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XD005

What You Want vs. God's Will

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Hello everyone.

Firstly, let me say that I apologize for bringing up all topics however, I've noticed that this is the only place I can discuss this topic where people actually understand how I feel. I can't even talk to my patents and family about it. They just dismiss it and my feelings and say that it isn't a big deal and get over it.

 

Anyway, I posted a topic here back in 2013 about my ex being practically my ideal woman but not being a virgin.

Me being a virgin, I couldn't handle it emotionally. Well, would you believe, almost 3 years later, it's still a problem. I've talked to a small handful of girls since then, they didn't quite work out for a variety of reasons. Some of them were also non virgins.

 

Long story short, my ex and I decided to meet not too long ago, feelings seemed to rekindle almost instantly and we ended up meeting an additional number of times. And now im realizing that what if God desires me to be with this woman? I know he does not always give you what you want but why would he allow me to have these types of feelings? She's recently changed her stance on her past. We actually had a brief emotional moment, realizing we had to step back. I can see she has genuine regret now but Im just having such trouble getting over it and im really trying. What do you guys think?

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Hi XD005 ( does your name mean you are laughing XD 005 times ? :lol:  total cheesy joke, I know :P )

 

Thank you for sharing all this with us...

I totally understand your desire to marry a virgin as yourself (that is also my deep desire).

Nevertheless, I believe, God is a God of mercy and sometimes, He does things that are really ununderstandable for the human brain.

I absolutely don't know what is the will of God in your precise case...

But I can give you the testimony of Joshua Harris who wrote the book "I kissed dating goodbye".

He is very well known, so may be you know him already. He explains that he was christian, a virgin,  and fell in love with the woman who is now his wife.

When he discovered she wasn't a virgin, he was truly hurt but he was totally convinced that she was the will of God for his life.

And he is a very happy married man today.

So this example is to show you that you can marry a non virgin and be very happy even if you migth meet some difficulties...(but there are difficulties in all marriages anyway...)

God won't impose you a spouse. He gave you free will. But He wants you to use prayer, wisdom and discernment to choose the spouse He has in mind for you.

I hope that helps and I wish you the best. 

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hello, I do not understand why you are dating your ex girlfriend back if you are not willing to freely accept her past. I am sorry but you need to be fair to her and give her a chance or let go of her. Also, I am not sure if you realize that a past is a past and also that she dated while you too were not together. My advice: accept her as she is or move on!!!

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hello, I do not understand why you are dating your ex girlfriend back if you are not willing to freely accept her past. I am sorry but you need to be fair to her and give her a chance or let go of her. Also, I am not sure if you realize that a past is a past and also that she dated while you too were not together. My advice: accept her as she is or move on!!!

We are not dating. We're friends.

I don't have any friends so I decided to strike her up and meet, not because I want to date her or whatever. Those feelings resurfaced. But I guess im just doomed to a life of being single.

And Blind&Broken, I've certainly tried to look at her in that light.

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XD005, you need to pray about it (a little more prayer never hurt anyone) and make your decision based on what pleases God first and then what pleases you/her. When you say 'ideal'  though, what do you mean?

Undoubtedly, it is good to marry someone who shares the desire (and godly principle) to remain pure till marriage. This for me shows that both people understand and share in the same godly principles which is a good indicator of where they may be standing in terms of their faith. Which is extremely important for marriage. On the other hand, is it better to dwell merely on this 'condition' at the expense of your own salvation and relationship with God? I don't think so. 

 

Does she share your faith and Christian ideals? Would you be equally or unequally yoked? Will she draw you and your future children closer to God? Then questions of character and 'who she is' and 'what you like' follow.

 

To me, the former are the bigger issues to consider carefully if you intend to spend the rest of your life with her. The latter questions, 'smaller' issues, are sorted once the bigger ones are catered for. Left unsorted and it causes ripples of problems in the future.

 

I believe firmly that when it comes to marriage, sometimes, we can be confronted with not-so-ideal situations where the person does not fit into that perfect stereotype we know and pray for. Because we are only human. Some who started keeping themselves were broken, hurt, abused along the way... Don't they deserve good people too after they have healed?

