Amber Elizabeth

Apparently WTM is selfish or something

21 posts in this topic

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/how-to-get-the-man-of-your-dreams-com/single-celibate-why-mr-right-wont-wait-sex-expert

 

I found this really stupid article. While the site does have some halfway decent articles, they do have some stupid some stupid ones like this. I had to share it with you guys cause it's so stupid, and I wanted to read some ranty comments from you guys. :D

 

So us WTM ladies are selfish cause if a guy takes us out and spends money on us while we're on a date, then we owe him sex and we're selfish if we don't put out.

 

So stupid.

 

 

Does anyone have any links to more stupid articles like this? Cause dumb articles like this make for good reassurance that WTM is the right decision. :)

 

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Your decision to remain celibate is based on your own personal, selfish desire to meet the man of your dreams and avoid getting hurt. You want the rewards of a relationship without the collateral damage, and you're using your body instead of your brain as a bargaining tool.
 
Consider this: he may be sexually attracted to you. However, he may continue to date you while seeing someone else on the side. So don't allow your fear of having sex to hold you or him captive. After all, life is short. Live and love. Tomorrow isn't promised.

 

 

 

Uh, no, my decision to "remain celibate" is because I believe sex is sacred and I want to save it for my husband, not because I've got a "fear of having sex". Speak for yourself.

 

Oh, and by the way "remain celibate" means "remain unmarried". You're thinking of "remain abstinent" or "remain sexually continent", or even "remain chaste" (although the term "chastity" refers specifically to sexual behaviour appropriate to your position in life - a married couple having sex with each other are behaving "chastely").

 

Anyway, this is dumb.

 

xxx

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Wow, that's really messed up. I've come across a lot of stuff like that, in search of positive articles. That's why I absolutely promise myself that I will stop looking. I'll just stick to WTM (thank God I found this site). Sometimes I wonder if in an effort to become more progressive, we are actually going backwards. I'm all for people doing what makes them happy but to say things like that to a woman (or man) and have it be mostly accepted by society is bothersome to me.

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I've never been to that website before.  For a first impression, I am seriously unimpressed.  Where did they find that person at?  Does just anyone get to dispense "advice" off of their website?  From what I understand, that individual wrote this piece for a series of articles advising women how to find the man of their dreams.  I wonder if that's a joke of some kind.

If the "man of her dreams" is a selfish, self focused non-man who thinks women are little more than prostitutes to be purchased and used for their bodies and sexuality then I guess this article might be pertinent.  Otherwise, it's simply selfish whining drivel.  In writing this crusty little rant, all the "author" accomplished was to reveal a great deal about who he is as a person, rather than dispense any kind of sound advice.

This person seems to be under the twisted and mistaken impression that a date is some sort of prostitutional business transaction, wherein the male is purchasing sex from a female by spending a few meager hours chatting with her and maybe paying for her dinner.  I guess what this genius fails to realize is that she likely has actual friends to chat with and her own money to buy her own dinner.  She doesn't need him for any of that.  True adults -- even most adolescents -- understand that pre-marital or pre-engagement dating is so a couple can learn about each other and spend time in one another's company, primarily, to determine if they would like to continue to pursue a romantic relationship and, ultimately, spend their lives together.  This guy thinks it's something you do do pay a hooker for sex.  That says an awful lot about how he regards women and his lack of respect for their true worth and value.

I was curious about this cowardly donkey who writes anonymously so, I did a few minutes worth of digging.  I came across another article in the same series on the same website that, I can only assume was written by the same person because it mirrored the same twisted views and was also written anonymously.  What's even more appalling is, his expanded elaboration that a date is a prostitutional transaction.  In the piece entitled "Having Sex Is Not An Equal Exchange Of Energy For a Date" he shares his opinion that whatever sex he has "purchased" by going on a date with a woman and -- unbelievably -- paying for only his half, isn't worth it.  The woman should somehow owe him not just sex but, something more as well for taking her out on a date.  He goes so far as to make the ludicrous statement that the woman should actually be paying him, both for sex and for the date.

I'd say he has a rather lofty opinion of his worth and value to the opposite gender.  Perhaps HE is the only thing worthy of his time and effort.  Considering that, maybe this guy should go out on a date with himself and repay himself by having intercourse with himself.  That's the same expectation he has has for the women he dates.  This is probably what would be best for everyone, both for him and for any woman unfortunate enough to encounter him.

