lexxy53

I think my faith is wavering, please help

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Hey guys! I know I've been posting a lot of different threads recently but I really need your help :/

 

Lately I have been getting angry at God a lot. I've been questioning a lot of things.

 

Especially about sex and sexually related topics about intimacy. I'm getting angry that his laws is keeping me from having an intimate relationship with my boyfriend, whom I very much love and want to be close to. I understand that in ye olden times most people who weren't married weren't in any kind of relationship, and didn't love each other, and that's why a sexual act would be considered a sin, since you're just doing it because it feels good. But I genuinely love my boyfriend with all my heart and I'm angry that this whole sexual-stuff-before-marriage doesn't seem to have any distinctions between commitment levels. 

 

I've felt myself rolling my eyes a lot internally when I'm hearing something about the Bible or at church or whatever. This is worrying me a lot, since I do believe in Jesus and have accepted him as my Savior. 

 

I feel conflicted. Because on the one hand, I do want to do that God wants me to do, but then on the other hand I feel like it's ok to also not see eye to eye on everything the Bible tells you (I'm especially talking about supporting same sex marriage and such...). I'm terribly scared that slowly my faith has become weaker and weaker and I don't know what to do about it. I am scared that all these feelings I have and things that I don't necessarily agree on with the Bible is going to be a reason for me to lose my salvation. 

 

Please help. And I'd also appreciate some recommended Bible verses/chapters/books which will help me grow in my faith. 

 

Thanks! 
:)

 

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Lately I have been getting angry at God a lot. I've been questioning a lot of things.

 

 

While the getting angry at God part isn't that great in itself, overall I'd see this as a good think if your anger and questioning motivates you to a closer study of scripture and the character of God. Everybody accepts certain things as truth which they have not verified themselves. Existence would be impossible without doing so. Yet when it comes to one's personal faith this can be risky. You are questioning? Great! Dig into the Word, consider people's/denomination's different interpretations of scripture [not that these are determinative but sometimes they can reveal a side that you might not even have considered] and decide for yourself what makes sense.  [Philippians 2:12 http://www.gotquestions.org/fear-and-trembling.html]This anger and uncertainty if utilised correctly can lead you to personal breakthroughs in faith that you wouldn't have had without a "thorn in your side" so to speak. Recall the metaphors of being tried in fire..... [1 Peter 5:10; Job 23:10; Zechariah 13:9; 1 Peter 1:7; Isaiah 48:10; Psalms 66:10; Romans 8:28]

 

 

Especially about sex and sexually related topics about intimacy. I'm getting angry that his laws is keeping me from having an intimate relationship with my boyfriend, whom I very much love and want to be close to. I understand that in ye olden times most people who weren't married weren't in any kind of relationship, and didn't love each other, and that's why a sexual act would be considered a sin, since you're just doing it because it feels good. But I genuinely love my boyfriend with all my heart and I'm angry that this whole sexual-stuff-before-marriage doesn't seem to have any distinctions between commitment levels. 

 

 

I hope I don't sound too harsh but....are you implying that because it is harder [due to more intimate dating practices] to remain abstinent before marriage that it is a lesser (or even no) sin nowadays? Consider also that ancient practices probably only made it easier for the not-yet-married virgin a lot less so for a divorced woman. The woman at the well was cohabitating. Nowhere in scripture does the difficulty of keeping a moral law detract from the necessity to keep it. Consider Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego - how easy it would have been for them to "rationalise" simply bowing down - couldn't they bow down and not worship? Should they risk losing the positive influence they could continue to have over the empire? How "easy" is it for adulterers to rationalise their actions. Temptation can be incredibly strong but there is a God who is infinitely stronger than any temptation you could face and is anxiously waiting to lend His aid!! 

