Weapon X

I'm no longer waiting till marriage....

21 posts in this topic

I like this community and want to stay on here. I'm still a virgin but I'm willing to do you know what before marriage. I'm not against it. If I meet a waiter and things work out I'll wait, but no longer am I deliberate about waiting. I'm okay with doing it before marriage.

Has anyone else gone from being a 100% for sure waiter to being okay with either waiting or not waiting?

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With all due respect, I don't think this site needs posts like this.

People waiting for whatever reason, whether it be religion, decision or another reason, can find it very disencouraging to see others quit. People like to feel that we're not alone at something. I can only speak for myself though. I find it disencouraging. Not that you can't/shouldn't do it, but I see no reason to make public service announcement, especially referring to the title.

 

Has anyone else gone from being a 100% for sure waiter to being okay with either waiting or not waiting?

This, however, could make an interesting topic, perhaps you should have worded your post differently if this was your focus?

What made you reconsider, by the way?

 

 

Anyway, good luck with your new decision.

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Yeah as Peter mentioned. If you dont want to wait that's your choice but i don't think it was wise to make such a public display of it. As you know people on here are so dedicated to waiting and it's not something a majority of people do so your post would be real bummer to all of them. All these people on here give me hope as a waiter so i didn't like your post one bit. With all due respect you shouldn't be on here if you think you don't want to wait anymore cause there are so many other sites where you'd fit right in..  :)

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I'll reply in more detail tomorrow but for now I want to say that I understand how you feel, Weapon X, as I've felt a similar way before. Unlike others, I do appreciate you posting about it as you've been a valuable member of the community for a long time and I think we have the right to know, and you have the right to let us know, your change of thoughts. Personally, I'd rather long-term members who stop waiting let us know rather than just disappearing and leaving us to wonder what happened to them :)

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In case things get out of hand, let me make it clear I meant no offence, Weapon X, in case you felt so.

 

Also, Joseph, you express your feelings, but don't let that stop you being nice towards others...

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 I appreciate your honesty.  Waiting can be a complicated, difficult, and long process and I think it's understandable for people to question their decision to wait (and to change their mind about it), especially if they've been waiting for a very long time.  Waiting isn't a black and white issue for everyone.  For many people, there are many shades of grey to consider.  Especially if one's reason for waiting doesn't come from religion or some other authority figure.  

 

I know I've thought about waiting only until I'm in a serious relationship (or engagement) instead of waiting for marriage, since I don't think sex before marriage is wrong and my own decision to wait stems more from my personal comfort level regarding physical affection than anything else.  For the foreseeable future, though, I'd like to continue waiting.  

 

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I know what it's like to doubt one's decision to wait and I think it's best for people in this situation to be able to talk about it and to know they're not alone, than to say nothing and feel like no one else is thinking the same thing. 

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I think this site should be accepting of all parts of waiting, even when people change their personal convictions for it, they are still 100% welcome here!  If a single post about someone changing their mind is enough for you to change your conviction, then maybe it wasn't that strong a conviction to begin with. This site is designed to help people in all areas of waiting, even when you're struggling with the decision, and coming to the conclusion Weapon did and being willing to post is actually admirable. 

 

As for the second part of your question, i'd be okay not waiting, under the right circumstance. :)

 

Thanks for posting this Weapon :) 

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Yeah as Peter mentioned. If you dont want to wait that's your choice but i don't think it was wise to make such a public display of it. As you know people on here are so dedicated to waiting and it's not something a majority of people do so your post would be real bummer to all of them. All these people on here give me hope as a waiter so i didn't like your post one bit. With all due respect you shouldn't be on here if you think you don't want to wait anymore cause there are so many other sites where you'd fit right in..  :)

Did you notice his post count and how long he's been a member? I'm not in his head but he likely has an attachment to this community and some of the members. Is he supposed to just piss off because he may not decide to keep waiting? This community has never had a shut door to non-waiters anyway as long as they are respectful, and there was nothing negative about waiting in this post.

I just don't get the "You shouldn't have posted this" sentiment.

I think this site should be accepting of all parts of waiting, even when people change their personal convictions for it, they are still 100% welcome here!  If a single post about someone changing their mind is enough for you to change your conviction, then maybe it wasn't that strong a conviction to begin with. This site is designed to help people in all areas of waiting, even when you're struggling with the decision, and coming to the conclusion Weapon did and being willing to post is actually admirable. 