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I've read this before. as a matter of fact I hear and read things like this all or most of the time. I won't guess twice before I guess right where the writer is from

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Hahaha. What an ignorant, immature, badly written article. I'm not really sure whether to laugh or sigh.

 

A few highlights:

 

Hate to break it to you.

 

First off, I have trouble trusting anything that starts with "hate to break it to you".

 

Consider this. He may be sexually attracted to you. However, he may continue to date you while seeing someone else on the side.

 

That's his problem. I know it's not like this in all cultures, but in mine, it's considered very bad etiquette to date more than one person at a time. Needless to say that if he's not only doing that, but drops me because the other girl wants to have sex and I don't, he's an idiot and wasn't worth it anyway.

 

After all, life is short. Live and love. Tomorrow isn't promised.

 

C'mon. Say YOLO. I know you want to.

 

 

It shouldn't take you more than 90 days to figure out whether you want to have sex or not.

 

Actually, I've heard that you should date/be engaged to your partner for at least two years before you commit, because that's how long it takes for the initial head-over-heels in love hormones to calm down. Though you can still definitely love your partner, that's when you get a more objective view of them and are able to know whether or not you should commit for the long run. If sex means commitment to you, then it's perfectly reasonable to wait for more than 90 days.

 

Also, shaming people who take time to open up romantically is not classy. Not classy at all.

 

 

You may temporarily attract a man with your sexual prowess, but it isn't the act itself that makes sex great; it's intellect and love combined with the act, along with a few other things. If there's nothing inside of you, you can make a man wait a year and still get the same failed results.

 

Exactly. That's why I'm waiting. So that I can find out beforehand whether there's something to my partner.

 

 

Please understand how a man thinks. His ultimate goal is to gain carnal knowledge of you.

 

A guy stalked me once on Facebook and messaged me something like that. I didn't find it attractive. I found it creepy.

 

 

After all, as the old saying goes, if you don't use it, you'll lose it.

 

If you don't use what? Your genitals? Are you telling me that if I don't have sex my vagina will drop off? I'm confused.

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I've seen tons of articles saying "waiting until marriage is nonsense and selfish" and I'm thinking, "this is probably written by a person who bought an iPhone 6 when it came out instead of buying an old Galaxy S3 and donating the difference to charity." There are plenty of particularly important things to be selfless about, but I think deciding a partner for life isn't really one of them. That said, I don't think saving yourself for a partner in hope that they're saving themselves could be thought of as selfish; you guarantee your partner that you have no STDs provided you weren't born with them, no children that aren't theirs, and you're letting them be the one to intimately please you like no other. And in the case of lots of people on here, it's intended to be mutual. I haven't spoken to a single person who's like "I want my first time to go exactly how I want it because I deserve it." It's never anything like that. And I wouldn't care if they did. It's their choice, someone will like them for it.
 

Having fewer sexual encounters and building a stronger relationship and life together is objectively better than having sex with different people whenever you feel like it. Statistically, monogamy leads to healthier and happier lives for humans. Married people live longer, and their children are more likely to be physically and mentally healthy and less likely to be abused. Couples who wait are significantly happier, and promiscuity is shown to lead to depression.

(These videos aren't completely to do with the topic but I pulled some of the statistics from these)
 





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The guy writing these articles has problems. Based on the titles, some of his articles posted on yourtango don't sound too bad (but I haven't read them, and they're probably as bad as this one), but some of them them do sound messed up by the titles. 

 

Check out these some of these quotes from this one which is probably gonna piss off the Christian WTM people here, and anyone who thinks with their brains and not their junk.

 

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/how-to-get-the-man-of-your-dreams-com/if-anybody-deserved-have-sex-jesus-did

 

 

If I were Jesus, I would've been putting in work behind the scenes during my off-hours, like John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., Bill Clinton, Michael Jordan and Jesse Jackson, not to mention the likes of Obamacare. Why not? How can you come to properly save the world without getting some pussy? I'm sorry, but a world without vajajay is not a world worth saving.

 

 

I love Jesus, but honestly, how could he have spent 33 years on planet earth helping people and seeing some of the most beautiful women of that time period, without a single one giving him some vajajay? That's incredible. No massage? Only one foot rub? (Luke 7:36-50) No back rub? No oral sex? Sounds more like torture on earth to me.

 

 

I know Jesus came to save us, but how could he truly save us if he never had sex with a woman?

 

 

If anyone deserved to have sex with a woman, it was Jesus. At least one woman should have given herself to Jesus. Hook the man up; he deserved it! A man has not truly lived until he has experienced a woman physically, spiritually and mentally.

