doesn't help me much.

I have 3 siblings who are all married and either have children already or are working on children, so it makes it hard at times for me to want to see my family around the holidays just because I know the questions will be brought up. They have degrees right now as well while i'm still working on my bachelor's so that's also another issue that gets brought up. I've always considered myself a person of circumstance, which is why I have such great compassion for others, because of the fact that I have spent most of my life alone feeling unloved so I know how others feel and how hard it is to admit that.

A friend of mine once told me "God doesn't give crosses to those who can't bear them". So I think about that quote a lot and maybe someday I may actually find a woman, but I still plan my life as if I'll be alone forever by avoiding women and the issue all together. Sure it's the safe way but it's not easy, it's never easy.

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So my prepared statement query would look like this:q = INSERT INTO users first_name, last_name, email, join_date VALUES ?,?,?,NOW;

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I'd probably leave the world a virgin. Every time I've had some sort of connection with a man,upon mentioning the fact that I'm a virgin and that I will not want to have sex at all unless it's a true love,not one that will end in break up,they just waddle away and never talk to me again. Some tell me that I'm awkward,others tell me that I need to loosen up otherwise I'll never get a man. Ah well,STD free life.

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Well sometimes me too I think that I would likely leave this world still being a Virgin. Though I hardly and seldom tell the guys in which I'm interested that I am a Virgin. I keep this secret until I feel that it is the right person. Up till now, I am still waiting for him...

I have to admit that those past days, I was terribly on the nerves, angry with my ownself because of my libido that was very high. Furthermore, I was realizing that I am still a single Virgin woman whereas I receive various propositions for "stable" Relationships. I was saying to myself that finally I will have to give up, it was too hard to support. Thanks to God, everything is alright now with this libido thing.

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Ow my goodness to be honest in answering this question:

Having sex out of marriage is not my option at all, at the same time at my age of 30yrs now i am so eager to get my husband. For him to be a virgin would be a great reward as i never met a virgin man of my age in my adult life; therefore my option is that atlist he should know how to wait like having a self control, that is being a born again Christian who have a time of waiting in his repentance life.

So i am saying i don't want to be a virgin forever; i want to meet my one and get married even if he is not a primary virgin like me but a secondary virgin. But i will never settle for sex before marriage.

 

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Ow lonto leyo as am reading some of your comments am like; oh Lord why don't you let this man come to me lol.

I am ready for my husband, 30years is not little, its not that easy to wait but God is trustworthy and faithful because He gives me strength to stand my grounds.

I also wish that a man could just love me not because am a virgin, because this virginity will not last a minute on our wedding night i suppose lol. Sex is so special to me to just have it with not thee special person of marriage.

Though he is not a virgin he must value waiting and agrees on the not good of sex before marriage, and be atlist wishing he waited at the beginning.

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