Amyjane_x

Waiting for somebody who is NOT a virgin

16 posts in this topic

This is a sensitive subject and has got me down, a lot! In fact it has made me extremely depressed.

I made the choice to wait till marriage after losing it to somebody I thought I would be with for a very long time and spend my life with ended up dumping me many times and coming back, I tried to make it work since he was my first and when it finally ended I found out he started a new relationship with someone else behind my back. Ever since I feel like I have no value no I lost the thing that is worth the most to me, I feel like I would have NOTHING to give to my next partner (if I ever find anyone else) and most of all I don't think ANY man would wait for me or love me because im not pure anymore. After all nobody wants soiled and damaged goods right?

I would like to hear some success stories on people who did wait who did make a mistake previously in their lives and some opinions on this.

A lot of females get used and catch STDS in my area and before when I was a Virgin I was better than them, now I feel like I'm just as bad as these loose females and that nobody would want to commit to me. When people say virginity does not matter it only does not matter to promiscuous people, I don't want people like this in my life.

I am even thinking of getting hymenoplasty done to fix things and to feel valuable again and I even considered lying to my new partner about my past because it's the only way I'll ever find pure love and a decent marriage nowadays. I don't want to spend my life having pointless sex and being used like everyone else.

I am so depressed over this, would any guy wait for a woman in my position?

Is it worth waiting?

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Of course its worth waiting! And the time you spend waiting is what gives it value, just as the time spend on hand crafted items makes them more valuable and interesting.

 

Not everyone will think the same of you as if you'd not messed up, but being honest about it instead of "fixing" it and lying makes a world of difference between you and people who go out and continue catching stds for pointless sex!

 

Dont give up! There's a lot in your situation on this site, speaking of which, Welcome! :D

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Well Amy, i dont think im eligible to answer this but here goes,

 

Im pretty sure, just like you there is a guy who made a mistake too and lost it to someone and regrets it the same way. Probably when you meet a guy like that you both are going to start of on the right path together. Maybe like you pointed out it might be hard with a virgin guy cause he might be looking for a virgin as well. But there are so many guys who've made the mistake of losing it to someone they thought theyd spend the rest of lives.They want to start fresh too. I feel if you find a guy like that, both of youll can wait together and your waiting till marriage pledge would actually be much stronger than ever before.

 

Just my 2 cents, hope it helps Amy

 

Joseph 

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Hi Amy  ^_^

 

Thank you very much for sharing this part of your story with us...I'm sure it must not have been easy.

I do hope my answer will help you.

First of all : congratulations for your choice to wait till marriage...

I do understand you made a mistake and now, you're doing the rigth thing, so welcome to the club of WTM :)

 

 and most of all I don't think ANY man would wait for me or love me because im not pure anymore. 

I personally know plenty of examples in real life  when a virgin man chose to marry a non virgin woman. Because he did truly love her. I can give you two well known men:

-Josha Harris who wrote the book "I kissed dating goodbye" . He is very happily married

-Jason Evert who married Chrystalina . A happy couple who teaches about sexual purity.

 

There are other examples...So, you see, for some men, non virginity is a deal breaker. But some virgin men filled with Holy Spirit, compassion and love can marry a non virgin woman. And it can happen to you.

As Joseph said above , there are also on this website, some men who did the same mistake as you...so you can relate to them and they can understand you. 

 

I wanted to say for me virginity is not the same thing as purity. Even if you are not a virgin anymore, you can become a pure person. But you need the help of Jesus to do this. Be pure means be able to have pure thougths, pure heart and pure actions.

It is possible to be virgin and not pure, and it is possible to be non virgin and pure in heart.

Married people can be pure also.

 

 

After all nobody wants soiled and damaged goods right?

:o  :o  :blink:

Wait, what? How dare you compare yourself to a damaged good? :(

It's true you made a mistake. But you're not a thing. And certainly not a damaged thing.

You're a human being. And as I am a believer, I know your life is important for God. And you're so much more than just your "sexual status".

That's rigth there will be consequences for your action in this area . But even if I'm a virgin, I don't see myself as more pure than you, more worthy of anything...I'm just a human being, saddly a human being with some flaws and sins...and it is thanks to the blood of Jesus that I can consider myself pure. In the eyes of God, every human being has sinned, and we are impure before Him. But He accepted to forgive us when we accept Jesus Christ His Son as our Savior and Lord. 