 

Seriously, what the hell?

 

Gonna read the article that BigMat wrote about, let's see how messed up it is.

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Amber Elizabeth, those Jesus quotes are appalling. Shows a complete lack of respect for women and Christians. Of which I am both. People who say things like that creep me out.

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http://www.yourtango.com/2013193925/having-sex-not-equal-exchange-energy-date

 

 

Read the article BigMat wrote about. It's stupid and I don't know what to say. So stupid.

 

In the end of the article he said we need to rely on our vaginas less to find and keep the man of our dreams. But I thought according to him, we ladies need to spread our legs for a man as soon as possible, and if he likes it then we can get to know each other. So we need to rely on our vaginas less to get a man, but at the same time use our vaginas to get a man? What? 

 

This guy is disgusting. I hope women avoid him.

 

 

 

Amber Elizabeth, those Jesus quotes are appalling. Shows a complete lack of respect for women and Christians. Of which I am both. People who say things like that creep me out.

 

This guy says he loves Jesus, but he must not love Jesus that much if he wonders why Jesus wasn't a horndog like he is.

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The guy writing these articles has problems. Based on the titles, some of his articles posted on yourtango don't sound too bad (but I haven't read them, and they're probably as bad as this one), but some of them them do sound messed up by the titles. 

 

Check out these some of these quotes from this one which is probably gonna piss off the Christian WTM people here, and anyone who thinks with their brains and not their junk.

 

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/how-to-get-the-man-of-your-dreams-com/if-anybody-deserved-have-sex-jesus-did

 

Seriously, what the hell?

 

Gonna read the article that BigMat wrote about, let's see how messed up it is.

I don't even bother reading on after the first bit of gobbledygook. The article about being selfish at least had a logical process based around subjective opinions. This one is just someone trying to be funny, but it's a bit naff.

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2) I also agree with not letting a man pay for dinner on the first date if he is expecting sex in return. Personally, when I date I will insist on splitting the bill for at least the first several dates until we get to know each other and each other's values better and can see ourselves in a long-term relationship. I would feel pretty bad about letting some guy pay for my meal only to find out soon afterward that we're completely incompatible.

I'd say pay for what you eat. Especially if he orders like £100 worth of lobster and champagne and you ordered like a £10 salad or burger xD

 

 

3) And lastly, although the article clearly says it with a negative connotation, I do agree that I am selfish for not allowing just anyone to use my body. Selfishness can be a virtue.

I thought it's a basic right lol, you get to choose who touches you and when. I don't think I'm being selfless by not ****ing homeless people who aren't getting any xD feel bad for them but still.

 

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Not sure why me being selfish with WTM is seen as a negative. But cool story.

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Eh, article's a waste of time; I got through the first couple of paragraphs and just closed the tab.  ^_^

 

The author's writing this from the perspective of someone engaged in 'hookup culture', I'm not going to expect to agree with him when my personal beliefs involve sex being something sacred  reserved for marriage. The article is terrible on multiple levels, but it's nothing to get riled up over. Sounds like it was written by a guy that was turned down by a WTM woman, and took out his frustrations in this article lol.

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It's a very competitive world out there. (lol sorry but really ROFL.)...Please stop writing ignorant articles based on your own opinion.

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I take this article with a grain of salt. 

 

You meet a man you're interested in dating, and in your casual conversation you mention you're celibate. Are you out of your mind?! If you're celibate, keep it a secret. There's no need to announce it; it's the last thing that a man wants to hear.

Hm... I cannot speak for all men, but if I met a woman who announced that she was celibate, I would have a lot of respect for her. I know some women in my family who chose to be celibate for one reason or another, and those women are strong women. They have strong morals and values. 

 

While your objective is to make sure the man truly likes you and gets to know you before you give up the goodies, be realistic. How long do you think a man is going to hold out without having sex? Most men won't wait more than 90 days.  

 Um, I can assure you men can hold out longer than 90 days without sex ( e.g., see men on this site). It is not an easy choice to follow, but it does have value. 

Does he take you out to dinner, or do you each pay your own way? If you're sexually celibate, you should also be celibate with your pocketbook. When you pay your own way, your objective will be clear and he will not feel used if things don't work out.

I was confused by this paragraph: how does being sexually celibate follow pocket book celibacy? I am sure there are people who are sexually celibate but are not celibate with their pocketbooks. I wouldn't mind it. A chance for a good meal,  :lol: .