 

You may say 'God is keeping me from an intimate relationship with my boyfriend'. I'd look at it as 'God is trying to preserve you for an intimate relationship with your husband'. I think the Bible is very clear on the permissibility of any kind of sex [in a "committed relationship" or not] before marriage. But lets put that aside for a second. Can we truly say that any romantic relationship is "serious/committed" before it has submitted itself to the covenant of marriage? If 2 people are so committed already that "well, you know, we're basically married already" WHAT ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH IS STOPPING YOU FROM ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED??!!! What are the scriptural requirements for marriage? Do we really need a piece of paper from the State giving us permission to marry? Do we need a celebrant? Do we need a big wedding celebration inviting all and sundry which cripples our finances? Now I am by no means advocating some kind of clandestine "we are married in the eyes of God but lets not tell anyone". But if there are any "trivial" reasons for "postponing" your marriage then I see no problem in scripture with this super-minimized "get married" process: declare your engagement [gives friends and family time to object/counsel etc], have a marriage ceremony consisting of closest friends and family [the core] where you publicly exchange vows, and sign the marriage contract [which you can write yourself [google Ketubah]] and publicly declare you consider yourselves married in the eyes of God. Afterwards celebrate together with delicious and lovingly home cooked food. If you like, get a pastor to officiate - though I don't see this as necessary. Then whenever it suits, and if you want it, get married by the state and/or have a "proper wedding".

 

Regardless of what scripture says regarding it, making premarital sex permissible in a "serious/committed" relationship poses a number of problems: What is the standard of commitment? How does this standard compare to that of the scriptural marriage covenant? Who determines what level of seriousness is required? How does this highly subjective and easily manipulated standard compare to the objective standard of scriptural marriage? How many infatuated adolescents/teenagers/humans would not believe that their "love" is serious; their commitment beyond question? How would you feel about depriving your husband [who was committed enough to enter into the marriage covenant] of something that should have been solely and utterly reserved for him? How would you feel towards a potential husband who expressed that "he has sex whenever he believes he is in a 'sufficiently serious' relationship"?

 

Regarding the "his law is stopping me" perspective. I just recently came across some materials which examined 2 opposing perspectives and the effects on our beliefs and life that they have. The 2 are:

 

God's law as an external imposed law [like e.g. State law]: breaking the law leads to punishment; raises questions of fairness; God seen as potentially dictatorial and controlling.

 

vs

 

God's law seen as the "operating manual" [e.g. car manual]: laws are seen as the laws with which we were designed; breaking these laws does not lead to "external" punishment but rather a natural consequence of breaking the parameters of our design (like not changing the oil in your car); God is seen not as a dictator but a designer; keeping the laws is in our best interest etc

 

This is a very "heavy" subject because it challenges a lot of how we have been taught to perceive God and his Law. It goes to the very character of God and how we relate with God. I'd love to spend more time on it but I'm a bit short for time atm. If you want to know more about it here (http://comeandreason.com/index.php/media-center/column1/god-and-your-brain-seminar) is a link. I have seen the first two sofar and found little I could disagree with though now and then we had to pause and discuss!!

 

Now, for some personal disclosure - I have never even been close to such an intimate relationship that you seem to have so I can only imagine what you are going through. Nonetheless I hope my more objective position could provide some valued insight and I hope you make the decision that you are happy you made looking back whenever you do get married and beyond :D

I can also highly recommend sharing these concerns with some people you trust and who are strong in the faith. There is nothing shameful with doubt - it is something that can help you strengthen and educate your faith. There is also nothing wrong with the fear that your faith is weakening if you want to do something about it! If you were overconfident in the strength of your faith you would be in a bad position  :P

 

God Bless! 

:D

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Thanks so much for your reply :) you are absolutely right on so many levels and I will definitely read more and want to dig deeper. 

 

The thing with the 'why can't you get married' lies on different issues:

 

1. Even if we were to get 'married' before actually getting married, I still live with my parents and am on a stressful uni schedule. I have no time in the day to get a job, afford an apartment, pay rent, food, essentials, etc. I would not want to get married before moving out. 

 

2. We are both quite young. I'm 19 and he just turned 22 and while we have been dating for over three years, this puts complications on a lot of levels, both with ourselves, because we don't feel ready and just in general I don't think there would be any way that my parents would approve at the moment (and my bf - bless him - would want my dad's permission)

 

I will definitely check out the link's you've sent me. I'm also in the middle of watching a very heartfelt video about this issue by a pro-WTM person. 

 

Btw I just want you to know that I was not solely addressing the issue WTM - it's just the general idea of being sexually intimate. 