 

 

I am even thinking of getting hymenoplasty done to fix things and to feel valuable again and I even considered lying to my new partner about my past because it's the only way I'll ever find pure love and a decent marriage nowadays. I don't want to spend my life having pointless sex and being used like everyone else.
 

Please, I beg you : DON'T DO THIS ! :wacko:

It is totally a nonsense to try to repair a mistake by doing another huge mistake.

It is totally unworth it. You want to have a meaningful loving relationship based on trust and friendship. If you lie, you will never have this. Sooner or later, the truth will be discovered as it is always the case and you will have ruined everything.

You can choose to do as Chrystalina Evert and the wife of Joshua Harris. They told the truth to their husbands before they marry. 

It was hard, but they were rewarded by the evidence their husbands love them despite their mistake. That is really true love. And that's what you want to live.

Not every men will accept you but the only man meant to be with you will. That's all that matters at the end.

 

You will need some time to recover and to heal . Don't rush into a romantic relationship. Take time to make some friends, to build yourself...And you will attract a great man.

 

I hope the best for you and I pray for you.

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Hi everyone these comments have been really helpful. In all honesty I am a CRAP liar, in fact I could never lie to someone I love. What is disturbing is loads of people actually lie about their history who are my age (most have slept with 7-10 people). Thanks Geraldine for some good examples because this is what I need! I have seen so much negativity in terms of relationships. This post stems from me seeing so many girls get used by guys and some are actually left single and abandoned now and they can't find anyone due to their reputation and I was scared that this was what I am becoming. I felt like my mistake ruined my life to the point where I would never settle, move on and be happy.

Oh and not to mention hymenoplasty costs thousands. I just don't want my ex to ruin my life any more and to ruin my future relationships, I've met so many crap guys too, I've had bets done on my for my virginity and suffered all kinds of verbal abuse. In your opinions, do you think there is a limit? Meaning how many men would a woman have to sleep with not be classed as marriage material? When does this actually become an issue for you guys?

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OMG Amy ! You look so beautiful my dear ! I think if I was a guy I would have a crush on you ;):lol:

Well, I'm a girl and I'm only interested in men. <_<

The applications are opened guys for those of you who want to apply for me XD :lol::P:D  (I think I'm so funny, I even crack myself up :lol: )

 

I'm very happy I've been helpful to you Amy.

Yes, some girls are being used by guys...but it is possible to avoid that.

By testing and checking the true intentions of the guy before you give him your heart. When you WTM, you are protected because you know you won't give your body to someone who is not your spouse.

It's important to know his values, and also...take the time to investigate his family and friends...to investigate his colleagues.

What do they think about him? How does he live daily?

Because, when somebody is a pretender, he can pretend with you to be an extraordinary person. But those who see him acting daily have a neat idea of who he truly is.

So don't rush into a relationship with somebody you barely know. Take the time to learn to know him, and then check his background. I mean, verify with those who know him what kind of guy he is.

And most importantly : PRAY !

God will give you the discernment about your choice.

I hope it is helpful.

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Your virginity (or lack thereof) has nothing to do with your self worth. I mean that literally - absolutely nothing. You are not 'soiled' or 'damaged'. I am sure everyone on this forum (including myself) feels a little annoyed when someone claims that WTM is 'antiquated' or something of the sort...because who are they to judge what choice we make? In that regard, it goes both ways -- men and women shouldn't be judged for not making that choice. Even if you're someone who insists on dating only virgins, fine, that's your call, but to insist that a non-virgin is less 'worthy' based on her sexuality history along is sick - and it's language that should be denounced by every waiter, period. And don't even get me started on the silly hymen thing - you know you can break that without having sex, right? 

 

You made a choice within a relationship that you regret (quite a lot of people can say that), and now you're on team WTM (welcome!). You're here having learned from your mistakes, and you will eventually heal from the pain your ex caused...and be a stronger, wiser, and greater (not lesser, as you seem to think you are) person because of it. That's what you have to share with your next partner. And yes, many guys would wait for you - if he doesn't, he's not worth it. Whether waiting is worth it for you or not is a call you'll have to make but if you decide against it please please please don't let it be because you're not already a virgin. 

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This is a sensitive subject and has got me down, a lot! In fact it has made me extremely depressed.