You said this much better than I was about to say it :D

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Well, i apologize if i offended Weapon X and to Matthew and Peter if i wasn't being nice. It's just my opinion and i don't expect everyone to agree with me. And Matthew i didn't check his post count but your right he was quite a regular member. All i meant is when such a valued member says he isn't waiting, it just bring down the hopes of all of his followers on here who are waiting as well, that's what i meant. I tend to be very expressive sometimes (ill try to change that :) ) so do forgive me for it...

 

I agree with CrystalFaerie, In a way it's good that Waiting X decided to express his stance on the topic and not leave us wondering what happened to Weapon X. I dint think of it in that perspective :) .

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Right, now for a more elaborate reply :)

 

I've questioned my decision to wait quite a lot, actually. I've always wanted to keep sex for intimate relationships - by that I mean I've never been one for random hookups and one night stands - but I have wondered before whether I really wanted to wait all the way till marriage. I'm not waiting for religious reasons (well, not quite - more on that below) but because I believe that sex is too special and personal to be shared with just anyone. However, that means that there's nothing stopping me from having that experience when I'm in a long-term relationship. Sure, I'd rather only experience it with one person because that makes it a whole lot more special and romantic, but there comes a point where I'd rather have sex with more than one person rather than wait until I'm 30, or 50, or risk never having sex at all. I'm not afraid of dying a virgin, not in the least. But like publishing a book, and visiting Greece, and learning Swedish, it's an experience I do want to have in my life :)

 

To me, marriage isn't as vital as it is to others. It's a pledge to stay together for the rest of our lives, and that's not to be taken lightly, but it's not an official permission from God to have sex. That means that I don't see a big difference between a committed long-term relationship which may well last a lifetime (like my friends' parents - they're not married but they've been together for 30 years) and marriage. So really, for me personally, there isn't much of a reason to wait other than my own desire to make sure I can 100% trust the person I'm with before having sex with them. For a long time, that 100% trust meant that I was ready to marry them, but recently, I've started to doubt that.

 

Add to that the matter of religion. In Hellenismos (my religion), extramarital sex isn't bad, and in fact, long-term abstinence is considered unhealthy. Moderation is important, and while that means not having sex with anything that moves, it also means not making vows of lifelong chastity. The exception is if you make such a vow to a virgin Goddess, but even so, abstinence vows rarely last a lifetime (fun fact: in Ancient Greece, priests didn't offer a lifelong service but were ordained for a few years, then went back to their normal lives). And stories show that even those vows aren't always a good thing - one version of Hippolytos's myth goes that he promised to Artemis to stay a virgin forever, but was killed by Aphrodite for neglecting her. I tell you, polytheism isn't easy :P

 

Anyway, that particular myth speaks a lot to me because although I'm not waiting for religious reasons, I did vow to Artemis, a deity with whom I have a very close devotional relationship, to save sex for marriage. My vow isn't permanent, but I have started wondering if, within the context of my other beliefs, it's too long-term. On one hand, I believe that moderation in all things is important, but on the other, I did make a vow to a Goddess, and that's not something you break because you don't feel like keeping it anymore. That's still something I'm trying to make up my mind about, but it explains how I feel and have felt about things.

 

All this to say that yes, I have wavered in my conviction to wait, and I still haven't quite made up my mind about what I want to do. I'm certainly not going to start having sex with anyone or anything anytime soon, but in the context of a long-term relationship, if I trusted the person enough, I would have to have a good long think about where I stand on the matter. As of now, though, I'm still committed to waiting till marriage :)

 

Weapon X, you do what's best for you and what aligns best with your personal beliefs. If that means no longer waiting till marriage, I support you in that decision and I hope all goes well for you :) As for the people who choose to wait, don't be discouraged, I think your choice is great and I support you too! This community is a fantastic place and I would hate to see people leave because of a talk about no longer waiting. We all have our struggles, and I hope that through talking about them, we can all emerge stronger and more determined in our personal decisions, whatever they may be.

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If you don't mind me asking, what made you change your mind on waiting?

Well while I see waiting as something special and will still wait if my future partner waits, I don't nor have I ever had any sort of conviction that not waiting is horrible or a big no no. Like I don't think I'm going to hell or doing something morally wrong if I don't wait. I'm just doing what I want and I want to do what me and my future partner want to do. Whether it's to wait or not.

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Waiting isn't a black and white issue for everyone.  For many people, there are many shades of grey to consider.  Especially if one's reason for waiting doesn't come from religion or some other authority figure.  

 

I know I've thought about waiting only until I'm in a serious relationship (or engagement) instead of waiting for marriage, since I don't think sex before marriage is wrong and my own decision to wait stems more from my personal comfort level regarding physical affection than anything else.