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It is hard to obey God in a sex-saturated world with all it's pressures, but I just want to say to you that God's commands do not change just because of that. We are to obey regardless. God DID NOT tell us to wait for marriage to have sex to be our kill joy. He said it for our good because contrary to the low view of sex that the world has, HIS VIEW of it is very high. God is more than capable of handling our anger towards Him, so there is nothing wring with expressing it to Him, but we have to love Him first and love Him more and want His will more than our own. That is a hard thing--it is something that God is personally teaching me lately through some hard things.

 

I don't know the details of your relationship, but if you are both sure that you are the one for each other, then it might be good to be praying together about the possibility of marriage.

 

Doing Gods will for us is always best but not easy. However it is not impossible. I will be praying for you. Hope this doesn't sound preachy--just sharing my thoughts.

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Thank you for writing about your struggle!

In that situation I think I'd PRAY about it! Pray hard and get on my knees if that felt right!

I might pray like this, God, help me be holy. I want to be holy like You Lord God. Please take away my temptations of lust. Deliver me from evil. Lord rebuke thee Satan. It is written, resist the devil and he will flee. I resist you, now go! Lord Jesus make me holy and deliver me from evil.

I have fought these battles many times and Jesus will win them for both of us!

God's word tells us people who unrepentantly have sex before marriage will not enter the kingdom of God:

1 Corinthians 7

1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.†2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

(ESV)

Above God's word explains that sexual relations outside marriage is sexual immorality. Marriage is given as a solution to the temptation of sexual immorality.

1 Corinthians 6

9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

(ESV)

And here above God's word tells us to not be deceived, that sexually immoral people will NOT inherit the kingdom of God. These both are from the New Testament and reflect Jesus teachings.

Galatians 5

16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

(ESV)

Walk by the Spirit! Crucify the flesh! Again God's word tells us above that people who practice sex before marriage (sexual immorality) will not inherent the kingdom of God.

The world in its evil tries to make us envy and desire sex before marriage, but the Holy Spirit with you can overcome evil with good!

Maybe pray4 self control, too! Jesus will win this battle for you! Cling to Him!

Grace, peace and love! :D

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Hi again Lexxi  :)

 

Again thank you for being so honest even if that doesn't show the best part of you. That will help you make a lot of progress.

 

What I think is that you're angry at God because you really didn't understand at all how much He loves you and how much He cares for you.

You see, the Bible tells us that " For God SO LOVED THE WORLD,that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.  " John 3v16

 

Actually, Jesus was the only human upon earth who never sinned, never disobeyed God, never did something against God. He was totally pure, innocent and obedient to God, and willing to do whatever God wanted Him to do. God was really proud of Him.

Now,if you compare Jesus with any of us human being (even with me who is perfect :lol:  kidding :P  :D  :lol: ), it's easy to see who is the best. Jesus is the best in everything and was perfect in all His ways, He was pleasant to God.

Now each of us human being has already sinned and disobeyed God at least once during our lives.

God made the calculation, analysed the situation and He decided that He loved us so much, He wanted to give us a chance to escape eternal damnation.

He knew that if He didn't do anything, every human being because of their sins would be condemned to hell forever, separated from the Presence of God forever...

God didn't want that for any of us.

God gave His most valuable, precious and estimated treasure = Jesus His only begotten Son for you Lexxi. For you and me. For the whole world.

God was willing to lose the person who was the most devoted to Him in order to win our hearts !

"For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" Romans chapter5verse8

 

God desires the salvation of every human being :

God our Savior, who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God, and one mediator also between God and men, the man Christ Jesus. 1 timothy chapter  2v5

 

So, when you realise how much God loves you and has your best interests in heart, you will understand that every command He gives you is for your good. Not in order to harm you, or to frustrate you or to prevent you from enjoying life.

On the contrary, God wants you to enjoy life to the maximum ! :D

Even when negative situations happen in your life, you can trust the love of God for you. 

To tell the truth, even when it is for our good, it is not always easy to do and practice God's Will. It's a battle.

And sometimes, we don't even understand why God asks to do some things... But as His children, we simply know that we can trust Him and He knows best. And that everything He asks us, is for good, even if we don't always understand.

I think about Abraham who waited so many years (25 years) the promise of God to have his own son.

And at last, when he has his son, God asks him to make a sacrifice of his own son Isaac !  :o  :o

God wanted to test Abraham. He wanted to see if Abraham after having the gift he had waited for so long was still ready to put God in the first place in his life.