I made the choice to wait till marriage after losing it to somebody I thought I would be with for a very long time and spend my life with ended up dumping me many times and coming back, I tried to make it work since he was my first and when it finally ended I found out he started a new relationship with someone else behind my back. Ever since I feel like I have no value no I lost the thing that is worth the most to me, I feel like I would have NOTHING to give to my next partner (if I ever find anyone else) and most of all I don't think ANY man would wait for me or love me because im not pure anymore. After all nobody wants soiled and damaged goods right?

I would like to hear some success stories on people who did wait who did make a mistake previously in their lives and some opinions on this.

A lot of females get used and catch STDS in my area and before when I was a Virgin I was better than them, now I feel like I'm just as bad as these loose females and that nobody would want to commit to me. When people say virginity does not matter it only does not matter to promiscuous people, I don't want people like this in my life.

I am even thinking of getting hymenoplasty done to fix things and to feel valuable again and I even considered lying to my new partner about my past because it's the only way I'll ever find pure love and a decent marriage nowadays. I don't want to spend my life having pointless sex and being used like everyone else.

I am so depressed over this, would any guy wait for a woman in my position?

Is it worth waiting?

Let me answer this as a man that is a virgin saving himself for marriage .i think some people these days make a crucial mistake of placing the physical aspect of virginity before the spiritual aspect of virginity and once you understand this amy you will see just how special and valuable you are .

I truly believe that anyone can reclaim the spiritual aspect of their virginity just by how they think about sex.just look at your answer . You still feel that sex is truly special and truly worth saving for your soulmate . You truly get it amy and that is why you have reclaimed the spiritual aspect of your virginity.you should not feel worthless and cheap , on the contrary , you should feel that your very special and that you have so much to offer your future soulmate . Virginity starts intrinsically not extrinsically :)

I would absolutely wait for someone that isn't a virgin ,provideddddd... That they feel this way now about sex . It all starts and ends from the heart .

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Hi everyone these comments have been really helpful. In all honesty I am a CRAP liar, in fact I could never lie to someone I love. What is disturbing is loads of people actually lie about their history who are my age (most have slept with 7-10 people). Thanks Geraldine for some good examples because this is what I need! I have seen so much negativity in terms of relationships. This post stems from me seeing so many girls get used by guys and some are actually left single and abandoned now and they can't find anyone due to their reputation and I was scared that this was what I am becoming. I felt like my mistake ruined my life to the point where I would never settle, move on and be happy.

Oh and not to mention hymenoplasty costs thousands. I just don't want my ex to ruin my life any more and to ruin my future relationships, I've met so many crap guys too, I've had bets done on my for my virginity and suffered all kinds of verbal abuse. In your opinions, do you think there is a limit? Meaning how many men would a woman have to sleep with not be classed as marriage material? When does this actually become an issue for you guys?

Amy don't do hymenplasty, my parents came from a culture where it was expected that a woman was supposed to stay a Virgin till marriage yet the men from that culture could sleep with anything in a skirt and when they were done sowing their oats they could settle down with a naive untouched virgin girl and she is never allowed to talk about his past . Total hypocrisy .

When talking to a potential man just be honest , tell him about it all but more importantly tell him m how you feel at the present time about sex and what it means to you as a person . If a man is to be with you ,shouldn't he accept all you , not just your present but your past as well.

What's good is that you don't like lying , don't ever change that , there are enough game players and liars in this world that try to ruin it for us honest folks .if someone can't forgive your past then how can they ever expect themselves to be forgiven for their mistakes , unless they feel that they are perfect and sinless .

Get what I'm saying?

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Thank you all for the wonderful replies, i hate the world is right now and I don't want to end up like everyone else and sex becoming a meaningless thing.

What got to me recently is that I dated a guy over the summer to move on from my ex boyfriend and the guy had such lack of respect for me and his ex girlfriends (who both only slept with one person) he told me all of his relationships were based on sex and lust so I thought this is all that's gonna be available to me since I've slept with a guy like his ex girlfriends did.

New did speak about that kind of thing a lot and I even considered sex with him (which is feel absolutely sick about!) and freaked out and told him I didn't want to as it should be something special, he ignored me completely after I said this and had the cheek to contact me two months later (which I ignored and blocked his number) I'm not sure where you are all from but a lot of guys are like this, he was almost ridiculing me for my views and almost trying to justify sex out of a relationship.

