Geraldine

Did you know you have the power to build your wife ?

16 posts in this topic

I'm sharing with you all this article originally  written in french by Aisha on this blog :

http://moncouplemesrelations.com/2016/01/27/les-differences-hommes-femmes-1/

 

I think it is really accurate :)

Enjoy and be blessed!

 

A number of problems in marriage originates in  the differences between men and women. The man and  the woman are equal (as spirits) but different both physically, emotionally and psychologically.

The creation story in Genesis, already highlights at least 3 differences between man and woman:

They have not all been fashioned at the same time: their responsibilities are different.
They have been fashioned from different  sources : the man was formed from the earth, and the woman from the rib of man: The man is a leader in the home (1 Corinthians 11 : 3).
They were not created to be the same. God did not create another man to Adam. He created a woman, similar but different from him.
Despite those differences, the man and woman are made to serve one another, to be united. And that's where the problems come! Most of our conflicts arise because we fail to value and leverage our differences. We struggle because we fail to understand each other and we tend to want the other to be like us, think like us, rather than exploit the specificities of each of us.

To operate our marriages, we must know our differences and learn to transform them into advantages. To be wise is to have the ability to recognize and capitalize on the differences. God made us different from each other and it's not a mistake! The difference is not a problem! It's a blessing, more a grace from God to help us maximize our potential and to fulfill the purpose for which He created us and  be connected with our spouses. The key is to get wisdom to take advantage.

One major difference is in the way we produce and reproduce.

And it is God who has done well. In our reproductive system it is the man who gives the seed. This seed is small, it does not look like much, but it is deposited in the woman, who incubates, develops, and nine months later gave birth to a baby.

What is true at the level of reproduction is also true in other aspects of marriage. Generally, in marriage, the man is the seed donor and the woman works as an incubator. She receives the seed and incubates it. This seed grows into her. And what man recovers in the end, is something bigger, greater than what he had given at the start. Men give small things. Women take these little things and turn them into something bigger ...

Eg in the area of ​​communication:

A man can tell his wife the morning: I love you. Then he goes and completely forget what he said. But his wife will receive this seed, these few words in her heart, nurture, maintain and develop them. At night when he goes back, he will find his wife entirely happy, relaxed, smiling ... He will be wondering what he did ... what happens to his wife ... having forgotten what he had said. In fact, his wife received this little seed, and it has grown .... And in the evening, her attitude is only the expression of what her husband told her in the morning , of that seed that has been deposited into her.

Similarly, a man may say nasty words like "you're a bad woman", "you're too zero," "you ‘re really tiring" and forget them completely. His wife will receive these words, nurture and develop them. Remember that she functions as an incubator. These words will grow into her. At the end of the day when he will return, this brother will see  the manifestation of the seed he has planted; the atmosphere is heavy ... his wife may be unusually quiet, withdrawn .... And this brother will say, "But what's her problem? What is going on ? I did not do anything ! "He will perhaps complain saying," Frankly, I do not understand my wife. I did nothing to her. But she is cold. Her face is closed. She sulks ... "Brother, this is the fruit of the seed that you have filled her with before leaving in the morning.

The problem is that men do not understand that the little things they say, they do, become BIG things into their wives. This little seed that you consider as nothing will grow into your wife and become a tree and bear fruit that you did not want in your marriage! It sounds simple, but it is the source of many problems in many marriages.

Dr. Mensa Otabil said this (I agree with him): "Man has a huge responsibility in a successful marriage, because it is he who is the semen donor. "

What happens in the home is mostly the result of seeds that man did. Brother, your wife only develops what you give her and gives you back  something bigger and bigger! That's all ! A man who has wisdom should  pause here to seize what I have said and take the decision to change the seeds he does, the things he says to his wife every day. The behavior, the attitude of your wife is very often a reflection of what you sow into her. Do you want things to change? Change your seeds!

I still want to qualify my comments by saying that some women come into marriage with bad treasures, wounds of the past, which pollute their marriage. Suddenly, the brother harvest things he never sowed; his own seeds are stifled by a lot of things in the heart of his wife. Advice  to a woman: if you are in this situation, I urge you to seek the restoration of your soul with God to avoid destroying your marriage. I close the parenthesis.

Note of the translator : I also want to say that some women are foolish and they don’t respect their husbands and they also make really bad seeds. Words are important in both cases. Men have to learn to use their words wisely with their wives. BUT THE SAME GOES FOR THE WIVES.! They have to use their words wisely with their husbands. What you sow is what you reap.