That doesn't mean that God is mean. That means God has a higher plan and He wants to see how much we are ready to obey Him, to trust Him, to trust His goodness. To trust His love. God wants the first place in our hearts.

God has created sex and He also created sexual desire. And when God created all this, He said it was good !  :)

So, God knows sex is good and He knows the power of sexual desire.

And God didn't ask us to abstain from sex until marriage in order to torment us !

God knows that marriage is the most secure place, the most lovable place and the most durable place where sexual expression can best occurs. He knows that and He wants to protect us. He wants the best for us.

God is the King of kings. So, as His sons and daughters, we are princes  and princesses.

And He wants us to have a holy conduct, a royal conduct. Sex after marriage is a royal conduct.

Even if you observe the royalty on earth, the fathers want their daughters to marry only other princes. And they want them to do so in conventionnal manners.

There is such a great nobility when you manage to love your partner beyond sexual attraction.

Of course, sexual attraction is there but you control it. God gives us the power to control it.

 

Now, I agree with tistheBeardedOne when he said that it is better for you to marry now with your boyfriend.

 

But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1 corinthians 7v9

 

I understand the explanations you give concerning why marriage is not for you in this season of your life, but I disagree with you.

Actually, with your boyfriend, you already act as if you were married except there' s not the marriage contract.

I do understand that it is very difficult but I really encourage you to consider this option of marriage.

I know very young people who marry at your age and they make it work very well.

I really think that what will help you to win every battle in your life is to understand how deep is the love of God for you and that He always knows best and has your best interest in heart.

The devil, the ennemy wants you to lose. Remember that.

Hope my answer helps Lexxi.

I pray that God gives you victory in sexual temptation. I pray that God helps you and your boyfriend to remain pure and to abstain from sex until marriage. I pray that God gives you a deep understanding and revelation of His love for you. I pray that God gives you a pure heart and gives you love for His Word(the Bible). I pray that God strenghtens both your faith and the faith of your boyfriend in Him. I pray all this in the name of Jesus. Amen :)

 

Edit : I do believe that all the Bible is true and comes from God. And even if you don't agree with certain things such as why God doesn't accept homosexuality... you simply can ask God to explain to you. And He will. God gives wisdom and understanding  to whomever  asks him sincerely.

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I'm going to be the bad guy here and say: maybe you should stop being a christian.

 

If you're "angry at God" then perhaps you're not ready to stay being a christian. Consider your statement about not seeing "eye to eye" about things like same sex marriage. I'm not saying that you can't choose to believe how you want to believe but I am saying that if you're angry at it then why put up with it?

 

What's the purpose of Christianity if there isn't something fulfilling about it beyond preventing you from being in an "intimate" relationship with your boyfriend. Surely you must have a better reason to keep reading the Bible, there must be somethign to this fullfillment thing that is beyond what you can say which is why you're here online "looking for encouragement."

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I'm going to be the bad guy here and say: maybe you should stop being a christian.

 

If you're "angry at God" then perhaps you're not ready to stay being a christian. Consider your statement about not seeing "eye to eye" about things like same sex marriage. I'm not saying that you can't choose to believe how you want to believe but I am saying that if you're angry at it then why put up with it?

 

What's the purpose of Christianity if there isn't something fulfilling about it beyond preventing you from being in an "intimate" relationship with your boyfriend. Surely you must have a better reason to keep reading the Bible, there must be somethign to this fullfillment thing that is beyond what you can say which is why you're here online "looking for encouragement."

Um...no. I don't think giving up Christianity is the answer. If someone is "angry at God," they need to realize the reasons and greater purposes of God's divine laws, not just give up because we let our flawed and sometimes misplaced human emotions get the better of us. I would say: instead of giving up and just not being Christian, seek a closer relationship with God, seek understanding and invite God to work within us to change us for the better, not just leave the faith when things aren't going the way we want them to. However, if after close examination, someone no longer believes in Christianity and wishes to leave the faith, ok--that's a different matter entirely. However, to just leave when things get difficult seems like a cop-out to me. Just stating my opinion, not trying to attack anyone. 

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You say that you are getting angry at God.  Do you think that God can't handle that anger?  That He hasn't had many people angry at Him and blame Him for things throughout the years?  

 

Trust me, God can handle your anger at Him, better than I could when someone is upset with me.  If your anger takes you closer to Him, then so be it.  

