MaliB79

When do you tell a new prospect that you're waiting?

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This has been a challenge for me.

I've been wondering when is the right/ appropriate time to tell someone you're dating (someone you think could be a serious significant other) that you are waiting until marriage. I think that the first date is too soon; it is presumptuous - it's like saying, "I know you're going to want to have sex with me, so I'm just letting you know that I am waiting until I am married."

However, is it fair to wait months, allowing feelings to grow, to tell a person that you have no desire to have sex until you're married? Could this be seen as misleading a person? Does the person have a right to be angry that you didn't tell him/her sooner?

Mali

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I think that the first date is too soon; it is presumptuous - it's like saying, "I know you're going to want to have sex with me, so I'm just letting you know that I am waiting until I am married."

This is exactly why I never bring it up that soon lol. I just feel like it makes it that much more awkward. I usually wait at least a few dates...if it looks like it may go somewhere then have that discussion.

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Mali, I'd say about the same as dd; after a few dates. That way a guy can't accuse you of leading him on, but you also didn't freak him out.

I think the guy has a right to be dissapointed/mad, but should be able to let it go....it's another story if you didn't say you're waiting and things are getting hot and then you throw on the brakes and they get mad....that's an awkward situation I hope to never be in :(

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Hey Mali :D

I asked the group a very similar question a little while back,

I asked because my last dating experience I didnt tell the guy until he launched at me. I wish I had told him sooner cause after that he was really catty. I didnt even know straight guys could be catty. We didnt say we werent going to see each other anymore we just didnt speak to each other and we saw each other like everyday(in class) but didnt say a word. I think im just gonna come out first date to avoid this again.

Guys can be upset, they have that right to feel that emotion. I wouldnt wait to long though cause you may both be wasting time. From now on though, im getting it out in the open. I know some of you may feel like your going to scare the guy away, but ladies we are not hunting! I dont think of it as trying to catch a man like catching a goose. I would suggest being open and if they run scared, better sooner than later ^_^

l8tr lovers :lol:

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I actually told my boyfriend before we tarted dating- it helped that we were really good friends before we decided to go out though. He didn't judge me, and held similar views of pre-marital sex though a bit different. Like most things, we were able to meet in the middle on this one. After showing respect to his decision to wait until engagement, and his respect of me waiting until marriage, we found that it meant more to wait until marriage because it meant something between us. To us it's "our thing" something very personal to us that we decided together we wanted. We feel it is more than just a one sided opinion, but a certain lifestyle of Purity. It's made our relationship much stronger as well. So don't dread telling the guy! Just be open!

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I think it all depends on what you are feeling and what you think the other person is feeling. If there is even the smallest hint that a few dates could grow into something serious, it is imperative that you tell them as soon as possible. Like Mali said: "However, is it fair to wait months, allowing feelings to grow, to tell a person that you have no desire to have sex until you're married?" It is unfair, to the both of you. I would much rather get turned away because a guy is unwilling to wait, then get dumped after I've developed feelings because I put off telling him I don't want to have pre-marital sex.

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I let them know as soon as things start getting physical which is a month to a couple of months into the relationship mainly because it's a very very personal thing and if they like me they will stay with me but if they're just looking for a good time it's easy to depict.

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Very good insight, everyone. I've recently made the mistake of waiting too long to inform a guy I was seeing. Things definitely changed between us...it is now awkward. I think he feels misled...perhaps deceived.

I did tell him early on that I practice celibacy, but did not say I was waiting for marriage. I regret that now. I guess this was a learning experience for me. Next time, I'll know what to do.

Mali

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I did tell him early on that I practice celibacy, but did not say I was waiting for marriage. I regret that now. I guess this was a learning experience for me. Next time, I'll know what to do.

dont sweat it, your in good company. it happen to me too

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Usually the guys I end up dating start off being really good friends with me. Since the topic of sex is so casual these days, it's always given me the opportunity to just let it known in advance. I notice if they start to shy away from me or if it doesn't stop them at all from pursuing anything. It's one of the ways I "weed" the ones who just want sex out.

Just to cover my bases, I do remind them that I'm still waiting before we make anything official. I'd rather have it known from the get-go before deep feelings are formed and it ends up begin a deal breaker for them.

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Ask them about their sexual history (can probably be done by the 2nd or 3rd date).

They'll ask "what about you"?

You'll say "I'm a virgin because I'm waiting until marriage" or you can just say "I'm a virgin" and they'll understand that you're not just putting out for anyone.

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Goody, has that been too direct/awkward? "What's your sexual history?"

Not really, but of course you have to adjust the way you ask your question based on the context and the person. But don't use that question literally. Adjust it based on the person.

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