The Bible gives us a heads-up on how to handle some of those situations and our conscience/intuition (by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit) can lead us to handle the rest.

 

Put EVERYTHING in perspective; not just the momentary reaction or feeling of being together after being apart. Then you can make a good decision that will be pleasing to God. What makes God happy will ultimately make you happy (even if you don't see it immediately).Your future children will also thank you for it.

 

 

Hope this helps

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Nobody can answer that but you. I don't think God would be angry if you dated her, nor do i think you will go to hell for having different standards. Personally I would date a non-virgin but, I can understand why one would want to be with a virgin. Your gonna have to decide for yourself what category you fall into. Sorry if that doesn't help you any but, its the only answer I can give. Chances are she wont be the first or the last girl you meet, don't put her up on this pedestal that you have to marry her (after all you still don't know how she feels).  If you decide you need to date a virgin, don't feel bad....this is your life and nobody but you and God should be directing it.

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XD005, you need to pray about it (a little more prayer never hurt anyone) and make your decision based on what pleases God first and then what pleases you/her. When you say 'ideal'  though, what do you mean?

Undoubtedly, it is good to marry someone who shares the desire (and godly principle) to remain pure till marriage. This for me shows that both people understand and share in the same godly principles which is a good indicator of where they may be standing in terms of their faith. Which is extremely important for marriage. On the other hand, is it better to dwell merely on this 'condition' at the expense of your own salvation and relationship with God? I don't think so. 

<snip>

 

Nobody can answer that but you. I don't think God would be angry if you dated her, nor do i think you will go to hell for having different standards. Personally I would date a non-virgin but, I can understand why one would want to be with a virgin. Your gonna have to decide for yourself what category you fall into. Sorry if that doesn't help you any but, its the only answer I can give. Chances are she wont be the first or the last girl you meet, don't put her up on this pedestal that you have to marry her (after all you still don't know how she feels).  If you decide you need to date a virgin, don't feel bad....this is your life and nobody but you and God should be directing it.

 

In response to your answers, it's funny God always reminds me the REAL reason I'm not with my ex. I feel if we were ment to be together, she would have stuck around for the long haul. Everytime I think it's solely because of her past. Last time we hung out, she embarrassed me by cursing loudly while we were playing Laser Tag. We definitely have differing views on sex, out the clear blue sky she started talking about how she couldn't wait til' she got married so she can have tons of sex without feeling bad. I mean that is certainly good she's thinking about doing the right thing but I don't like how casually she says that.

Additionally, she also is not very strong in the faith. That's not something I need being my faith wavers at times, myself.

So I guess I shall continue my search. I'm still praying the lord will send me the type of woman I desire, that has also saved herself for me. I understand we don't wait because it's just what you should do but because we want to honor the lord with our bodies but I can't help but feel upset at the thought of marrying someone who didn't wait for me. But I guess we shall see what's in store.

I do thank you all for the insight. It gives me a lot to think about.

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Hey XD,

 

In my opinion, if it affects you now, then her past is surely going to affect you after you get married as well. I understand how you feel, cause you and her are simply not in the same situation. A lot of people are gonna tell you the past is past and all that but no one's going to understand how you truly feel. If your not able to get over her past then that is a sign that you should move on cause it might have problems when you start dating again or get married.

 

Secondly Lets say you and your ex decide to get married. When you have kids i guess you'll want to teach them the same values as you which is to wait till marriage right? Well it would be hard to do that cause your wife didn't practice it. I'm not saying that she's at fault here but i'm just saying that it would be difficult to explain your stance on WTM to your kids cause both of you'll dint practice it....i hope you understand what i mean... :)

 

I've always believed God gives you what you need rather than what you want. So in your case what i would say is look deep down and ask God to give you the wisdom to choose what you have to do. She's not the only girl. There might be someone else out there that God has for you so keep that in mind and make a decision... :)

 

Good luck XD

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