 

I've always wanted to keep sex for intimate relationships - by that I mean I've never been one for random hookups and one night stands - but I have wondered before whether I really wanted to wait all the way till marriage. I'm not waiting for religious reasons (well, not quite - more on that below) but because I believe that sex is too special and personal to be shared with just anyone. However, that means that there's nothing stopping me from having that experience when I'm in a long-term relationship. Sure, I'd rather only experience it with one person because that makes it a whole lot more special and romantic, but there comes a point where I'd rather have sex with more than one person rather than wait until I'm 30, or 50, or risk never having sex at all. I'm not afraid of dying a virgin, not in the least. But like publishing a book, and visiting Greece, and learning Swedish, it's an experience I do want to have in my life :)

 

To me, marriage isn't as vital as it is to others. It's a pledge to stay together for the rest of our lives, and that's not to be taken lightly, but it's not an official permission from God to have sex. That means that I don't see a big difference between a committed long-term relationship which may well last a lifetime (like my friends' parents - they're not married but they've been together for 30 years) and marriage. So really, for me personally, there isn't much of a reason to wait other than my own desire to make sure I can 100% trust the person I'm with before having sex with them. For a long time, that 100% trust meant that I was ready to marry them, but recently, I've started to doubt that.

 

My views exactly.  :) I would say I was probably only dead-set on waiting for legal marriage until I was about 15 or 16. Being bisexual, and with same-sex marriage nowhere near being legal on a national level at that point, I realized pretty early on that there may be a situation in which I would be absolutely committed to someone, and receive that same devotion in return, without legal marriage being an option for many years. Even though I ended up with a dude, it still would've felt wrong to get legally married when so many others could not. On top of that, we were so young when we knew we were going to be together forever that it would've caused tremendous drama among our families for us to get legally hitched, and the total poverty from being financially cut-off in our freshman year of college wouldn't exactly have been a fun time either.  <_< Now, we're just way too poor to afford a wedding.  ^_^ But we're working on getting me a ring and moving in together. I don't think anyone who knows us harbors any doubts that we're gonna be together for the long haul.

 

I first joined this forum because I felt like no one in college understood why I was so committed to my longterm, long-distance relationship with my high school sweetheart, while they were all enjoying their "wild and crazy" years of no-strings-attached sex. Monogamy with one person for a lifetime was just...not really a trending concept there (in fact, even serial monogamy was not much of a thing!). Now I just have an attachment to this community: the people here, the discussions we have. I've been up-front about my lack of commitment to waiting for legal marriage, and it has never been a problem in the past...I'd hate to think that's something that would ever change.

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I understand you are young and do not want to wait anymore. However, think about why you waited for 24 years to now change your mind and regret that you did not wait for your future wife. I think you are just curious about sex maybe due to peer pressure but hang it there. Hope this helps.

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Posts like this are necessary, if doubt can be so easily created then maybe decisions should be reconsidered.

Weapon has been an upstanding member of the community for a long time. We are his family as he is ours, and if he feels that this is important to post, then it is.

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I think he can post whatever. But know that we are going to try to get you to rediscover the decision.

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I understand if you no longer want to be wtm. Its a hard life choice and some people can't deal with the long haul. Whatever you decide, may God bless you and you do find the one you want to spend your life with.

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On 11/17/2015 at 9:25 AM, Weapon X said:

Has anyone else gone from being a 100% for sure waiter to being okay with either waiting or not waiting?

Yes, I was 100% a waiter. Now, I can wait or not. It all depends on what is important to her.

I decide to have sex when I was 28. I was in a 3.5 yr relationship with a great girl. I am glad I did it and never for a second have I regretted it.

My conviction was as strong as it gets. The effects of celibacy were too great so I challenged what and why i thought waiting was morally right. In that process, I learned many things that changed my mind on the matter. Feel free to check out my profile if you're still around.

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On 11/17/2015 at 9:25 AM, Weapon X said:

I like this community and want to stay on here. I'm still a virgin but I'm willing to do you know what before marriage. I'm not against it. If I meet a waiter and things work out I'll wait, but no longer am I deliberate about waiting. I'm okay with doing it before marriage.

Just make sure you're mentally ready if you do decide to do anything....and definitely let her know she's popping your cherry

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Still not waiting. Although still a virgin. Just a matter of finding the right person. And if she's right for me then it is what it is. I will wait if she waits. I dabbled in some sites like Tinder but it just didn't work out with the people I met. Too many differences.  

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