A great man of God, Dr. Derek Prince often said: The woman is the glory of man (1 Corinthians 11: 7). So to recognise a successful a man, just look at his wife. His wife is clear proof.

In other words, the woman manifests in an obvious way,  what her husband seeds into her and what he does in her life. Brother, if you understand the lesson of wisdom that is behind what I am trying to share with you, your marriage will become a haven of peace ... Do not sow things that you would not want to reap. Avoid bitter words, evil, the demeaning, degrading …comments ... For example, when you are angry, do not talk hot. Because you will say a word, a comment, you'll immediately forget. But this word will grow into your wife and produce all kinds of fruits that you do not want to see in your marriage and have a greater impact than what you thought initially.
 

We could apply this principle to many areas other than communication. And an area where I truly believe that this difference is profitable for man is in vision. The work God gave him to do on earth. Brother, you have a vision, a dream that God has put on your heart? Share it with your wife ... You'll be surprised how this idea will "sprout" into her!

In short: man is a seed donor and the woman gets what man has given to her and develops it, multiplies it and produces something bigger. These are the major differences that create a lot of misunderstanding. But if we look more closely, these differences are an asset. Not a problem. If a man understands that, he will pay more attention to the type of seed that he deposits in the heart, and in the life of his wife! And if a woman understands that, she will pay more attention to what she accepts to receive into her!

May God help us !

(To be continued…)

Aisha

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So I read the thread title, and had a mental image of a guy literally building his wife using Lego bricks.  :lol:

 

Good article though!

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This article seems to me like it's trying to create some gender-based differences where there are none. I think that in any marriage, or indeed, any relationship, romantic or not, it is important to keep in mind that relatively simple compliments will build up the relationship and make it much stronger over time, while negative comments that may seem flip or not a big deal in the moment will tear it down over time. That seems to basically be what the author is getting at, but I don't really get why she shrouds that in super sexual gender-based metaphors.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This article seems to me like it's trying to create some gender-based differences where there are none. I think that in any marriage, or indeed, any relationship, romantic or not, it is important to keep in mind that relatively simple compliments will build up the relationship and make it much stronger over time, while negative comments that may seem flip or not a big deal in the moment will tear it down over time. That seems to basically be what the author is getting at, but I don't really get why she shrouds that in super sexual gender-based metaphors.

Yeah pretty much all the decent advice here could be flipped between genders. It would just make the semen metaphors a bit stranger.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I enjoyed reading this article Gege, thanks! I really enjoy learning about these kind of parallels because I believe the physical manifestation in this world is only a material reflection of the spiritual one. I believe this is also why there's always a hidden mystical side to all of creation.

About the article, to some extent I can see this in real life around me, because I'm not yet married to see for myself. But I can see the negative side of it a lot today, where a husband starts to complain about his wife making too big of a deal out of a small thing he did or that happened. This and also the fact that women are generally more dramatic then men are *duh... of course there are always exceptions from the rule. So does that still make it a rule? Anyway. But this could also be an answer to why they are more dramatic (of course it should never function as an excuse :P).

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ahah :D

It's great Gabi !

Thank you very much for your kind and meaningful feed back ^_^

See you soon my dear ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This article seems to me like it's trying to create some gender-based differences where there are none. I think that in any marriage, or indeed, any relationship, romantic or not, it is important to keep in mind that relatively simple compliments will build up the relationship and make it much stronger over time, while negative comments that may seem flip or not a big deal in the moment will tear it down over time. That seems to basically be what the author is getting at, but I don't really get why she shrouds that in super sexual gender-based metaphors.

 

I agree with you that in all kind of relationships, communication is key.

I disagree when you say  there are no differences... that's not true. There is indeed a difference between man and woman.It's obvious physically and....emotionally also.

 

Yeah pretty much all the decent advice here could be flipped between genders. It would just make the semen metaphors a bit stranger.

XD Matthew :lol::P  You're rigth... But simply in this article the author wanted to adress specifically to men..

But of course, good communication is both the business of husbands and wives.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dr Mensa Otabil... Lol. That's the General Overseer of our church.

Nice article and I agree

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ahaha ! Dr Mensa Otabil ! You know him ? What a coincidence ! :lol:

I don't even know him...