 

I don't know of very many people who would say they have never been angry at God, if they were truly honest in their answer.  Just because you are angry, does not mean that you should give up and walk away.  Just because you don't like some of His laws doesn't mean that He doesn't love you.  You got mad at your parents growing up, didn't you?  Your boyfriend probably does things that make you mad, doesn't He?  And yet you still love them.  Walking away from your faith isn't the answer, but questioning why God says to wait for sex until marriage is perfectly okay.  

 

Through questions, you can delve deeper into your faith and find the answers that make sense for you and the reasons behind why God says what He did.  I'm talking about a deeper answer than "Because God said so in the Bible", but an answer that is right for you.  

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I'm going to be the bad guy here and say: maybe you should stop being a christian.

 

If you're "angry at God" then perhaps you're not ready to stay being a christian. Consider your statement about not seeing "eye to eye" about things like same sex marriage. I'm not saying that you can't choose to believe how you want to believe but I am saying that if you're angry at it then why put up with it?

 

What the heck, man! What. The. Heck. Someone just opened up and made themselves vulnerable in search of help and this is what you come up with? 

 

Would you say the same thing to Job? [A book btw I recommend lexxy53 to have a good read through - here is a nice thought provoking article on it in relation to anger: http://tanyamarlow.com/get-angry-at-god-job-did-is-it-a-sin-to-be-angry-with-god-pt-ii/]

 

For arguments sake, even if we go as far as anyone possibly could and call her anger sin you're statement is completely unwarranted unless you are of the ridiculous persuasion that only people who no longer sin at all can be Christians. Consider Proverbs 24:16

 

The realisation that she feels her faith is weakening and that she is worried about it, arguably puts her in a better position than any Christians numbed by their lukewarmness. 

 

You raise a pivotal issue though: the role of feelings in our faith. Can we know we are saved when we don't feel saved? Should we reject the faith simply because of how we feel? Where would we be if feeling dominated Christ's decisionmaking at the time of Matthew 26:39? Who has a closer relationship with God: the one who, despite their momentary feelings, obeys [John 14:15; 2 John 1:6] or the one who determines their obedience by their momentary feelings? 

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I'll try to explain a bit about commitment levels.

The idea of people having sex outside marriage, and the idea of people being abstinent till marriage, then forming a public and sacred covenant between them God, are two ideas that cannot coexist in harmony within society. Abstinence until marriage is sacred and it sustains healthy families and children.

If people have sex based on commitment levels, they will feel a false sense of commitment based on their flesly lusts. After having sex the man will realize he isn't quite right for the woman after all. He felt she was the one because of his flesh, then afterwards the commitment evaporates because it is not of God. The woman is left broken hearted and possibly a single mother.

Sex before marriage puts flesh above God, and makes us into something we're not meant to be. Something discordant to God's Kingdom.

If you want to talk on the phone about it you can message me!

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Um...no. I don't think giving up Christianity is the answer. If someone is "angry at God," they need to realize the reasons and greater purposes of God's divine laws, not just give up because we let our flawed and sometimes misplaced human emotions get the better of us. I would say: instead of giving up and just not being Christian, seek a closer relationship with God, seek understanding and invite God to work within us to change us for the better, not just leave the faith when things aren't going the way we want them to. However, if after close examination, someone no longer believes in Christianity and wishes to leave the faith, ok--that's a different matter entirely. However, to just leave when things get difficult seems like a cop-out to me. Just stating my opinion, not trying to attack anyone. 

 

completely agree with this! :) I am 100% sure I will never lose my faith in Christ, I am just starting to lose my faith in this whole waiting business and it has become quite hard for me to wrap my head around why it is so enforced when it is causing me so much pain...:/

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Thank you so much for all of your answers :) they have really helped me

 

Some things have come to mind lately and I have posted a new topic here: http://forums.waitingtillmarriage.org/topic/5549-really-hard-to-wait/

 

I have become closer to God these past months even though my journey of waiting has become harder and harder.

 

I'm sorry if I don't get to answer each individual message separately - I'm v. busy with uni work :/ but I have read them all and am carefully putting some thoughts into it

 

Oh and losing my faith in God and Christianity would probably be the most stupid and reckless and immoral thing I could ever do right now :P 

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