I tried online dating once but after this experience I gave up quickly and deleted my profile after a few weeks because most guys on there ARE bad. Maybe years ago it would easy to find someone to marry and settle with but I am sick of hearing the "I don't want a relationship" line. The joke is I want more than a relationship I want marriage. How hard does it have to be?!

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Thank you all for the wonderful replies, i hate the world is right now and I don't want to end up like everyone else and sex becoming a meaningless thing.

What got to me recently is that I dated a guy over the summer to move on from my ex boyfriend and the guy had such lack of respect for me and his ex girlfriends (who both only slept with one person) he told me all of his relationships were based on sex and lust so I thought this is all that's gonna be available to me since I've slept with a guy like his ex girlfriends did.

New did speak about that kind of thing a lot and I even considered sex with him (which is feel absolutely sick about!) and freaked out and told him I didn't want to as it should be something special, he ignored me completely after I said this and had the cheek to contact me two months later (which I ignored and blocked his number) I'm not sure where you are all from but a lot of guys are like this, he was almost ridiculing me for my views and almost trying to justify sex out of a relationship.

I tried online dating once but after this experience I gave up quickly and deleted my profile after a few weeks because most guys on there ARE bad. Maybe years ago it would easy to find someone to marry and settle with but I am sick of hearing the "I don't want a relationship" line. The joke is I want more than a relationship I want marriage. How hard does it have to be?!

Amy , believe it or not most girls are exactly like the guys you are describing . Unfortunately we live in a NOW society where both men and women want it all quickly and easily . Are u in Europe cause I noticed that in Europe guys and ladies are like this .

My next question is where do you usually meet men at ? Have you tried places like charity events ? Those types of places are usually filled with men that are very caring and empathetic and make for good hubbies and family men.

In San Diego women are usually very snobby, manipulative, lying or they just want sex.

I drive for uber and yesterday I picked up this young student who automatically said that she likes me and got really flirty even though she didn't even know me , I was a thinking to myself that I'm glad I stopped dating a long time ago .

You just need to be in the right places where nice men gather in Numbers .

Argh I hate typing with this iPhone lol

Hope this helps

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Your virginity (or lack thereof) has nothing to do with your self worth. I mean that literally - absolutely nothing. You are not 'soiled' or 'damaged'. I am sure everyone on this forum (including myself) feels a little annoyed when someone claims that WTM is 'antiquated' or something of the sort...because who are they to judge what choice we make? In that regard, it goes both ways -- men and women shouldn't be judged for not making that choice. Even if you're someone who insists on dating only virgins, fine, that's your call, but to insist that a non-virgin is less 'worthy' based on her sexuality history along is sick - and it's language that should be denounced by every waiter, period. And don't even get me started on the silly hymen thing - you know you can break that without having sex, right?

You made a choice within a relationship that you regret (quite a lot of people can say that), and now you're on team WTM (welcome!). You're here having learned from your mistakes, and you will eventually heal from the pain your ex caused...and be a stronger, wiser, and greater (not lesser, as you seem to think you are) person because of it. That's what you have to share with your next partner. And yes, many guys would wait for you - if he doesn't, he's not worth it. Whether waiting is worth it for you or not is a call you'll have to make but if you decide against it please please please don't let it be because you're not already a virgin.

Totally agree, great post :)

I nominate this as post of the year

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Totally agree, great post :)

I nominate this as post of the year

lol thanks!

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Hello Amy, first of all you are not worthless. You are a child of God. I think you make a right choice to wait till marriage to have sex again. I am happy for you and I am sure that with time, you will get a great man who will love you. Stop spending time with guys who tell you you are beautiful and do not want a serious relationship because it will only lead to heartache.

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I'm waiting with someone who already had sex and is in the exact situation you are in. She regrets it just like you do. I love her to death and I think she is the most beautiful and pure person I have ever met. There are tons of guys out there who would be ecstatic to be with someone like you because the important thing is that now you are waiting. You are not impure because of what happened and you should absolutely keep waiting for the right guy. If someone doesn't want to date you because of that then they aren't worth your time anyway. As long as you stick to your beliefs, I guarantee you will find someone who would love to spend the rest of their life with you.

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