I just shared the article and his name was mentionned in it... ^_^

 

Thank you for your comment ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This article seems to me like it's trying to create some gender-based differences where there are none. I think that in any marriage, or indeed, any relationship, romantic or not, it is important to keep in mind that relatively simple compliments will build up the relationship and make it much stronger over time, while negative comments that may seem flip or not a big deal in the moment will tear it down over time. That seems to basically be what the author is getting at, but I don't really get why she shrouds that in super sexual gender-based metaphors.

I guess some pejorative terms carry more weight with one gender or the other, but not usually within the context of a relationship.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't disagree with the message that small things matter. How we treat others will influence the relationship and us. We reap what we sow. It is a basic principle. I think when it comes to things being said it can appear to take on a greater meaning because it can verbalising what the hearer feels about a particular situation. If a person feels unloved due to not paying them enough attention, neglecting their needs and desires etc verbal statements/critiques cut a lot more as they capture the more intangible context. If I may make a generalisation, women are generally more relationally oriented thus anything said within the relational sphere will seem more significant to them than the generally less relationally oriented male. 

 

I'm wondering if any female readers found the article somewhat disempowering? 

 

I get that this was written for men and thus highlighting their role and influence but I somehow got the sense of a woman & wife's own agency being underwritten. As if she is the product of (only) whatever the man seeds into her. As if she cannot develop and nurture the relationship out of herself. If a husband is not "seeding" his wife properly can she blame him for her unhappiness? For the failings of their marraige? While I get the importance of realising our influence on other people, we only have as much non-physical influence on them as they themselves allow and how they interpret our influencing conduct. I think realising this in marriage is particularly important. I do not control my wife's emotional and psychological state. She does. Certainly I can help her, but ultimately only she has the power. And vice versa.

 

That being said, I really like the quote by Erick Gray: "Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her."

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm wondering if any female readers found the article somewhat disempowering? 

 
I get that this was written for men and thus highlighting their role and influence but I somehow got the sense of a woman & wife's own agency being underwritten. As if she is the product of (only) whatever the man seeds into her. As if she cannot develop and nurture the relationship out of herself. 

 

Thank you for pinpointing why this article made me squirm. Like you, I applaud the advice that it gives about kind words, and I suspect that I may be missing key points about cultural context and audience. However, I agree the article undermines the agency of women, and I also think it suggests that wives are treasured possessions rather than valued partners. I know that I may be out of step with some of my Christian brothers and sisters on this, but as I get older, I have less and less patience for Christian teaching that encourages female passivity or relies on broad stereotypes of men and women. <stepping off soapbox now>

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know.

When I read the article the only thing I could think of was Pizza.

 

I mean, you can make a pizza, but sometimes when a pizza is made with one kind of dough and it's been set you can't change that dough anymore. Same thing with topics, even if you pick some of it off, the oil will still be there and you can never get rid of all the flavor.

 

I mean, in a sense, the pizza's ingredients comes from somewhere else, it's grown in a field. You can get the sauce but it's still made from tomatoes most of the time, and if you choose to get a funky sauce like BBQ it may not be your preference. You can only look so far for the ingredients.

 

A lot of times though, no matter how much you manipulate the ingredients, it might not turn out the way you expect once you put it in the oven. Especially since different kinds of ovens are expensive and sometimes the oven won't produce the desired result you want.

 

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know.

When I read the article the only thing I could think of was Pizza.

 

I mean, you can make a pizza, but sometimes when a pizza is made with one kind of dough and it's been set you can't change that dough anymore. Same thing with topics, even if you pick some of it off, the oil will still be there and you can never get rid of all the flavor.

 

I mean, in a sense, the pizza's ingredients comes from somewhere else, it's grown in a field. You can get the sauce but it's still made from tomatoes most of the time, and if you choose to get a funky sauce like BBQ it may not be your preference. You can only look so far for the ingredients.

 

A lot of times though, no matter how much you manipulate the ingredients, it might not turn out the way you expect once you put it in the oven. Especially since different kinds of ovens are expensive and sometimes the oven won't produce the desired result you want.

 

Do you understand what I'm saying?

 

:blink: Ahhh...that the action-results causation isn't entirely predictable and controllable? Certainly a valid comment but I think our understanding of relational psychology is sufficiently developed to minimise this variability, or at least the risk of futile effort, if you engage with it properly and in the right order. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now