 

Please understand how a man thinks. His ultimate goal is to gain carnal knowledge of you. You can't hide your true emotions when you're having sex. It must be the real you! 

Um, not all men think like that. As a man, my ultimate goal is not to gain carnal knowledge of a woman. Actually, I want to know what are her interests, her values etc.. Does she want to watch a movie or play a game with me?Pan's Labyrinth or chess anyone, :) .

If you ever get confused, ask yourself: Would you date a celibate man? Would you want to pick him up, take him out on dates, buy him dinner, spend your hard-earned money and not even get a kiss (much less an orgasm)? 

Hm...if a woman wanted to do all those things, she is a good woman, :)

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If you put it in a more complex framework, altogether I think that the article is just another example of the level of entitlement these days. People feel they are entitled to a job that is amazing all the time, a relationship that is amazing all the time, sex with the least amount of effort, because I deserve it and so on....

 

Everything is supposed to be easy and fun most of the time and as soon as it´s not people quit, start looking for the next thing or abandon a relationship.

Not saying that in past times everything was better; it probably was similiar (with relationships at least), but maybe not so obvious and common like nowadays.

It´s part of the "multiple-options-society" we already are in many parts of the world and are more and more becoming.

We can have anything anytime we want. We don´t even acknowledge that anymore, because it became so "normal".

Let it be food, entertainment, clothes.....we don´t even have to leave our houses to get that since online shopping or limitless streaming of movies and series have arrived in everyday-life. Instant gratification. "Yes, baby", the consumer thinks.

 

Also we become more and more entitled to having things for free. I think it´s an unconscious process and people don´t really appreciate it anymore, because it will always be there. No work has to be done for getting things. Getting good things.

 

Let it be radio, TV, music streaming, podcasts, videos of any kind with any information and any content we want to have right now or are in the mood for, certain kinds of foods all year (not free though, but of course it must be cheap and fresh), that would normally not grow in every season, wi-fi access in public spaces * or this concept of "Get 2 (insert any object) and only pay for 1 (insert any object)" etc.

So why not have sex for the least amount of effort? It´s obvious. I deserve it and I am entitled to all goodies this life has to offer. And nothing less. NOW!

 

Obviously, some things I mentioned above also have their good sides. I don´t say they are inherently evil. They can be great, too. Information access, for example, is great. But there is this shady side of this "everything all the time when ever I want it, please cheap or better for free" and I believe it´s part and maybe even some of the reasons of the entitlement-society nowadays and that sense of entitlement keeps on dripping in every area of everyday-life which includes relationships and sexual contacts, obviously.

 

* (I know people who avoid those places where you in fact have wi-fi for free, BUT you should buy at least a coffee. "What?", they say. "I have to PAY for something to get to the internet at that public space? :o Oh no no no! :mad: Then I keep searching for a better café where I don´t have to buy anything and get wi-fi for free. I won´t settle for anything less!")

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Hahaha. What an ignorant, immature, badly written article. I'm not really sure whether to laugh or sigh.

 

A few highlights:

 

 

First off, I have trouble trusting anything that starts with "hate to break it to you".

 

 

That's his problem. I know it's not like this in all cultures, but in mine, it's considered very bad etiquette to date more than one person at a time. Needless to say that if he's not only doing that, but drops me because the other girl wants to have sex and I don't, he's an idiot and wasn't worth it anyway.

 

 

C'mon. Say YOLO. I know you want to.

 

 

Actually, I've heard that you should date/be engaged to your partner for at least two years before you commit, because that's how long it takes for the initial head-over-heels in love hormones to calm down. Though you can still definitely love your partner, that's when you get a more objective view of them and are able to know whether or not you should commit for the long run. If sex means commitment to you, then it's perfectly reasonable to wait for more than 90 days.

 

Also, shaming people who take time to open up romantically is not classy. Not classy at all.

 

 

Exactly. That's why I'm waiting. So that I can find out beforehand whether there's something to my partner.

 

 

A guy stalked me once on Facebook and messaged me something like that. I didn't find it attractive. I found it creepy.

 

 

If you don't use what? Your genitals? Are you telling me that if I don't have sex my vagina will drop off? I'm confused.

HAHAHA love the last comment...  :P

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If you don't use what? Your genitals? Are you telling me that if I don't have sex my vagina will drop off?

 

Uh, Crystal, did you not get the memo?  :P

 

xxx

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